Tell ME Please!

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9/10/2008 6:31:44 AM	Tell ME Please!
dakoske Whitehall, MI age: 29	Does anyone believe that ur relationships with People reflects the relationship u had with ur mother and father growing up?? If I felt abandoned as a child is that why relationhips scare me so?? How can I overcome this???
9/10/2008 6:35:30 AM	Tell ME Please!
koolnkalm86 Fairview Heights, IL age: 22	that's hard to say. cuz my mom grew up with a rough childhood, but my father had it pleasant, even though he lost his father at an earlier age. I can tell it affected my sister a lot, because she just turned 21 and she already has 2 children(not married). Lucky i havea good relationship with my father, as for my sis and mom, that's a different story. i think it does play an important role as you say
9/10/2008 6:40:34 AM	Tell ME Please!
coppermare Grady, AL age: 48	Yes, you are 50% heredity and 50% environment. What you do with it,is up to you. Maybe you have abandonment issues, I understand them all to well.
9/10/2008 6:56:42 AM	Tell ME Please!
skipjoe Tulare, SD age: 51	Quote from dakoske: Does anyone believe that ur relationships with People reflects the relationship u had with ur mother and father growing up?? If I felt abandoned as a child is that why relationhips scare me so?? How can I overcome this??? Your past does help form your present. If you felt abandoned as a child (or even a current significant relationship) and never fully got over it, you will have challenges with other relationships. There are people who can help you overcome issues of abandonment. You might try regression therapy, religion, self-esteem classes, etc. Sometimes, a person never gets over things that scare them until they face them and work through the fear.
9/10/2008 7:27:36 AM	Tell ME Please!
fitenite_forum Grand Junction, CO age: 50	Oh the things I could tell you...I believe it truly does have a bearing on you. But what you do with the rest of your life will determine your fate. I had counseling at a young age and it helped open my eyes.
9/10/2008 7:54:48 AM	Tell ME Please!
angel0018 Altamonte Springs, FL age: 21	In one of my counseling classes they said that we tend to look for the opposite of our parents when if we had a bad childhood with them. If we had a good one, our choice of person reflects that too... I believe it. I would not want to date someone like my dad and look for the opposite.
9/10/2008 8:07:10 AM	Tell ME Please!
coppermare Grady, AL age: 48	Quote from angel0018: In one of my counseling classes they said that we tend to look for the opposite of our parents when if we had a bad childhood with them. If we had a good one, our choice of person reflects that too... I believe it. I would not want to date someone like my dad and look for the opposite. And if you had no opposite parent to compare to?
9/10/2008 8:11:13 AM	Tell ME Please!
angel0018 Altamonte Springs, FL age: 21	Quote from coppermare: Quote from angel0018: In one of my counseling classes they said that we tend to look for the opposite of our parents when if we had a bad childhood with them. If we had a good one, our choice of person reflects that too... I believe it. I would not want to date someone like my dad and look for the opposite. And if you had no opposite parent to compare to? That's a good question, I suppose we would look at that person who assumed the role, if any...or look at other relationships within our family or friends and idealize or not about who we wanted to be with...But we would definitely know what we didn't want if we looked at a bad relationship being played out around us, even if it wasn't by our parents. Thats what I think...
9/10/2008 8:39:22 AM	Tell ME Please!
charmingm Ann Arbor, MI age: 35	I definately agree that it is envirement for the most part and that we as individuassl have the choice to determine whether or not we will continue to act out of fear. The only way I have been able to overcome fears in my ife is to lok them in the eye. My brother is exactly like my father althoough he won't admit it.Parents divorced at age 11 and 6 for my bro.I am more like my mother(although not a good thing all of the time). The idea that I am like her is awkward, rather I mean to say our behaviors and patterns of thought are similiar.Yes, envirement is responsible, but not fated.
9/10/2008 9:01:10 AM	Tell ME Please!
niceguy4tlc Port Saint Lucie, FL age: 51	Quote from dakoske: Does anyone believe that ur relationships with People reflects the relationship u had with ur mother and father growing up?? If I felt abandoned as a child is that why relationhips scare me so?? How can I overcome this??? THAT is very Freudian. I agree with thesentiment.
9/11/2008 7:33:59 PM	Tell ME Please!
wiilnotgiveup Stuart, FL age: 44	yes and no, it depends on the person, every person reacts in a different manor to trama. Sheltered people with 2 parents do not react well with out someone there, Co-dependent nature, many times orfans make it to the top because they count only on themselves. It all depends on the comfort level that your lover brings to you , and how you place the value on it. At a young age you may stay home from work after the first night together, at fourty you wake them at 6.00 and hurry them out the door stating you must get to work. I believe the value of perfect parenting will never be seen to completely prove this point one way or another.
9/11/2008 7:37:51 PM	Tell ME Please!
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	"Does anyone believe that ur relationships with People reflects the relationship u had with ur mother and father growing up?? If I felt abandoned as a child is that why relationhips scare me so?? How can I overcome this???::idontknow" By proposing you understand the concept, then you are acknowledging you aren't fettred by the experiance. Don't blame stuff of other stuff. Just choose your own behavior.
9/11/2008 8:51:24 PM	Tell ME Please!
energy22 Philadelphia, PA age: 47	yes those things can and do absoultley youve got abandoment issues from childhood trauma of some sort, even though it was the past its fear that if you love someone they will abonden you like the people you loved did. the question is did you get abonded or is that how you felt,evEn if you were its a fear based thing of your past that has you living in your present as if it were your past, its common to many and you can deal with it and put it in the past where it belongs ,ive dealt with other issues too ive dealt with feeling unloved since i was 10 years old at 43 and let me tell you 33 years of pain did not go away overnite it took five months, someone came into my life and just DISSAPEARED tiggered it and mentally i knew i was loved but on an UNCONSIOUS level i didnt feel it and when it came up mentally i still i knew i was loved that made no differance and as far as BEHAVIOR is concerned it had little to do with it and it did too, i kept attracting women in my life that made me feel unwelcomed unloved and unwanted WHY? because my mom was not a nurturing person so i never was nurtured not her fault! she couldnt give ME WHAT SHE DIDNT HAVE HERSELF,YOU CANNONT TRANSMIT THAT WICH YOU DONT HAVE,and yes we are attracted to things in others that weve seen in our PARENTS i was told i was lookin for my mom in a woman and because i wasnt aware of that piece thats what i got. now i am aware and have heald on a emotional level through spiritual nuturing from that and if i meet someone thats like that i spot it and the thing is you dont see it and they may not appear that way it gets picked up on a different level of AWARENESS and ive done the work and feel i learned a bit im no athority these things cannot BE THOUGHT OR BEHAVED THROUGH IT REQUIRES WORK ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL INTIRELY....... [Edited 9/11/2008 9:14:28 PM]
9/12/2008 1:39:59 AM	Tell ME Please!
forever4 Victoria Australia age: 47	Yes for sure I was bought up in a pysyicly and mental torture and I was onley attracted to those sorts of relation ships as an adult, Ive had tom come to terms with all that ,but now after some soul searching I realise that I do deserve better in my life and this is what Im looking for
9/12/2008 2:00:30 AM	Tell ME Please!
drummaster777 Auburn, WA age: 33	Quote from dakoske: Does anyone believe that ur relationships with People reflects the relationship u had with ur mother and father growing up?? If I felt abandoned as a child is that why relationhips scare me so?? How can I overcome this??? Absolutely. Your relationships with your parents are the primary influence on your future relationships. They are the first relationships you ever form. If you're talking specifically about your relationships with men, what kind of relationship you had with your father will be a direct influence on that and how you see men in general. That's not to say you're a slave to your past if you didn't have a good relationship with your parents, it can be overcome. I've done it myself. Hope that helps! EDIT: To overcome it, you have to be able to pinpoint and detect the unhealthy behaviors and attitudes you have that may be a direct result of your relationship with your parents that are sabotaging your relationships in the here and now and change those attitudes and behaviors. That's the simple answer. You might want to consider finding a good therapist. If you're serious about overcoming your wounds from the past, that's a great way to go! [Edited 9/12/2008 2:07:28 AM]

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