| 10/1/2009 10:17:35 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jen_w
Oceanside, CA
age: 26
|
| 1. yes; when ever he wants |
| 2. yes; supervised visits |
| 3. don"t know |
| 4. hell no; never |
ok ... my husband (soon to be ex) is now in hawaii so i don't have to worry about it at this moment ... but here is the situation:
on saturday (9/26) i told him that he needed to come home and spend sometime with his son and that if he did not, for him not to come home till he came to pack (we agreed on monday {9/28} @ noon) and that if he showed up before that someone needed to be there. well he showed up on sunday (9/27) @ around 7pm asking for some of his things ... i then calmly told him that i would bring it to him, and for him to stay at the door... when i brought his things to him he grabed my arms and threw me in to the door in order to get in... during the time that he was in the house he threw me into the walls several times, and on to the couch and floor, he also locked me in the back room mean while my son is in the kitchen listening to all of this and seeing some of it.
i am not sure what to do  . i am not even sure i should even let him see his son ...  vote and explain your answer
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| 10/1/2009 11:06:01 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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perfectcell1718
Mesa, AZ
age: 29
|
Hey you. I hope that you are doing okay... that's a really bad situation to be in and I'm glad to see you decided to get out. The first thing you should do is file a police report. The second thing is to get all the necessary paper work together and file appropriately at your local family court. If you need guidance your in a forum full of experts and I'd even be willing to help you. Establish your order to give him supervised visits in a public setting due to the abuse. As much as it sucks that he is an abusive spouse, he does deserve to see his child if he is willing UNLESS he has a history of abuse toward the child as well. If so, you should request he seek counseling, anger management, and parenting classes before he can even see his child... and you may want to do that anyway due to the current circumstance. In a world where ny fathers are absent and don't care about their children at all he at least wants to see him, but make sure he is working on being a mentally healthy person before you let him be an influence in your child's life... because that is what your child will see in his father.
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| 10/2/2009 6:23:53 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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serendipity5311
Great Falls, MT
age: 42
|
prefectcell gave you very good advise. If you haven't already done what he suggested, you need to do so now.
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| 10/2/2009 8:46:08 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jen_w
Oceanside, CA
age: 26
|
thanks ... very helpful ... i have filed a police report ... and i have reported it to his comand and to other people on base (yes he is military) ... thanks for the idea of the parenting classes and such ... that is very helpful ...
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| 10/2/2009 1:54:12 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
somethingrare
Abilene, TX
age: 47
|
Military will make sure you get your child support. Until the divorce they'll also make sure you get the BAQ if you keep them involved.
If something like that happens on post they could take actions against him themselves. Military does not like spouse abuse. I knew a man that spent 30 days extra duty and locked up on post.
If you forbid the father to see the son, your son will end up hating you. If the courts go through with forbidding you can explain its out of your hands. Kids are sensitive to parents fighting. Never, "NEVER!" bad mouth his father. Keep your dislikes to yourself or among those you can talk to, but don't let your son hear you saying anything bad. Also ask others around you not to talk bad about his father. The child will respect you more.
You need a restraint against him to prevent him near you and a third party to deliver child to him. I can't recall the Term for it. It basically neans your bad chemistry when near each other.
As for frequency? That should be up to the Judge that handles the divorce. And should anything happen to the child make sure it also goes to the courts instantly.
Sometimes after a year or two the other partner will cool down and not be so bad. Just remember you both have bad chemistry and just because it gets better doesn't mean its okay to start over.
Wish you best of luck and remember. "Don't do anything on your own. Use Lawyers and Police and Document everything for any possible future issues."
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| 10/2/2009 3:03:55 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
d_voted
Winnipeg, MB
age: 57
|
ok ... my husband (soon to be ex) is now in hawaii so i don't have to worry about it at this moment ... but here is the situation:
You have a husband - you are on a single's site.
You think that may cause some stress?
Both of you need to cool down - get individual counselling and part without using the child as a bargaining chip.
Grow up. My ex-wife tried to keep me from seeing my eldest daughter. It backfired as now that she is in her twenties she seeks my counsel and doesn't trust or respect her mother. There is much more history behind that but all I am saying is get professional health help for yourself if you really are interested in the child's welfare.
He will do what he has to - or not - it isn't in your control.
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| 10/2/2009 3:38:59 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
jen_w
Oceanside, CA
age: 26
|
they only reason that we are still married (on paper) is that neather of us have the money to file (only at the moment) .... he was sleeping around months before i even thought of moving on (hence i am here)...
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| 10/2/2009 5:36:51 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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knightryder77
Middleburg, FL
age: 55
|
As we all know, there are three sides to every story, her side, his side and the truth. Not knowing what both sides of the story, its hard to comment. I will say this, In a divorce children should not be used as bargaining chips and be swayed toward one parent or the other. If he is supporting the child then he is entitled to see his child as long as he is not abusive to the child. What dictates that the mother is always the better parent?
And no, the military will not give you his BAQ, but they will go after him if he is not supporting his child. I retired from the military and was in the military and my ex tried all that hogwash be listening to "sea lawyers". but to no avail.
For the child's sake be civil to one another in front of the child and learn to give a little to show good faith. Hate is such a terrible thing and is something we must not instill in our children.
Good luck and God Speed
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| 10/3/2009 5:21:12 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
tryagaindj68
Evansville, IN
age: 42
|
With supervised visitation, your son can spend time with his dad, and you can feel safe knowing the visit will end if your ex does or says anything that might hurt your son.
My situation never got that bad, but we're slowly rebuilding relations between my son and his dad after nearly 7 years apart. Feel free to email me and vent until you don't hurt anymore. ((hugs))
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| 10/3/2009 5:55:28 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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nana_honey1
Montgomery, AL
age: 58
|
Someone mentioned that as long as he is paying child support, he should have visitation. However, nonsupport is not a reason for withholding visitation; they are two separate legal issues. You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Also, just a reminder that visitations have to be scheduled with you. If he shows up at any time other than the schedule, don't open the door. If he refuses to leave, call the police.
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| 10/3/2009 4:35:34 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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knightryder77
Middleburg, FL
age: 55
|
Can I email yoy try, I need hugs too!   
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| 10/3/2009 7:29:52 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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tryagaindj68
Evansville, IN
age: 42
|
Aww, shucks! ((hugs))
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| 10/3/2009 10:48:23 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jen_w
Oceanside, CA
age: 26
|
With supervised visitation, your son can spend time with his dad, and you can feel safe knowing the visit will end if your ex does or says anything that might hurt your son.
My situation never got that bad, but we're slowly rebuilding relations between my son and his dad after nearly 7 years apart. Feel free to email me and vent until you don't hurt anymore. ((hugs))
no he is apologising to me ... i think he just wants me to stop with telling the military what he did.... grrrrrr
it has been a nightmare ... i just want to start over... new friends, new life ... but i would never take my son out of the equasion... like some people are trying to say ... really is time to start over ...
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| 10/4/2009 5:42:47 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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goods61
Euclid, OH
age: 49
|
You have no choice but to let him see his son unless it is court ordered that he can not.
Even if the does not pay childsupport he has still visitation rights.
It's time for you to grow up and look at the best interest of your child, just because he was a less then stelar husband does not make him a crappy father. Put your feelings aside and get over it, file the papers necessary, i.e. police reports, custody papers, seperation papers, the court will give a court default visitation, that is the minimal visitation he has a right to if the parents can not agree themselfs.
Kids should not be a token in a nasty relationship or divorce.
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| 10/4/2009 3:20:46 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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1krazlatina
Phoenix, AZ
age: 26
|
I am currently going through the same thing but my sistuation is a lot worse! my soon to be ex husband will NEVER see my son again!!! if you ever need to talk just let me know..and with the divorce depending on how they r run where u live..they can wave all of the filing costs for u! thats what i did!!
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| 10/12/2009 4:33:20 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
emleexoxo
Grand Rapids, MI
age: 25
|
My son's father became violent with me towards the end of our relationship so I know how you feel. My feelings on this are that if he can physically harm you, he can do the same to your child. Its only a matter of time. My son will never, ever see his father again. I will do evrything I possibly can to keep my child from getting hurt. I am sorry to see that another woman has to make this choice. Be strong.
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| 10/12/2009 6:48:45 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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teamglock24
Plymouth, PA
age: 26
|
and post his addy. lol.. im sure there is a a few guys out there that believe any male that lays his hands on a lady deserves to get his a** whooped including me. I think we can handle it better then the cops..lol...j/k.. file a p.f.a against his sorry ass. that will teach him
also the best thing is to walk away now. Cause its only gonna get worse.. Even with counseling you cant help someone who doesn't want help. You need to worry about yourself and your son. Once an abuser always an abuser
[Edited 10/12/2009 6:52:06 PM ]
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| 10/13/2009 4:28:26 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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pickles83
Glens Falls, NY
age: 26
|
No parent should ever be kept from seeing there child, unless they are a threat to them either physicaly or emotionaly. I grew up without a dad and it sucked. All children need a father. I really wish that the court system would see it that way.
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| 10/13/2009 6:17:08 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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teamglock24
Plymouth, PA
age: 26
|
No parent should ever be kept from seeing there child, unless they are a threat to them either physicaly or emotionaly. I grew up without a dad and it sucked. All children need a father. I really wish that the court system would see it that way.
your right but some guys aren't fit to be fathers... i grew up with out a dad also.. but I believe if you dont wanna step up from day 1 then don't be involved ever. See thats the problem with some guys. they wanna make the babies but dont wanna raise them until there old enough to hang out and do guys things. like around age 5. Bullshit your either there from day 1 or dont bother. I raised my lil one from day 1 and never have or plan on turning my back on her. So step up and be a real man not a young kid...
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| 10/14/2009 8:15:31 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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evilena
Rexford, KS
age: 25
|
I am in the same position. The father of my daughter who is 2 months old was abusive. I am questioning wether or not i should let him be a part of her life. He is a woman beater. I say follow your heart and protect yorur child. Press charges on the SOB. I DID
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| 10/17/2009 10:12:10 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
alwaysm3
New Orleans, LA
age: 29
|
my situation not the same but i had filed a tro "temporary restraining order" against my husband it last 18 months but you need to get help go to family court and get a restraining order. if he doesnt show anger like this around his son, but you are frighten that he may harm your child, you can get a supervised person to go with your child when he sees his dad. the court will appoint someone, but if he's in hawaii.. nah i wouldnt let him see him because if some things go down, i dont know what airline, trainstation, or greyhound would let you go 'packing' without arresting you for attempted..... you know the rest. but get legal aid help... if i would have read this earlier i coulda got some of my info for you, some people you could try contacting
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| 11/1/2009 8:33:23 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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latara
Gardiner, ME
age: 35
|
in The end the on you are hurting Is your son by Not letting Him see his Father.
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| 11/1/2009 9:52:49 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jmtallblonde
Mayer, AZ
age: 28
|
I need more info... is this a normal thing for him? granted putting your hands on any persons body is wrong, but how is he with his child? Situations such as splits or divorces get's the emotions going and people act differently when their emotions are involved... so back to my original questions; is this a normal way for him to act? how is he with his child? Befor this incident did you feel comfortable leaving your child with him? You need to look at the big picture not just a snap shot...only you can really answer this question... Good luck to all of you
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| 11/1/2009 2:14:17 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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chyrei
Washington, DC
age: 46
|
Do whatever you have to to protect you and your child. Abusers should never have access to any child. You and your child's welfare should always come first.
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| 11/3/2009 10:55:57 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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midntdrm
Longmont, CO
age: 33
|
You should check out the "(760) 757-3500 - 1963 Apple St, Oceanside, CA" They can help you.
He is scared you will go to the military and report his abuse. You can even go to his CO and report his abuse. If he abused you this time there will be more. Was it something he grewup seeing. Was his father abusive to his mother? Was he abused? Sometimes it is a cycle. He wont change that until he understand that it is wrong and wants to change. Saying he will and doing are two different things.
If he cant control his anger then supervised visitation is best for him when he is seeing your son. If he has a history of domestic violence then you need to report him. File charges. Get a RTO against him. There is no reason for him to treat you the way he did. California has domestic violence laws. Go to the local Family Service court.
Next time he comes over you should have a policeman or sheriff there.
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| 11/5/2009 3:09:25 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
bearfan71
Mineral Point, WI
age: 39
|
ok ... my husband (soon to be ex) is now in hawaii so i don't have to worry about it at this moment ... but here is the situation:
You have a husband - you are on a single's site.
You think that may cause some stress?
Both of you need to cool down - get individual counselling and part without using the child as a bargaining chip.
Grow up. My ex-wife tried to keep me from seeing my eldest daughter. It backfired as now that she is in her twenties she seeks my counsel and doesn't trust or respect her mother. There is much more history behind that but all I am saying is get professional health help for yourself if you really are interested in the child's welfare.
He will do what he has to - or not - it isn't in your control.
First thing she is married for the time being theres plenty of married people on here. It is in her control D(and the courts) Your looking at this from your situation(you wont say) HEALTH help? its not a virus d. Noway in hell i'd let him see the child without supervision until its all worked out in the system. If the father truly wants to see his kid he will do whatever it takes.
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| 12/1/2009 1:10:40 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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hazerhayes
Saint Louis, MO
age: 39
|
Be verry carefull it seems like u have some pretty good advice here hell some of these people should take over for Dr Fill wish the best for you and your son.I had a lot of problems as well but like the one guy said from day one or none I was there to cut the cord that was a hard 8 years ago and me and my x still hate each other but the kid is not involved when she is around I tell her how lucky she is to have a MOM like she does.Best of luck.Pat
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| 12/1/2009 3:56:41 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
|
honest_n_free
Bismarck, ND
age: 42
|
I need the truth, not just one viewpoint. The court will decide, they will have more facts and evidence than I have.
I agree with the three sides to every story, Hers, his and the truth.
Abuse doesn't know the boundaries of gender (men and women are both capable of it.)
Abuse dose have the tendency of being passed on to the children by the abusive parent's example in front of the kids. The kids LEARN the behavior from the abusive parent and frequently grow into one themselves. The Chain of Abuse, must be broken before the children start to mimic the behavior and become the next link in the chain.
Don't try to help the controlling depressed spouse, GET OUT!
(one of there common demands is that YOU find help for THEM)
Don't believe the abusive spouse's hollow promise to seek counseling and get better! They are just lies so they can continue to manipulate, control, and abuse.
Get out and get counseling.
After my spouse had me become the full time homemaker,isolated me from family, friends, and former coworkers, convinced our daughter to participate when yelling, cursing, and pushing me to the floor. Then tried to convince me I was crazy and at fault for the abuse she went through during her childhood.
I finally went for counseling. I wasn't crazy, just abused. It's hard to admit it, face
it, and make it stop. You must!
As a military spouse there is a lot of counseling available.
The UCMJ (Uniformed Code for Military Justice) is far more harsh than the civilian legal system against abusers, and more open in the admittance of evidence of the abuse.
Also (in rare cases of false charges) more open in the admittance of evidence that proves the allegations of abuse are false, the truth is found faster and more consistently in the military.
Don't let the pain and hell you've endured drag you down,
get counseling, It Really Works! Life will become wonderful again, and you will smile!!!!
You deserve to SMILE.
Good luck!
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| 12/1/2009 6:07:52 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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sosmiley2056
Elkhart, IN
age: 30
|
i was kept from my children for no reason my daughter fell and i got the blem for it and i became very depressed after i was not even given a chance t prov i was did not do it i had to take 16 weeks of anger mangement and have to do supervised vists for something i did not even do. now i have the back two of my children have fits when come to my house becouses i did not have them here for two years
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| 12/7/2009 1:33:13 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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kev86301
Prescott, AZ
age: 37
|
I have 3 girls who I looked at as my own until my ex n I went separate ways.We dated for 5 years n for all those years they WERE mine.At least in my own eyes.One night I worked up the courage n asked her to be my wife because I wanted the girls to legally be mine even if I'd just be a stepfather n not their REAL biological father.We got into a huge fight.After a lot of tears n shouting she packed up n moved to California n I stayed here.It's been almost 10 years now but still to this day I look at those girls like they are mine.They still call me daddy n look at me like their "REAL" father but there's a big part of my heart that's broken because I haven't been able to see them in so long.It all depends on how he treated you n HIM.Did he abuse the boy?Physically or mentally?In the end,It's all up to you.IF he's the biological father you have to realize he may get legal services in order to see his son.Get a restraining order against him n make it so he can't come near you OR your son.If you have bruises from where he threw you against the wall or onto the couch,Take pictures n submit them to your attorney.Did you file a domestic abuse case when he did this?You may not be the only 1 in danger.If he's hurting you now,It's just a matter of time before he does some SERIOUS damage to you or your boy.He needs counseling n medication to control his anger.Good luck.
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| 12/16/2009 9:00:04 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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emyo81
Meeker, OK
age: 29
|
You need to file a police report, talk to a lawyer (who he will prob have to pay for), and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING that happens.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and do wish you luck.
Oh, I'm suppose to explain. This violence is healthy for no one especially your son. There are many ways he could take this violence and none are good. Do it for you and your son. Just make sure you document and get all the help you can cause you're going to need it.
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| 12/17/2009 2:47:48 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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mscsc
Baton Rouge, LA
age: 39
|
Hi perfetcell and the second guy who commented on your post gave very good advice. The military does not tolerate abuse keep them informed of wats going on and keep them invovled. No parent should ever deny the other from seeing the child becuz growing up the child is going to start resenting you, you just have to trust and believe that God will put no more on you than you can bear, and that the things we go threw as single parents not only make us stronger but also makes r kids stronger believe that the morals you have instilled in your child will prevail. Never bad talk the absent parent or allow anyone else to bad talk the absent parent in front of your child becuz they will start to resent you for it especially if that parent is showing interet in the child. The bible says train up a child in the way he should go and when he grows old he will not depart from it. So what i'm saying is teach your child right from wrong and i promise you although they see the negative that the other parent is doing they will rely on what you have taught them. my mother raised four boys and myself and while my dad was living with us i can not remeber a day that he didn't abuse her, and when she left him she still let us visit him and believe me we seen her go threw a lot. And my brothers are the perfet men, they take care of their families, two own their own businesses one is a very successful member of the united states airforce, while my younger brother just turned 24 and is being reccommended for captain at angola state prison. They are all married to the mother of their children and have no outside kids. They have never abused their wives or children and no has to force the to take are of their families Well except the airforce brat he's married to the airforce, but a wife at least is in his near furture if the Lord allows him and his furtue wife to come back from oversees safely. So keep your head up and be the positive influnce your child needs and i promise they'll be suessful to.
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| 1/1/2010 1:10:20 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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odog123
Arlington, MA
age: 48
|
Tough I know and in your heart I think you know. The hardest steps to take are the ones that lead us to a life that we can not see the future. For me when the storm in my head is raging and I don't know what to do. I need to reason things out with someone else. Put things in there true perspective. Who are you to say he needs to see or even spend time with his son. "Your son misses you", "your son is asking where are you" That is all you have the right to say. I am sorry and you may not like this but. When someone assaults us we call the police. Your sons daddy needs to be responsible for his (your) son and the courts don't care if he can't afford to live he needs to pay the piper. This is the most important thing, "You put the mask on yourself in a plane crash then your child." What are you showing your child that it is ok because he is your dad? Sometimes your son will look at you as the crazy one when it is his dad who is sick in the head. We become so crazy and obbsessed whith the behavior of that other person and what they are not doing that it dominates our thoughts and our lives. Live be alive and happy and show your son that life is not fair but you are. If you focus on what that man is not it can only bring pain and suffering to all your lives. Focus on what you are and be grateful for that child but if only for today. If you did not do so good today, tommorow you can do better. "Keep moving forward(Walt Disney)"
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| 1/1/2010 1:46:07 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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terryh54
Albion, ME
age: 38
|
Being on the other side of this(male perspective). He should be allowed to see his son only after he has completed a parenting class or two and an anger mgmt. class as well. Whether he touched your son or not...the little guy heard it all and saw enough to scare the daylights out of him. No it wasn't physical abuse towards him, but it was emotionally damaging for your son to hear and see those things happen to his mother.I would insist in my court filings that the above terms be met. My oldest sons bio-mom has NO visitation rights at all with her son, but still has to pay child support(not that the deadbeat does) It is up to you to help the courts make the appropriate decision on the well being of your son.
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| 1/3/2010 12:52:25 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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pammi5
Harvard, IL
age: 33
|
I was in the same situation as you. My "husband" use to beat the hell out of me. He did some things that I still don't admit to this day. And that was twelve years ago. If you ask him about it now he DENIES everything. You need to tke him to court, talk to different lawyers (the first visit is almost always free). They can give you advice on how to handle it. But thta needs to be done first before you talk about letting him see his son. For your son's safety. I know this sounds cruel but your husband could easily hurt your son because of the situation. If it does turn out to be that the judge orders visitation make it so it is only supervised. If your son is old enough the judge can even question him to see what he wants to do.
Good luck and in your heart you will know what to do. I hope everything works out. Remember don't go back to him unless he gets some serious help and you get couseling. It may be a good idea for your son to get counseling too. Things can surface in the future that can cause a lot of emotional stress. I hope 2010 is a better year for you and your son.
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| 1/3/2010 1:11:13 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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tiredlogger
Booneville, MS
age: 39
|
i go with supervised because palin and simple if he assualted you in frnt of the child then he is not only a physically abusive but mentally and emotional. you did the rite thing by filng a police report and by contacting his chain of command. as his wife/soon exwife you do have military options. the military has an office on post called jag/legal department. they will help with yalls divorce and want cost a dime.even if they do deal with him civally the military will still artickle 15 him. he can lose pay,free time and ya actually be jailed for this. so now he deals with the problem double time mite actually teach him something
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| 1/4/2010 9:44:19 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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lonley2long67
Charleston, WV
age: 43
|
because im a single father my sons are very important 2 me. i spend alot of time with them! besides its not his fault and he should know that!!!!! you both love him & he resally needs both of you in his life!!!! your son should have daddy & mommy even if your not togethere. think about his feelings not yours or his. he is the most important thing in this ordeal. hope i have helped:
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| 1/4/2010 3:23:08 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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tiredlogger
Booneville, MS
age: 39
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lonely i agree with the fact the kids need both parents in his life unless one is a threat physically,mentally ,or emotionally.what is between 2 adults should stay between them.not the kids. they should never see mommy and daddy fussing nor should they ever see a parent hurting the other either jmo backed up by hours researchin and talkin to a child shrink after my x totally bailed. more parents should spend time reading the vast info out there on bing parents.there are books webs even get on the fone and call a child shrink
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| 1/9/2010 12:33:23 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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davidp1981
Birmingham, AL
age: 28
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yes you should because it could backfire on you I dont know the cercumstances but, I am a single dad and baby mama ran off and didnt let me see my son tree months then poped up and droped him on my doorstep. even now I will let her see him, but she wont come around she only lives 150 miles away about , and I spend my money on him.
make him make the effort I just read that and you need to be in publuc place and supervised
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| 1/9/2010 6:43:32 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jeeep4fun
Danville, IL
age: 37
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And you didn't call the cops and have him arrested because...?
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| 1/9/2010 7:25:44 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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dee_1973
Mountain Home, ID
age: 37
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But make sure you document eveytime he comes to see your son and when he misses a date because that will be important when you go to court if you can't get a friend to supervise the visit then you go to your local health and welfare off and ask to speak with a child advocate.
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| 1/9/2010 7:34:32 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jesy33
Longwood, FL
age: 34
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on regards to you son see in him but make sure is not at your house and that you are not there but someone else that would protect you child always have a back up plan i know i was in a shelter for battle woman so i know but the right of been a father you can't ever take away if you need anything wright me i'm here i know  my heart goes to you
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| 1/9/2010 7:35:41 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jesy33
Longwood, FL
age: 34
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Hey you. I hope that you are doing okay... that's a really bad situation to be in and I'm glad to see you decided to get out. The first thing you should do is file a police report. The second thing is to get all the necessary paper work together and file appropriately at your local family court. If you need guidance your in a forum full of experts and I'd even be willing to help you. Establish your order to give him supervised visits in a public setting due to the abuse. As much as it sucks that he is an abusive spouse, he does deserve to see his child if he is willing UNLESS he has a history of abuse toward the child as well. If so, you should request he seek counseling, anger management, and parenting classes before he can even see his child... and you may want to do that anyway due to the current circumstance. In a world where ny fathers are absent and don't care about their children at all he at least wants to see him, but make sure he is working on being a mentally healthy person before you let him be an influence in your child's life... because that is what your child will see in his father.
all is true
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| 1/10/2010 3:36:51 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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sweetheart1986
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 23
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Children are not for your disposal in a fight. Whatever issues you and your husband have are between you two and I am sure, if he hasnt already, wont hurt the child, and unless he has hurt the child and the child is willing to say something about it, the father will get visitation whether you like it or not, and keeping him away is just gonna make a judge think you are being childish. Just make sure you file for custody, and let him see the child. I am sorry he layed his hands on you though. I would follow some of the other advice and get some counceling. 
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| 1/19/2010 6:30:43 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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barrydean
Springville, UT
age: 43
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although he should be in jail for what he did to you, it depends on how is is with his son. if he hurts him then you go to court and have a judge tell him either he cant or what the limitations are.
if hes a good father and treats him good then you should let him see him whenever he wants or can. keeping a parent from there child out of spite will only hurt the child.
my ex tried that once and told me i could never see my kids again because she was mad at me, and if i showed up at her place it wouldnt be pretty. i immediately jumped in my car and drove 6oo miles and knocked on her door.
she, her boyfriend and there friends were not happy i was there. lets just say i got to see my kids and it was never an issue again. her boyfriend still hides when i go get my daughter, and my son lives with me.
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| 1/29/2010 12:36:23 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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gmcrozier
Tucson, AZ
age: 44
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they only reason that we are still married (on paper) is that neather of us have the money to file (only at the moment) .... he was sleeping around months before i even thought of moving on (hence i am here)...
Almost every major city in the US has legal aid services, look into it.
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| 1/31/2010 5:23:13 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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anewwalk
Marshall, IL
age: 66
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I am sure most of you don't want advice from someone who, in many cases is twice you age. I read this thread as my son has been on the other side of this.
First, it isn't just the husband who is doing wrong. If you allow this abuse to happen in front of the child, you are in the wrong too.
There is help out there, even if you live in a small town, there are bigger cities that help county wide.
It is a big step to leave and you do need to document, photos if there is evidence. as others have said. Judges these days have a tendance to ask "what did you do to prevent this behavior?"
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| 2/2/2010 1:20:04 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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skydad1
Old Orchard Beach, ME
age: 52
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i'am sorry to hear that a so called man can do that to a woman, to do shit like that to a woman.no woman in this world should ever go though that. i'am a 51 yr old man and i have never ever hit any woman in my life.i have always walked away from a fight and cooled down.then come back and talk about the problems.2 people need to talk about the problems.not beat the hell out of each other.i have a 6 yr old little girl.and i have not been able to see her for 6 months, becouse of her mom and her landlady being dope heads together.the way things are going for me? i cant fight for my custady rights to see my baby girl.becouse of the recession i cant find a job and get a place to live.and i'll be honmeless in 2 weeks.and my baby girl is the only thing keeping me from doing something dumb.so you keep up the faith and think of your little one(s).keep em safe and good luck and god bless.
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| 2/6/2010 1:12:07 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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drewman1988
Grand Island, NE
age: 22
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in my oppinion it is all up to you until the child is able to decide for himself. the situation sounds dier and by that i mean no man should ever for any reason put harmful hands on a woman and no child should ever have to witness that kind of situation in the house hold. you seriously need to consider the facts. is he a good father and dose he take care of his child. if he is a good father then yes he should be able to see him. in my oppinion. its just one of those life predicaments you have to grin and bare it and cope with what life brings you.
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| 2/8/2010 2:47:07 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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msunderstood28
Washington, DC
age: 28
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Did u report him when he attacked u in ur home? If so the courts will be involved. I Went through a simular situation. He would have to take anger management classes an pay u child support. The only way u can get supervised visits is to get the law involved. I hope this info helps GOD bless.
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| 2/10/2010 9:42:27 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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coolcop29576
Pullman, WA
age: 35
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| 2/23/2010 1:02:38 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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doctorseuss
Elma, WA
age: 34
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the story raises some red flags on both sides, maybe you should get counseling. thanks for the post, now i know who not to date on here.
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| 2/24/2010 8:01:17 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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greatestdad
Walkersville, MD
age: 39
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well i don't know how your laws are there but were i am from we call the police. then there is a record of the problem and you can go talk to a judge about it , but i would let him around his kid till you talk to a judge or a lawyer. good luck
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| 2/25/2010 5:28:47 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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mrx3574
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 35
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Well i would like to start by saying that im a single dad of two for almost 3yrs now. I had a son that past away at the age of 4 and the mom used that to run on me and our other two kids. Having said that i know how it is raising kids by yourself. Now If he is just treating you like sh**, Then no ill keep my son from that. My kids mom every 6 or 7 months try to come back in there life threw me. I'm getting tired of it but i remember them are her kids to and i wouldnt want that to happen to me. As the other commets said i would get the legal system involved. All to only make this guy get his stuff together. If not then you will know what to do after that. GOD BLESS YOU! MR~X
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| 2/25/2010 5:42:12 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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amomof4
Pittsburgh, PA
age: 31
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that is abuse and if he does it to you what do you think he will do to your son? im hoping you called the cops and pressed charges
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| 3/6/2010 5:13:48 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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saltwater61
Los Fresnos, TX
age: 48
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I have a few things to say on this subject. I am a single dad with custody of my three kiddos. The first and most important thing about this is that you have to do things for your KIDS not for yourself. Remember that whatever happens between you and your spouse will always be there and that your kids will have access to that in the furture anytime they want to look back and see. Never ever lie to your kids about what happened because it will come back to bite you in the butt and damage your realtionship with them. I absolutely hated my wife for what she did to me, and at the time she was a lousy mother. But I strive to keep the kids best interest in mind when it comes to seeing and being with their mother. After all the kids have a complete other family on her side that they need to interact with. Just because they are no longer considered your family doesnt mean that they arent your kids family. In all fairness to her she has become a better mother because of what the kids have taught her. When we were going through our divorce I recieved full custody from the jury along with child support and the standard visitation schedule, but...............before the Judge made the settlement final I went and had a talk with him in his chambers. If both parents are stable and in good mental condition I fully believe that the kiddos need both parents in their lives to grow up healthy and whole. During my conversation with the Judge I asked him to change the visitation schedule to alternating weeks with the kids and no child support. The only thing I asked the Judge for is that she had to furnish the Medical Insurance on the kiddos. It was a rocky start with this settlement but has become what is best for the kids. I also never kept anything secret from them as far as our divorce was concerned or the reasons for it. This has proven to be one of the smartest things I have done with them because their mothers actions before and during our divorce has shown the kiddos that I am not the man their mother says I am. One of the things I absolutely agree with is that you should never bad mouth your ex in front of the kids. That can also come back to haunt you, besides its not a respectful thing to do. Just because you and your ex no longer get along doesnt give you free reign to be disrespecful. Dont get in the rut of being disrespectful as that is the person you will become without realising it. THINK THINK THINK before acting around your kids!!!!!!! They are ALWAYS watching and learning from you!!!!
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| 4/26/2010 9:02:55 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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teresarose523
Winnie, TX
age: 31
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If he is going to throw you around you should let him at all.
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| 5/6/2010 5:07:42 PM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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jessicalynn90
Grand Rapids, MN
age: 19
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if you give him what he wants it will just be that much more worse in the future. if he could do that to you, you have to think of what he could maybe do to your son. i have been there my ex did the same
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| 5/30/2010 12:36:02 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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hookt12
Tehachapi, CA
age: 33 online now!
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yes, im a single dad, and my sons mother didnt let me see my son for the first three years of his life, hes now 13 and still i have a hard time getting her to let me see him, i pay child support, and love my boy, it really sucks.. i have no respect for a woman who dont let her kids see there daddy..unless hes crazy, then you might want suppervised visits. the kids will hate you later if you dont...as my son does his mother..
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| 5/30/2010 2:42:53 AM |
Custody issue: should i ever let him see his son? |
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amitystorm
Wiltshire
United Kingdom
age: 33
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As someone from an abusive relationship with children i can say hand on heart that you must allow him to see his children.
No matter what your views are of this man he is the father of your child,
If you are concerned about the safety of your child then supervised visits must be essential. But under no circumstances should you be the person to say "no, you cant see the children"
It sounds to me as if your using emotion you are feeling to decide how this goes.
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