| 11/27/2008 6:06:27 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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fote
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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I have been on DH for 5 months, entering over 2,000 posts. Being one looking for a serious relationship, i found that there are many that just prefer the comfort of the conversations here and, have drawn a line in the sand when it comes to initiating a constructive basis to continue. So what is it that holds us back? I am equally guilty of this and realized that it wasn't them, but my being TOO careful. There are some good topics on the subject of serious relationships, where the serious candidates gather and yet, i see a lot of talk and no walk...what gives? What holds you back?
[Edited 11/27/2008 6:09:16 AM PST]
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| 11/27/2008 6:58:17 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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evileddy
Ottawa, ON
age: 35
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Nothing.
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| 11/27/2008 7:16:31 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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countrycharmer
Medina, OH
age: 44
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This dating site is not much different from other dating sites with the exception the individuals are less judgmental and cruel in comparison to other sites.
Internet dating such as DH and others is just another opportunity to bring people together. It works for some and not for others and it is an individual thing to decide when to move on. My personal belief is that if it has not met anyone in 6 months, then it is time to move on.
If your here as a personal release of some kind on the forums, then that is alright also.
My 2-cents
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| 11/27/2008 7:21:37 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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kitise
Greenwood, SC
age: 30
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good one..for me whe a woman gets so serious i freak out...
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| 11/27/2008 7:37:11 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
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So far my list that held me back after meeting someone have been:
Distance. I can't move to the other side of the country because I
do have children.
One man I met was married, that don't work for me.
Another man couldn't accept me because of my previous marriage.
I understand and that is his right.
The last was just too young. Can't start a real relationship if
someone is going to lie about their age.
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| 11/27/2008 7:58:32 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 40
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What holds me back I think is my desire to know there is a possibility for a forever relationship. I guess I need things to be right. I too am probably a bit cautious.
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| 11/27/2008 8:20:25 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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theshadow_
Beaver, UT
age: 38
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where the serious candidates gather and yet, i see a lot of talk and no walk...what gives?
Your going to get all kinds of excuses on here why alot can't find anyone. People are afraid to live and actually let somone in. It's easy talk all kinds, but to do anything about it, is a whole new world.
You have people that wont settle for less. It's nice you care about yourself, but what does I wont settle for less really mean? With just about everyone that says that. To me it means you have to have what "I" want, when it should be what "WE" want.
Then you have the ones that say, i'm looking for somone that is affectionate, loving, caring. The funny thing is, there not that why themselves, so how can you expect somthing from somone when your unable to give that yourself?
You have the ones that live in a fantasy world. looking for true love, the "One" my soul mate etc. The reality is, this is the net and the chances of somone finding that. Your better off playing the lottery.
And then there is attraction, it plays a big part in meeting somone. The ones that i think are really funny, are the ones that say attraction don't matter. Hell, there is alot of good hearted people on the forum, yet, the ones that attraction don't matter. They been on sites for years or will be, saying the same thing. Hm, wonder why there still single.
The simple fact is, if people would be "honest" with themselves of what they want and not what they think they should "have" and just look for somone that would make them happy. I bet the ones that do look for somone to be happy with wont be on here 10 years from now asking the same questions that alot do. The ole, why can't i find a nice Women/Men etc etc. What i do know, is that people don't know how to become a friend with the person they'er interested in and they will meet somone, but don't take the time to actually get to know them. Yeah, i know there are some that have done that and it didn't worked out, but how well did you actually know them? You know, like you get the ones that meet somone and it doesn't work out and come back on here and complain about it. Usually they will lie and say they took the time getting to know them, and come to find out latter in the post. It's only been two weeks they known them. The fact is, people don't wont to live and tack a chance in life alot of the time. That alone will stop you from growing and actually meeting somone.
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| 11/27/2008 8:21:44 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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lynx64
Reedsburg, WI
age: 45
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I don't want to commit to anything serious. I have been hurt badly in the past & that's caused this fear for me. I don't want to take that chance that I'll be left high & dry again when the guy walks out for no real reason.
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| 11/27/2008 8:27:50 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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theshadow_
Beaver, UT
age: 38
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I don't want to commit to anything serious. I have been hurt badly in the past & that's caused this fear for me. I don't want to take that chance that I'll be left high & dry again when the guy walks out for no real reason.
See, this is some of what i'm talking about. So your going to live in fear for the rest of your life? how is that actually growing or learning anything what so ever. What has it ever really done for you?
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| 11/27/2008 8:36:42 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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sedonaphotofan
Sedona, AZ
age: 45
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Thee reality of a serious relationship is out there. The distance is the biggest hurdle and one that is impossible to get past. For me the ones I have been most attracted to are all on the east coast and the mid west. I have only met a few that are close to me. The reality of a serious relationship is possibility but like everything you have to be patient. I do have to agree, it is hard getting past the hurt but for me i had to, if I can't I would be doing a dis-service to a a future mate.
Karl
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| 11/27/2008 9:23:14 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 40
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See, this is some of what i'm talking about. So your going to live in fear for the rest of your life? how is that actually growing or learning anything what so ever. What has it ever really done for you?
Shadow, it doesn't mean she is going to live in fear forever, it means that is where she is at right now. Everyone is at a particular place in their life at any given time. I have seen lynx's posts and I don't think she will stay there forever, and her honesty stating where she is at right now is a huge step forward. I have a great friend here who was not in a place to date, he just wasn't going to do it, then a beautiful woman walked into his life and he was ready. We all live our lives and go through different stages of living. It is impossible to believe that someone should be where we think they should be.
JMHO
~Klassy
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| 11/27/2008 9:26:14 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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kitise
Greenwood, SC
age: 30
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Shadow, it doesn't mean she is going to live in fear forever, it means that is where she is at right now. Everyone is at a particular place in their life at any given time. I have seen lynx's posts and I don't think she will stay there forever, and her honesty stating where she is at right now is a huge step forward. I have a great friend here who was not in a place to date, he just wasn't going to do it, then a beautiful woman walked into his life and he was ready. We all live our lives and go through different stages of living. It is impossible to believe that someone should be where we think they should be.
JMHO
~Klassy
this is BS 
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| 11/27/2008 9:45:21 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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sedonaphotofan
Sedona, AZ
age: 45
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I have often wondered why or when we all become so negative if we will attract that into our live. The is an old saying that once bitten twice shy.
Everyone heals differently, some talk longer than others. We also have our opinions, why is it that people can't speak freely here. We have 8,000+ INDIVIDUALS here that means 8000+ different opinions, we are not always going to get along. That said, we will not get into a serious relationship until we get pass the stuff that we need to clean up. JMHO
Karl
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| 11/27/2008 9:51:04 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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theshadow_
Beaver, UT
age: 38
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Shadow, it doesn't mean she is going to live in fear forever, it means that is where she is at right now. Everyone is at a particular place in their life at any given time. I have seen lynx's posts and I don't think she will stay there forever, and her honesty stating where she is at right now is a huge step forward. I have a great friend here who was not in a place to date, he just wasn't going to do it, then a beautiful woman walked into his life and he was ready. We all live our lives and go through different stages of living. It is impossible to believe that someone should be where we think they should be.
JMHO
~Klassy
I have to disagree, people that live in fear whether you find somone or not, doesn't not make a difference of them being in fear or not. Yeah, right now as you put it. What happens if she don't find the one untill her death bed? She wont be any different and even then, no one can change who you are. You have to do it. Untill then, you will live in that fear because you chose not to move on.
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| 11/27/2008 11:09:34 AM |
The Reality of serious relationships on DH |
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fote
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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A number of great issues here. Thank you all. The first of the many resonsons i often see is the one about the LDR's. I am already down on the books as doing it...the trick is to be certain that all of the basic qualifiers are in place, tons of pre-meet communication; resulting in a better than "good" desire to be with that person. I am looking for a serious relationship and, allow the other person to reinforce the things that i love....not like or want. I also want her to feel the same. For Serrious relationship i belive this would work...yet i am afraid that for the obvious reasons, not for dating.
CountryCharmer :
Internet dating such as DH and others is just another opportunity to bring people together. It works for some and not for others and it is an individual thing to decide when to move on. My personal belief is that if it has not met anyone in 6 months, then it is time to move on.
What tends to happen here is that there is a cycle in which the guard changes. Most of the people i knew 5 months ago are gone and there are twice as many new people here to replace them. So, i think that waiting it out into the next cycle might benefit.
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