Why am I still here???

6/5/2009 2:22:49 PM	Why am I still here???
missingron North Richland Hills, TX age: 51	It's been a little over two months. I thought I was doing better, but today I just can't make any sense of it! Why do I have to stay here without him? My kids are grown and on their own. Waking up every morning with the reality that I am not laying next to him is just becoming more than I can bear. A co-worker from the job I had when Ron and I met emailed me a picture today from the Christmas party in 2003 when we announced our engagement. We looked so happy in that picture. I posted it on my profile here. At that moment, I believed I would be happy forever. I had finally gotten it right! After two failed marraiges, God had given me this wonderful gift of Exactly the Right Man! I know all of the pat answers. "We won't understand until we get to the other side." Well....let's go! Let's do like the people in the movie Cocoon and take a boat ride into forever land. It hurts too bad here. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I just don't like it here anymore. Someone tell me when this is going to stop! missingron
6/5/2009 6:36:24 PM	Why am I still here???
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID age: 56	Oh Sweetie..I can't tell you how long it took me to not want to come home and share my day...I would still like to,but I have finally accepted the fact that he's not here...It's been 2 years now..and I have finally started looking ...no-one will take his place,but I have too much love to give to keep it bottled up.I have known women who have re-married in six months...and I have known women that still talk "we" after six years...Only you will know when you are ready...Here is more hugs....they do help...and always a shoulder to cry on...Carol
6/5/2009 7:55:48 PM	Why am I still here???
missingron North Richland Hills, TX age: 51	Thanx Carol. My 22 year old daughter went to East Texas to her grandparents lake house with some friends and I was, of course, conserned for their safety. She just called me crying and said that they were all talking at once and all of a sudden they all just got quiet and she said, "Ron's here, I gotta call my mom." She said that she just knew that he was there watching over them and that he wanted her to call me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I guess he knew how down I was this afternoon and how badley I needed to hear something good. You are just a jewel when it comes to understanding, Carol. I have really appreciated your kindess here. Thank you! Shawn
6/5/2009 8:01:42 PM	Why am I still here???
ms_lowery Lincoln, IL age: 54	missingron: I know how you feel,it's been almost 2 yrs for me (in November)the best way,is to think on the good things,we will never stop missing them completely and there will be days and moments we can not help but cry,remembering them. (It's ok to cry,it's ok to miss them) It's hard sometimes to accept or believe that they are really gone. Always remember part of him will live on in you;the memories, the smiles,the tears. For the first few weeks n months, I still talked to him as though he were here,guess it was just a coping thing. I know there are support groups out there but I didn't go....... I've asked that same question,why am I the one left? I'm sure other widows have asked this and men as well..... Actually since being on these forums ,is the most I have openly shared with others,it has helped. We need someone to talk to and having others around who are going through the same thing helps.... In time we will be ok,we will come to terms with it and begin enjoying life again,I see simple things and smile,knowing,he'd of enjoyed this or that. He'd want you to be happy,be "you" and continue on living........ till it's time for us to go..... I think of the movie Ghost and wonder if he can see me,hear me sometimes......there are so many unknowns. Love conquers them all. So remember the love,as in that movie(Ghost),remember he said, the love is there,he still felt it! Also remember God is LOVE and only wants what's best for you,he's as close as your next breathe. I wish you the peace that surpasses understanding in this situation...... Cynthia
6/6/2009 1:25:06 PM	Why am I still here???
lothlore Greensburg, PA age: 54	Quote from missingron: It's been a little over two months. I thought I was doing better, but today I just can't make any sense of it! Why do I have to stay here without him? My kids are grown and on their own. Waking up every morning with the reality that I am not laying next to him is just becoming more than I can bear. A co-worker from the job I had when Ron and I met emailed me a picture today from the Christmas party in 2003 when we announced our engagement. We looked so happy in that picture. I posted it on my profile here. At that moment, I believed I would be happy forever. I had finally gotten it right! After two failed marraiges, God had given me this wonderful gift of Exactly the Right Man! I know all of the pat answers. "We won't understand until we get to the other side." Well....let's go! Let's do like the people in the movie Cocoon and take a boat ride into forever land. It hurts too bad here. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I just don't like it here anymore. Someone tell me when this is going to stop! missingron Hi missing , and Hugs One thing you can be sure of,most of us here know exactly what you mean. I remember that feeling of "not liking it here anymore". It is very good that you are talking about it and I encourage you to do so as often and as much as you need too,until it passes,and,it will,in your own time and God's good grace. As to the "pat" answers,though the ones who do it mean well,unless they have gone through it,they dont know how un-comforting,and in fact often-irritating it feels to hear those things. That pass's too-though "when" is different for us all. [Edited 6/6/2009 1:25:36 PM PST]
6/6/2009 1:49:56 PM	Why am I still here???
missingron North Richland Hills, TX age: 51	Thank you all so much! I am feeling quite a bit better today. You are so right, it really does help to hear from you guys who have been there. I decided that I need a "mission". Ron and I had always wanted to find some land and volunteer to be a foster home to abused and neglected horses. Neither of us had much experience except for riding with friends as teenagers, but we would pull over and just watch every time we drove past a pasture of horses. They seem to have healing power just looking at them. I have found an old farmhouse with four acres to rent that will allow me to carry on the dream. I have contacted a volunteer group here in the area and they will be helping me set the place up for it. Knowing that I have something to do that will be a positive force has really picked me up. I'm sure that I will meet new friends in the process, too. What is it that they say?? Help yourself by helping others. I'm sure that I will still have "those days", but at least now I have a direction and a plan. I might as well do some good while I'm here waiting, huh?? Thanx again for listening and caring, Shawn
6/6/2009 2:18:10 PM	Why am I still here???
connier Nampa, ID age: 61	good for you. it will really help your healing process. nice to have such a dream to follow. good luck
6/7/2009 12:57:12 AM	Why am I still here???
lothlore Greensburg, PA age: 54	Quote from missingron: Thank you all so much! I am feeling quite a bit better today. You are so right, it really does help to hear from you guys who have been there. I decided that I need a "mission". Ron and I had always wanted to find some land and volunteer to be a foster home to abused and neglected horses. Neither of us had much experience except for riding with friends as teenagers, but we would pull over and just watch every time we drove past a pasture of horses. They seem to have healing power just looking at them. I have found an old farmhouse with four acres to rent that will allow me to carry on the dream. I have contacted a volunteer group here in the area and they will be helping me set the place up for it. Knowing that I have something to do that will be a positive force has really picked me up. I'm sure that I will meet new friends in the process, too. What is it that they say?? Help yourself by helping others. I'm sure that I will still have "those days", but at least now I have a direction and a plan. I might as well do some good while I'm here waiting, huh?? Thanx again for listening and caring, Shawn So very important to "do" something-it's amazing, God can be standing by,as He always is,ready to help and heal,but,if we wont take a step to start walking in that path of Grace,we wont get the healings,blessings,whatevers that we need.By stepping out as you are planning to do,you put yourself in position to be not only healed,but Blessed. I promise You,for every tiniest bit we give to God,he gives back,in an over-flowing way. God Bless You,Missing,and everyone here.
6/7/2009 1:37:29 AM	Why am I still here???
connier Nampa, ID age: 61	our grief counselor said that time does not heal, God heals if we cooperate..
6/7/2009 2:04:51 AM	Why am I still here???
lothlore Greensburg, PA age: 54	Quote from connier: our grief counselor said that time does not heal, God heals if we cooperate.. couldnt have said it better-very true
6/7/2009 3:10:13 AM	Why am I still here???
connier Nampa, ID age: 61	I was not told of the grief classes when my husband died in Sept. of 06, but when the boyfriend died on June 8 of 08, a friend told me to call about them. they really did help me understand better, and being among people going thru the same feelings did help alot. I also learned that grieving is forever, but mourning is for now to get rid of all the bad feelings inside. I highly recommend all to seek this help. it does not help take away the hurt, but it does help you move forward easier.
6/8/2009 6:11:36 PM	Why am I still here???
match60 Whitehall, WI age: 60	So Sorry for your loss. I lost my Ron in 2002 to Lung Cancer at age 60. It was out second marriage and he was the love of my life. We worked and played hard and had a good 23 years together. I feel you need counseling...I did not think I did but after 3 years of crying I went to the doc and also went to group. It made me appreciate all the time I did have with him. I have moved on and my "friend" understands how I feel and accepts my talking about him and how much I loved him. I still miss him and wonder sometimes how things would have been on our retirement years. But God did not have that plan for us so here I am. I have had a good "starting over". Good luck to you on your "starting over". Your Ron will bewatching over you and helping you along the way as mine has. Linda
6/10/2009 5:33:55 PM	Why am I still here???
songlady Apache Junction, AZ age: 60	Hi, missingron, I know how difficult it is to deal with the recent death of a spouse. My husband died 2 months ago after battling a progressive lung disease for 9 years. We were only married for 11 years when he passed away - so all the hopes, plans and dreams we had when we got married were never to be realized. It was not a first marriage for either of us - in fact, we both were several years out of horrible marriages when we met. I think that's why God put us together: to show us what a marriage should be like. He told me many times over the last couple of years that he didn't want me to mourn for him but to get on with my life and be happy. I was so focused on his illness and taking care of him over the last 3 years that I lost myself. It was like I had the disease right along with him. Our lives were so limited because he had to be on oxygen 24/7 and over the last year, we seldom even went out to visit friends. I break down and cry sometimes when I least expect it - something as innocent as driving down a particular street can set it off; or a song; or sitting around talking to some mutual friends. But, then I remember how much he was suffering and how he asked me to tell him it was okay to let go that night at the Hospice, and I know that the Lord does all things at the proper time. Time heals but don't let anyone ever tell you that you have to erase the memories. We need to keep the good menories because that's the very thing that prompts us to sign up on a site like this one. We are the lucky ones who know what a good relationship is and we want it again. Hugs

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