| 3/9/2008 11:09:32 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 47
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I have a fifteen year old boy. Great kid, really. I'd like to hear from more single parents with teenagers.
Hello is there anybody out there?
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| 3/9/2008 8:17:16 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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kathy5311
Jackson, GA
age: 39
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Two of my children are teenagers. My oldest is 18 and has moved out on his own, but lives in the same town and is here quite often. He's a member of a death-core/death-metal band. He's one of their guitarists. He also has a job and works a grave-yard shift.
My other teenager is a 13 year old girl. She's an honor student. She's a very sweet kid. It was kind of a shock to the whole family when she started going through the typical mood swings that girls her age go through. Her older brother even said to me one day... "What the heck is going on with her? I'm scared of her!" It was SUCH a funny concept because she's such a tiny little thing and he's 6'2" and towers over her!
Teenagers are great - but with that age group comes new kinds of problems and issues. I joke with my teenagers all the time that I like my 7 year old's problems a whole lot better than theirs .... 7 year old problems are just so much easier for me to handle than teenage problems... I know the answers to 7 year old problems!!
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| 3/10/2008 5:53:03 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 47
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Oh yes tell me about it. My son has his learner's permit. I am torn between the fear I feel in the passenger seat and the fear that lurks in my heart when I am no longer needed in the passenger seat.
Every day I am preaching about drugs and alcohol and not thinking he is invincible. Every day he rolls his eyes and laughs at me.
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| 3/10/2008 8:47:28 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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liddy123
Red Deer, AB
age: 37
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i have a 14 year old daughter who thinks shes 21. lots of interesting problems with teenagers drinking, boy friwnds ext
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| 3/10/2008 7:38:09 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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kathy5311
Jackson, GA
age: 39
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Oh, do I have a driving story for you! My son old saved up to buy his own car. Yes, I was very proud of him because I did not have to help him pay for the car at all. He did everything totally on his own. The only thing I did was go look at the car before he actually paid for it... not to tell him if he could or not, but just because he wanted me to see it. It was a 1989 Chevy Camero. It was painted w/ primer. Let's just say it was a very ugly car to me... but just beautiful to him.
I warned him that even though this car looked like a "hot rod" that he'd have to drive it very carefully because it is a very old car that would tear up very easily. Of course, I'm a woman and I'm a Mom and 18 year old boys think that their Mom's know NOTHING.... especially about cars!
Three months after buying the car, I followed him with my warning flashers on as he drove it to the junkyard to sell it for scrap metal! He had blown the transmission! He thought about fixing it, but decided that he'd be better off to sell it and save up to buy a newer model car.
He admitted to me that I was right and he was too hard on it. Did you all catch that.... he ADMITTED to me that I was right and he drove it too rough!!!
He promises that he's gotten that out of his system........ we'll see! LOL
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| 3/10/2008 8:15:10 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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singerchick
Newfane, NY
age: 40
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I have a 12 yr old, 14, 19 and nearly 21 yr old (he's at college) ... it's such a fun and difficult time, that is for sure!
I caught my 14yr old daughter chatting with some boy from TN (had strictly informed her to chat with her highschool friends only... And yes, I know..here I am chatting with peple from all over the world  ...shhhh, don't tell her.) Anyhow... my solution was for her to do research online on Internet Predators and to write me a report answering a list of questions I had made. That was the best punishment ever...she said, "why can't you be like all the other parents and just yell at me?"
After she got done, she asked that I uninstall the chat program she was using. 
Driving... that's a huge transition. I recommend Xanax or at least four Ibuprophens to calm your nerves with the first one  I could show you pictures of three cars that the older two totaled. (no...they didn't get their driving skills from me!) I highly recommend checking out the safety rating of a vehicle before they purchase them. The last wreck nearly killed my 19yr old...he suffers from shortterm memory loss still (6 mos later).
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| 3/10/2008 9:21:06 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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dg1260
Galion, OH
age: 47
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Hey singer
My son (oldest boy) is 18. He is trying to push all the house rules and of course all I can do is say, "you really don't want to live here, do you?". I've had to tell him that he is about to get kicked out, but that is me.
I've taught my daughter and son how to drive. My son is the better driver, believe it or not. He doesn't pay attention to anything until he gets behind the wheel. Amazed me, really. She is a straight A student and he could careless. She makes me want to take Thorazine before I have to deal with her driving.
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| 3/11/2008 6:38:44 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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singerchick
Newfane, NY
age: 40
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Hey dg!
Now that you mention it, the smarter the kid, the worse the driver...in my experience anyhow. I think it goes along with that "book smart" vs "hands on smart". Some have a feel for it, others don't have a clue and shouldn't be on the road. I was much calmer riding with the 2nd child, however...the first one claims, "I broke her in for you!"
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| 3/11/2008 1:53:31 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 47
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Thanks for the driving stories, (swallows hard), I think. Yes teenagers come with problems all their own. I am figuratively holding my breath through these last few years, crossing my fingers, saying silent prayers, and counting to ten, alot.
The dating thing can be tricky with teens too. I don't bring anyone around unless I have been dating them for a while but I don't like to be gone for too long so that he is not tempted to "go ahead and try it" (whatever it is), because Mom is gone and won't be back for hours. But I do want him to see that I trust him. I think it's important to show trust until they have abused that.
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| 3/11/2008 7:44:42 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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kathy5311
Jackson, GA
age: 39
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Yes, dating is a whole new ballgame when there's teenagers in the house. When they're little you have to find someone to babysit or you can't go out. You dream of the day for them to get old enough so that they can be left alone, or go over to a friends house so that you can go out on a date once in a while.
Then, suddenly they're old enough... and you realize that it isn't quite as easy as you had thought it would be. First of all, if you spend the night or weekend away from home with your date, your teenager is old enough to figure out what your "doing". Is that the kind of example you want to set for your teenager who is struggling with raging hormones and peer pressure? And then there's the fact that if you leave them for the weekend, your leaving them unsupervised and leaving the door open for whatever is out there.
At least these are some of the issues I face. I'm sure it's different for everyone.
Also,for me, it's difficult because I believe that dating is something that should have been done BEFORE the children came along. So to be dating right in front of them is just... well weird! So I handle it by letting them know that I have a date, (unless I don't have to - like if they're all gone for the weekend so then there's no reason to tell them) but not allowing them to meet a man unless I feel like it is getting serious. I don't know if my method is right or wrong. Some single parents let their kids meet the date right away... get their children's opinion right away.... but I prefer to keep this part of my life separate from my children. The younger children seem to be fine with my method, (they still think I know everything!) but my teenagers don't like it that well, because they feel like they're adults (and they shave started to see all my flaws and think I know nothing!)
My oldest and I went round and round about this for quite some time, but I stuck to my guns. He has never met a man unless I was ready for them to meet. My children have met three men in 7 years. And they've liked all three of them. Also, I've never let a man spend the night at my house when my children were home. But that's just me. Again, don't know if it's right or wrong... just the way I've been doing things.
But dating is tough.... even w/out children..... add children to the picture and it gets even more tough.... let them become teenagers.... and you only thought it was tough before! LOL
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| 3/12/2008 10:53:30 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 47
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Well kathy I kind of follow the same rules as you. I don't bring a guy around very often. For one thing my son is truly not interested in anything to do with my life except as to how it effects him.
I don't worry about what he thinks I am doing if I stay away for the weekend. Like I said the world revolves around him. If I had a teenage daughter I might feel differently, they tend to think about it just a tad more. But really I think kids think we stay in a vegetative state until we are needed to serve them.
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| 3/12/2008 11:59:10 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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kathy5311
Jackson, GA
age: 39
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I loved your comment... "they think we stay in a vegetative state until it's time to serve them."
My oldest son was evidently a lot more concerned about me dating than your son appears to be. We had some heated discussions about the issue. He wanted to meet every man BEFORE I went out with him. My son said that he was concerned that I might get hurt or killed. I asked him why he thought that he would be a better judge of character than I would be. Anyway, I finally agreed that I would give my date's full name and cell phone # and also the location of our date to a good friend of mine everytime that I went out on a date w/ someone that my children had not met yet. He accepted that.
We also came to an agreement that he could call me on my cell phone as often as he wanted. At first, he would call me like every 1/2 hour to check on me... now he doesn't call at all unless he needs something! 
I know that my son wanted to be the one in control, but I wasn't going to let that happen. Also, there's the fact that my children have no one to take care of them but me.... and if anything were to ever happen to me... what would they do? He may have just wanted reassurance that I'd still be here tomorrow... and that no matter what he and his siblings would come first in my life.
Everytime I went out on a date, I guess in his mind, there was the potential that I might fall in love and want to marry this man. And that would naturally affect my children.
My son has calmed down quite a bit and doesn't mind me dating quite so much as he did in his early teens. And my teenage daughter, so far isn't nearly as difficult to deal with in these aspects as my oldest was. But then, she's been dealing w/ me dating since she was only 7 years old. So this is old hat to her! For him, it was a whole new ball game.
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| 3/12/2008 3:30:29 PM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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katiescarlett72
Dallas, TX
age: 35
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My children *just* met a guy I'm dating for the first time, because things are kind of moving along rapidly. I've never let anyone I dated meet them before.
My 14 year old daughter seems okay with it so far. She likes the idea of a man around the house. My sons (7 and 13) are simply ecstatic. They're just in it for a hunting/fishing buddy I think LOL.
Having a teenage girl around is enough to drive you over the edge, though. She's a great kid, but good God ... you just look at her in the wrong tone of voice, and she starts bawling. This is the kid who split her lip open at volleyball a few years ago and argued about staying to finish the game before we went to get the stitches put in.
One thing that is neat though: Every time I look at her, I am just in awe of her. She is so beautiful and so funny and so smart. I don't know how everyone who meets her isn't just in love with her.
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| 3/13/2008 5:41:26 AM |
Do you have a teenager at home? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 47
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What a lovely thing to say katie that you are in awe of your daughter. 
Sometimes that can be difficult when dealing with teenagers.
When I first started dating my son, who was then 12 would threaten to call his step father every time I went out. His step father raised him from age two and they are very close but his step father cheated on me and lives with another woman. His step father is also an alcoholic who might actually do something stupid at any given time. So the threat my son made was real. I actually cancelled a few dates because of this.
Finally I had a talk with the ex. I told him the situation and had him agree that if the kid called he would explain to him in an adult fashion that we were no longer together and that I (his mother) needed to move on. Then I sat down with my son and relayed the conversation with him. He lost his hold on me and has never used the threat or tried to actually make the call since.
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