| 12/29/2007 6:03:52 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 23
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I posted this in the relationship forum as well..
Ok -
I don't know any of you, so I don't have a problem telling the whole story. I was with my wife for about 2 years and we got married and had a baby in June. She's in the Army, and in mid-October she was in the field on a training exercise. She called me and told me she wanted a divorce and she wanted me to take our daughter and leave. I talked her into letting us stay until she got home so we could talk. We talked and decided to take a break for a couple weeks so she could sort out her feelings. So I took my daughter to stay with some family.
Within 4 days she had went through our entire savings partying. I came back, we had a fight/talked and she told me she had cheated on me while I was gone, and she had been cheating on me for about a month while she was 7 months pregnant. At first she agreed to let me have custody, but now she's starting to back out on that (I still have our daughter currently). I know she loves our daughter. She's just really not a good mother.
Now, the Army doesn't take adultery very well and it is punishable under military law. There are also other things she's done in her past that prove she's not all there in the head. My question is, do I call her commander and let him know everything? And basically guarentee getting custody of our daughter? Or do I give her a chance to change, so our daughter doesn't have to grow up without one of her parents? (We're definitely getting a divorce, but I'm scared the judge won't let her see her daughter if I air everything out..)
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| 12/29/2007 8:02:00 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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stormygrl
Longmont, CO
age: 41
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You have to think of your daughter first....do you think she will change? if not then go ahead and get the CO involved. whatever you do just make sure it's in the best interest of the child, if she wanted to be a mom then she would be there. good luck and i hope things work out for you...
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| 12/29/2007 11:16:02 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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smalltowngirl75
Mazon, IL
age: 32 online now!
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Speaking from personal experience you cant force someone to be a parent. Even if they say they want to it may not last. You have to make your beautiful daughter your number one priorty. I say do what you need to do to get custody. A judge will not take all parental rights away with out giving her a chance to prove herself. You can always ask for supervised visits for your daughter. I say do everything you can if you feel she is not fit to be a mother.
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| 12/29/2007 2:40:23 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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monkey1082
Temple Hills, MD
age: 26
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HI, I READ YOUR MSG AND YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE GUY. WELL FROM WHAT I READ I KNOW SOME PPL ALWAYS TRY TO KEEP THE PARENTS 2GETHER BUT YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY JUST AS WEEL AS YOUR DAUGHTER. SHE MIGHT NOT LIKE THE SEPARATION (DAGHTER) BUT I THINK IT'S BEST. THINK ABOUT IT, BEING SINGLE ISNT FUN BUT YOU CAN FIND SOMEBODY THAT LOVES YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND TAKE CARE OF THAT LIL GIRL.
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| 12/29/2007 3:48:56 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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pollyannie
Williams, IN
age: 48
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My kids are grown now, so I can speak from experience. My kids father was not a dad & they missed having him around, it was so sad for them. It was best that he wasn't because he loved to drink, but they needed to know him. Like it or not your child is made of half you & half her. My adult kids now see him. My son blames me because his father told him I was the reason he didn't come around. Be careful. It's a hard decision to make, I hope you make the right one. Whatever you do, do it out of love for your child. That way you'll be able to live with yourself when your child is able to make her own decisions.
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| 12/29/2007 3:52:25 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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mom1st
York, SC
age: 30
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Before calling her commander, I would just let her know, that you feel that it is not in the best interest of your daughter to be under her care. That if she protests the custody, that you will have to inform them of her mishaps, that it is not a threat,b/c you will follow through. And that you are not doing it out of spite or revenge, but that your daughter comes 1st above all else. And no matter what happens, never ever stick your daughter in the middle of the mess, by calling her mother names, whether they be true or not. Just constantly remind her how much her mother loves her, and would be with her more if she could be. Whether it be true or not, it is better for your daughter, it will be hard enough on her anyways. Wish you and your daughter the best of luck, and that God blesses your family.
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| 12/29/2007 5:43:55 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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tasha0626
Red Bank, NJ
age: 25
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when u allege adultery in the military there has be a way to prove it. Unfortunately its very hard to prove. u have to have credible witnesses. The military member also gets busted down in rank usually. that might result in a pay cut. if u have custody you will just lose on support. the CDR will not do anything really, they usually support military member. As a member in the service they usually side the member. i think u should have joint custody for the sake of your child. she will also have to do a family care plan in case she gets deployed. I would just go to court if you cant agree on custody. the military jag office will only advise never represent. what i would do is go to fleet and family services if you are on base or close to it. if not you can contact military one source. on a personal note deployments are never easy nor is it easy to be alone. military marriages have a 75% divorce rate. For the sake of your child i say to agree on joint custody. maybe you should take some time to see if your making your decisions based on your anger that she cheated on you or whats best for your baby. trust me ive been there so i know!
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| 12/29/2007 6:11:31 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 23
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It won't be hard to prove. I have several text messages and recorded phone conversations (gotta love cell phones). The guy she cheated with is also married with kids (he admitted it to me as well..)
She's also already had a field grade article 15 already for going AWOL in AIT. So she'll get alot more than a slap on the wrist. Not to mention the only reason she was accepted in is because her recruiter, who she was sleeping with at the time, shredded some papers about her past legal history.
[Edited 12/29/2007 6:13:20 PM]
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| 12/31/2007 2:50:44 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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brknhrt777
Springville, NY
age: 59
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Hey buddy, been there done that,
Here it goes, my advise to you.
First, ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR, THIS IS CLEARLY WAR. YOU ARE THE ENEMY, YOU ARE THE BAD GUY, EVERY THING YOU SAY AND DO IS WRONG AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. GET READY, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY END UP BROKE, LOOSE YOUR JOB, YOUR CREDIT, YOUR HOME, YOUR DAUGHTER, NO VISITATION AND END UP IN COUNTY JAIL IF YOU PROTEST OR DO NOT ENJOY ALL THAT THE COURT AND WIFEY IS GONNA DO TO YOU. 
DO I HAVE YOU ATTENTION YET?
Get your buns down to the anti-family court in your county, DO NOT HIRE A LAWYER got it? DO IT YOURSELF. You can get one later after you get it going. You must use the tools the women use against us and use it on them. The art of war is "KNOW YOUR ENEMY". Immediately file for sole custody charging her with abandonment, child abuse, neglect, violence, and what ever else you can think of. Tell them you are afraid of her and afraid for your daughter because of threats and seek an order of protection for you and your daughter. If she drinks use that in your complaint because drinkers are violent and can't be trusted especially around children. This will give you time to check out some of the other information I am going to give you later. Don't seek a lawyer or attorney yet.
If you can move out of your home with your daughter to another county and file their. After all, you are gonna loose your home anyway, she is going to take it away otherwise the court will and give it to her anyways.
Get boned up on the laws of your state. Find a paralegal for legal info or a law library.
It's time to step up to the plate and take control of the breach of contract by wifey. The court will not entertain the adultry cause it's ok now that we have become a Godless
society. They have legalized sin so don't go there, they will use it against you. The game is the same only the names have changed.
Sorry for the bad news. NOW THE GOOD NEWS!!!!!
Get on the internet and you are gonna check out these sites I give to you, GOT IT????
First: www.GET OFF THE BENCH.com LISTEN TO Lary Holland.com and Bob. They will give you a lot of sites to help. LIsten to all the shows (FREE) and see what you are up against.
Second: www.jurisdictionary.com LEGAL PROCEDURE DESCRIBED FOR AN 8th GRADER TO UNDERSTAND  Learn this as you will need it to Sue the Judge if he violates your right as a father.
Third: go to www.fathersunite.org
Fourth: www.In The Best Interest of Children.org
Get on your knees and cry out to the Father of your daughter and ask Him for WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE and put it in His hands to guide you in this battle.
Oh yea, the LAWYER,  FORGET HIM< HE WORKS FOR THE ENEMY against YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER AND WILL CHARGE FOR EVERYTHING THEY WILL DO TO YOU> Spend your money wisely, hire Dr. Warren Farrell after you get his CD"S, In THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN, He will win your custody case with his info and his help.
Good luck brother, I'll keep you in my prayers and just remember, listen to those who have gone the route. Let me know if I may be of any further help and I can email some good info to you. God Bless.
-mike-
[email protected]
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| 1/1/2008 12:25:41 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 23
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What...the hell..is wrong with you?
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| 1/2/2008 11:58:27 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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armychik68r
Bertram, TX
age: 23
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Well I have a friend who went threw the same thing. He called the commander and they kicked her out of the military. She didn't do anything else wrong. So she got visitation. I would get a lawyer and also call her commanding officer and let them know what she did. Yes it is a court marshal. And in most cases they do not get locked up like most people think. They mostly just get kicked out of the military.
I hope that helped some!
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| 1/4/2008 2:07:29 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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honestfriend381
Clarksville, TN
age: 46
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Stick to your plans to gain full custody. If the judge sees it another way it's because he has the best interest of the child in mind. Air out all the dirty laundry, she did it herself. But it would be better to expose it now and get over the trauma. Do not do it viciously, it's all a matter of fact. And your daoughter will remember enough of it even at a tender age, the less she reembers the better because emotions run migh in a divorce. Allways think of your childs feelings. Think how she'll see things in the future. If your wife is as you said, she will soon loose interest in spending time with her child for free time to party. I just hope she sees as little of her as possible since a party life will put your daughter in harms way.
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| 1/5/2008 2:10:31 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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collide64
Janesville, WI
age: 43
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Personally I don't think she's a good role model for the child. You seem grounded and better to handle the situation emotionally. Remember when you were a child. You didn't care about adult problems. You just wanted to be a ked and it sounds like your wife still want to be a child. Your child did not ask to be brought into this worl but she or he is here. Do the right thing, even if it's not easy.
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| 1/13/2008 8:37:52 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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bema30
New Haven, CT
age: 30
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i would let her move on with her life cause thats what she wants to do .i would keep my child and let her getvisits with her .dont air it out cause what you to someone always come back to you no matter what .
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| 1/16/2008 12:24:14 PM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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tweetyt
Pollock, LA
age: 32
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just talk to a lawyer about it and see what your changes are and if you can prove she's done anything wrong then take it from there. Good luck and best wish.
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