| 2/3/2009 3:34:12 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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sinfulcharming
Fort Wayne, IN
age: 43
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| 1. Do |
| 2. Don't |
| 3. Don't Care |
Sex is a powerful tool. It's an act that you have the right to exercise when you see fit. When you're in a relationship, though, sex becomes a special bond that connects you with your partner. Since relationships aren't always wine and roses, it's not uncommon for people to withhold sex as a form of punishment during an argument, but doesn't that create a power struggle in an otherwise healthy relationship? What do you all think: Is withholding sex as a form of punishment a do or a don't?
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| 2/3/2009 3:41:15 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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countrysweet677
Waverly, NY
age: 49
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in my book its a don't if you care deeply or love each other why would you waste time not showing it.
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| 2/3/2009 3:43:21 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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wahoo4u2
Nashville, TN
age: 62
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That would be a terrible thing to do. But, if you are too angry with someone to have sex that is a different story. A person may not feel particularly amorous toward someone when there is some strife in the relationship, but actually using sex to punish is unthinkable to me.
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| 2/3/2009 3:47:23 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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tacataca
York, PA
age: 41
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I will say that if you are in a really big argument,as in a serious,emotionally charged, possible relationship ending argument,not a ..you- wont- pick up- your- socks- or You dont like my cooking??-argument..you may not feel like sex for awhile..I don't view that as witholding.That's more like "I'm not sure I even LIKE you right now much less want to make love to you"
Now to withold sex because of stupid stuff.. as punishment?? I never got it..
Actually for punishment you just tell them "tonight I am being selfish..Its all about ME ..." lol NOT witholding also says "I may not be really happy with you right now..but I still love you"
Maybe those of us who only get sex for a short while every few years look at it different than those who seem to be in relationships all the time too..I don't know.
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| 2/3/2009 3:54:23 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 34
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DON'T!! It's cruel!
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| 2/3/2009 3:58:19 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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followurdreams2
Ridgeland, MS
age: 41
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I never do. It would be more punishment to me than him. 
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| 2/3/2009 3:59:39 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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in_doubtalishis
Beaumont, CA
age: 34
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Stupid as hell. Love is not supposed to be a game. So dumb I swear
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| 2/3/2009 4:01:06 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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hsprin
Savannah, MO
age: 33
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No way, cause that punishes me too!!! lol
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| 2/3/2009 4:15:49 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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leftyl8
Waverly, NY
age: 44
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my dad taught me a very good way to live life. he said you never go to bed angry. always settle the arguement before you close the bedroom door. even if it takes all night.
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| 2/3/2009 4:16:39 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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k_tothe_c
Las Vegas, NV
age: 40
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Not a good idea...that will cause most people to just go somewhere else to get it!
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| 2/3/2009 4:17:52 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
age: 53
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I don't play games like that.
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| 2/3/2009 4:19:26 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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saphyrefaery75
Greenbrier, TN
age: 34
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my dad taught me a very good way to live life. he said you never go to bed angry. always settle the arguement before you close the bedroom door. even if it takes all night.
I agree with this 100%
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| 2/3/2009 4:48:18 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 34
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...and the sex when you're makin' up is grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
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| 2/3/2009 5:11:27 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 52
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I have never withheld sex as a form of punishment. But like some of you said there were times when I just didn't like him enough to have sex at that time. After someone has called you every name in the book for the last few hours even if you make up before bedtime those words do hurt and it takes a little time to get over it. I'm sorry just takes a little time to sink in.
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| 2/3/2009 5:17:02 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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bryneyes0104
Milwaukee, WI
age: 35
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No because I don't enjoy punishing myself!
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| 2/3/2009 5:30:12 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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sage_way
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 48
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Withholding sex during an argument? No, well not for very long anyway. Having sex AFTER and argument can be way too much fun to hold back. And my one rule about arguments is they must first be substituted with a dozen raw eggs thrown at one another naked (then after which we can see just how much argument is left to be had). Which if you as me, is all the better for sex after an argument because first we would have to start in the shower. BTW, Egg is a perfect natural firming gel..
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| 2/3/2009 5:40:15 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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ilvstlrs
New Church, VA
age: 38
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I've never looked at it as withholding sex as a form of punishment. There were times with my ex-husband that I wasn't in the mood because the argument just took too much out of me. Sometimes it can be both physically and emotionally draining, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep afterward. He could be truly hateful during even the stupidest argument, which doesn't exactly turn me on. Making up usually just meant giving in so I could go to sleep. Obviously, this was not a healthy relationship.
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| 2/3/2009 6:00:32 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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hunter12gauge
Bellaire, OH
age: 47
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Ah...Don't argue...just d*ck her     
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| 2/3/2009 6:13:01 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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bbw46reader
Frederick, MD
age: 47
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I can't vote. It can be attempt to punish. But it doesn't work, does it? If that's what someone is trying to do there something is more wrong in the relationship - or at least with that partner. I mean, if trying to hurt and punish is the dynamic.
I withheld for several months one time (several decades ago) in an attempt to punish. I decided it was stupid and to not do it again. On the other hand, I have been accused of withholding to punish when really I just didn't want to do it/wasn't over the disagreement yet. I don't want to have sex if I'm feeling hurt. I've given in to that before just to shut him up and not seem like a b*tch. Somehow - it felt like rape, i.e. being coerced against my will. But barring any transient aversion on my part- I mean if I want it or just don't care one way or the other, then withholding is dumb in my opinion.
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| 2/3/2009 6:13:27 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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curves385
Saint Petersburg, FL
age: 39
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Don't I would never, sex is something beautiful between 2 people and should never be used as a punishment.
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| 2/3/2009 6:22:55 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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lnlass
Laguna Niguel, CA
age: 52
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There is the old saying don't go to bed angry. If I am angry with my man, I am not likely to want to have sex because I will be too distracted. If I can forgive him or accept whatever it was he has done as done and won't happen again, then fine.
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| 2/3/2009 6:41:49 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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calli_in_durham
Durham, NC
age: 35
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If there is an argument, the two should try to work it out. Sex is too much of an emotional thing for someone to try to do it when angry or hurt or feeling devalued. I just don't see how that can work. The "offending" (we all know when we have done wrong) partner should realize that and the "offended" partner should not hold on to bitterness. To try and manipulate your partner by witholding sex, is just wrong. Talk things over, respect each others space and let things cool down, know that sometimes you have to agree to disagree, remember why you fell in love in the first place, then...
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| 2/3/2009 6:43:26 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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calli_in_durham
Durham, NC
age: 35
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my dad taught me a very good way to live life. he said you never go to bed angry. always settle the arguement before you close the bedroom door. even if it takes all night.
Great advice lefty!
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| 2/3/2009 6:49:12 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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soloact59
Albuquerque, NM
age: 50
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I had an ex girlfriend that would do that, notice I said "ex" girlfriend.
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| 2/3/2009 6:50:12 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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soulcrazy
San Clemente, CA
age: 40
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That would be punishing myself!!!!
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| 2/3/2009 6:52:58 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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ladyvirtue123
Magalia, CA
age: 54
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I've never done that..nor did my ex ever do that to me..that's just immature..one thing my ex did do was to make bets using some sort of sexual act as his payment..I thought that was ridiculous as I was always willing to what ever he wanted when ever he wanted..childs play if you ask me...
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| 2/3/2009 6:55:25 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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blueskiestwo
Grantsburg, WI
age: 39
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would never holdback
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| 2/3/2009 8:22:08 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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cinthianna
Goshen, IN
age: 30
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As others mentioned, withholding opens the door for bigger problems, affairs, resentment..more than I really want to deal with...
I have no will power in that aspect,...so, it would be a game I couldn't play well anyways..
Besides all that....There is alot to be said about Angry sex...
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| 2/3/2009 8:26:42 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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latentheevening
Rock Island, IL
age: 50
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I like a “don’t go to bed angry” agreement
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| 2/3/2009 9:08:27 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 41
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Definitly a "don't" because to do so is playing a game. I can say though, that if I get to the point of arguing with my guy (which takes a lot), I won't have sex with him because I am pissed and don't want to. It's not about punishment. Sex has never been "just sex" to me, so if my heart is hurting, my desire is zero.
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| 2/4/2009 4:13:31 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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lakc
Houston, TX
age: 49
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Who wants to make love when you feel angry/hurt/confused/rejected?
On the other hand, make up sex is wonderful. 
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| 2/4/2009 6:26:49 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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nightwings
Gainesville, FL
age: 43
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I'm punishing my High School girlfriend right now! She's gonna cave any minute......
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| 2/4/2009 6:28:45 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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justmemaree
Queensland
Australia
age: 47
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withholding sex/love making for any reason is wrong.....deserves the death penalty!! 
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| 2/4/2009 7:52:22 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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darlinshel
Clayton, NC
age: 41
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I've heard many people through the years talk about using this kind of control in their relationships just to get their way/material things and never understood why they did. They almost always came back around talking later how their partner ended up cheating on them too. Played the game and got burned is what I say.
During an argument there are hurt feelings and anger and lack of understanding what is going through your partner's head. That is not what I consider holding back sex. If you are screaming at each other and crying, do you really expect to be in the mood?
Why would someone be thinking while in an argument "hey this is turning me on?" That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. If you have arguments that are lasting days and weeks without ever resolving anything, there are some serious problems in the relationship.
Fix the problem then enjoy the makeup sex.
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| 2/4/2009 8:24:16 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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usakindatheart
Overton, TX
age: 49
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Sex is a powerful tool. It's an act that you have the right to exercise when you see fit. When you're in a relationship, though, sex becomes a special bond that connects you with your partner. Since relationships aren't always wine and roses, it's not uncommon for people to withhold sex as a form of punishment during an argument, but doesn't that create a power struggle in an otherwise healthy relationship? What do you all think: Is withholding sex as a form of punishment a do or a don't?
with hold sex cause of an argument??? did you ever think its because she didn't feel a lovey connection at the moment? If you do not resolve arguments, then for a women, it can
and will follow the sexual act. For most ladies equate sex with the emotions they feel for you...
as a punishment??? uh.. no... its because they are not into you at the moment, except thinking.. hmmm he wants sex, after calling me stupid... hell no...
if i am so stupid.. why would he wants sex with me...??? unless he just wants sex..
which then he can go and buy a 100 dollar hooker and get the same thing...
$$$$
for most men, not all.. they do not equate sex with emotion, so they can actually hate a woman.. and still get their rocks off...
$$$$
see the difference?? its not punishment... its about two diffrent people feeling diffrent about sex...
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| 2/4/2009 9:25:05 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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stariemoon
Dripping Springs, TX
age: 32
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No because I don't enjoy punishing myself!
I agree.. why punish myself....
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| 2/4/2009 10:17:06 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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lv692
Summerville, GA
age: 41
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When you love someone you don't punish them by with holding sex( LOVE ). Love them every chance you get!
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| 2/4/2009 5:29:19 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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bigslade
O Fallon, IL
age: 31
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Not feeling like having sex as a result of an argument or fight is one thing. Purposely withholding sex as a way to punish your sig other is just wrong. Personally, if you will stoop to that, there are other, bigger problems in your relationship.
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| 2/4/2009 11:34:01 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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sonnabo
Fairhope, AL
age: 31
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I would never withhold sex as a form of punishment. But if someone treats you like shit all day and then wants to have sex at night, can they really be surprised when you're just not in the mood??
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| 2/4/2009 11:39:19 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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serenity0515
Mesquite, TX
age: 35
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I think withholding sex as a punishment is stupid!! JMO
~S
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| 2/4/2009 11:45:46 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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sullyxxx
Monticello, KY
age: 32
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sex isnt a tool that one should use in a relationship for aruguments
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| 2/4/2009 11:48:11 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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afreak4u
Henderson, NV
age: 19
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Not a good idea...that will cause most people to just go somewhere else to get it!
amen!
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| 2/5/2009 2:25:46 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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jasmi
Latrobe, PA
age: 53
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Well, my ex used to do that and it drove me crazy, and eventually drove me out the door. Now, a person isn't going to feel like having sex with someone they just had an argument with, but you got to get over it sooner or later. He could hold a grudge for weeks. and by then I did something else to piss him off!
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| 2/5/2009 2:53:15 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
age: 62
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Punished for what?--being disrespectful--lying--acting like a fool or an idiot-- not being a nice person?? Punished for what?? Sex is not a reward--it is an emotional display of love and affection. If you have sex for anyother reason--it is just a physical act of indulgence. Holding it back accomplishes what?? If you are mad--angry--whatever--how could you even think of sex?? If I don't mow the lawn there will be no sex?? If that's the case--communicate these issues because there are serious problems in the relationship.
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| 2/5/2009 2:56:56 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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122750again
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 59 online now!
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I have never withheld sex as a form of punishment. But like some of you said there were times when I just didn't like him enough to have sex at that time. After someone has called you every name in the book for the last few hours even if you make up before bedtime those words do hurt and it takes a little time to get over it. I'm sorry just takes a little time to sink in.
 
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| 2/5/2009 6:22:56 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 41
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. . . sex becomes a special bond that connects you with your partner.
Sex, is an intimate act between two people, I agree it is a special bond, and not having sex in the middle of an argument, in my mind is not a form of punishment. That used to by my exes attempt at reconcilling, just have sex. Never said a word, never would apologize, just attempt to have sex with me. I am sorry, but when I am hurt and angry, I don't feel like having sex with the person I am angry with.
Now makeup sex, that is a different story, but I think a couple has to deal with their issues, not ignore them and get busy.
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| 2/5/2009 6:24:56 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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beanz991
Houston, TX
age: 42
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I often punish my girlfriend by withholding sex from her. Works great.
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| 2/5/2009 6:26:46 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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sea____
Mesa, AZ
age: 57
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That would be fine.....everyone needs a rest now and then anyways...does the body good..........( wink ) Sea
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| 2/5/2009 11:27:53 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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bob_jazz
Allentown, PA
age: 45
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It's a very bad way to manipulate a partner
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| 2/5/2009 11:30:30 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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afreak4u
Henderson, NV
age: 19
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I agree.. why punish myself....
yeah! what she said!
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| 2/5/2009 11:54:14 AM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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wildmusician
Brooklyn, NY
age: 43
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withholding sex as punishment is totally inappropriate. people who do that are control freaks and manipulative. i could never do that to anyone and wouldn't want to be with anyone would do that.
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| 2/5/2009 12:06:42 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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bry11ca
Irving, TX
age: 45
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Not having sex is often a side-effect of anger, regardless of whether it is intentional or not. The key is to recognize when you are becoming angry, understand why, try and let the small stuff go, and forgive quickly.
If you get to the point where you are cutting off communication and using sex as a weapon, you are in serious trouble. Likewise, however, if you are using it as a bribe or other tool of manipulation. My ex would liquor me up and sex me up on Friday night and Saturday so I would sign for whatever she wanted . . . she usually got it, too.
Bryism: Forgive quickly, anger slowly.
Bry
[Edited 2/5/2009 12:08:33 PM PST]
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| 2/5/2009 12:07:48 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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k_tothe_c
Las Vegas, NV
age: 40
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yeah! what she said!
yeah!! what THEY said!
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| 2/5/2009 12:19:00 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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hotpink36
Springfield, OR
age: 37
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I didn't use as a form of punishment I just didn't have a sex drive for 3 years because of the birth control I was on. My ex thought I did though. I wanted to have sex my body just didn't feel like now I call that punishment
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| 2/6/2009 5:59:19 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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stingerd40
Hickory, NC
age: 41
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Why should both of us suffer. If I'm mad at you, I'm gonna tell you EXACTLY what the problem is, not use sex as a weapon.
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| 2/6/2009 6:28:41 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
age: 53
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| 2/6/2009 7:09:43 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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fungirl98
Clermont, FL
age: 30 online now!
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my ex used to do that. When we would fight earlyer that day or something happend between us he was like no sex tonight. I was like i need it now. He said no becasue we faught that day
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| 2/6/2009 9:13:13 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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trueheartedmike
Mechanicstown, OH
age: 45
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my hand never says no!!  
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| 2/7/2009 9:12:31 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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foxyfifty
Scottsdale, AZ
age: 51
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withholding sex makes for a partner to seek elsewhere with oblivious understanding of what is going on in his primary relationship.
The problem here is how to create the personal 1:1 atmosphere to relinquish and reconcile all differences to put on hold so that sex is an expression of love without spite for differences.
This takes advanced evolution in terms of emotion of which you are capable the moment you comprehend.
The ability and power to put everything else on hold as a seperate issue may be difficult in that most women vs. men put it all into one cateragory: If we are getting along, we have sex. If not, we don't have sex. Unfortunately, this never works out for either, both left frustrated on their own terms.
I saw you posted before about: nagging? Walk away to show your strength. Let her know that you will return before long and are up to no agendas with anything like other women, no further argue the point, just take the time out immediately. This is a behavior that must be repeated or will be cateragorized in the woman's mind as, "he's just avoiding again", which has the potential to destroy trust.
Both men and women seek the trust factor, each in there own ways. Therefore, it is most important to address a specific behavior.
When nagging breaks out, simply leave reassuring her that you need time out. This is a powerful teacher only if it is repeated. I don't mean getting a hotel room. I mean taking the dog for a long walk or getting errands done on your own. Do not show up with flowers or a gift....because it is only saying to her that she is right and you are wrong and you leave yourself powerless. Hold your own. After, I repeat repetative times, she will get it that you are powerful enough for her. Women don't want abuse or over-control, or dominance in general unless they are a little abherrant (atypical on the weird side). They want to know boundaries.
However, if you do not return to discuss the issues and just ignore them, they will go back to nagging. It is O.K. to say I want to discuss "our misunderstandings" without blame. If she goes straight back to nagging, you go straight back to taking a personal time out. Try this repetitvely for three months and see what respect you gain!
Meanwhile, don't be so foolish to admit that you were ever advised in any way. Stay rock solid within your own integrity. Use repitition in handling this undesirable behavior. This may likely bring the respect love requires into both of your hearts on an honorable, respectable basis.
Let her know that you desire sex with her always because you are a man but you are turned off when both of you are able to discuss things amicably, suffer arguments.
This is not a one night program. It, again, takes repitition that if given up can destroy the respect between permanently, so don't play with it, use it.
Prior 12 year occupation in couseling psychology. No wizzard, but have discipline, training with education in these human arts. No perfect person here; for none of us are.
Hope it helps.
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| 2/8/2009 10:40:23 PM |
Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment! |
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pankywitz
Posen, IL
age: 21
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if you make sex a punishment or award you are completely ruining the entire point of it. Your are blatantly obectifying it. It is about an emotional bond being translated into a physical bond. You are really sacrificing alot if you use sex as a reward or punishment.
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