night_tangle
Oak Harbor, WA
age: 19
|
i wrote this a couple years ago.
creative input and critqueing welcome
|
night_tangle
Oak Harbor, WA
age: 19
|
Pale blue silk flowed to the floor; it clung ever so slightly to my breasts and hips accentuating them but not over doing it. The gown is low cut in the front to show the ink drawing of the symbol of new beginnings. There is an open back for the other ink drawings, all inter linked and woven around each other. Hope, passion, love, luck, union and somewhere hidden is Aberthol's name, for him to find. Forget-me-nots are woven into my golden hair in such a way that it still flows freely. Blue and gold my favorite colors that suit me so well. Of course Aberthol has yet to see me as I have to see him on this glories day. The day of union, our union, our wedding day. A tear trickles from my eye and I smile in joy.
"Careful, Enyo, if you cry when I put your makeup on it'll smudge everywhere." Amy hands me a tissue and smiles at me. "Besides your eyes will turn red and no one will see your pretty gold eyes." I smile back.
"Amy, thank you so much, for everything." I reach out and give her a hug. I'm thanking her for more than just today, I'm thanking her for her friendship.
"Well of course who else will put up with you?" tears dot the corners of her eyes, "Great now I'm doing it." We both giggle, and I feel better. Not so nervous. She dries the rest of the tears off my face. "Now, hold still, Enyo." She carefully paints the traditional eye makeup on. Thick line on the top lid and one on the lower lid. It's purple for that's my groom's color, well the more dominate one. "Now go out there for your first dance." Amy shooed me towards the door.
Placing my hand on the knob I get nervous again. The dance I've only danced with my father and brother, what if I miss a step. The whole village is watching, all but my parents of course. Who died last week, right after they gave permission for my hand to Aberthol. They died from the illness. Father and Mother will be watching, even if it's from the other plane. "Father, help me." A quiet whisper of prayer to him. If he can, he will help.
I turn the knob, open the door and step out. Everyone has gathered in a circle waiting for me, their all smiling, and there he is. Aberthol is clad in purple and grey. The multi layered loose pants are a deep purple and flutter ever so slightly in the wind. The wide, tight, waistband sits low on his hips and is grey. It is the first time I have seen him without a shirt, for now he is a taken man and all are allowed to see what is no longer available. I take a few slow tentative steps toward him. Aberthol confidently strides to me and takes my left hand in his right while resting his left one on my hip. I reach my right hand up to his shoulder. The music starts and so does our dance. The music is light, smooth, magical, and so is the dance. I look up into Aberthol's face, into his big brown eyes, so full of love and excitement. "I love you, Aberthol."
"I love you too Enyo." He smiles, "I'll love you forever, until the day I die I will cherish you. But even beyond this world, unto the next I will still love you."
"Aberthol…" the music end and we stop, there's a hush among the villagers. Aberthol leans down and presses his lips onto mine in our first kiss. Warmth floods me, my knees get weak, and he pulls me to him to keep me from falling. Finally our lips part, I open my eyes and look into his. Applause fills my ears, I turn to the crowd; I had forgotten they were there. I smile joyfully.
"Let the celebrating commence!" some one shouted. Loud music with a more upbeat rhythm starts up. I let go of Aberthol, take half a step back, and start freestyle dancing. We laugh and giggle.
BANG! The music dies. Oh, no. They, They chose Blackbird village for the lottery this time. Every one turns to the meeting hall where a note now hangs, the death certificate. Godric, the village leader, slowly walks to the door. He reaches out and rips the note from the door. There is a hush about the villagers, everybody's holding their breath. Godric clears his throat, "The couple They have chosen for the sacrifice this year is, Aberthol and Enyo." Whispers break out, as I sink to my knees.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no…" I mutter under my breath, no.
"But, we just became a couple. No! How can this be happening?!" Aberthol sinks down beside me and wraps me in his arms. We rock together in the grass; Godric sets his hand upon my head. I look up to him.
"I'm sorry, young one. Your fate has been chosen much too soon, you'll be leaving us before long. So sad, right after your parents died from the illness." He crouches before me, places both hands on the sides of my face and kisses my forehead. "Pray your parents give you and Aberthol strength." I saw pain in his eyes, more pain than he would ever admit. Godric would take my place if he could. He stood up and looked back down at me. "If you feel up to it, try to celebrate your union. The wound is fresh but this is the only celebration you'll probably have before you must leave us and Aberthol come back a changed man." He reached his hand out to me, I grabbed it and he pulled me up, Aberthol stood with me. Then Godric turned and walked away. It must be so hard for him; I look so much like my mother. Her death hit him the hardest, he wasn't here to watch her and Father wither away in front of our eyes.
I turn and face Aberthol. "Are you up to celebrating?" His brown eyes, laced with concern, stared into mine.
"Are you up to it?" I nod. "Okay then." He looked to the crowd. "We're not gone yet! Let the celebrations begin!" The music nervously starts up, Aberthol starts to dance, exaggerated so everyone else will start in. I join in dancing stiffly, like the undead, and slowly one by one everyone joins in. Aberthol is making a total goof out of him self, I laugh loudly and more than his dancing really called for. I released all the stress and tension and really danced.
*sorry, more of the story will come when i can post more replies*
[Edited 8/27/2008 2:06:25 PM]
|
cyclethere
Ventnor City, NJ
age: 49
|
Cool start of a story.
I wish I could be a better critic, but here's what I got ...
The hero and heroine are courageous high spirited folk of a place out of time and far away.
They continued their celebration even after the natural death of her parents and the lottery notice. Great spirits.
This can be a very sad story, or turned around to an adventure where the underdogs change unfair social law.
I'd like to see how it developes. I see swordplay, perhaps dragons, aliens?
~steve~
|