Success stories from single parents!

3/14/2009 7:27:07 AM	Success stories from single parents!
blssd2be Oklahoma City, OK age: 31	Tell us about a success story as a single parent. Whether your child is 3 or 33, we would like to hear it! My 11 year old son is dealing with his father's rejection, and when asked what he thinks about what's going on he tells me that his father needs help. That it's neither his own fault or his father's fault that he doesn't know how to be a dad. Talk about yanking on your heart strings! I feel proud to know that he can understand that his father has an illness, and isn't taking this personally. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
3/14/2009 10:00:11 PM	Success stories from single parents!
miranda30 Modesto, CA age: 31	My 4 year old lives with her dad right now, while my 9 year old boy lives with me. I was talking to my daughter on the phone not too long ago and she says, "Mommy, I miss you, but when you miss people you love, you can always talk to them on the phone right?" It about broke my heart, but I was also so proud of her because at 4 years old she was able to establish that just because we are apart and we miss eachother doesn't mean that we can't still talk on the phone at any time. My son amazes me every day. He has bipolar and ADHD so life can be very challenging. He has a lot of problems in math, but I just spoke to his teacher and found out he reads at a 9th grade level. What do you say to that? WOW!! My daughter is currently taking tap dance and she's great at it. I just can't believe how much God has blessed me with my children. They are just amazing. When life gets tough and I think about calling it in, I think about them and I realize that there is so much to live for and so many miracles yet to happen and I just can't ever imagine leaving them behind.
3/14/2009 10:14:49 PM	Success stories from single parents!
kathy5311 Jackson, GA age: 42	Blessed: Yes, it is really good that your son sees things the way he does. My children see their father with those eyes too. They have moments where they are angry at him and moments where they feel sorry for him. My inlaws have "issue" with the fact that sometimes they don't refer to him as "Dad" but instead refer to him by his first name. I tell my children - and my inlaws - that no one can tell them how to feel about their dad... that their feelings are their own. They can feel love, hate, anger, worry, sadness, concern or any other feeling that comes over them and that it's natural. I just tell them to make sure to express their feelings. My oldest daughter recently wrote a story about her father leaving... it is a sad story that makes me tear up when I read it... but the ending of her story is a happy one... where she overcomes the hurt that her father caused when he left. In other words, your son will probably go through many different emotions...let him express all of them because all of them will be natural.
3/14/2009 10:15:16 PM	Success stories from single parents!
blssd2be Oklahoma City, OK age: 31	Awesome Miranda! Our kids are often our inspiration. When they face so many challenges and bare up under them, they are so brave, they don't know any other way to be. Life is what it is, and when they deal so well with it, what else can you do? We can't do any less than our children, or what would we be teaching them? Anyhow, I wish you all the best, and congrats on two AWESOME children!
3/14/2009 10:18:55 PM	Success stories from single parents!
blssd2be Oklahoma City, OK age: 31	Thanks Kathy. Yes, he has run a gamut of emotions, but mostly he feels sorry for his father. I'm finding that this particular emotion is a deep one for my son, and he has more sympathy than anything. He doesn't exactly understand the illness, but he knows that it causes his father to say and do things that aren't quite right. I would never try to persuade him to feel anything but what he feels. It's important for them to feel safe in expressing their feelings, or we may end up with an angry, resentful, aggressive child. Not something I want to have. Anyhow, thanks so much for your story! I wish all the best for you!
3/14/2009 10:27:46 PM	Success stories from single parents!
kathy5311 Jackson, GA age: 42	I'm sure that you wouldn't force a feeling or emotion on your son... or away from your son. In my case, the in-laws were telling my children that it is not "right" for my children to have any negative feelings for their Dad and that they should speak of him in a respectful tone because even though he left, he will always be their father. That's when I had to step in and explain to them that I understood that they (as his parents, siblings and nieces and nephews) were very concerned for him and very hurt... but that they had to remember that it was his children who were hurt the MOST by him choosing to up and leave and not remain a part of their lives. This of course, was in the beginning when all I could feel was anger... and all his relatives could feel was worry... which left my children stuck in the middle not really knowing how to feel. Anyway, I told you this because of my experience w/ other people trying to tell my children how they should feel. If you suspect that happening.. put a stop to it immediately! It's been 8 years since he left and my children are doing very well... not so sure they would have if anyone had been allowed to try to force their emotions.
3/14/2009 11:08:10 PM	Success stories from single parents!
miranda30 Modesto, CA age: 31	I agree with you both. My son's biological father is never around. He calls every once in awhile but he doesn't want to take any responsibility for my son. I have asked in the past for help with my son because of his behavioral issues and he never had any room at his house to take him for awhile, doesn't want to put his wife in a bad spot, etc. I have just come to accept he is never going to be around and so has my son. My daughter's dad raised my son his whole life and when I tell my son his dad is on the phone, he'll actually ask which one. He says, he has two dad's but only one daddy and his daddy is the one who raised him. My son has no love for his biological dad and will even tell him on the phone on the rare occasion's that he does call, that he has no right to tell him what to do or how to do things because he's never been around. It pisses his real dad off, but I don't ever get in between it. How can I when I know my kid is right? He would never speak to my daughter's dad that way, he considers him to be his dad too. But he feels no ties to his real dad. It's amazing the things kids pick up so fast that we take for granted. When a child tells you he or she loves you, you can't help but be moved. Children aren't stupid, maybe they are naive, but they see the whole picture a lot clearer than even we do at times. Kathy, you are a woman after my own soul. I tell my son the same thing. It's okay to be angry, mad, sad, or emotional over what your father has done to you. As long as you communicate the way you feel and understand it. I allow my son to be mad, I feel it's healthy. I would rather him feel genuine anger towards his father for not being there, than to feel a false sense of belonging by me trying to "pretend" his father loves him and is always there for him. Sure I could buy gifts and say they are from Dad, and cards, and everything. But all I am providing is that unhealthy false sense of security and then when he's an adult and finds out his dad didn't ever send those things, he'll just hate me. I never bad mouth is dad to him or in front of him, but I am always willing to listen when he has something to say. I feel kids don't need to be told how crappy people are, over time they will see it for themselves.

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