Need Opinions on a Situation

12/31/2008 9:10:46 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
lnlass Laguna Niguel, CA age: 51	HI all, hope all had a Merry Christmas and will have a Happy New Year. Well, as some of you know, I had started seeing someone before Thanksgiving, and we both decided to start off as FWBs and see whether we may want to take it from there to a LTR. Last saw him the weekend before Christmas, and we had a wonderful time. We were going to get together between Christmas and New Year, but all I got was a couple texts wishing a Merry Christmas Eve and Merry Christmas. But, trying to obey the rules of FWBs, I was not going to pry. Well, I got an email Monday night in which he apologized for not contacting me for the past eight days, but apparently some former girlfriend has turned up. He says nothing physical has happened, but they do have history. But, he also says that that he is not sure he wants this woman back in his life and that he likes me and enjoys being with me, so he is dumbfounded and trying to figure out what to do. I emailed him back reminding him that I wanted a mongamous situation and and stated he would have to decide whether he wants that woman back in his life and if he does, we can remain friends without benefits because we share many common interests and would hate to lose him as a friend. I also stated that if he decided he would rather be with me than this woman I would be willing to continue seeing him as FWBs for now but at some point one or both of us will have to decide whether to drop the benefits and just be friends or to enter into a long term regular dating relationship. Has anyone been in a situation like this? You think my reaction was rational or am I crazy? I am trying to figure out what his level of confusion is...whether he really wants to get back with this other woman or whether he perhaps he really wants to be with me as more than FWBs. Thoughts?
12/31/2008 9:13:04 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
drummaster777 Federal Way, WA age: 33	Uhh...the whole point of a FWB relationship is that you're NOT monogamous. Otherwise, it's no different than a LTR.
12/31/2008 9:15:21 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
str8fwd Titusville, FL age: 47	Yes, quit trying to think for him.You will just get a headache. Keep your eyes and ears open. Let nature take it's course. This isn't your first rodeo, I am sure. Best of luck to you!!!
12/31/2008 9:15:32 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
lnlass Laguna Niguel, CA age: 51	That is interesting. We both decided on a monagamous FWB because we are concerned about STDs and neither of us has alot of time nor inclination to be with mulitple partners. Maybe ours is really not a FWB as most would define it...
12/31/2008 9:16:54 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
kamingo Toledo, OH age: 46	xzactly what drummaster said .... duh ....
12/31/2008 9:17:12 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
fallnstar Miami, FL age: 48	drummaster777 Over 1,000 Posts (1,109) Auburn, WA age: 33 online now! view: posts \| threads joined: Jan. 2008 Uhh...the whole point of a FWB relationship is that you're NOT monogamous. Otherwise, it's no different than a LTR. ****************************** I Agree with Drumm... He is right. Good luck
12/31/2008 9:18:04 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 43	Quote from lnlass: I am trying to figure out what his level of confusion is...whether he really wants to get back with this other woman or whether he perhaps he really wants to be with me as more than FWBs. Thoughts? My only thought is.... what do YOU want? YOU have as much say in the matter as he does... it's YOUR relationship as much as his. Why are you letting his actions and this GF falling out of the sky determine the course of your relationship with this man? I know it is painful... believe me... but at the end of the day, he's not the last man in the world, and as much as you may enjoy his company, I think you might want more from this than you are letting on... from previous posts, I think you have feelings for this man that you want to explore in a more committed relationship... and that is fine and normal and good. What will you do if he says he wants to go back to the old ways with the old GF? He isn't sure but they have history... that's crap. What's not to be sure about? history is in the past. Look to your future; decide where you want things to go with this man, be honest and upfront with him... if living within his confines doesn't work for you, then it simply doesn't. Good luck, and I hope that whatever course your relationship takes with him, YOU are comfortable with it, YOU are determining your direction, and YOU are valued- and know it- as much as you deserve and want to be.
12/31/2008 9:18:32 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
lnlass Laguna Niguel, CA age: 51	So either we are both clueless about traditional definition of a FBW situation or he has been lying about being agreeable to being monagamous....hmm. But given that he has told me about this other woman I think the former not the latter.
12/31/2008 9:18:58 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
nolybam Barrie, ON age: 42	Quote from lnlass: HI all, hope all had a Merry Christmas and will have a Happy New Year. Well, as some of you know, I had started seeing someone before Thanksgiving, and we both decided to start off as FWBs and see whether we may want to take it from there to a LTR. Last saw him the weekend before Christmas, and we had a wonderful time. We were going to get together between Christmas and New Year, but all I got was a couple texts wishing a Merry Christmas Eve and Merry Christmas. But, trying to obey the rules of FWBs, I was not going to pry. Well, I got an email Monday night in which he apologized for not contacting me for the past eight days, but apparently some former girlfriend has turned up. He says nothing physical has happened, but they do have history. But, he also says that that he is not sure he wants this woman back in his life and that he likes me and enjoys being with me, so he is dumbfounded and trying to figure out what to do. I emailed him back reminding him that I wanted a mongamous situation and and stated he would have to decide whether he wants that woman back in his life and if he does, we can remain friends without benefits because we share many common interests and would hate to lose him as a friend. I also stated that if he decided he would rather be with me than this woman I would be willing to continue seeing him as FWBs for now but at some point one or both of us will have to decide whether to drop the benefits and just be friends or to enter into a long term regular dating relationship. Has anyone been in a situation like this? You think my reaction was rational or am I crazy? I am trying to figure out what his level of confusion is...whether he really wants to get back with this other woman or whether he perhaps he really wants to be with me as more than FWBs. I imagine there are no hard and fast rules for FWBs but my view on it, just strictly that and there are no really expectations what the other can or cannot do. Because you two aren't actually dating, each is free to do what they want. But he is being honest and you have been honest about what each other wants. I guess when he makes a decision then you can make yours.Sounds to me like neither one of you really want to be FWB, but are actually starting to look into something more long term. Sorry I'm not being much help here..lol Thoughts?
12/31/2008 9:19:33 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
laframage Raleigh, NC age: 24	Be careful.. you are crossing dangerous territory where the next thing you say could terminate the friendship as well. This is the worst part about the whole FWB thing... It's great when there isn't too much emotional attachment and you are both satisfying the other person's needs for the time being. My guess? (And this is only my guess) He doesn't know what he wants.. How long has it been since him and his ex split? If it's under a year, chances are he will either give you the friend speech or disappear entirely. If it's been over a year, then the possibility of him wanting to take it further with you is plausible, but still unlikely. (Sorry, I'm not trying to be a downer..) The best way to play this is very cool, and I don't think you have strayed from that yet. You have stated what you want, and that's good, however be weary of returning to the FWB area.. I've noticed that if guys get extremely comfortable in that territory, they won't ever leave it. So basically protect yourself, and good luck!
12/31/2008 9:20:33 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
seakats Palm City, FL age: 46	can anyone really be trusted?? sounds like he spent enough time with an old flame to have that great make up sex. But probably will break up with her because the trust is gone. Two people getting back together have to wonder when the other one will walk out the door, that is the kind of trust I am talking about here.
12/31/2008 9:21:03 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
fallnstar Miami, FL age: 48	lnlass Over 1,000 Posts (1,583) Laguna Niguel, CA age: 51 online now! view: posts \| threads joined: Aug. 2008 That is interesting. We both decided on a monagamous FWB because we are concerned about STDs and neither of us has alot of time nor inclination to be with mulitple partners. Maybe ours is really not a FWB as most would define it... ***************************** So then, You both decided to NOT have a FWB relationship. Period. I couldn't have one either ( FWB ) I don't share my sexual partner... And, am also VERY concerned with STD's.
12/31/2008 9:21:34 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
lnlass Laguna Niguel, CA age: 51	Quote from missmmeoftheday: My only thought is.... what do YOU want? YOU have as much say in the matter as he does... it's YOUR relationship as much as his. Why are you letting his actions and this GF falling out of the sky determine the course of your relationship with this man? I know it is painful... believe me... but at the end of the day, he's not the last man in the world, and as much as you may enjoy his company, I think you might want more from this than you are letting on... from previous posts, I think you have feelings for this man that you want to explore in a more committed relationship... and that is fine and normal and good. What will you do if he says he wants to go back to the old ways with the old GF? He isn't sure but they have history... that's crap. What's not to be sure about? history is in the past. Look to your future; decide where you want things to go with this man, be honest and upfront with him... if living within his confines doesn't work for you, then it simply doesn't. Good luck, and I hope that whatever course your relationship takes with him, YOU are comfortable with it, YOU are determining your direction, and YOU are valued- and know it- as much as you deserve and want to be. \\ Some great advice, from you and all posters. I share alot of common interests with this guy, so first and foremost I would like to remain friends, even if just platonic. If he gets back with this old girlfriend, I suppose it is unrealistic to think he would have much time for me as a friend, much less whether she would allow it.... I guess time will tell. Regardless of whether we wind up together, I just hope he is not setting himself up for a second failure with this other woman.
12/31/2008 9:23:45 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
missmmeoftheday Brooklyn, NY age: 43	honestly... and for this I am probably in the minority... but I have a real problem with labeling relationships as FWB, f*ck buddies, etc.... there are no clear cut boundaries when it comes to most real-life situations... and you realize that as you live your life... you are dating this man, you are involved in an adult relationship, and it is about two months old. That's the basics. Maybe with the holidays he wanted to be less intense, less involved, because it is the holidays and sometimes people get idealistic about what is what... I don't know what FWB really is, to be honest. To me, it is dating. To me, it is spending time with someone I enjoy, casually, and seeing what happens. It's dating. It's not I love you.... but it doesn't discount that as a possibility. PS... don't be so concerned about him setting himself up for another failure with this other woman... as altruistic as you might want to be, you are trying to see his pain instead of your own, IMO. We've all done it... but be true to yourself. [Edited 12/31/2008 9:25:27 AM]
12/31/2008 9:24:46 AM	Need Opinions on a Situation
drummaster777 Federal Way, WA age: 33	Quote from lnlass: \\ Some great advice, from you and all posters. I share alot of common interests with this guy, so first and foremost I would like to remain friends, even if just platonic. If he gets back with this old girlfriend, I suppose it is unrealistic to think he would have much time for me as a friend, much less whether she would allow it.... I guess time will tell. Regardless of whether we wind up together, I just hope he is not setting himself up for a second failure with this other woman. What he wants most likely is to be having a FWB relationship with you and her at the same time. That's the ideal situation for a guy. If you're not cool with that, then a FWB relationship isn't for you. Most women aren't very good at those types of relationships.

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