| 10/12/2008 3:19:31 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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nmorris
Freeman, MO
age: 40
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Okay, this question is for all of you that have already celebrated the holidays without your loved ones..
I am soooooooooo dreading Thanksgiving and especially Christmas. Christmas was Kenny's favorite holiday..So..I think you know what I am going to ask...I know that the holidays are a little ways away, but I am dreading them really bad...I don't want to celebrate them this year, because the love of my life won't be there to celebrate with me..so..
How did you get through your first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a widow?? What would your advice be?
Please help me..like I said, I don't know if I want to celebrate it at all...or if I do, how do I make it through without bawling my head off..??
Thanks for any help that I can get...I know I am not the only one dreading the holidays..
Norma.. 
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| 10/12/2008 3:37:53 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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kfab1023
Jacksonville, FL
age: 52
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wow to tell you the truth I don't even remember how I did it. My husband died in Oct and that is coming up soon and his birthday is in November along with Thanksgiving and then Christmas. I just surrounded myself with family and friends did I cry sure I did but you will get through the first is always the hardest God will get you there hun
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| 10/12/2008 3:56:57 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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connier
Nampa, ID
age: 60 online now!
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2 years in September, and his birthday and mine are also in November. the first year I went to the family gathering both times and only stayed about an hour. the rest of both days were spent at home, in the quiet, remembering. last year I had the new boyfriend to be withand we talked about my life before. he really helped and wanted to know. and we spent time also with his friends. my kids all live in Nevada so we talked on the phone. but this year will be another hard one since the boyfriend died this June. not sure what I will do, but know his memory of last year will help me. good luck to you and just hang on to all the good memories, they do help us get through it..
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| 10/12/2008 3:59:42 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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mimi1122
Cedar Rapids, IA
age: 46
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My husband was a professional Santa Claus - so I know the holidays can be rough. For me, it was keeping busy, and doing things a little different.
It's not easy. Be sure to ask your friends and family for any help you need. If you think it's the right thing for you to do - then it is. Don't worry about what others might think.
best wishes.
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| 10/12/2008 6:10:15 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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pa_x_3
Cadiz, OH
age: 55
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If your lucky enough to have family, be with them. Plan somthing special. This will help in occupying your mind. Its still gonna be hard. But doing somthing different might help everyone.
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| 10/12/2008 8:08:28 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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lovestolaugh08
Streamwood, IL
age: 41
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Hi Norma,
My husband passed away 3 days before Christmas of 2005. Christmas will never be a
joyful time for me. I try to be happy for I have two girls ages 12 and 4. I dread every holiday without him. Usually holidays are spent with my sister, her husband, my brother, his wife and them me and my girls. I feel so left out, that my husband had to be the one to die. Try to spend the holidays with family and friends, don't be alone.
Lisa
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| 10/12/2008 10:51:25 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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joesmom1986
Redding, CA
age: 54
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My husband died on December 6th. I hate Christmas lights and Christmas music because its a reminder of an awful time in my life. I hate that I have to see Christmas stuff in the stores in AUGUST!!!! I have often thought that if I could hibernate from Thanksgiving thru Valentines I would.
So anyway I understand dreading the holidays. For us it isn't a time to celebrate.
This will be my 8th holiday season without him and it still sucks but is getting better.
I found that doing something different and starting new traditions helped. I do some volunteer stuff and fund raising for charities. They always appreciate it because people are so busy and don't have the time this time of year. Last Christmas I met up with another DHer who was not going to be able to see his kids. We went for a long hike on Christmas day. It made the day go by and I made a new friend.
I told my family I just can't do the stuff we used to do and they understand.
I hope you find something that works for you for the holidays, and whatever you do, its OK to bawl your head off 
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| 10/13/2008 9:42:08 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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3crosses
El Paso, TX
age: 52
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I know its going to be hard for me this Thanksgiving, have no plans, no immidiate family here and very few friends in my area, but I will get thru this. Christmas will be better as I am going home to spend it with my mother and my children and g-children. The first holidays are the worst, then hopefully they get better. We are strong, we will survive this.
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| 10/13/2008 9:44:40 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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vale42
Findlay, OH
age: 50
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holidays bah hum bug never the same and never will be
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| 10/13/2008 9:48:08 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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skylark14
Chesapeake, VA
age: 65
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My husband passed away December 22,2007 So the holidays will be very hard for me to bear and I am dreading it soooooo much. I was in a store the other day and just seeing Christmas decoration upset me and renewred everything from last year, all the memories of him in the hospital and what he went through. Even halloween is a reminder as he was discharged from the hospital on halloween & just as I drove into my neighborhood lil kids were trick or treating, I got him settled in and he ask me to go give out the candy. He was such a kind and caring man and I miss him sooooo much. It has been 91/2 months without him and I have not progressed very much in healing. Two weeks ago I joined a widow support group and I have been to two meetings so far, they meet once a week and once a month the group goes out to dinner as a group. I feel so alone and lost and need to find my way. I try to keep busy and I pray alot that God will make me strong to get me through this and give me peace. Right now I just want to run away from the holidays but that is not an option as it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas everywhere.
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| 10/13/2008 9:48:50 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
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Norma...first of all...STOP DREADING IT !!! The more that you dwell on the 'dread' the more you will talk yourself into the depression.
Keep yourself busy...surround yourself with happy people and family...make a 'plan' for how you are going to celebrate that does NOT include seclusion !
Yes...it's difficult...but you will make it...
It is totally up to you how you move through it...but trust me...it can be done without a flood of emotion!
Sure...I had my moments...but I just kept hearing Larry tell me to KNOCK IT OFF ...because he didn't want me to ruin my holidays...especially since they were his favorites also.
Hang in there girl...
I'll tuck a little support prayer in my hat for ya !
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| 10/13/2008 5:48:50 PM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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nmorris
Freeman, MO
age: 40
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Thank all of you for you advice..I know the dreading it is worse than the actual event...I mean, I got through the 4th of July, our anniversay, a monumental birthday, and the birth of his neice's baby..and I came out just fine..it is just the anticipation of it..I know I need to stop dwelling on it, but I sometimes feel that if I let myself feel 'okay' about things then I am forgetting about Kenny..if I don't keep thinking about him, then I am going to forget about him..
I had just had a really funky couple of days when I posted that...I am doing better, but again..we all have our good days and our bad days..
Thanks again for all of your advice and support...I wish we didn't have to have a group for us, but we do..
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| 10/14/2008 12:42:03 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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connier
Nampa, ID
age: 60 online now!
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thank goodness for this group of loving and caring people. we have all gone through this or are going through it and it is good to have help from those that truly understand what you are feeling.. thanks to each who has shared their pain on here.. 
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| 10/14/2008 4:43:10 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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jazzmin1951
Kansas City, MO
age: 57
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Norma...just because you are not 'thinking' about him...does not mean you will forget...TRUST me...you will always remember him.
My kids and I talk about Larry when we are together all the time...we all remember all the fun times...the silly things he would do...things he said...things he wore...even the smell of his cologne !!! But...I will tell you that after 11 years...I don't think about him 'daily' like before...I don't think there would be any way I'd ever forget him just because I don't think about him all the time.
So don't let that worry you...It's all good
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| 10/16/2008 7:17:08 AM |
Okay, what about the holidays?? |
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judy1958
Conyers, GA
age: 50
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its been 3 yrs. for me and the holidays are getting easier to handle..my family and kids and grandkids are a tremendous help and we all talk about him and may even shed a few tears but we know even though hes not with us physically,he is in spirit..he'll always be with us no matter what..you have memories and family,keep them close by and don't be afraid to talk about him,tears help,believe it or not..as time goes by you will miss him still but it will get easier..i was lucky to have Jimmy in my life for 31 yrs. and its taken me this long to get use to being alone and single and i hate it all..they know we struggle with the pain of losing them and the lonliness but they also know that we can and will go on and make it without them even though we think we can't or wont..you know in your heart he would want you happy,whatever that takes so put on that smile he loved so much and when you get to thinking about him and missing him,look up into heaven and smile at him and talk to him,i do and it really helps and i know hes always smiling back and wishing me the best..we have it rough without them but we know that they miss us more than we'll ever know too but we will be together again someday and then we'll never be apart again..
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