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| 1/27/2009 11:03:39 AM |
Think before you speak |
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lookin4luv63
Columbus, OH
age: 46 online now!
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Think before you speak....
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is
great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word..
he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking , I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with
men's balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was
very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clot hes with
me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting
worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time
he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
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| 1/27/2009 11:06:52 AM |
Think before you speak |
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funluvromance
Bedford, PA
age: 46
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LMAO Keith!!! Thanks for the chuckle 
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| 1/27/2009 11:10:12 AM |
Think before you speak |
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twilightbutrfly
Garland, TX
age: 50
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 Thank you for sharing that with us
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| 1/27/2009 11:12:32 AM |
Think before you speak |
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memike46b
Phoenix, AZ
age: 46
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that was too funny....
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| 1/27/2009 11:29:55 AM |
Think before you speak |
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countrybumpkin7
Covington, TN
age: 38
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thanks Keith for the laugh I needed that too funny 
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| 1/27/2009 1:17:43 PM |
Think before you speak |
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debsheart
New Milford, CT
age: 50
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hysterical honey
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| 1/27/2009 1:54:23 PM |
Think before you speak |
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nab5055
Medford, NJ
age: 44
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OMG....thanks Keith, I needed that
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| 1/27/2009 2:00:58 PM |
Think before you speak |
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sportjester
Mobile, AL
age: 42
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MY TESTIMONY
When I was 10 years old, I watched the movie "The Bible" on television. In it, there was a scene where Eve had a baby for the first time. She looked at it and said "I've laid a man."
Even without knowing the double meaning here, I still thought it was kind of funny. You lay an egg, having a baby is like laying an egg, and a baby is a miniature man, so she laid a man like she laid an egg.
A few weeks later, I was in the car with my parents and a couple of friends of theirs. I made a reference to my mother as "Mommy" and their friend said "What is a mommy?"
I said "A mommy is someone who has laid a man."
I could not figure out why everybody in the car cracked up, yet my mother told me not ever to say that again.
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| 1/27/2009 2:02:00 PM |
Think before you speak |
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windwhispers
Auburn, WA
age: 39
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that was good keith
i got one to
in the coffee thread one morning half asleep.
i wrote good morning i brought dognuts 
didnt noticed i forgot a couple letters now i have it right
DOUGHNUTS
i got a couple e mails for that one
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| 1/27/2009 2:02:31 PM |
Think before you speak |
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nab5055
Medford, NJ
age: 44
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Love that one.......
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| 1/27/2009 2:24:50 PM |
Think before you speak |
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deannalynnr
Sparrows Point, MD
age: 44
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Yep I would say that would be a good idea to do
Once when working at a campground I had to go inspect some cabins and noticed in one that the ceiling fan globe was barely hanging so I got on the radio to maintenance NOT THINKING BEFORE I SAID...."Could you please come to cabin so and so I need a screw" I was so embarassed when several of the maintenance workers came laughing their asses off saying we come to give you a screw.......I could choked them lol so I try to Think now before I speak!
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| 1/27/2009 3:47:57 PM |
Think before you speak |
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justmysay1
Wichita, KS
age: 38
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When I was about 5 I was messing around with my aunties legs (poking and prodding) My auntie said what are you doing... I said " that's bad, did it hurt?" she said "did what hurt?" I said "when they put those wires in your legs" everyone started laughing and I got into trouble... (I'm still in trouble every time I see her...)
(varicose Veins just in case you didn't understand what the "wire" was)
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| 1/27/2009 3:52:34 PM |
Think before you speak |
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pjbeth
Walnutport, PA
age: 47
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That was too funny Keith! Best laugh I had in ages!
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| 1/27/2009 3:58:32 PM |
Think before you speak |
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4littlebit
Fredericksburg, VA
age: 40
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lmao very good
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| 1/27/2009 4:07:08 PM |
Think before you speak |
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tx_blu_eyz67
San Antonio, TX
age: 42
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thanks i needed that
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