Women want to know where the nice guys are

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Women want to know where the nice guys are
by has_heart at 9/2/2010 2:35:20 AM

rough and unorganized and BTW was ALL written tonight.. just got tired of hearing about how there isn't any nice guys and well it's not that i necessarily believe everything I've written here.. but i have at least thought it.

Life of a Nice Guy:
Nice guys are misunderstood. number one the desire to be a nice guy is a natural feeling.. you can't help if you have that desire.. now the choice to actually do it is a choice. Anyone can be a nice guy, but the person who desires it can actually stay that way in the right crowd. First off, understand this ladies.. nice guys can't have game.. and they can't really get you going, that's the first rule to being a nice guy.. seeing the opportunity to strike and get you thinking how hot i am, but choosing not to. This is very obvious when it comes to perversions. A nice guy wants you to like him for him, not because he got you horny, or because he impressed you with his witty sexual innuendos, knowledge of female anatomy, fearless mentality, or bluntly put mind games that well tend to get a reaction out of women to say the least. we don't want to flatter you and tell you how pretty you are cause we want to be paying more attention to more important things. We don't want to make a move on you cause well, we don't want to violate your right to choose when you are ready to make the next step, cause ladies.. us nice guys care. It's obvious we like you.. we talk to you and are always willing to hang out.. we don't ditch you, we are understanding when you ditch us, and even when we tell you that you have done us wrong.. we do it with kindness and tact, and do our best not to make you feel bad that you did someone wrong or hurt someones feelings. We actually try harder to be your friend then we do to cop a feel or kiss you. THIS MEANS that you need to actually make the next step.. it's not that we are scared to make a move, i sure am not.. it's all that was said above.. you are respected.. So you show us when.. and no subtle hints.. those are what wicked women use as traps.. you think we can't pick up on it and that we must be lame, no we see the look in your eyes, the body language, we just ignore it cause that's what a nice guy is supposed to do. now the tricky part.. how long to wait... i think this will have to come to another subject. I'm done for the night on this subject.. but i will add more.. but understand.. it's all the actions we take to do the right thing that cause you ladies not to be interested in us.. trust me.. I have put on the bad boy front plenty of times.. and the girls that think they want the nice guy, sure give up the booty real quick to a guy that doesn't "say" he's the bad boy.. just doesn't do the nice guy stuff. And you ladies wonder where the good guys are, well some are tired of being lonely and parading around as bad boys.. cause it's better to love and lose then never to love and all. Me i would rather be a Nice guy, but women love the way i lie, not the way I open the door for them, and buy them roses, heck some women see that as weak and think that can just use you to buy them stuff while the bone the guy that is hardly willing to get them McDonald's. -note- what inspired me to write this was seeing these profiles that ask for nice guys.. i sent a letter and kind of let a lot of thoughts shoot out on the subject so i thought I'd copy and paste some of that in here too..
"my question is do girls that actually like nice guys exist? or is it just women that use them.. or the ones that think they like nice guys until they realize what it's like to date a guy that cares not only for them but for people in general.. and then you have the women who keeps complaining that guys are ***holes while her friend that treats her well is just a friends and the bad boy is who she's sleeping with.. It's not easy being the nice guy.. I have spent periods of my life pretending not to be nice just to not be alone, sadly it works.. but I've been giving the nice guy thing a shot again.. since then haven't made it anywhere with anyone I'm attracted to, and of course choose not to go anywhere with those I'm not.. Oh my thoughts on the subject go way deeper, but currently I am trying to be true to myself and show the kind of person i like being.. I'm hoping that it's possible to actually get a woman this way."
yeah so these are still unorganized thought i have on the subject.. but if i don't start writing them down i will never organize them, and being that all you ladies can see them.. it will open it up to criticism and that can help speed the process of getting this information even more accurate, understood, and organized..
One person said to me "We tend to want a nice guy but be
attradted to asswholes. Im so sick of all that though. I just want someone to
relax with or hang out do some crazy adventuring lol. Eventually nice guys win.
Just got to find that girl who's tired of the game. Tired of the club life."
but my thought was "yes.. but what happens once you've had your rest?

i mean isn't it an addiction.. yes you stop sometimes.. but do you ever quit?"
in life we see that taking the quick thrill or intense feeling that happens fast but isn't fulfilling has an addicting affect. I mean according to the bible addiction and sin run hand in hand.. I mean alcoholics get sick of drinking.. and stop, but they are forever changed and always are an alcoholic, and typically fall back off the wagon, sometimes get back on.. but almost always at some point fall back off. Of course, that being said, based on this real world comparison to addiction, you do have those rare case, strong people who kick the addiction, or who may always be addicted but are head strong and although they always miss it, choose not to go back to it, and they person who never even tried it(hard to do with all the ***holes out there) or tried it and knew it wasn't for them.. and never enjoyed it long enough to develop the addiction..

Comments
has_heart	9/2/2010 2:35:43 AM thoughts or observations yet to be applied: it's more fun to be a bad boy, and more fun for the woman being with the bad boy bad boys have no reason to be inhibited, they just don't care about you anyways.. Good guys can be uninhibited too, but it takes effort, because they have trained themselves to care and worry about your feelings. woman who consider themselves less physically attractive tend to see past this stuff more so than the women that "know they are hot." And women i find less attractive typically seem to be more responsive to the "good guy" actions then the ones I'm more attracted to on a physical level, is this that most agree with my opinion on how attractive they are and therefore they have less options and are actually settling for a good guy? or possibly because they could depend on their good looks to get them through life, now maybe they are smarter? and what about personalities? if a guys spends too much time talking about something other than the women herself, she looses interest... women seem to want to hear about them too much from an interested party to hold a conversation about something else for very long.. especially if it's unrelated to them or the relationship or a date or what they are doing or them them them and me too.. of course if i talk about me it's related to them cause they are interested in me (or should be) and even then they don't want a guy to talk to much about himself. so it's back to talking about the woman.. and what kind of guy is focused on the woman? the predator.. not the nice guy. the one that's trying to get in your head.. not just being himself and hoping it works.. like you claim you want.. no it's the manipulator or the one focused on sex more than anything that is going to keep the conversation involving the woman and her thoughts on whatever the conversation is about directly.. PS: thought of something you should know before you message me.. since everyone is so in to tattoos and they are sooooo hot.. or at least everyone i know thinks so.. yeah i don't have any.. probably won't get one any time soon either.. that's just some help for the people that are concerned with that. Don't worry.. don't have anything against them.. actually sometimes they make a person more attractive.. not always though. I was talking to someone and got on a rampage about an issue i have with "online dating".. so i copied it and thought it would be good for others to hear.
diannesc	9/2/2010 6:34:17 AM Just a suggestion.......break your blog up into paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read. Just as there are nice guys out there, there are good women out there as well. As we all know, you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find that prince/princess. p.s. Keep that smile.....you have a nice one.
knightric	9/2/2010 9:32:25 AM Dam dude that was very well written..and over the last couple of years I have found what you said so very true..If your not the real bad boy type or an ***hole you don't hold a woman's attention very long..and you go out of your to treat them with respect and honor and the way at least i think a woman should be treated you are precieved as weak..I see how they say they want a man who is confident of himself and knows what he wants..But yet if your not in their face feeding them all the cool lines and all the bs..that is a sign of a lack of confidence..and if you try to take your time to get to really know one and let them truly see what kind of guy you are..you lose because they are gone with the next guy who comes along with all the cool bs..and then you see them right back here, because they finally realize that's what it was bs!!! So personally I say thanks for writing what alot of us guy's think but just never put down in words!!!!!
has_heart	9/2/2010 11:43:28 AM thank you for your feed back, and i agree about the paragraphs and better organization.. i just basically let my thoughts drift into the keyboard on that one. sadly i have soo much more to say.. and the blog didn't even allow me to put all of what i typed last night in here..
mochamola	9/2/2010 9:14:43 PM You have very excellent points that you make! My brother says similar things concerning women and wanting good guys.. Well, you're bumping into the wrong women.. I have never been a woman that likes "dangerous men/bad boy types"..That's somewhat juvenile to me..I know with me there's no real longevity there..just heartache and possibly being jaded... I have always gravitated to the individualistic, quirky guys/somewhat nerdy, but still socially adept and have a personality. Having "game" is juvenile to me. My thing is be yourself- we can accept it or reject it..because it will shine through soon enough... There are good women that want a good man and a "bad guy" to become good.. I agree that a lot of bad guys were once good guys gone jaded... If we stop steppin' on each other's s ,we could meet somewhere in between... and somewhat balance the universe... But that's me being optimistc..
honestlyshy	9/3/2010 5:00:34 PM I thought that was a good job of describing how it really is. I wish I could put my thoughts into words that well. Here is another nice guy saying "Nice guys are right in front of you ladies."
lenore99	9/4/2010 11:59:01 AM It's a game. A stupid one, but even if you don't play, it's still going on all around you. Its really not about nice guys vs bad boys- (bear with me while I try to work this out) No one wants a cheat, drunk, psychopathic jerk and no one wants a doormat who is so excited about being with you that they dont have anything else going on. We all want to feel like we earned the affections of the other person. Rarely is something given to you freely as valued to you as something striven for. I overheard some popular guys in highschool discussing their date strategies and I never forgot what they said. One fella who had girls falling all over him told his eager listeners (and me, as I was slowly getting my books from my locker) that all he had to do to get the girl he wanted, was to pay her a lot of attention. Be the "good guy", ask her how her day was, tell her how pretty she looked, smile at her, greet her as he walk past her between classes, seek out her company. He would do this for a week then suddenly stop. He would let her see him near her, give her a nod if she caught his eye, but suddenly be distant. As they were the week before. The results were always, he claimed, that where she had been gracious but aloof to his attentions, and becoming more confident of his attraction to her as the week passed, she would now be wondering what she had done to lose it. He suddenly became more valuable and she wanted it back. She would now seek HIM out, find ways to meet him in the halls etc. Her crush would be established because she now had to earn him. Tricky, but it worked. (I think Im running out of space so Ill continue in another box)
lenore99	9/4/2010 12:13:27 PM It works like that in the adult world, but on a different level. We tend to take things and people for granted if they are always the same and we don't fear losing them. The sun will come up tomorrow, my husband will always love me even if I gain 100 pounds and begin to ignore him for soap operas, I will always have this job. You see what Im trying to say? A "bad boy" makes a woman think she has to earn his affections over the obvious competition. If she gets it, she's really something special. She whimpers when he does the inevitable - walking away from her. She never forgets the rush of chasing, having captured and then the cold pain of losing him. She had worked to get that sleazy guy.. eventually she lets it go and moves on, swearing to be with a "good guy"- but.. there's that thrill. So there you have it. And it's not just women, as we all know. You guys want to land a beautiful woman who is aloof to your "charms" so that you can chase her and feel like you really did something amazing when you catch her. The ones who come to you eagerly, you dont want, make up names for and place the blame squarely on her for her obvious weakness of being into you in the first place. Well anyway, that's my take on the whole thing. And you know, I could be wrong. (but I dont think so)
has_heart	9/5/2010 12:50:31 PM i agree lenore.. after i wrote that i started thinking the truth is all about finding the gray area.. it's trying to get from point a to point b and bring the one you want with you.. people can't relate to perfection, as well they can't achieve it.. so what must be done is to find a balance.. good at the right times and bad at the right times.. that way the partner see's fun and things they relate to.. but also see's potential.. then it's a delicate balance from there to try to move towards healthiness without loosing your partner.. cause lets face it. relationships can't just stay still.. it has to change.. so you need to make those changes for the better more positive. but they can't start perfect.. just the illusion of that sometimes.
lenore99	9/5/2010 9:55:05 PM Youre only 28.. how'd you get to be such a deep thinker?- and why arent I younger! I'd be so after you. (of course I would do it tricky like and make you think you were chasing me.)
morningowl67	9/13/2010 2:25:36 PM I tip my hat to you sir! I couldn't have described the "nice guy" better than you have here. It all boils down to "we respect you even before you've earned it." We were brought up to respect our peers/counterparts regardless of their position or opinions. We respect women so much, we will go to great lengths to make you feel respected. We love you and all people and until you give us reason otherwise, we will be nice to you. And when you do give us reason otherwise, we forgive openly. Of course this makes us door mats and we are constantly walked all over. We are not experts at attraction. In some cases it is partly because our #1 influence was a woman growing up, in other cases we have seen families break apart because of someone who is not so nice. Whatever the reasons are for us being so incredibly and sickeningly nice...we are who we are. I've spent a lot of time trying to learn what to say and do to attract women. A lot of it feels unnatural to me, because in many cases, it is the opposite of nice that attracts them. I am a fun guy, no not a heck of a challenge romantically, but intellectually, definitely. I know how to party and enjoy doing so. I do want someone to join me and that someone is hopefully female. I challenge the female gender though to define what a nice guy is to them. They all say they want a nice guy but do not respond to us...so what's a nice guy to do but become a jerk if they can find the power within themselves to change that dramatically?
lenore99	9/25/2010 9:48:31 PM morninowl.. I was going to respond to your request to describe a nice guy, but.. your profile does that very well. ( minus the moody thing which is scary and offputting, if it's honest, quit that. Moody is baaad) I think you need better photos, but then so do I. Youve got everything; other interests, fun stuff you do, friends, you shouldnt be having a problem attracting nice women. Being a jerk isnt attractive, and neither is arrogance, self- confidence is key and you seem to have that too. If its about looks- Id get that little gap fixed in your smile. I mean, that's not even major. ( and Id ditch IMMEDIATELY the tongue photo) Youre going to find a lovely fun lady and be very happy one day.