| 10/7/2008 7:53:02 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. "Honey? What's wrong" I asked.
"Oh, George! Just look at me: I'm getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I'm just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!"
I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: "Your vision's real good, honey. That's something, isn't it?"
And that's when the fight started....
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| 10/7/2008 10:55:09 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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get_me_off_here
Windsor Locks, CT
age: 54
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Damn.......Now a smart man would of lied...........Rather than fight.......
Joking........... .....He should of said..But baby.......time takes hold on all of us......and there is nothing we can do about it.......And I Love You just the same..
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| 10/7/2008 4:23:12 PM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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Secrets to a Long Marriage
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband shyly stood and turned to the audience: "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired, "Trips to where?"
"Well," the man says, "for our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
An appreciative murmer went up in the congregation.
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the bretheren what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
"Big plans!" he said with a smile. "I'm headin' back to Beijing to pick her up!"
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| 10/7/2008 4:32:32 PM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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scarfs
Bristol, CT
age: 49
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Omg...Liatris ...That is sooooo Funny ...thanks for the laugh  Mary
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| 10/8/2008 4:08:27 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.
A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."
St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
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| 10/8/2008 5:17:09 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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get_me_off_here
Windsor Locks, CT
age: 54
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Liatris......Sweetie you ain't right............ 
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| 10/8/2008 5:30:45 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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kinfirerain
Waterbury, CT
age: 44
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She is right!! What a great way to make people smile after dealing with reading profiles!!! Way to go Liatris!! Hopefully you all like this one sent to me:
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.' Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.' 'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?' 'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?' 'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?'
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| 10/8/2008 5:37:28 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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Thanks, kinfirerain,
Someone needed to liven up CT Chat
We all need a laugh every day
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| 10/8/2008 5:42:34 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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echinacea
Milford, CT
age: 43
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| 10/8/2008 6:34:15 PM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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get_me_off_here
Windsor Locks, CT
age: 54
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By saying she ain't right I was joking............I agree this site need some life to it..........
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| 10/8/2008 7:12:44 PM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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By saying she ain't right I was joking............I agree this site need some life to it..........
I understood.............
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| 10/9/2008 5:48:42 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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monty_python
Bridgeport, CT
age: 54
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A woman wandered into a pet store and perused the various animals in the aisles. In the back of the store she found a rather large and dowdy looking bird in a cage by itself. The bird was scruffy and unkept. The woman turned to the manager who was nearby and asked, "What kind of bird is that?"
"That's a Crunch Bird", he replied.
"What's a Crunch Bird?", she asked.
He chuckled and said, "Let me show you". He took the bird out of the cage and set him on a nearby table. He stepped back and said, "Crunch Bird, the table!". The bird promptly came to life and revealed a rather large beak and then chomped on the edge of the table and ripped out about 6 inches of its top in its beak and spat it on the floor.
The woman stood there stunned and then said, "How much?".
"Well, it's really not for sale. One has to be careful with Crunch Birds, you know."
"I don't care. I want this bird. Name your price", said the woman.
The manager thought for a second and said, "A thousand dollars", assuming that she would simply think it's too much.
"Will you take a check?", she asked.
The manager prepared the bird for her and as he rang out the sale on his register he asked her, "Why would you want this bird?"
"It's a gifr for my husband", she replied. "You see, my husband is a real jerk. Always critical and always cynical and always on my back about everything. So I plan to take this bird home and put a big ribbon on the cage and set it on the table with the door open. He's going to come home from work with an attitude as he always does. When he walks in the kitchen, he's going to say, "What the hell is this?". I'll tell him, "Darling, this is the fabulous Crunch Bird!" He'll take one look at it and holler, "Crunch Bird my ass!".............
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| 10/9/2008 7:12:23 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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Good one
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| 10/9/2008 7:22:29 AM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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liatris
Fairfield, CT
age: 43
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A maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Maria, times are tough. I must make do on what my husband gives me. I'm not getting a raise. Tell me three reasons why you deserve one."
Maria says, "Well Senora, The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "I see."
Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?!"
Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."
She got the raise.
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| 10/9/2008 11:17:01 PM |
And That's When the Fight Started |
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monty_python
Bridgeport, CT
age: 54
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The visibly upset man sat in front of the doctor with tears in his eyes.
"What's bothering you today, sir?", asked the doctor.
"I don't know. There's like something wrong with my mind. I can't remember anything. I forget my children's names. I can't remember what kind of car I drive. I go to a movie and an hour later I can't recall anything about it. Sometimes I don't even remember I was there. I forget my anniversary, my birthday and all the other important dates in my life. I look at my wife and sometimes don't recognize her. I walk down the street and can't recall where my house is located. I forget how to do things on my job. My life is a living hell doc and I need some help here now before I go nuts!"
The doctor sat there thinking for a few minutes, digesting what the man had told him.
"So tell me sir", he said. "How long have you had this problem?"
"What problem?"
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