| 7/29/2008 10:08:31 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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thyme4me
Calumet City, IL
age: 55
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I see nothing wrong with a child using it as a stop over if they r in a bad financial situation or something to that effect. including Special needs adults.
But someone who moves in with a parent, works, part time, doesn't contribute to the bills and using the parent as a babysitter, gotta say no way. I don't want to feel like an interloper if someone I'm dating's child has a problem w/ their father expanding his horizons.Could be the start of all kinds of drama , and I don't go there. JMO
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| 7/29/2008 10:15:59 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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longhairbiker12
Vincentown, NJ
age: 41
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these days you can safely assume that all kids MAY not leave after growing up
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| 7/29/2008 10:26:47 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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wanttoenjoylife
Oklahoma City, OK
age: 48
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No I wouldn't and I don't think its healthy for people to live at 'home' past say the age of 21-22.
I got out at 16 (my dad kicked me out) and it was one of the best things that ever happened too me....taught me responsibility and all that good stuff.....I think people that live at home past a certain age get to the point that they then have 'money problems' later on as when they do eventually move out they are 20-30 years old and have no idea how much things cost, how to budget etc....
Basically I think its a bad parent that lets this happen.
I used to work with a 32 year old guy who still lived with his parents, he came up to me one day and said:
'Hey I'm thinking about getting an apartment what kind of money will that take'
So I said
'$700-800 for the apartment, $100 or so for electric, $40 utilities, then your groceries, phone, etc etc.'
He says 'damn!!! I only pay my parents $200 a month, screw that I'll stay at home'
32 and had no idea how much things cost......sad.
Dude I think you had better rephrase that part about bad parents. I am far from a bad parent. All of my kids learned early how much things cost. They have lived on their own and they have moved back home. Each time one have had to moved back they have helped with things. As long as they arent lazy and not working they are welcome back home anytime. Your attitude about it needs adjusting. If you cant home when you need to then this world is in bigger trouble than I thought. I wish I could afford a home and land big enough where everyone could live. I love having my kids and grandkids around. In times like this you need your family.
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| 7/29/2008 10:29:34 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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lobo_corazon
Kingston, ON
age: 39
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In this day and age where the economy is bad and jobs are scarce or not paying a livable wage, some fledglings may end up in the nest a little longer than anticipated.
As fossil fuels run out, food becomes more scarce, and low-cost competition from developing countries becomes a fact of life for more and more of us, I forsee more US/Canadian families adopting more of a communal lifestyle. We sneer at it when we see recent immigrant families with many in one house, but I think that would be a good change - It's just so much more efficient in terms of childcare, home heating, dinner preparation, etc.
What wouldn't be cool would be some uber-spoiled 25-year-old underfoot, lipping off at me. Independance is a wonderful trait, and dependance can be ugly.
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| 7/29/2008 10:42:00 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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katiescarlett72
Arlington, TX
age: 35
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I think this is one of those questions where you can't give one blanket answer for all scenarios.
I believe wholeheartedly in multi-generational family situations being wonderful for everyone involved, IF everyone involved is a non-abusive, emotionally healthy person.
The guy I'm talking to right now has two grown daughters and one still at home. His grown daughters sort of rotate back and forth between his home and their mother's. That's their family situation, it works for them, everyone is respectful and they get along. In that instance, if things got serious, it would be our (the parents') responsibility to fit everyone together as happily as possible. And if it can't be done, then it just can't.
As far as the question about a permanent or semi-permanent special needs adult child, that's a tough one. My best friend and her husband have permanent care of his adult brother who is mentally challenged. I can honestly say, from having watched what she's dealt with over the past seven years, that I don't think I'd be up to it. Once my kids are grown I have a lot of plans. Having someone who is special needs is sort of (please don't get mad at me for this analogy, okay) like having a very high-maintenance pet when it comes to how you live your life.
You can't just pop off for a weekend vacation; they require some level of supervision. You can't spontaneously go to a long happy hour after work, because they need dinner, too. My friends came home from a dinner party once to find a bowl in the kitchen sink with about an inch of milk with something that looked vaguely like cereal floating in it. It turned out that Bobby decided to fix himself something to eat when dinner did not arrive at his usual time; he'd poured himself a nice bowl of cat food. He will occasionally wander out of his bedroom buck nekkid when they have company, or wearing just his boxers.
An example of just how weird things can be: her step-son is unfortunately a meth addict, and will steal anything that's not nailed down to support his habit. He's in jail now, but when he gets out in September, they will not be able to prevent him from coming in their home and stealing them blind, because Bobby will open the door for (literally) anyone who rings the doorbell. They can't put a keyed deadbolt on the doors, because it's not safe to lock Bobby in where he couldn't get out if there were a fire. It's a nightmare. I mean, Bobby is perfectly NICE, and he can give you the detailed weather report every day, but wow.
I can't say "never" because you don't know what life will bring you, and perhaps I'm fortunate because I do have first-hand knowledge of what some of the challenges can be. But it's probably not something I would be willing to sign on for.
[Edited 7/29/2008 10:47:27 AM]
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| 7/29/2008 10:44:55 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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beanz991
Houston, TX
age: 41
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No I wouldn't and I don't think its healthy for people to live at 'home' past say the age of 21-22.
I got out at 16 (my dad kicked me out) and it was one of the best things that ever happened too me....taught me responsibility and all that good stuff.....I think people that live at home past a certain age get to the point that they then have 'money problems' later on as when they do eventually move out they are 20-30 years old and have no idea how much things cost, how to budget etc....
Basically I think its a bad parent that lets this happen.
I used to work with a 32 year old guy who still lived with his parents, he came up to me one day and said:
'Hey I'm thinking about getting an apartment what kind of money will that take'
So I said
'$700-800 for the apartment, $100 or so for electric, $40 utilities, then your groceries, phone, etc etc.'
He says 'damn!!! I only pay my parents $200 a month, screw that I'll stay at home'
32 and had no idea how much things cost......sad.
Dude I think you had better rephrase that part about bad parents. I am far from a bad parent. All of my kids learned early how much things cost. They have lived on their own and they have moved back home. Each time one have had to moved back they have helped with things. As long as they arent lazy and not working they are welcome back home anytime. Your attitude about it needs adjusting. If you cant home when you need to then this world is in bigger trouble than I thought. I wish I could afford a home and land big enough where everyone could live. I love having my kids and grandkids around. In times like this you need your family.
No I don't think so...you are talking about something completely different than I am. I am talking about 'lifers' People who live with their parents always have and if they have their way always will.
Going home when you need to for a temporary reason is completely different than what I am talking about...I suggest you re-read my orginal post.
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| 7/29/2008 11:02:51 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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wanttoenjoylife
Oklahoma City, OK
age: 48
|
No I wouldn't and I don't think its healthy for people to live at 'home' past say the age of 21-22.
I got out at 16 (my dad kicked me out) and it was one of the best things that ever happened too me....taught me responsibility and all that good stuff.....I think people that live at home past a certain age get to the point that they then have 'money problems' later on as when they do eventually move out they are 20-30 years old and have no idea how much things cost, how to budget etc....
Basically I think its a bad parent that lets this happen.
I used to work with a 32 year old guy who still lived with his parents, he came up to me one day and said:
'Hey I'm thinking about getting an apartment what kind of money will that take'
So I said
'$700-800 for the apartment, $100 or so for electric, $40 utilities, then your groceries, phone, etc etc.'
He says 'damn!!! I only pay my parents $200 a month, screw that I'll stay at home'
32 and had no idea how much things cost......sad.
Dude I think you had better rephrase that part about bad parents. I am far from a bad parent. All of my kids learned early how much things cost. They have lived on their own and they have moved back home. Each time one have had to moved back they have helped with things. As long as they arent lazy and not working they are welcome back home anytime. Your attitude about it needs adjusting. If you cant home when you need to then this world is in bigger trouble than I thought. I wish I could afford a home and land big enough where everyone could live. I love having my kids and grandkids around. In times like this you need your family.
No I don't think so...you are talking about something completely different than I am. I am talking about 'lifers' People who live with their parents always have and if they have their way always will.
Going home when you need to for a temporary reason is completely different than what I am talking about...I suggest you re-read my orginal post.
Oh I read your post!!!! There is nothing "UNHEALTHY" about living at home after the age of 21. Just because you got kicked out doesnt mean its wrong. And i agree if they arent helping with bills, working or going to school full-time then they need to be on their own. But like the saying goes.......the people that take advantage of you are the one that you let do so. It maynot be that they are bad parents just weak or who knows. Dont judge them unless you live under that roof. As for dating someone it depends on the situation at hand.
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| 7/29/2008 11:27:42 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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keys9500
Moss Point, MS
age: 31
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I have an aunt that lives with her three adult children. I think sometimes it just makes more sense and saves on bills when you can work it out. I also think that some parents are more passive and need a more aggressive mate to love and help them. Cause I can tell you she isn't lazy.
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| 7/29/2008 11:42:14 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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beanz991
Houston, TX
age: 41
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Oh I read your post!!!! There is nothing "UNHEALTHY" about living at home after the age of 21.
Lack of financial responsibility and living arrangements for oneself is unhealthy.
Just because you got kicked out doesnt mean its wrong.
I don't believe that is one of the reasons I listed.
And i agree if they arent helping with bills, working or going to school full-time then they need to be on their own.
So you agree with me.
But like the saying goes.......the people that take advantage of you are the one that you let do so.
Hence the bad parent statement
It may not be that they are bad parents just weak or who knows. Dont judge them unless you live under that roof.
I don't need to live under the roof to make a judgement. Judgement is based on available evidence and experience...not necessarily 'being there'...our courts would be screwed if it did! weak would = bad.
[Edited 7/29/2008 11:42:48 AM]
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| 7/29/2008 11:52:17 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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flowerhead
Brooklyn, IA
age: 45
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I definately agree with you. My kids are modtly grown with only two at home, but if any of them need a place to get it toghether later I am going to be there for them. I also would insist on my rules and sincere efferts to get back on thier feet.
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| 7/29/2008 11:54:09 AM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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snides20
Mingo Junction, OH
age: 26
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i have a little input on this matter at hand.
I for one am staying at my mothers and her fiancees house right now is it permanent no. I was and still am at the end of my divorce with the child support I pay and the money for my attornney it is virtually impossible for me to live on my own right now. When I get extra money in yes I do help out i am not lazy nor do I just sit on my fat ass I would be living out of my car right now and never seeing my kids if it wasn't for my mother and for this I am forever grateful that she cares enough to still help me out at this point in my life. If a adult living at his parents is a deal breaker for yo so be it, but there is alot more to be worried about then that. Different people have different reasons for living with their folks some understandable some not, in the long run it is up to you to decide which would be understandable.
take care
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| 7/29/2008 9:14:34 PM |
Would you date someone whose kids might not leave after growing up? |
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sammysammy1
Derby, NY
age: 38
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We all sort of figure if we get married/have kids, they are going to grow up and find a life of their own. What about those people who had kids, they aged, but they aren't? How do you all see people who fit in that category? Parents of adult children who aren't leaving home for one reason or another? When and where do you determine if to get involved with someone like that, or when do you expect to find out that person has their "adult" son or daughter living with them? Is there some reason in which that parent is or isn't a good enough parent or acceptable person to be interested then?
Tell me about single parents who are still parents of adults and having to deal with it....
No way I want any part of that. Some (women mostly) like to keep the grown kids at home to keep them company or something. It's a very bad thing for all the parties involved. I've seen older people who have had mentally retarded kids who worked with the kids and helped them be trained to hold jobs. There isn't much reason to have adult kids living at home unless they are very ill or something and unable to walk, eat or do anything by themselves.
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