| 9/28/2008 5:29:07 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 52
|
When my husband passed last march I was asked over and over again..............
What are you going to do?
Well at that time in my life, I really had no idea, except grieve, go back to work, get things together. It was like I needed to have a plan I was required to make sure everyone knew what that was.
It got to the point that after hearing that question asked so many times, even over and over from the same person, I finally got sick of it.
I guess maybe I got rude and I started just not answering, then I guess they didn't get it and asked again and again and again.
One day when asked over and over again I finally retorted.................
"I don't know about you but I'm gonna have another beer." and proceeded to do so.
I have had to use that on others and it worked, they never asked me again.
But why did it have to get to that point?
I still don't know what I'm gonna do except grieve, go to work, get things together and I think I WILL have another beer.
|
| 9/28/2008 6:45:13 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
judy1958
Conyers, GA
age: 50
|
been 3 yrs. for me since my husband passed away and it did get old but at the same time i even asked myself that question a zillion times..up till just recently did i come up with something and that was a job..FINALLY,i can be dependant and it feels wonderful..not having worked in over 20 yrs. its new to me like starting over but so is my life without him..new start all the way around but it feels great to be taking care of me and not someone else doing it for me..
|
| 9/28/2008 6:53:02 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
nmorris
Freeman, MO
age: 40
|
I get people asking because they all want something of Kenny's..that want to make sure that they get something..
It's always: "What are you going to do with this?" or "What are you going to do with that?" or worse, "I always liked this/that that Kenny had..!!" so much for being subtle..
Most of the time it's not about me dealing with the loss, but how am I going to seperate what he had...everybody wants something to remind them of Kenny..
It is frustrating..he is a bigger pain gone than he was alive..(Just joking..I Loved him dearly!!)
|
| 9/28/2008 7:27:10 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
jeep78
Williamstown, VT
age: 56
|
Hi before she pass they were asking me what i was going to do
A guy at work want to know if i was going to leave the state i told him i was staying just to be a pain to him it was day one at work
|
| 9/29/2008 10:16:20 AM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
|
3crosses....I LIKE YOUR STYLE !!
I think I've posted enough in this forum that most people know how I think...I'm not uncaring..I'm realistic...I always say you must grieve in your own way in your own time...BUT...there IS A LIMIT !! If a person grieves heavily longer than two or three years ...and can't get themselves out of bed in the morning without crying for their loss...then it's time to get some outside help.
You go have that beer girl...and have one for me while you're at it...you're on the right path !!!!!!
and...
NMORRIS....It's nice to see your sense of humor shine through ! As far as the 'stuff'...it's only STUFF! Obviously we know better than anyone that you can't take it with you....so take his old shirts and make PILLOWS out of them !!! Give them all a pillow to keep them company ! LOL
Geez...People can be so wierd...can't they?
[Edited 9/29/2008 10:19:31 AM]
|
| 9/29/2008 5:54:58 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 52
|
Thank You all for replying to this. I thought it was only me that was hearing that damn question over and over.
Nmorris-I know what you mean about the stuff. I have at least 2 of everything anyone could ever want. My hubby was the GADGET MAN. Hell I even have a bug sucker. Now what in the sam hill is a bug sucker?
I'll bring it to the next party. We should have a great time with it.
My inlaws didn't even wait 24 hrs before telling me that they wanted this and that. Even his truck. But they didn't want to pay for it. It had a lean on it, but they wanted me to pay it off then give them the truck. I lost my spouse, not my mind. I traded that truck and my car in and got me a brand spankin new truck. Now how's that for a howdy dudey. Their still askin for stuff but I'm just not listenin anymore. Our children will get the tools and his old albums and any thing else before I decide to let them BUY anything of his. Just cuz I can.
Jazz-you're a hoot. I had a beer for you, then a couple more and I woke up very confused this morn. I think I'll just drink for me from now on. No offense. Its Monday. Shoot.
Jeep-you hang in there. You're a good guy and you have every right to "Give-em-hell at work" Hee Hee. Be talkin to ya.
Thanks again Ya'll,
"A Soldier's Mom"
|
| 9/29/2008 6:58:13 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
nmorris
Freeman, MO
age: 40
|
Jazz: I had actually thought about making a quilt out of some of his shirts..He loved Wyle E. Coyote, and he had a lot of shirts with that on it...but, I like the pillow idea..
It is nice to know that there are other people out there that have been through this and can give some insight to this whole process..
If you had told me 6 months ago that I would be turning 40 all by myself, I would of said no way...When Kenny first died, I never thought I would want to do anything for my birthday, but I do..Kenny would want me too...My sister is taking me out to have fun..!!
So, when people ask me what am I going to do: I'm going to have a beer!! (anyone want to join me?)  
|
| 9/29/2008 8:18:19 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
luvallnurses
Durant, OK
age: 54
|
Yes I'll join you...but a margarita for me if you please! I have been a widow much longer than any of you but I can tell you I have had the counseling, the time it was supposed to take to find someone new and a margarita or two...I am still single and hating it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But hey it is my choice so who can I blame but him for leaving me?! lol
To answer the ops question, yes, I got so sick and tired of it. I also received a small life insurance...now how many do you think had the poor taste to come and borrow money? You got it...more than one!!!!!
[Edited 9/29/2008 8:18:51 PM]
|
| 9/29/2008 8:40:25 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 52
|
I'm so sorry about that Nurse, I haven't told anyone about the life insurance, I never will. But I do have a new truck and the ones that asked me for stuff, don't have. The BIL that asked me for his truck makes 2x more money than I do. So inconsiderate of people to ask for anything but a picture.
This is my rendention of what they are like............................
"Oh I miss him so much......Can I have all his expensive stuff so I can remember him."
Not Cool.
|
| 9/29/2008 8:47:30 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
luvallnurses
Durant, OK
age: 54
|
3crosses...you know I just wish there was some way to help everyone through this horrific time, but everyone must go through it on their own and in their own way. Reading these posts is like an addiction, I feel I must but each time I do I think why do I put myself through this over and over? And I don't have the answer, except I want to try to say some small thing that will help someone over the next hill until they can see the future once more...God Bless You and all the others...if I could help take some of this from you I certainly would....
|
| 9/30/2008 10:34:00 AM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
|
Luvallnurses...how long?
I'm going on 11 years now....not been a TOTALLY easy road...that's for sure...but I'm a survivor.
NMORRIS....HAPPPPPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
[Edited 9/30/2008 10:35:59 AM]
|
| 9/30/2008 6:14:15 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
nmorris
Freeman, MO
age: 40
|
TOMORROW IS MY 40TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although I am not going to do what I had planned with my late husband, I am going to go out and have fun! I am going to take care of me for a change..
Thanks Jazz for those nice birthday wishes..as always, your words inspire me.~
Friday night, I think the only question I want to hear is, "You want another drink?"
|
| 9/30/2008 6:32:01 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
luvallnurses
Durant, OK
age: 54
|
21 years Jazz and NMORRIS happy birthday to you.... There are so many things that I relive each time I am here and yet I can not seem to stay away.
I would like to wish that all of you realize that there truly is a future ahead of you. Am I a good example? Heavens NO! There have been so many ups and downs and twists and turns in my 21 years since his death and I wish differently for each of you.
The early morning hours that I lived through until they came out and gave me the news that he didn't make it still has blank spots... and some have even came back while in these threads. Makes it hurt all over again so fresh...but maybe thats what I need to do to let go completely. I haven't been able to really do that...I stopped the counseling for several different reasons, financial only a part of it. I realize in hindsight that I should have found a good support group and taken my children with me and give us all an opportunity to grieve openly. We all hated to see each other cry so we would play tough until we just couldn't hold it all in and then as a family we would melt down....please for those of you going through this same situation...find a good grief group and get the support you and your children need rather than trying to do it on your own.
nmorris here is a drink for your birthday  ...knock yourself out girl...you deserve to be able to celebrate your life...any life is worth celebrating!
[Edited 9/30/2008 6:34:13 PM]
|
| 10/1/2008 6:40:42 AM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
rdy2date
Westminster, SC
age: 59
|
Good question 3cross,
The one that hurt me was "how are you doing" I got where I didn't want to answer the phone as I knew first thing out of the mouth would be, how are you doing.
As if I was going to answer, well Im doing real crappy today, or Im so depressed and hurt I feel like dying, or Im angry as heck that the love of my life has been taken.
I realized they ment well, and was asking out of love & concern but for some reason it hurt me. I never told them.
Fortunately my children had the foresight not to ask .. it took me 17 months to get back to where I am now. My thoughts are not guilty or sad any longer but grateful we had our time together. One of the last things my husband said to me was "shorty I want you to be happy no matter what". I understand now why he said it.
My thoughts go out to everyone who has shared this loss. Hope your days get brighter as time heals the heart
edited to add: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORRIS !!!!!!
[Edited 10/1/2008 6:43:21 AM]
|
| 10/1/2008 4:33:44 PM |
Do you ever get tired of this question? |
|
3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 52
|
Happy Birthday NMorris.
|