| 12/10/2008 8:53:45 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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dsc3269
Concord, AR
age: 32
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Gotta a question that I would love some honest answers to, something thats been on mind for awhile. First a little history would help I guess. I have been divorced for a little over two years now, I have two beautiful daughters ages 7 and 6 that are my world. Me and the ex get along pretty good most of the time, prolly better now than when were together. Anway, awhile back, she brought up the idea of us getting back together. She said she wishes we hadn't divorced, and she wants to try and work things out. Anway, lately she has been trying to make me feel guilty, purposely or not, i dont know, by saying that our kids deserve both parents in their lives, instead of a broken home. And, in a way I agree with her. I do the best I can as a dad, but its hard when your not with them all the time, and believe me it sucks, as anybody who is in that situation can relate to. Its just not the same when your not there 24/7, no matter how hard you try. So in that sense I agree with her. The thing is, Im not ready to work things out. I am enjoying being single right now. She thinks Im being selfish. I can see her point. I always say that I would do anything for my girls to make them happy. Well if being at home and being a full time day would make them happy, shouldn't I do it? Shouldn't I sacrifice my happiness for the sake of the kids to make them happy? Every parents goal should be to provide the best for their kids, and I dont know if im doing that right now. My take on it is if we do try and work things out, and it doesn't work again, then we would be putting the kids through all the turmoil again. I dont know, I guess IM just rambling, but this is something that has been on my mind for a while, and I thought maybe I could get some good opinions on here. So if anybody takes the time to actually read all this crap, then feel free to comment.
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| 12/10/2008 9:02:24 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
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I took the time to read it...all of it.
First let me say I commend you for being a real man.
This is a beautiful thing to witness. Makes you human.
Also tells me that your love as a father is very real and very deep.
My heart feels warmed that you are willing to look at yourself.
I've said this before and I'll say it again...
I'm quoting a great author...
A man is finally worth something when the battle he starts to fight
is inside himself.
You deserve a standing ovation.
My advice is to savor this moment and not to look for an instant answer
because this is a very real and important decision.
What I would like to do is give you a tool to help you.
Something I think will help you find the right answer for yourself.
If your open to it just shoot me a message and I'll get it in your hands
if you are willing to read it and do the work.
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| 12/10/2008 9:03:01 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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wearp1
Steinbach, MB
age: 45
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OK well first off sometimes it is better to stay apart.
also if you are thinking about getting back together,I would suggest you both go and seek professional help before you do try it.JMO
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| 12/10/2008 9:06:21 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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rocklady
Lenoir, NC
age: 46
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The best thing for anybody and the people they love is to be the happiest they can possibly be. Sometimes it's best for the kids for parents to separate but keep in mind it doesn't mean looking for someone else. So many people make these mistakes when all in all they really just needed to find themselves
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| 12/10/2008 9:06:32 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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sharolas
Elk Grove Village, IL
age: 38
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Gotta a question that I would love some honest answers to, something thats been on mind for awhile. First a little history would help I guess. I have been divorced for a little over two years now, I have two beautiful daughters ages 7 and 6 that are my world. Me and the ex get along pretty good most of the time, prolly better now than when were together. Anway, awhile back, she brought up the idea of us getting back together. She said she wishes we hadn't divorced, and she wants to try and work things out. Anway, lately she has been trying to make me feel guilty, purposely or not, i dont know, by saying that our kids deserve both parents in their lives, instead of a broken home. And, in a way I agree with her. I do the best I can as a dad, but its hard when your not with them all the time, and believe me it sucks, as anybody who is in that situation can relate to. Its just not the same when your not there 24/7, no matter how hard you try. So in that sense I agree with her. The thing is, Im not ready to work things out. I am enjoying being single right now. She thinks Im being selfish. I can see her point. I always say that I would do anything for my girls to make them happy. Well if being at home and being a full time day would make them happy, shouldn't I do it? Shouldn't I sacrifice my happiness for the sake of the kids to make them happy? Every parents goal should be to provide the best for their kids, and I dont know if im doing that right now. My take on it is if we do try and work things out, and it doesn't work again, then we would be putting the kids through all the turmoil again. I dont know, I guess IM just rambling, but this is something that has been on my mind for a while, and I thought maybe I could get some good opinions on here. So if anybody takes the time to actually read all this crap, then feel free to comment.
That is a situation that only you can really answer. But if things did not work out in the first place, it may not work out in the second round. I would just give it some good thought before you jump. Trying to make you feel guilty that is not right. You and your ex really need to sit down and weigh out the pro's and con's of why you two are no longer together. I agree with you if it does not work out again the kids will see all the turmoil once again. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your kids while you two are not together. I just want to wish you the best of luck in your decision.
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| 12/10/2008 9:18:29 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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futureunknown
Marshfield, WI
age: 39
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Your right. What if things don't work out? I think it will be even harder on the kids if you were to split a second time. You have to ask yourself if she really does want to get back together or is she just feeling lonely. Does she see you enjoying being single and is jealous of that? Just some things to consider. Good luck, hope everything works out for you.
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| 12/10/2008 9:27:27 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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just4fun1974
San Marcos, TX
age: 34
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hay I know what you are felling is was married for 16 years and it was a good one for the first 7 or 8 years than it went south i tried to have a game face but it did not work for long .My kids and I are closer now than ever but it was the hardest thing I have ever done in mylife but it is up too you to make that call .you need to look inside of yourself for the answer . GOOD LUCK
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| 12/10/2008 9:32:34 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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kycountrygurl
Madisonville, KY
age: 32
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my ex husband proposed that same idea. He wanted to get back together (even though he already had another woman living with him) and work everything out for the sake of our then 10 year old son. My mom even begged me to stay for my son's sake. My son handled the separation very well. He could tell that I wasn't happy with his dad and he wanted me to find my true happiness. No matter what people say, you can't live your life for your kids. You can't stay in an unhappy relationship just so your kids will have a mommy and a daddy together. Your kids are smart enough to sense when parents are unhappy. Follow your heart and let it lead the way.
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| 12/10/2008 9:49:50 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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jasmi
Latrobe, PA
age: 51
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Well, I am probably not the best one to be giving advice, because I stayed in a loveless marriage for 22 years for the sake of my children. I filed for divorce when my youngest got married. I can't say I regret staying, but my ex and I got along okay, there was just no love there. I felt pretty unhappy during that time. If I were you, I would not get back if it's going to make you miserable, you can't be any good to your kids if you are unhappy yourself. So it boils down to, what kind of person you are when you are with your ex? Is the situation tolerable or unbearable for you? That answer will tell you which way to go. Good Luck to you.
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| 12/10/2008 9:52:39 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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sean23gata
Beeville, TX
age: 25
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naw man. when i got back from the war, i had the same problem. my wife found a boyfriend when i was gone, and i found out. at first i thought that it was something that i could look past. seeing as though she's the mother of my daughter. i tried, but in the end, i even told her to her face. she disgusted me. i could've cheated the opportunities were there, but i didn't. i could control myself. i couldn't be with her anymore, and since then i really havent had much of a conversation with her.
she said sorry said she would change, but i couldn't chance it. i had gotten out of active duty cause she asked me. then she turns around gets all pissed off like as if i was the one that cheated and asked her back. f**k that bro. kids are cool, i miss my daughter and not a day goes by that i don't regret the decisions that i made, but in the long run i knew that i wouldn't be happy and i WOULD end up cheating on my wife.
it's just better off that my daughter not have me around than to see me and her mom always fighting.
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| 12/11/2008 10:46:54 AM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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countrycharmer
Medina, OH
age: 43
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First of all, children are resilient and are better off with parents in different households than to grow up in an environment that is often filled with bicker, arguments and most of all a “loveless” relationship which they will most likely mimic in relationships that they have when they get older. I guess this was all documented somehow since my magistrate in my divorce had a 3” document he kept referencing to this exact thing that was prepared by experts in the field.
As for the “gilt” she is throwing your way, this is called transference of her part of the divorce stuff or she is out to use you again (if this was your case in the first place).
Anyways, my 2-cents take on this.
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| 12/11/2008 11:19:08 AM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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mmaru
Erie, PA
age: 24
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I don't think it's a good idea to stay together solely for the kids. Kids learn a lot from how their parents act, which includes how they interact. I know a lot of what I look for in a future relationship is what I've seen with my parents; they set the example for me of what marriage should be like. You do the same for your children, and since you very clearly adore your girls, I think it's better for you to let them see that they can be happy single rather than learn to expect marriage to be something loveless.
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| 12/11/2008 12:31:49 PM |
Should you stay with someone for the sake of the kids? |
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lillibet
New South Wales
Australia
age: 51 online now!
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NO there is no going back...Knowing how much you love them is what your daughters need to know more than you and your ex attempting to try marriage again..9 .99 times out of 10 it doesnt work and just causes more stress and strife than its worth...Children know when their parents are not happy why make them carry that burden??You have to do what is right for you first in order to do whats right for them...Be honest at all times and your girls will love you and respect you for it...P.S and tell your ex to quit with the emotional blackmail thing.....
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