| 12/13/2008 5:41:36 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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cody83
Austin, TX
age: 53
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This story took place when I lived in the same house the raccoons were gracious enough to share. It involves the people next door, yours truly, and a hapless squirrel, thus the
name. 
My neighbor was the sort that never spoke to you unless she needed something, even tho her younger son practically lived at our house. 
One day the phone rang. Imagine that.  I answered it as I find that tends to stop that annoying ringing sound.
It was HER. Cue spooky music here. She asked me to come over RIGHT AWAY, but
wouldn’t tell me why. I asked her what was wrong. All she could do was say repeatedly,
“Please! Come right now.” 
So I rushed over, thinking she or a family member was quite ill. I rang the bell. She
answered. Apparently she didn’t like annoying ringing sounds, either.
She just looked at me, pointed up the stairs and said, “It’s up there.”
I could see her 12 yr old standing at the head of the stairs by a closed door. He didn’t look very happy.  For some crazy reason I had a flash about the risk you take by opening door #3  . Did they have a tiger in there? Don’t know why that popped into my head. Too much Twilight Zone or Rudyard Kipling? Maybe Hunter S. Thompson? Anyway, that’s what was going through my mind. 
I mounted the stairs (even tho I wasn’t that desperate  ) and slipped past her son. Still, no one would tell me what was going on.
I took a deep breath - this was their bathroom after all – and slowly opened the door. Nothing there. I turned around to see what sort of joke they were playing on me.  She called out – from the safety of the foot of the stairs – “It’s in the toilet.” I thought, well her kid is 12 yrs old, surely I’m not here to see a stool sample  .
The toilet lid was closed. I recalled my old fear of toilet snakes – not the plumber’s kind. I gingerly raised the lid. I preferred Allspice, but this was not the thyme for that. 
Inside was floating a squirrel. I poked him with the toilet plunger. He didn’t poke back. He was dead. I was glad. My squirrel combat skills were rusty.
I stood there a moment, thinking, ‘why the heck did you call me over for this?’
She explained that her son couldn’t use public toilets, so he’d come home early from school for personal reasons. He’d called her to come home from work when he discovered the squirrel in the toilet. Guess they had a limit of 2 nuts in the toilet at once. 
So I trudged back home at a considerably slow pace than I’d raced over there. That squirrel wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Even if they flushed.
I scrounged up rubber gloves, a shovel, and a garbage bag and returned to their house.
Perhaps squirrels wield a power greater than I suspect as they were still both in the same positions as when I'd left. So was the squirrel.
To their immense relief and my bemusement, I scooped up the squirrel - still dead - with the shovel and gloves and took it home to bury.
As I entered our yard, my husband pulled up in the driveway. He saw me with the bag and called out, “What’s in the bag?” He always was an original thinker.
I just grinned and replied, “Supper!” We went out to eat that night. 
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| 12/13/2008 6:03:20 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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bethanybea
Camden Wyoming, DE
age: 52 online now!
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Awww what is this place coming to...First Vegetables have taken on an entire new meaning making it difficult to eat a thing anymore...then here comes the blonde thread which only interates my say lack of knowledge in some matters and now oh my goodness my beloved squirrels are drowning in peoples toliets!!! this is not a sign of happy times ahead!!!
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| 12/13/2008 6:17:32 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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huronearth
Beulah, MI
age: 56 online now!
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Geez, cody... did you write that? That was hilarious... I want to be your publisher!!!
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| 12/13/2008 6:21:16 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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dasanii
Bad Axe, MI
age: 51
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cody---
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| 12/13/2008 6:21:48 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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swdove
Simms, MT
age: 56
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| 12/13/2008 6:25:27 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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sorprano
Wayne, NJ
age: 56
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rating = 10 of these  
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| 12/13/2008 6:26:24 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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settee_for_2
Argyle, TX
age: 55
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Good one, Cody! You're my hero.
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| 12/13/2008 6:39:36 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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gentlebear1949
Wooster, OH
age: 59 online now!
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| 12/13/2008 7:01:49 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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explorer11
Rolla, MO
age: 62
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| 12/13/2008 7:43:11 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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judi35
Madisonville, KY
age: 59 online now!
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| 12/13/2008 8:09:06 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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batgirl57
Sun City Center, FL
age: 53
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Cody,
you should send that into the writers for one of the sitcoms...I bet they would use it in an episode!
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| 12/13/2008 9:47:46 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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whiteoak3
Warren, AR
age: 52
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Cody ,that neighborhood is haunted,jinxed,and.....a hoot! Can't wait to hear about the block parties ya'll had! Ya' still live there? Oh and the "what's for supper line" was fast thinking !!
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| 12/13/2008 9:56:08 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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shari1955
Butler, KY
age: 53
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We used to have birds come down the chimney and fly around the house. I thought nothing was as freaky as those birds hitting the walls the big windows and dive bombing at you.. Well until a bat got in the house..All I could think of was that damn bat getting in this long hair..I have heard stories of this happening.. I left the house til the x got home.. I made him rid the house of this bat lol..I guess men are good for other things other than sex lol..
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| 12/13/2008 10:24:28 AM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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mokaybee
Poplar Bluff, MO
age: 48
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Awww nuts, Cody, ya didn't serve him for dinner?
Waste not, want not. 
I love the way you write with all the tongue in cheek side comments. Good to know I'm not the only one with a running commentary from a crazy comedian in my head.
Remind me to tell you about my daughter and the lizard, later. K
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| 12/13/2008 12:02:09 PM |
Night of the toilet squirrel |
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shari1955
Butler, KY
age: 53
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Gives a new meaning to the term road kill lol..
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