for you women

11/18/2007 8:03:09 PM	for you women
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 50	1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up - put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 5. Get rid of your cat. 6. Sunday = Sports. 7. Anything you wear is fine - really. 8. Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 9. You have too many shoes. 10. Crying is blackmail. 11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 14. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers. 15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 18. If you don't dress like the Dawson Creek girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys. 19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. 23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. 24. You have enough clothes. 25. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex.
11/18/2007 8:11:10 PM	for you women
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 50	* If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry... we meant the other way. * Department stores and malls were purposely designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby. * We don't know ANYTHING about handbags. Please, don't even ask. * We DID water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. * Silence does not always need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship." * It is in neither your best interest or ours to take those stupid magazine quizzes together. * Actually, you probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. * Good things for you to help us with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. * Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, and home repair. * Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. * Curley is the bald one. * Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Cal Ripken, Michael Jordan, or Arnold Schwarzenegger, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, or Naomi Wolf are up to. * Socks never constitute a gift. * Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better. * Two hot dogs and a drink at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. * Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. * You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. * Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs. * No, you can't have the remote control. * When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, your saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.
11/27/2007 10:19:12 PM	for you women
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 50	ten ways women blow it
11/27/2007 10:20:22 PM	for you women
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 50
12/1/2007 12:31:11 PM	for you women
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 50	Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. Birth control would come in ale or lager. You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme." Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. Tanks would be far easier to rent. Garbage would take itself out. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps." Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. "Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops.(Or to the crooks.) The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle." Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. Manly One-liner of the Week I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Manly Quote of the Week "Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from my girlfriend. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert." - Unknown
12/5/2007 11:06:14 PM	for you women
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 50
12/13/2007 10:34:39 PM	for you women
jrrygrss Moline, IL age: 52	dont know where you got all of them but they are great, keep up the good work!!!!
12/16/2007 2:47:18 PM	for you women
linuxian Dunedin, FL age: 36	That's some funny shit right there!
12/18/2007 11:17:57 AM	for you women
rphoenix411 Rapid City, SD age: 32	another thing to add is get rid of the materialistic behavior it dont impress us guys its a big turn off. we want a woman who will love us for who we are not because of our wallet size!! that means no expecting gifts all the time or jewelery, or money, or clothes etc. only love and faithfulness as well as respect. can i get a amen somebody??? [Edited 12/18/2007 4:01:57 PM]
12/19/2007 8:19:14 PM	for you women
jeremyscott Louisville, KY age: 22	Very funny stuff and very true. AMEN! Thanks for the great post!
12/19/2007 10:13:25 PM	for you women
hodag Little Suamico, WI age: 55	Amen...Amen...Amen!!!!!!!!!
1/8/2008 3:14:28 PM	for you women
gemmi89 Dallas, TX age: 18	Here's another one for you: When using "that thing," as the name for an object you want me to get for you, it's as much a mystery to me where it is as to you.
1/8/2008 4:05:13 PM	for you women
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 43	lost! amen brother!
1/9/2008 7:26:52 PM	for you women
matonman New South Wales Australia age: 47	Funny funny shit lost, lovin ya work there, sad but true hey...why dont some women understand that once men have been thru the mill, been husbands and fathers for 15-20 years we may be a little shy of a repeat?...we hit 40 and think well i've done all that shit, put all my own interests on hold while i did it and now want to persue whats important to me. Just because we dont wish to remarry or even live with a woman dont mean we cant still spend time with them...I wld rather see some one because i wanted to rather than see them because i had no option if i wanted to be at home...viva living alone!!!!
1/10/2008 12:21:16 PM	for you women
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55	A Secret Women Know But Men Don't By David DeAngelo I'd like to tell you a story... It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed. Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her. But there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage. There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue. But something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him. After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way. So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he was felt. He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...". This only confused the man more. He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long- term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt? He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings. And then the unthinkable happened. She didn't reply. He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up... ...but he never got a call back. Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened. THE END

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