| 11/29/2008 2:39:59 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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glemon44
Suffolk, VA
age: 45
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Why is starting over at 45 so hard and why can't we all find that special person that wants to feel complete,or who could complete us.I come to realize that happiness isn't just being comfortable it's about the work a person puts in to maintain it after all a dimond can't keep it's shine unless it's protector and keeper knows how to maintain it and relationships are the same.
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| 11/29/2008 2:57:49 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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lycia68
Richmond, VA
age: 40
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yes it is hard but anything worth having is worth the work or it's not worth having at all
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| 11/30/2008 3:10:23 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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jstacountrygirl
Winchester, VA
age: 40
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You should not have to protect it - it should be sacred to the person that you give it to.............
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| 11/30/2008 3:55:00 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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chicky54
Chester, VA
age: 55
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Hi, Im new here and enjoy reading these posts, when you live alone you welcome good conversation, I noticed you are not that far up the road from me, I live in Chesterfield and hope to meet new friends to talk to you, I agree its hard to find a soul mate, the hard part is the trying and sometimes if we can be patient enough things happen, I know I rushed that after my first divorce, ended up marrying the second time to my buddy and of course that didnt work out ,he was just a buddy and not husband material, lasted 3 yrs and now here we are
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| 12/1/2008 4:27:28 AM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
age: 52
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Starting over is as hard as it seems, but sometimes it is necessary.
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| 12/1/2008 2:39:59 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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beu24
Beverly Hills, CA
age: 49
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I don't think it is hard. I think it is a matter of finding the right person. Its a matter of putting yourself out there and letting the world know who you are and what you have to offer.
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| 12/9/2008 4:03:38 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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hapenindude
Burke, VA
age: 46
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First off, suffice it to say that I am no Dr. Phil
When starting over, the loneliness can sometimes be excruciatingly painful. Until we find someone to fill the emptiness, our hearts cry out loudly for love. Sadly, many will "rebound" and select someone that they might not be entirely compatable with just to fill the immediate void. Others might get lucky and find "the one" right away.
All I can offer anyone just starting over is to take some time for yourself at first. When you begin to see activities that you'd like to try or return to that you might not ordinarily have been able to do in your relationship take that as a good sign.
For the ones among us that have supposedly recovered from our last relationship through (adequate) time to heal, I'd like to ask Dr. Phil one question: Is it really that important that we wait until we can evaluate a prospective mate through tearless eyes? I'm comfortable doing that now, but I haven't found the right one yet and those tears of loneliness still well up. Perhaps we can make the statement that mining and finding that one diamond takes blood, sweat and tears. Then as you mention G-mon, maintaining it is easy and very rewarding.
I'm not sure where you are in terms of starting over. Wish you the best and don't give up hope, my friend.
PS ...man, I find reading and posting to these forums very therapeudic. 
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| 12/10/2008 9:17:48 AM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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2real4u777
Lynchburg, VA
age: 50
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I agree with you 100%. It's the finding that's hard, especially when you know what you need. It seems that you can find someone who meets SOME of your needs but when it comes to the rest, you are just out in the cold. Personally, I think that maybe we reach too high? No one person can be all that we want, but there are a lot of people out there who can give us that "warm fuzzy"... it's up to US to make up for the rest of it. It's taken me 5 long years to figure this out... (maybe i'm just a little stubborn??? LOL) But, for now, I just know that there IS someone out there that I can be what they need, and hopefully, they are the one who can be what I need also. It's a matter of give and take, and we cannot go into a relationship thinking, "I can't let them in or they will hurt me." If we do that, we have doomed it before we started. Also, it's REALLY important not to be suspicious of the things that were in our past relationship. Each person is their own. Don't put the sins of the past onto your new relationship. You can destroy, both yourself and your new relationship if you cannot let go of the old hurts.
Keep on trying. Never give up. You may horde stones when you could be mining diamonds!
 Sandy
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| 12/10/2008 9:53:37 AM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 48
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I think that when we get to our forties and beyond it's harder because we have all these preconceived notions of what we think will be the perfect mate this time. Without the rage of hormones to cloud our judgment, few people we meet can live up to such grandiose ideals.
I think it helps to be open minded with every coffee date to the possibility of more. Instead of arbitrarily ticking off all the reasons why this person won't suit you either; enjoy what they have to offer. Smile, laugh, even if you have to pretend. Success has just as much to do with attitude as it does with luck.
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| 12/10/2008 5:13:38 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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chicky54
Chester, VA
age: 55
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you know it is because its lessons to be learned there, take the time and ask yourself alot of questions, every time you feel alone --physically work it off, rake the yard get up and do something or depression when take hold of you and suck you in , clean the car everyday if you have too untill you change your self nothing gets better
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| 12/11/2008 3:25:51 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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mad4
Manassas, VA
age: 63
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It is very hard. Your still young enough to start over. I am really having hard time even finding someone on here to talk to til I found this sight. Marrried 38 years.
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| 12/11/2008 4:28:09 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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catwoman49
Chester, VA
age: 49
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hapenindude-you hit the nail on the head with all of your comment! I'm with you on this one-I couldn't have said it better
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| 12/11/2008 5:29:56 PM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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singledd613
Knoxville, MD
age: 46
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I am new to forums so don't bash me too badly please.
I think starting over is very difficult. Most all of us (starting over after 40) have a story but more importantly we have a hurt (that so called hole in your heart). I found that when I separated five years ago, I needed to practically work myself to death, just to keep my sanity. The busier I kept myself the less time I had to think about my loneliness. I did not date for 2 years after my separation. I believe the most important part about starting over is to take time to heal and understand that for you to be okay in a relationship, you have to be okay with yourself. Don't have the expectation of meeting someone and having them fix you and making you feel "worthy". The hole in your heart can only be fixed by you. (I realized this after two relationships) Divorce is hard on us, especially our emotional side. Okay, yeah, financially too, but you can get yourself into bad situations when you let your emotional side lead you instead of your head. I am not desperate to find someone. I do not NEED anyone to make me feel whole. But I would like to have a partner/companion to share things with. Sometimes finding out what you DON'T want, is as important as finding what you DO want.
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| 12/13/2008 6:22:27 AM |
Starting Over,Is it as hard as it seems |
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dt1954
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 54
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the answer is yes i was married for 26yrs. before i lost my wife to death after all those yrs.with one loyal woman who treated me like a king now that i am alone i feel like rip vanwinkle slept for 26yrs.now that i am awake i not quite sure were to begin any mature females out there with helpful hints .
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