i would like some help with this problem

6/4/2009 3:57:33 AM	i would like some help with this problem
soogielips Cincinnati, OH age: 51	here we go, im going to give y'all the readers digest condensed version of the latest news. relax i didnt get married again for chits and giggles, tee-heeee-heeeee! so...there is no "hubby-number-five" at least none that i can remember anyhow...... several months ago, jim and i got back together and believe it or not folks, i..."le-witch" was honest with jim. i confessed all of my wrong doings to him, and he did the same. so all of our dirty laundry was sorted, washed, wrung out, and hung up to dry! i really did mend my wayward-ways, meaning that i was honest with him about each and every one of my past indescretions! not that it is a huge surprise, but he was just as honest with me about his misdeeds as well. this was what we needed to do in order to give this relationship more than a snowballs chance in hell, of surviving! now folks...it wasn't a contest on which one of us were the naughtiest, because it certainly wasn't. but to be quite frank about it, we were both just terrible! my misdeeds were not very nice and that is just putting it mildly! so in order to make this short and sweet, (sha-right!).....i stopped stepping out on him. i stopped hiding from him, everytime the "M" word was mentioned and i actually made a commitment and i really did stick by it. yes you heard it here first...i really gave it my all and i put us first as a couple, before anyone or anything else. i really felt like we were in a really good place as far as our relationship was concerned. even my mother has noticed that my behavior has improved about 92%. (come on, nobody is perfect!) my favorite breed of dogs are the miniture schnauzers and i lost ralphie in march and i really took this hard. so what did jim do? he went out and bought me another one and his name is: "Sir Orbert James Sachs" without going into too much information, jim said something to me about my mother moving into his mama's house where she would get 24-7 assisted living and all of this would be "RENT-FREE"!! so myself being myself, i finally mustered up enough courage to ask him: "okay jim, what do you plan to do about me? because basically i am at your condominiam for several days at a time 24-7. now folks, normally i would never have asked this question to him, for fear of him starting the dreaded "M" word conversation, which petrifies me!!!! but the brave little soul that i have become since doing this "relationship gig" with him in an honest manner,without the games that people sometimes play in relationships....asked this question to him! where-upon he looked at me and said: " i guess you could move into my mother's house along with your mom." this is where y'all come in...any advice and/or opinions are welcome! jim's mother was diagnosed, after tests with alzheimer's disease, that day! this is why we were at the dr's office....to get results from the dr. she has three surviving children. one lives in arizona, his sister lives in risingson, indiana and jim lives 20 minutes away from her home. so needless to say, this woman could put the "crunch" on their lifestyles. this idea was presented to me fifteen minutes after we left the dr's office! now all i can think is this: that poor woman raised four children, his older brother was killed in vietnam and there are several shrines in her house and everytime i visit her she tells me about "jimmy's brother" that was killed in vietnam way back when! of the three surviving children she has, not a one of them are willing to sell their home in order to move back home to care for their mama! now the sister is willing to have mama move into her home, in east bum-fu**-afganistan! no neighbors around her for miles! this woman has lived in cincinnati,ohio all her life and now that she has this dreaded disease....the daughter is willing to let mama move into her home! how very sweet of her. shame on all of them, because mama isnt willing to do the asisted living gig in some home, somewhere! she wants to stay in her home and i dont blame her! shame on these brats that she spoiled and raised with the phylosify fo the following which is a direct qote: "If you cant spoil your children,then why the hell would oneself have them to begin with!" she is a dear lady, but jim's answer to all this is to move my mama, myself into her home! which tells me that he has changed his mind and doesnt want a life with me after-all! do i think i piddled around to long and now it is to late, as he doesnt want the house, white picketed fence around it, and Sir Obert in the front yard...yapping away!! to put it mildly, after a couple of weeks thinking about this dilimma they are in, i have decided that i am pissed off! so what is everyone's opinion on this matter? as far as i am concerned, i am done! you could put a fork in me!!! witchy
6/4/2009 4:13:28 AM	i would like some help with this problem
huronearth Beulah, MI age: 56	That sounds so complicated. If you are saying that he is offering that you and your mom and your dog all move in with his mom, rent-free... that isn't an offer made lightly by a man. He's certainly not trying to get you out of his life... doesn't sound like an ideal situation, for you, though... and, considering your personality... would probably drive you right out of your mind in about one day... but, I don't know any of the people or details or real, actual circumstances. Sounds like your life is a lot more exciting than mine, though... Good luck...
6/4/2009 4:19:25 AM	i would like some help with this problem
taxlady Florence, SC age: 58	hey witchy. sorry but I can't help you with this, but I wish you luck
6/4/2009 4:25:51 AM	i would like some help with this problem
kipkeno Tipp City, OH age: 55	Life leads down many path and no one is perfect, but I do believe in my heart that family is very important regardless of their pass. I could share many examples, but responding is what you need so here we go. Putting someone in a home should only be done as a very very very last resort. Mother and Father brought you into to world, made many sacafices for you, so now it is time for them to make one for Mother. To directly ask you to move into Mothers after 15 minutes of finding out the sitituation, would lead me to consider this an issue. I would think the having a family meeting, with you involved would be a better plan. (would be an issue in my mind) Bearing you dirty hiden secrets and Jim doing the same is a wonderful tool that I do think that couples need to do so that you are building a relationship on a solid foundation. I commend you both, but it does sound like that was a process of doing the right thing for him, not from the heart. (I am an outsider so I can't be sure)(would be the second issue in my mind) Then we have him not moving in with you. Again, if you are suppose to be together whether is is the "M" or not, him not moving in causes me to stop in my tracks. (This would be the third and final issue with me). I wish you the best and gave you some food for thought. I am just a sigle old man looking for love with a women who wants to be love and not not part time, but with my brain which still works, I would have to say. Three strikes and you are out. Thanks Just me.
6/4/2009 4:46:49 AM	i would like some help with this problem
daddydeep Walterboro, SC age: 67	Hi Witchy, Well Dear I hope you do NOT accept the position as full time Nurse/Care giver that has been offered, the idea of a of you two having a "relationship" was with Jim , not his newly diagnosed mother.Of COURSE the kids do not want to give up thewir lifestyles, why should they if for just room and board they can have their "Dearly beloved Mamma" taken care of by strangers who will have to listen to all the worshipping stories of the long dead brother. Lauren, take care of yourself and YOUR Mom, the hell with getting sucked into a false relationship.If a decision could be made in 15 minutes after hearing the Drs. diagnosis, then Jim and his siblings had already talked about the option of "YOU" beforehand. Take care little one, but it does not saound like this is your white picket fence guy. (Unlerss its around a rest home. By the way, I took care of my Dad till his death in 1974 who had altzheimers, it was 8 years of hell Dear.
6/4/2009 4:54:37 AM	i would like some help with this problem
newlady2 Goldsboro, NC age: 72	Daddeeeee you echoed the words I wanted to tell her thanks....I took care of my own mother for many years..and then my husband-its no easy task..
6/4/2009 5:20:12 AM	i would like some help with this problem
daddydeep Walterboro, SC age: 67	Hi Margaret, I know Dear, my Dad was a retired Penna Railroader who had a country wide travel pass in his pocket, I would get calls from my ex when I was at Sec Ser HQ telling me my Dad had taken off on another 'Road Trip' to points unknown, then I would have to wait for the phone call as to which hospital he had signed himself into for "neglected health problems" lol, it was usually Philly or Chicago as he had spent some of his youth there. It is a hard thing to deal with on your own for your own, let alone to commit to a stanger.My heart goes out to our members when I read what they are doing with their parents, been there, done that.
6/4/2009 5:37:44 AM	i would like some help with this problem
slowdancn Azle, TX age: 56	There is some very good advice here from those who already answered and I have to agree. There are also too many red flags here for me, I wouldn't do it. God bless you
6/4/2009 5:43:02 AM	i would like some help with this problem
likealaff Roanoke, VA age: 58	Sounds to me that he stands to save quite a bit of money on this deal. If he and his siblings had to hire a care-giver to live with Mom, It would cost mega bucks, $600-$1,000 per week. Or worse, if she moves into a nursing home, they will take her house and everything she has to boot. And the state WILL NOT let her live alone. You provide care for Mom. He saves a bundle and retains inheritance rights to the home some day. Even though she does not want to move from her home, she cannot be allowed to make all the decisions as she has Altheimer's. They should pack Mom up and move whatever is necessary to the daughter's house, as she is the only one that has volunteered. They could rent her house out. And if the daughter does this, she should get a proportionate amount of the inheritance in return for the care-giving. It will not be easy on her and she will have to make many sacrifices.
6/4/2009 6:59:48 AM	i would like some help with this problem
ellyrockdaway Rockaway Beach, MO age: 57	Witchy, not knowing your whole, real situation (though you laid a lot out there!) lol! I think only YOU can know what's best for you, and I wish you well in your decision. Elly (Now where's that crystal ball when you need it, aye?)
6/4/2009 7:58:13 AM	i would like some help with this problem
settee_for_2 Flower Mound, TX age: 56	Witchy, I don't know you or your situation either but I would have to say (since you asked in an open forum) that your guy is not willing to make a commitment to you for the long term at this time or any other time, for that matter, other than room and board at his Momma's house. I agree with another poster that it sounds like a fine arrangement for the family to have the 'problem' taken care of and won't disrupt their lives in the least to have you and your Momma take care of their Mother. I can only assume that you are currently living with your Momma and if she were to move into the other Momma's house, you would be without a home. I think everybody ought to take care of their respective Mommas and either continue on with your fella knowing full well it will not progress beyond what you have now or declare your independence from the relationship and leave him to deal with his family situation without you.
6/4/2009 8:43:46 AM	i would like some help with this problem
sweetpotato3 Albion, IN age: 59	Think about why you think this is a good idea or a bad idea write down the good and the bad Then decide which is best for you....Please do not jump without putting on a life jacket...May it all work out for you....
6/4/2009 9:53:27 AM	i would like some help with this problem
21stcent South Prairie, WA age: 57 online now!	What does your Mom think about this? I think Jim had been thinking about this for awhile, more then the fifteen minutes. My opinion? Let his family take care of this, move in with the daughter, sell the mothers house so their are funds for Jims mothers care.
6/4/2009 10:23:55 AM	i would like some help with this problem
nancytwox2 Berkeley Springs, WV age: 52	I think Daddy nailed it! Got to ask why would you want to live under someone else’s roof with two elderly women with medical problems? I know when I had to move in with my parents to help them it was very hard living under that roof, you have to give up a lot of control but at the same time run the house. You are forever doing things behind the parents backs because they think they can still run the house, the bills, the doctors appointments ect. Is Jim giving up the 24 7 nursing care for his mom when you move in, if so I would warm you not to do it. The care needed for someone with Alzheimer is never ending and mounting. I guess if I and my mom were homeless and penniless and living on the streets I might think about the offer of free rent and board but other than that I would have to say no thanks. If Jim intended to keep the 24 7 nurse for his mom and they did not charge extra for your mom well maybe. But it still sounds like you would be running the house and dealing with a lot of things that you wont be able to control.
6/4/2009 10:42:31 AM	i would like some help with this problem
see2 Wichita, KS age: 52	DD your like a rock here i swear cause you know i dont get much, but the first thought in my ittty bitty brain was in home care. ive been helping my friend and i know it seem selfish of me not knowing witchy at all to think that, but adult care aint easy. witchy im sorry if i thought wrong cause my itty bitty brain best wishes to you in your decisions making

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