| 2/13/2009 4:48:38 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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I am amazed sometimes at the women and men who have left their husband or wife when they became sick and often disabled. I have heard alot of both men and women say they would not take care of a partner in that situation. I had 2 to leave me when I became sick in the one relationship and disabled in the last one. I do not understand this. What happened to in sickness and in health? I would gladly take care of the one I loved in sickness. Right down to wiping their butts if necessary. I thought that was a given. Geez things have soooo changed about the way people believe.
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| 2/13/2009 5:03:03 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 40
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What happened is we are a fast food, disposable society that seeks instant gratification. People aren't conditioned to see difficulties through. I once had a man tell me that if I took my wedding vows seriously, I wouldn't have left my husband. All things considered he was probably right. In fact, looking back one of the only regrets I have is setting him up for the wrong kind of counseling.
I think we allow our relationships to be set on the back burner and then when difficulties come, it is easier to walk away than work through the difficulties. If there is nothing else I have learned, it is that if I am ever in a relationship again, that relationship will remain my first priority. I think at this stage in my life, it should be much easier than it was 20 years ago.
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| 2/13/2009 5:27:52 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
age: 52
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I am amazed as well, and think it is very sad.....
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| 2/13/2009 9:39:46 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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msbevzie
Oregon, OH
age: 45
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Makes me sad really
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| 2/13/2009 9:41:36 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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sea____
Mesa, AZ
age: 56
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Yes it is sad...But in most cases...Women think with emotion and men think of money........Sea
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| 2/13/2009 10:01:25 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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snobirdok
Mulberry, AR
age: 47 online now!
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I would like to contribute to this string with more detail but don't feel comfortable doing it in a open forum. Let me just say, sometimes when people get sick and realize there own mortality it affects them in a negative way. They in a sense become different people, maybe they realize the things they wanted to do, but never will. Bitterness kills. My x was the one who got sick, she left me, but eventually I would have probably left her. Hell is no place to live if you don't like getting burnt.
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| 2/13/2009 10:14:03 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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lakc
Houston, TX
age: 48
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I would like to contribute to this string with more detail but don't feel comfortable doing it in a open forum. Let me just say, sometimes when people get sick and realize there own mortality it affects them in a negative way. They in a sense become different people, maybe they realize the things they wanted to do, but never will. Bitterness kills. My x was the one who got sick, she left me, but eventually I would have probably left her. Hell is no place to live if you don't like getting burnt.
I agree with what the ladies have said but understand 'snobirdok' comment. Both my husband and my father appreciated the care they were given....."til death due us part" was amazingly easier (God gives us strength) under those circumstances for both my mother and me.
On the other hand, I know of many who are in situations whereby the caregiver/spouse is cursed at and given "jail time" as a result of the hatred that has built up because the sick cannot accept and cries "Why me?".
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| 2/13/2009 11:13:43 AM |
In sickness and in health |
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lovin59
Kimberly, AL
age: 60 online now!
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LOVE is deeper than any scar. I bet if the shoe were on the other foot things would have been different! JMO
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| 2/13/2009 12:51:51 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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Thanks so much for the responses. I like the different opinions on this as it gives us a chance to look at the situation in question in a different light.
And I understand about the patients changing too. This is sometimes part of the illness and the patient can not help it but there are those that just cop that woe is me attitude. Those are extremely hard to deal with. I have heard of patients that got mean and all and their partners hung in there but they did take alot to do so. Those with bad attitudes I just don't know how I would handle that. Though I had a rough time accepting mine to begin with it was more anger than woe is me I guess and that was one I had to deal with myself.
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| 2/13/2009 2:01:45 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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bbw46reader
Frederick, MD
age: 46
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Depends on if I meant my vows when I said them.
I've always been appalled at the cavilier attitude with which so many approach marriage. Especially repelled by those of my gender who cannot be alone for one minute before frantically hunting for the next hapless victim without regard for love or compatibility or anything else.\.
So many (men and women both) don't give a thought to vows they make much less intend to keep them.
Seems like a lot of people lacking solid family relationships are really every-man-for-himself. It was not uncommon in my family for older or sick relatives to move in for the duration. I've bathed and wiped behinds and held urinals and what not for a couple of my grandparents. Those were short-term things, so I can't say how I would be with a spouse or a no-end-in-sight situation.
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| 2/13/2009 2:09:37 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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sandra49ok
Shelton, WA
age: 49
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i think that there are some people that perhaps just arent that invested in their relationships as others are i would stick by someone through whatever illness they suffered from but couldnt deal with a man that kept getting put in jail for long stretches
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| 2/13/2009 2:21:58 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 52
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People don't take vows seriously anymore. They want all the glamour of the wedding, etc... But in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, they all are in favor of those two in particular on wedding day. But reality says, MAJORITY people simply don't stay when these adverse situations enter marriage.
Again, people don't take vows seriously anymore. But they are quick to anger and quick to leave their spouse.
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| 2/13/2009 3:14:44 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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Again I thank you all for your responses. Very good and very enlightening.
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| 2/13/2009 4:13:27 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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susansheart839
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 61
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While my late husband was going for chemotherapy, we watched a woman who was obviously just finishing a gawdawful treatment walking slowly with her husband quickly stepping up behind her, yelling "hurry up, I'm hungry!!!" My God!!!! Our doctor came over and said, "Bob, be glad you are the one with cancer. Most men walk away from their wives when the wife is diagnosed. Just a fact of life I have witnessed and not a pretty one." I did everything I possibly could for Bob, even asked if I could give a kidney, bone marrow, anything to save him. Even my life. He was that special to me. I hope to love and be loved like that again.
[Edited 2/13/2009 4:13:49 PM PST]
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| 2/13/2009 4:16:29 PM |
In sickness and in health |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 48 online now!
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People divorce for a lot more shallow reasons. They leave children in turmoil drag each other through the court system, betray trusts, and spew hatred. Why would a little thing like an illness make these people more honorable?
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