Trying to learn to accept rejection

4/12/2009 3:05:35 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
margaret1913 Neenah, WI age: 60	It has been nearly a year since Don died and I am still feel angry with him for leaving me. I know, I know it wasn't his choice but his death is forcing me to learn a lot of painful lessons that I never had to learn before. I am angry that I'm being forced to experience them now. Rejection hurts no matter what age you are or circumstance you're in. I should have learned that a long time ago but I never fell in love a long time ago until I met Don, and now he's gone. Now I know what a relationship is and what I'm missing and I feel ready to experience it again but this "meeting new people and dating dance" has left me feeling like I have two left feet. I feel clumsy and unsure of the dance steps. I think wallflower is the place for me to be. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
4/12/2009 4:38:55 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
sabba1955 Colby, WI age: 55	This process is a painfull and sometimes a long one to go through. I tried to start over right after; I'm glad it did not work out,I was not ready and it really would not have been fair to a partner. I was missing my wife so much and so often in everday life wishing she was here to sound off ideas to or ask an opinion etc. I wanted what I had lost, and still do! But realized that if I was so angry/hurt that she wasn't here then I was not ready yet. I dated a couple of women and they both asked alot of questions; maybe my answers frightened them off somewhat or they could see the hurt was still there to much..So I backed the truck up. I felt rejected, but they may have seen something i had not yet, and that would be that I was not ready.. The first year realy sucked!!! The second wasn't much better at times but I found a project to occupy my time and then bought a house and moved. I can not say that it was the move or maybe just the time, but it is working for me and I feel better. I still think about her especially as I see her flowers come up now, but it doesn't saddened me; I'm glad I did not kill them all off! Maybe people are seeing that in you as well, so don't view it as rejection, but them trying to understand and giving you the time you need.. One thing for sure, the relationship Pat and I had did not happen overnight and neither will the next one, despite my desires. Be patient, grieve, don't try to rush and force something, it will find you when the time is right.
4/13/2009 5:16:00 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
3crosses Alamogordo, NM age: 54	Yes, the feeling of rejection sucks bigtime. When I decided to move on, I thought long and hard and then I asked myself some questions: Am I Happy? Have I made someone else Happy? Can I Love unconditionally? Can I accept unconditional Love? The answers to these questions had to be all yes before I could completely move forward with my life. In order for me to make someone else Happy, I first must be Happy with myself and I am. So yes, I CAN make someone else Happy. And since I know I HAVE Loved unconditionally, I also know I CAN accept unconditional Love. First be happy with yourself. Be open to different people, not just people like your husband/wife. You'll end up comparing them and thats not good. It was suprising to me that I accepted difference, I'm pretty set in my ways. But I have changed for the better. Many Blessings to you and hang in there. We are here and we don't judge you. Sometimes a princess has to kiss a frog to turn him into a prince.
4/13/2009 7:26:34 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
iamsaved2 Evansville, WI age: 71	Here I am, turn me into a prince. LOL PS I hate rejection also but a little humor goes a long ways towards lighting the mood. Danny [Edited 4/13/2009 7:27:45 PM ]
4/14/2009 1:17:50 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
lakc Batam Indonesia age: 50	Also remember what frog stands for: Forever Rely On God You'll be rejected and you'll reject! Not everyone can fit together like a perfect jigsaw puzzle. Be happy with yourself first. Relax and just let things fall as they may. Good Luck!
4/14/2009 4:21:24 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
3crosses Alamogordo, NM age: 54	Pucker up Danny
4/18/2009 3:18:14 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
buttsmaker Paducah, KY age: 68	Quote from margaret1913: It has been nearly a year since Don died and I am still feel angry with him for leaving me. I know, I know it wasn't his choice but his death is forcing me to learn a lot of painful lessons that I never had to learn before. I am angry that I'm being forced to experience them now. Rejection hurts no matter what age you are or circumstance you're in. I should have learned that a long time ago but I never fell in love a long time ago until I met Don, and now he's gone. Now I know what a relationship is and what I'm missing and I feel ready to experience it again but this "meeting new people and dating dance" has left me feeling like I have two left feet. I feel clumsy and unsure of the dance steps. I think wallflower is the place for me to be. Be patient with yourself, if you are not comfortable making a decision today, put it off until the near future. Your turn to shine "will come". You will probably meet a man that deserves to be as happy as you can make him. I went through everything you are experiencing after my wife passed in December of 2007. I've met a few nice ladies, But I had no feelings for them. Good luck. another Don
4/18/2009 6:56:53 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
iamsaved2 Evansville, WI age: 71	Quote from 3crosses: Pucker up Danny I guess I have been called out.
5/1/2009 12:56:12 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
imseddy Dodgeville, WI age: 47	haha funny you should post a frog because I call the men I meet toads and when you kiss them they dont turn into a prince ahhaaa. The best advice I can give you is to just go out for the experience. Don't have any expectations other than to have a good time on the date. If anything is to come it will weather you worry about it or not. What I feel I missed is the excitement of life so no matter what a date brings I take it for what it is and all I expect from it is to be left feeling it was worth it and one step closer to feeling comfortable with a man other than the one I spent my entire adult life with.
5/3/2009 3:53:36 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
tombleweed Kettle Falls, WA age: 60	hi imseddy ITs been 10 yrs for me and Im not interested yet
5/29/2009 7:53:18 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
shyone552 Venus, PA age: 53	Rejection is hard at any age. My husband will be gone for 7 years in July. I married him when I was 19 yo. I still miss him every day. I have been in a relationship with one man that lasted 3 years it didn't work out. So now I'm here to see if someone comes my way. I really don't know what will happen. I don't want to give up. I guess it's all a learning process, we were so use to our spouses that we could answer there question before they even asked, or even finish there sentences. It's not going to be the same so we just have to keep on trying. There is someone out there for us we just can not give up. Just take your time.
5/31/2009 1:08:14 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
imseddy Dodgeville, WI age: 47	What are you refering to tombleweed?
6/8/2009 4:11:47 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
letsplay54143 Marinette, WI age: 63	Margaret, You just have to learn the new dance steps. Iam going through that right now to. Things have changed over the years in the dating scene and those of us who were not dating have not kept pace.
6/18/2009 6:22:40 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
justliiking Grayling, MI age: 52	Maybe we need to stop rejecting ourselves and our feelings of needing others in our lives. Sometimes the guilt of wanting to move on is as hard as loosing them because we are letting them go so we can live. Kiss the frog don't get discouraged we are the living ones and I know for a fact my husband would be angry with me if I just wallowed in his memory instead of living like we did together. But it is scary I am not sure anyone will want what I have to offer. Thanks for the topic
6/18/2009 6:47:49 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
serenityfrank Toms River, NJ age: 52	its not the rejection its the fear of rejection that stops me dead in my tracks
6/18/2009 7:00:11 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
justliiking Grayling, MI age: 52	yea fear is a big issue. I'm not as anxious to face that one
6/19/2009 2:57:12 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
juicyfemale69 Bloomington, IL age: 48	its only been about two months since my husband passed away. I experienced a true, uncomditional love with him and for that I will always be grateful. one day i will be ready to do the dating dance again...no man will ever hold a candle to my husband. Rejection is just a part of it all and I will try not to take it personally.
6/19/2009 3:33:24 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
juicyfemale69 Bloomington, IL age: 48	i just got rejected....guess what??? im still standing.
6/19/2009 4:48:10 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
justliiking Grayling, MI age: 52	if rejection there would be a lot of rich women out there
6/22/2009 6:31:02 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
dreamerlady Gillespie, IL age: 65	I have been widowed for 3 1/2 years and it is absolutely very hard to meet people. I just want to meet someone to do things with - dinner, movie, etc. I guess I just have to be patient.
6/25/2009 9:30:44 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
letsplay54143 Marinette, WI age: 63	Jucy, I think I will be standing beside you in rejection soon. I have dated someone for a short time, but ithink it is going down the tubes soon. Everyone you date is not a match. I am already starting to look around. The only way to deal with rejection is to move on.
8/15/2009 11:13:28 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
ch7 Laconia, NH age: 66	Oh...I am "so Sorry!" I am so Sure that the one You Loved so Much... did not "Reject You"... I'm Sure...He did not Want to Leave! My husband...the love of my life...for 40 years...almost 39 married.. He was a bit younger than I... and "had just turned 60!" He fought...and did not want to go ..or leave Me...and ours.. SOMETHINGS ARE OUT OF OUR HANDS! We cannot "ControL" things... I "so wish" we could! I to...have been having to learn over the last 22 months and counting.. so many things.. My friend.. Do not think the one who is gone wanted to go.. YOU are Not Rejected! You have experienced, as all of us here know... one of the worst things in life.. You have "not been Rejected".. You have been "left alone".... but I'm sure not "willingly." I wish you so much luck in your journey... as I do to Everyone.. in "trying" to "Move Forward!" Sincerely, Ch7 ...."A June Rose!...and "trying hard" to "focus" on the Positive of Life! "C!"
9/5/2009 6:51:36 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
mrwjd Seattle, WA age: 50	O.K. , I can accept rejection , sure no problem there , but what I don't understand is how some folks in their blogs , complain they can't get a date for Friday or Saturday night . Why , are they too judgemental ?? The Bible has this to say for those who wish to judge us widowers / widows : ' A father to the fatherless , and a judge of the widows , is God in his holy habitation .' - Psalm 68:5 and ' Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this , to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction , and to keep himself unspotted from the world .' - James 1:27 and ' Many seek the ruler's favor , but every man's judgement cometh from the Lord .' - Proverbs 29:26 and Jesus himself said ' Judge not , that ye be not judged .' - St. Matthew 7:1 So a quick suggestion to those who haven't a clue , stop judging , and maybe start practicing acceptence !! Get - it ?? It is written .... [Edited 9/5/2009 7:07:06 PM ]
9/8/2009 6:31:26 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
ivysmom1 Daytona Beach, FL age: 64	It might be written and all that but the fact still remains that men don't really like to date widows. Why I don't know. And I for one feel as though I'm the Queen of rejection. I hate this countless number of rejections. When I started dating again I didn't think it would be this hard to meet someone. But I haven't had a date in so long its unreal.
9/9/2009 9:14:11 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
rosmba Hagerstown, MD age: 55	I have only had one experience since the wife died so I don't have any rejection stories yet. The one gal I took out and I just stopped conversing, I guess. At least I stopped emailing and calling and so did she. Mutual rejection I guess. I am finding two issues. Inter-related however. I am so rusty at this stuff. It has been 20 years since I was on the hunt, as it were. So many things have changed. Back then folks seemed to be more open and honest and aggressive (if that is the word, maybe not but it will do). When my Cyndee and I met we spent the first 4 or 5 hour date talking about our entire lives, likes, dislikes, past relationships, children, everything was on the table including family issues, ex's and the physical stuff. Most of the women I have come into contact with since she has died are so up-tight about being open with anything other than how they have been mistreated by a former partner. I am not used to not being able to say whatever pops into my head without running it through some filter. The second, with the women I knew back then, and with Cyn, our relationship developed at a rapid pace. We were very attracted to each other and acted on it almost immediately. I am so bad at this courting dance thing. I know I moved to fast with this gal I took out. I was attracted to her, wanted to know all the details and get down to nitty gritty sooner rather than later. My fault entirely, but this lets be friends until I decide this or that escapes me. I can tell within a few hours or days if there is any potential why waste a lot of time and effort. After that I am a take charge, damn the torpedoes full speed ahead kinda guy. I talked to a younger friend of mine that has been single for some time (this guy is a real player or so he tells me ) and he told me I have to pretend I am not physically interested in the gal, I have to pretend I love her cat, I have to pretend this and that.... etc. So I asked what happens if you spend a lot of time together, both pretending your something or not something and then after you develop feelings for the person find out that you are not compatible on some issue you avoided so as not to offend or be pushy? He said, well then you simply dump her and move on. What is up with that? I wonder if some of us. Me in particular, were so spoiled by our spouses that we may never find someone that we can be with. Don't get me wrong, I know there will never be another Cyndee, and I am ok with not finding an exact replacement. Some things that our spouses gave us will never happen to us again, and we all accept that. On the other hand, someone that comes into our lives must understand that we didn't divorce this person, we didn't fall out of love with them, they were torn from us and will always be part of us and our children. We will always have this memory and naturally the occasional comparison will happen. I know how unfair it is to expect someone to live under that comparative pressure but it is a reality that this new person will have to live with. I think we maybe falling into this trap of expecting to get close to what we had and therefore we're sending out the wrong Vibe. Maybe the rejection is as much our fault as the person rejecting us. Then again, is it fair to ourselves to settle for less than we need just to be with someone. [Edited 9/9/2009 9:18:04 AM ]
9/9/2009 10:00:25 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV age: 52	wow, Romsba. Your experience and mine with our resepective spouses are very similar. My husband and I moved fast, too. It seemed natural. But I do fear that just because we did, I may expect that any other relationship will. Add to that that it was a good marriage and we were content and comfortable. It's so easy to imagine you're falling into that same thing with someone new too quickly. Sorry about the date with the woman who could only talk about her ex. I think you'll find that to be true with a lot of people. It's a big part of their lives and people need to examine every detail, I guess, and do that with you! Don't listen to your friend. He's wrong and as you can see, is not in a LTR. But evidently that works for him. I'm thinking that's not what you want. So keep looking, not all of us women only want to examine the past and have nothing else to talk about.
9/9/2009 10:37:05 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
cali1234 Exeter, CA age: 62	Very well put Romsba. The main problem I am having is sifting thru the men that are sincere, really are on the dating site to find someone, and the "majority" it seems that are just looking for sex....
9/9/2009 11:25:41 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
rosmba Hagerstown, MD age: 55	Quote from cali1234: Very well put Romsba. The main problem I am having is sifting thru the men that are sincere, really are on the dating site to find someone, and the "majority" it seems that are just looking for sex.... Due to how quickly I moved I am sure that the gal I went out with would claim that is all I was after, in reality I am after so much more, but that is a big part of any relationship so I brought it up almost immediately, along with other things of course. Got to learn to not do that so quickly I guess. And please make sure that is all the guy really is after, maybe he is like me, and just laying all his cards on the table right up front. BTW, and hopefully not that far off topic, but another thing I wonder about. Many of us may, and I am one of them, be looking for a long term relationship, maybe a life long one, but not really looking to get married again for one reason or another. In my case, remarrying would place a significant financial strain on me when I retire and screw up my kids inheritance from their mother. I know several couples that are together but are not married because the government or the employers of their former spouse place restriction on SS or retirement if they remarry. I am not completely ruling out ever getting married again, but it would have to make financial sense to do so. If that is the case, how does a potential "mate" for lack of a better term feel about that? That is one of those issues that should be addressed right up front, but if we avoid such discussions we maybe setting ourselves and our potential new friend/mate up for rejection later when it does come up. We may, under some circumstances look like we're only here for the sex, as you put it, when as in my case it might be a long term relationship with only the marriage certificate missing. Just thinking out loud here. [Edited 9/9/2009 11:37:50 AM ]
9/9/2009 11:57:45 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
rosmba Hagerstown, MD age: 55	Quote from lovethelake17: wow, Romsba. Your experience and mine with our resepective spouses are very similar. My husband and I moved fast, too. It seemed natural. But I do fear that just because we did, I may expect that any other relationship will. Add to that that it was a good marriage and we were content and comfortable. It's so easy to imagine you're falling into that same thing with someone new too quickly. Sorry about the date with the woman who could only talk about her ex. I think you'll find that to be true with a lot of people. It's a big part of their lives and people need to examine every detail, I guess, and do that with you! Don't listen to your friend. He's wrong and as you can see, is not in a LTR. But evidently that works for him. I'm thinking that's not what you want. So keep looking, not all of us women only want to examine the past and have nothing else to talk about. I read your story in a different post and I do think we had somewhat similar experiences with one major difference. If I remember correctly your spouse asked you to marry him on your first date. My wife and I agreed on the first date we wanted to be exclusive and moved in together within a few weeks, but neither of us wanted to get remarried, having both gone through rather messy divorces prior to that. In fact we lived together for years and never would have married if not for the kids getting older and the effect it had on them. We had a wonderful relationship for nearly 20 years. I still miss her so.
9/9/2009 12:08:42 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
cali1234 Exeter, CA age: 62	another good point Romsba. In my case I don't see any reason to marry, just want someone to grow old with....I think marriage if for having kids...One of the few guys I have met and dated, all he wanted was marriage marriage marriage...I was thinking why.........he had nothing, and I had a good job and property.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
9/9/2009 12:12:43 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
rosmba Hagerstown, MD age: 55	Quote from cali1234: another good point Romsba. In my case I don't see any reason to marry, just want someone to grow old with....I think marriage if for having kids...One of the few guys I have met and dated, all he wanted was marriage marriage marriage...I was thinking why.........he had nothing, and I had a good job and property.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Not saying anything here, but I understand exactly what you're saying. At our age, we have to worry about retirement and our children's legacy. I am not saying that if I spent the next twenty years with someone I wouldn't leave them part of my estate and make sure they stayed in the home as long as they lived or wanted to, just agreeing with your observation. Glad there is some gal out there like minded. I have worried about this. [Edited 9/9/2009 12:13:17 PM ]
9/9/2009 12:44:47 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV age: 52	Quote from rosmba: I read your story in a different post and I do think we had somewhat similar experiences with one major difference. If I remember correctly your spouse asked you to marry him on your first date. My wife and I agreed on the first date we wanted to be exclusive and moved in together within a few weeks, but neither of us wanted to get remarried, having both gone through rather messy divorces prior to that. In fact we lived together for years and never would have married if not for the kids getting older and the effect it had on them. We had a wonderful relationship for nearly 20 years. I still miss her so. Nope, he didn't propose but we did decide rather soon after meeting that we wanted to be exclusive and we moved in together rather quickly, too. To be honest, I really can't remember the proposal at all. It just seemed to flow and happen. It could have had something to do with having a child together! LOL You know, you were talking about marriage as opposed to living together. I think at our ages that is a good concern. There are so many reasons to not marry--all of which you mention. Finances enter into it and you would have to be very careful before deciding if marriage or committment is the thing to do. I don't think most of us would have a problem with that conversation. I also think it's interesting about we women thinking all you all want is sex because you're moving fast. Your point is thought-provoking. But gee, I'm getting kind of scared about all the talk about rejection. I haven't really put myself out there yet to date, and now all of you have bad stories to relate. Do you really think it's because we're widows or because we just haven't been in the dating scene for awhile and it's changed, or is it the way it's always been, we're just rusty? [Edited 9/9/2009 12:52:23 PM ]
9/9/2009 12:47:44 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
cali1234 Exeter, CA age: 62	I personally am not worried about protecting enheritance for the children, would be nice, but not a given.....If you are with someone for years, they are entitled...but we do have to be careful....anybody our age that doesn't have a will now is crazy.....and you don't give your new husband or wife everything.... I would be upset if I was with someone for many years, and was still not entitled to his benefits.....it is a fine line you have to cross over and think about.....Not sure I am making any sense LOL...
9/9/2009 1:56:21 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
rosmba Hagerstown, MD age: 55	Quote from lovethelake17: Nope, he didn't propose but we did decide rather soon after meeting that we wanted to be exclusive and we moved in together rather quickly, too. To be honest, I really can't remember the proposal at all. It just seemed to flow and happen. It could have had something to do with having a child together! LOL You know, you were talking about marriage as opposed to living together. I think at our ages that is a good concern. There are so many reasons to not marry--all of which you mention. Finances enter into it and you would have to be very careful before deciding if marriage or commitment is the thing to do. I don't think most of us would have a problem with that conversation. I also think it's interesting about we women thinking all you all want is sex because you're moving fast. Your point is thought-provoking. But gee, I'm getting kind of scared about all the talk about rejection. I haven't really put myself out there yet to date, and now all of you have bad stories to relate. Do you really think it's because we're widows or because we just haven't been in the dating scene for awhile and it's changed, or is it the way it's always been, we're just rusty? I'm sorry, I had you confused with someone else that had a quick relationship like we did. I don't know the answer to your question. The dating game certainly has changed in the last 20 years. I really don't know why. AIDS and STD is probably part of it. Maybe they/we are just as Bill Cosby says, old people working on getting into heaven (I'm kidding don't take offense anyone) or at least trying to avoid embarrassing their children. No more make love not war. Boy things have changed. As far as dating a widow or widower verses someone else, I don't know about that either. Like I say, one attempt at dating and it didn't go well. We were, I felt on completely different wave lengths. I was looking to move forward and recapture this wonderful feeling of having someone, a friend, a lover, I just wanted to make out with someone and have some heavy petting action etc... (again a joke, well not really) I think she was being cautious because of the break up of her last relationship and this idea that all men want is sex. Again, my full speed ahead way of doing things was too much for her. I got to respect that but that is who I am and that is not going to change. Which brings up another point. We as older (well I am at least) folks and as widowers are not as adaptable as we were 20 years ago. We have to recognize, or should at this point be old enough to realize that we and our potential mates are going to be pretty much set in our ways. Where 20 years ago we might have been inclined to over look or even think we could change our mate or our own behavior; I am sure most of us know by now that isn't likely to happen. You have to think that another issue could be, just as I stated, we didn't divorce our spouse and were still happy and secure, comfortable as you said, with them. Kinda hard, I would imagine to compete with that. Even harder to compete with someone that has passed. At least if they are around we can point out how we are better than they are. They can't do that with us. I am sure that all of us that have lost a spouse have a tendency to have a rose colored glasses view of that relationship. Unlike dating a divorcée who left the relationship because of some problem. I know I tend to dismiss/forget the problems Cyn and I had and can only remember the good times at this point. I think we are going to have to be very careful we don't alienate potential mates by not recognizing that we are looking for that relationship we lost and their trying to avoid the one they had. I don't know if that can be resolved. I found out it can't can't be as quickly as I expected it to. Does that make any sense? BTW, I think you can have just as much commitment without marriage as with it. I had a great uncle and someone I thought was his wife that I knew for 40 years. It wasn't until he died that we all found out they were never married. Now, he left her a sizable piece of his estate, but I just use that example to say, you can have a life long commitment and provide for someone after you pass without marrying them. [Edited 9/9/2009 2:03:07 PM ]
9/9/2009 2:04:44 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV age: 52	It makes total sense. For all the reasons you state. I know for me, I would tend to move fast both because the last time I did it worked out really well, and also because I had been in a relationship and I like being in one. So if I found someone that I might be compatible with, I might rush things a bit. To the detriment of the relationship I fear because I may not see reality but rather what I would like to see. Does that make sense? And the other thing is the heavy petting action you mention. I miss that, too, I guess that would be something that may make me move faster than perhaps I should. But maybe if I know that going in, I'd be somewhat cautious. added: and I'm not older until I say I'm older. So I can't be set in my ways, yet! I may have quite a comeuppence coming to me.... [Edited 9/9/2009 2:08:30 PM ]
9/9/2009 2:53:28 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
rosmba Hagerstown, MD age: 55	Quote from lovethelake17: It makes total sense. For all the reasons you state. I know for me, I would tend to move fast both because the last time I did it worked out really well, and also because I had been in a relationship and I like being in one. So if I found someone that I might be compatible with, I might rush things a bit. To the detriment of the relationship I fear because I may not see reality but rather what I would like to see. Does that make sense? And the other thing is the heavy petting action you mention. I miss that, too, I guess that would be something that may make me move faster than perhaps I should. But maybe if I know that going in, I'd be somewhat cautious. added: and I'm not older until I say I'm older. So I can't be set in my ways, yet! I may have quite a comeuppence coming to me.... yes, of course it makes sense.
9/21/2009 4:07:31 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
tusolome Montegut, LA age: 55	the majority as I see it, is be your self as much as possible in life as well as in your profile,if someone thinks your are not for them,just remember ( as I do )you are worthy,your late spouse did liked you as well as loved you as a person...otherwise you would not be here,you would be divorced.(I have been there too,and yes...this is a far worse feeling. p.s. remember try not to cry and drive, it's hard to see.
9/21/2009 7:30:39 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
blueshortcake2 Nicholasville, KY age: 60	Interesting conversation. Many of you have mentioned the feeling of rejection. I never experienced that except in my efforts to move forward. My husband was ill for over a year before he died, we dealt with it together. He helped prepare me to move on alone. The thing I remember most and still experince at times is guilt for being the one who is still alive and able to enjoy life's special moment. Another thing I have noted most saying is," I can't move on because no one will fill his/her place". My question is -why should they be expected too? Yes, I loved my husband dearly, he has been gone thirteen years now, I finally came out of the fog about three years ago, looked around me, then realized I had wasted nearly ten years of my life. Why? Because of a memory. It was then I decided to start a new life, hopefully with someone new, in a new place and make new memories. I don't want some one to replace what I had and lost but to add to it. Think of all the time you have left to enjoy, love to give and memories to make. That is why I got on this site, one way or another, I am gooing to find someone and make it happen.
9/22/2009 7:43:09 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
mrwjd Seattle, WA age: 50	Quote from tusolome: the majority as I see it, is be your self as much as possible in life as well as in your profile,if someone thinks your are not for them,just remember ( as I do ) you are worthy,your late spouse did liked you as well as loved you as a person . p.s. remember try not to cry and drive, it's hard to see. Very good point ( tusolome ) and something I think we all need to keep in mind !! Yes , I've just been rejected again , yes , she acted like I was unworthy of her very presence , ( why is that ?? ) , and yes she decided to end this budding relationship by e - mail , not even a phone call would do !! True , like a lot of people on this thread and others have said , I think that divorced people trying to date widows / widowers is a very mis - match , indeed !! This is just my opinion and I don't mean to sound bitter , but what I need is someone who can make me see this from a different perspective !! Any thoughts on this line ?? [Edited 9/22/2009 7:49:40 AM ]
9/22/2009 11:26:16 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
mrwjd Seattle, WA age: 50	It seems to reason that a lot of the rejections that we face as widows and widowers is with the person whom contacts us . Why ?? I can't help but wonder if these people aren't really being truthful with themselves , I mean , do they really know what they personally want - out of life ?? Who do they hope to meet in here anyhow ?? A movie star ?? A fashion model ?? Who do they expect to find ?? Naturally , I'm not a movie star nor a fashion model , but I am a real human being , with real feelings and have this slightly uncommon , ( my terminology ) , thing about being a widower . So , again the question arises , who are these people trying to meet ?? Believe me , as a widower , I have asked myself a lot of hard questions after my wife passed - away , and I have given myself a lot of straight , honest answers to those questions . Obvisily , this is a foreign concept to some folks , agreed ?? [Edited 9/22/2009 11:29:15 AM ]
9/22/2009 3:13:38 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
tusolome Montegut, LA age: 55	I agree in a way,but its not some,its the vast majority of people I guess GOD just don't know how to make people any more LOL...Oops I just added another crutch...1) losing the love of my life, 2) Being physicly handicap,3) being an athiest, 4) being over 50...Oh well the people with less crutches will look like a better catch next to me.
9/25/2009 3:56:46 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
mrwjd Seattle, WA age: 50	I know this is going to sound like real harsh stuff here , ( and I'll probably get some feedback because of it ) , but when we talk about rejections that we , as widowers and widows face , mostly from divorced people , ( in my experience ) , but what these divorced types tend to forget is simply this , that they themselves were someones ' reject !! ' I mean doesn't it tend to reason that if they weren't someones reject , ( or rejected their previous spouses , which makes them the rejectee , wouldn't that still be like a party to such ?? ) , they would still be married , right ?? A widow / widower isn't someone's reject , my late wife never rejected me , in fact we promised to ' love , honor , and obey until death did us part ' and we did !! I wonder what did those divorced couples promise to do , ' love , honor and obey until the judge says the divorce is final !!' Is that how that works ?? By the way , who got the house and who got the Mercedes ?? Comments ?? [Edited 9/25/2009 4:14:27 PM ]
9/25/2009 5:39:14 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
recurve123 Mackinaw, IL age: 58	Yep! We completed the obligation. We did it. Is the pain the reward we wanted? No. But, take pride in the fact the YOU were there for the REST OF THEIR LIFE. Our situations are messy, stressful, and a real psyco-nightmare. We have fulfilled our promise and obligation. This is something WE can take pride in. That's my humble opinion........... On the accepting rejection thing,...I "see" shallow people now. Their outlook on life stands out like a becon. Don't set yourself up for a fall. Things that matter should be easy to observe after spending time with somebody.
9/25/2009 5:47:11 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
dunewolf Huntington, OR age: 65	As married couples we,as a rule, socialized with other married couples. there where boundaries we where not supposed to cross. rules we where supposed to play by. we knew those rules and boundaries. Now we are all of a sudden thrust into the world of singles, dating, divorced people. We don't know the rules, we don't have the social skills. i don't know if we even know what is considered rejection.
9/26/2009 4:17:41 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
tusolome Montegut, LA age: 55	Hey recuve123 I am glad that you are having a good moment,may you have many more.
10/3/2009 8:50:34 AM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
ron31747 Knoxville, TN age: 63	Well it takes time and it is a learning experience. I have been widowed 6 years and am finally happy with myself, sure I have been rejected and have rejected but it is not personal, its just preference. Example I don't care for really beautiful women ,just average works best for me because there are more of them and they have fewer options and are usually better people.I hope this does not offend anyone but this is just my observation. Ron
10/6/2009 3:11:11 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
tusolome Montegut, LA age: 55	Quote from ron31747: Well it takes time and it is a learning experience. I have been widowed 6 years and am finally happy with myself, sure I have been rejected and have rejected but it is not personal, its just preference. Example I don't care for really beautiful women ,just average works best for me because there are more of them and they have fewer options and are usually better people.I hope this does not offend anyone but this is just my observation. Ron From tusolome;I agree whole hartedly about beauty is inside coming out,and we can see it after spending time with someone.I just feel Unsure about opening myself up to new people,when I seldom get suport from people I know now.Case in point on her side and my side we have relations that now say"I don't owe you anything,now that vickies dead"If your relations can do that(rejection)to you at your lowest,Then I sometimes worry what a stranger will say or do.I don't know if we are allowed to have more than one soulmate,all I know is that rejection was easier to handle when Vickie was still here.
10/11/2009 1:43:47 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
angela_1 Jacksonville, FL age: 60	Hello I'm very Country, Yet grew up in several cities. Always be polite as on rule. Looking for Happiness is a chore even at this stage. But I can say one thing if I had to build my own home I know how to do it. Fix a flat I doand even cook a great Pot roast, with carrots onions and well a good apple pie(homemade). In any event finding love of heart isn't an easy task. Wish the Best to all here. Ms Angela
10/14/2009 8:02:02 PM	Trying to learn to accept rejection
marie9601 Elizabethtown, KY age: 61	ROSMBA, In my case, remarrying would place a significant financial strain on me when I retire and screw up my kids inheritance from their mother. I know several couples that are together but are not married because the government or the employers of their former spouse place restriction on SS or retirement if they remarry. I am not completely ruling out ever getting married again, but it would have to make financial sense to do so. Oh, you are soo right. I would lose my VA check and life long medical insurance. So it would not make sense for me to remarry. That is also my frame of mind at this time. But, if I were to admit this, in my opinion, most men would assume I am only a quickie. I had a good husband. I know no one could compare and I am not so cruel to myself to even try to. I just want to be wanted and loved for me.

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