Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini

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I know what you mean...but how would I know if they never said anything to me? I wouldn't know if that nice guy was there or not. No e-mail, no type of response to get it going..
but I think this man (which I will not name him) had the confidence to respond back, but he is not considered "nice" on here.

He is a sweetheart and a awesome friend. He knows who he is.

[Edited 6/22/2008 1:24:12 PM]

6/22/2008 12:16:10 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
chopperbabe Overland Park, KS age: 47	By April Masini Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Jun 20, 2008 Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl? Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear. First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work. Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more. To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable. It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value. Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature. The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options. Relationship Advice Expert April Masini: Nicknamed "The New Millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes what "Dear Abby" will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you. That's why she is America's foremost online dating and relationship advice expert, as well as the best-selling author of four books: "Date Out Of Your League", (dating tips for men), "Think and Date Like a Man" (relationship advice for women), "50 First Dates" (ideas for a fun date) and "The Next 50 Dates"(romantic date ideas).
6/22/2008 12:23:21 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
lildifferent Sacramento, CA age: 47	and that sums it up perfectly. next time i see another one of those nice guys whining about it, i'll just point them over here. thanks Chopper
6/22/2008 12:25:24 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
xlibra75x Gateway, AR age: 32	My God!!! Is that why it took me over a year to hook up w/ a chick on here?!? I thought it was just the distance factor...
6/22/2008 12:33:27 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
murano05z Alexandria, VA age: 54	Yeah that about sums it up. We try to be nice, send flowers, help around the house, and wham we get dumped. LOL Add a few tattoos, ride a sport bike, be less accomodating and well stuff happens. LOL
6/22/2008 12:39:55 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	Balance is the key.
6/22/2008 12:44:27 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
mrwally2007 Fort Smith, AR age: 45	Right or wrong, it does make sense I guess maybe I do need that attitude adjustment.
6/22/2008 12:53:40 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
kittyj77 College Station, TX age: 29	This was right on point and awesome, Chopper..thanks for posting it. I just want to add a lil' bit more.. Some of the guys that are NOT perceived as "nice" actually have the confidence to talk to the ladies and say what's on their mind. Some nice guys don't even make the attempt to say Hi and so we really don't know that they exist. But that's my opinion.
6/22/2008 12:58:44 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
chopperbabe Overland Park, KS age: 47	Quote from kittyj77: This was right on point and awesome, Chopper..thanks for posting it. I just want to add a lil' bit more.. Some of the guys that are NOT perceived as "nice" actually have the confidence to talk to the ladies and say what's on their mind. Some nice guys don't even make the attempt to say Hi and so we really don't know that they exist. But that's my opinion. They are shy but I also have my shy moments and was told by someone that some people thought I was a snob because of my shyness.
6/22/2008 1:03:23 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
fredricko Pico Rivera, CA age: 49	kinda contradicting give a woman everything she says she wants be the type of person that she is looking for and then get dumped and told your a friend,dosent seem like the reason all the time is the fact that the guy is a nice guy,there are times that it has nothing to do with whether the guy is nice or not,sometimes it due to the fact that the woman can be unstable emotionally,on the rebound,using the so called nice guy for whatever she feels hes good for,and several more,dont agree that being the nice guy you wont be able to find and keep a woman,there are woman that exist that are looking for the so called nice guy,would think that this dosent apply to all males or to all females,if so what is it with the nice girl does she also get pushed aside for the more stronger confident woman,but then that would contradict what majority of what women say on how men like to be the agressive and dominant one in the relationship,so that would mean that the bad boy really wants the nice girl,the nice guy any girl,and the stronger woman that wants the bad boy cant have him cause he wants the nice girl so she has to be with the nice guy,
6/22/2008 1:13:21 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
knewguy Lansing, MI age: 46	Women want what they can't have. You can chase that bad boy, But in alot of cases they are more less confident then the nice guy. Their act is a defence against the world. And women always chose whats best for? NOT. If I had a nickel for every women complaining about how shitty their EX was. Just remember becareful what you ask for you might just get it.
6/22/2008 1:22:41 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
kittyj77 College Station, TX age: 29	They are shy but I also have my shy moments and was told by someone that some people thought I was a snob because of my shyness.
6/22/2008 1:26:38 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
lildifferent Sacramento, CA age: 47	i'm gettin' the feeling here that the men who are posting here are having a little trouble comprehending or maybe even just reading the original post.
6/22/2008 1:28:39 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
kittyj77 College Station, TX age: 29	Quote from lildifferent: i'm gettin' the feeling here that the men who are posting here are having a little trouble comprehending or maybe even just reading the original post. I hear you, lildifferent What else is it going to take?
6/22/2008 1:32:33 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
epiphany4me Bullhead City, AZ age: 47	Hey chop nice to see ya!! I hope all has gone well for you! With this thread you have nailed me to the wall! Yip! That's me. I suffered all of my life from the nice guy syndrome. But I am only me and I know no other way. If I have to apologize for being me, then too bad! I won't! Best wishes from a "Nice Guy"
6/22/2008 1:33:25 PM	Why Nice Guys Finish Last By April Masini
fredricko Pico Rivera, CA age: 49	there are times when the guy makes a conscious decision to be nice to the woman seeing that she is enduring emotional problems,she allows for the guy to be her so called tear pillow until she recovers from whatever issues that were causing problem,once this occurs then she considers guy to be a nice guy and being that she is fully charged emotionally she is ready to make another run at a so called bad boy feeling that she can endure the drama once again,but never realizing that the so called nice guy was nice because he took her situation into consideration,so the question is, is he really a nice guy because hes nice or was he nice cause she needed someone to be nice to her

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