I will NEVER settle !

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10/2/2008 5:39:21 AM	I will NEVER settle !
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	I will NEVER settle ! Wow, have I heard THAT shoulted from the rooftops since I started here. It's usually posted on a thread that deals with characteristics of a person. People have their lists, and boy, do they love their lists. They cling to them and whisper "never settle" as a mantra that's supposed to keep them from making the same mistakes they made in the past. Let's look at this closely......let's say I'm a guy that refuses to settle. My goal theoretically is to end up in a forever relationship with the woman I love. I have decided what I want. I have made all the decisions. I have determined the characteristics necessary for this goal to happen........me..... So how's my track record been so far? If I'm not in that forever relationship, then that means 100% of my attempts in the past have failed. My success rate is 0%. I have NEVER made the right choice in what's best in terms of a potential partner. With a 0% success rate are people REALLY sure they know what they want? With a 100% failure rate might people consider the possibility that other options beyond their strict requirements might be where to look instead of where they have in the past?
10/2/2008 6:00:29 AM	I will NEVER settle !
72karmannghia Lake Worth, FL age: 44	With my 0% success rate and 100% failure rate, I'm throwing out what I thought was right and looking for what I know is wrong. Never say Never, it just comes back to bite you in the a??.
10/2/2008 6:10:22 AM	I will NEVER settle !
notforgetful Old Bridge, NJ age: 41	I have a zero success rate too. Not happy about that one. I either give my all in a relationship or just get such a bad feeling about the person I am with and wont give hardly anything in hopes they walk the other way. I am not even looking anymore. I figuire why look, it will just happen when it is ready. We are all here looking for a relationship, what happened to people's mindset that you got to make friends first then go into a relationship if things are right. Alot of men that I run into want a full relationship from the first email.
10/2/2008 6:14:22 AM	I will NEVER settle !
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	......and I think that's a good mind set in terms of not NEEDING love with a marble tablet strapped to your back with you "I'll never settle" criteria carved into it. I might be a little more proactive about meeting people, though.
10/2/2008 6:14:48 AM	I will NEVER settle !
_sea__ Maricopa, AZ age: 55	So then whats your problem then??.....( wink ) Sea
10/2/2008 6:26:09 AM	I will NEVER settle !
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	lol.....me? I was cursed by a gypsy as a young guy.......no hope for me.....lol.
10/2/2008 6:35:11 AM	I will NEVER settle !
lilmissala Hartselle, AL age: 51 online now!	arkansasman! Well I have made this statement myself. I don't have too good of a record at all. I have used the last 4 years to take a good look at myself,the mistakes I have made,why I made them,took my share of responsibility for them and did what I needed to do to make changes. I am looking for a different kind of man than what I have always been attracted to in the past. I don't really have a list of qualities I want the man to have so much as a list of what I won't tolerate from a man. Of course there are some qualities I would love him to have. This is a real challenge and adventure. First off I had to change me. Now I am having to retrain my thoughts on men. I am taking my time to talk and listen to each one. When something comes up that I don't like or agree with I ask myself is this something you could live with? Could you for the rest of your life tolerate this or would it be a thorn in your side? When I read profiles I read the whole profile and I ask myself a ton of questions. In the past I have been a "jumper". I would jump right in with my blinders on or my head stuck in the sand. I would overlook things that were red flags just to be with someone. So I don't think when I say I won't settle I am trying to be hard headed or stubborn or expecting the impossible I just want it to be right. I want my man to be my very best friend,my lover,my confidante,my companion,I want to be able to trust him in everything and him trust me,enjoy being with me and I with him and I want to be able to depend on him and him on me in good times and bad. I may be alone for a very long time but if that's what it takes then so be it.
10/2/2008 6:41:45 AM	I will NEVER settle !
coppermare Grady, AL age: 48	My goal theoretically is to end up in a forever relationship with the woman I love. I have decided what I want. I have made all the decisions. I have determined the characteristics necessary for this goal to happen........me..... Exactly right, and we learn what we can accept and can't accept from those past mistakes. I live a certain lifestyle and need certain things to be happy, and if I think someone can't deal with it without causing harm to the relationship then I won't settle, neither of us would be happy. So why waste each others time? I've learned that from the past relationships. Mine is not just about characteristics.
10/2/2008 6:44:22 AM	I will NEVER settle !
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	.....and you know what, lilmissala? I'm going to tell you why are going to succeed where the majority of us fail. You have a list there......you typed it out on your post. But that list had nothing to do with requirements or characteristics from the guy......it was what you were looking for in terms of a relationship..... The vision is not to eventually be with a tall guy, or rich guy, or whatever.......it's to have the characteristics she listed. [Edited 10/2/2008 6:45:31 AM]
10/2/2008 6:46:40 AM	I will NEVER settle !
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 42	AKman... all doom and gloom at 9AM.... Success is measured in many different ways. My success rate is pretty high, I think, simply because I have learned something from all of the relationships I have been in- romantic and otherwise- and I continue to learn. I learn about me and what I want and what I can offer.... I learn about potential mates and what they are looking for; I learn about how to be friends with men, how to handle rejection, etc.... I think, too, as we develop ourselves and become more of ourselves, our wants change.... the man who was my "ideal mate" 20 years ago is no longer my ideal.... he and I have both changed, and those changes have not necessarily brought us both to the same place. Which is fine. Had he and I been able to work out the differences, bridge them, I might not be divorced. But who knows... Turn the glass over and see it as half full.
10/2/2008 6:55:02 AM	I will NEVER settle !
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR age: 45	lol...........it's not doom and gloom.......it's self observation and enlightenment. We can learn so much about ourselves and others by asking these simple questions and carrying the logic through to the conclusions. That being said, I hear what you are saying and applaude your positive attitude. I could learn a lot from getting bit by a rattlesnake, but I wouldn't call it a good experiance....and I think (based on what people ultimately want) success could be defined as reaching what they want. The purpose of this thread is not to claim we're all doomed. The purpose is to rethink those lists that are embeded in stone....those lists failed before....you can change them a bit, but the system stays 100% unsuccessful.
10/2/2008 7:03:46 AM	I will NEVER settle !
drummaster777 Auburn, WA age: 33	Yeah, of all the things I hear women say here most, this would probably be #1. Not "settling". Oh boy. And it's funny, I don't think I've seen one instance here where I've heard a guy say this, it's always the women. Reading some of the threads and posts by a lot of women here feels like they're just regurgitating what they've heard on Oprah countless times and what they read in grocery store check-out line womens magazines. Then they wonder why they can't find a "good guy". The more time I spend here, the more I realize most women don't know what the hell they want in men and relationships. [Edited 10/2/2008 7:04:05 AM]
10/2/2008 7:04:35 AM	I will NEVER settle !
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 42	sometimes you have to change what you want.... if you keep going for the same type of person, and you always wind up losing, then sure, you're just setting yourself up for failure... reassessment is part of enlightenment, and the only way to get to that level of success, as you call it, where you can meet the one for you. however, some would argue that there isn't just one, there are a lot of one's on the journey to fulfilling yourself.... and that ultimately, we should be continuing to become the best selves that we can, because that is what will attract our best mates... when you find the true love it brings out the best in you. I could make a list- and I have- of what I would ideally want. But there is no ideal. There is no magic. There is no carved in stone person- save for Mt Rushmore, maybe... and if you see your personal success based solely on your success or failure of romantic relationships, then you're looking at things all wrong.. not that that is what your thread is about, just thought I'd say it. again, turn the glass upright.... it's always half full. And rattlesnakes can be shot.
10/2/2008 7:11:24 AM	I will NEVER settle !
evileddy Ottawa, ON age: 35	I'll settle... because worst case scenario is that I will have someone to make miserable.
10/2/2008 7:14:53 AM	I will NEVER settle !
klassyklown Bakersfield, CA age: 40	I don't see my past relationships as failures, I see them as learning experiences which shaped me into the woman I am today. Along with the heartaches, I took away wonderful experiences and memories. How is that failure? When I say I won't settle it means I won't enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. It has nothing to do with qualifications and requirements.

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