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Forums: Groups: Man Land: The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby
11/6/2007 5:23:11 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

bluboy
Elsberry, MO
age: 56 online now!

 Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.


Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.


Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.


Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.



Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.


Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while theOB ? says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar . Calm down and push. "Just one more good push" (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.


After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.


Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?


When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.


Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing o n life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...


So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the "weaker sex?" Yeah right. Bite me.


I know, it's not very PC but I just thought it was a scream!


Later, Blu
11/6/2007 5:30:59 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

 and all this time i thought it was just PMS.
11/6/2007 5:55:23 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

 why men are happy!
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can be president.
* You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
* You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood, ALL the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
* Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You almost never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. * You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
11/6/2007 6:10:59 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

 The great question...
which I have not been able
to answer despite my thirty
years of research into the
feminine soul, is
"What does a woman want?"
- Sigmund Freud
11/6/2007 6:12:25 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

 On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust WOMEN!
H.L. Mencken
11/8/2007 6:25:39 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

11/13/2007 6:14:35 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

iron_ranger
Owatonna, MN
age: 40

11/16/2007 5:27:03 AM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

 because they caught crabs?
11/16/2007 5:40:21 AM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

2wild4u
Pennsburg, PA
age: 36

 How do you trust anything that bleeds 7 days an lives
12/5/2007 10:57:20 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50

12/6/2007 9:13:38 PM The ladies think we need to know why Women are Crabby  

lostinwyoming
Evanston, WY
age: 50