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Forums: Relationships: Talking about your past o.k. or not? Page: 1, 2, 3
2/13/2009 1:57:15 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

doreen1111
Brenham, TX
age: 45

 I got the idea for this from a poll being taken about how much you tell. How do you feel about your partner talking about ex's or people they've dated in the past? Personally, I hate it when I hear "I don't want to hear about him". Maybe I was talking about going out with a group and something funny that happened .. or maybe I was talking about a trip ... or maybe I was talking about anything.... I'll end it like this... my personal feeling is: You might be a new chapter in my book, but you're not the only chapter and the rest of the book was worth reading! I'm not going to pretend that I didn't have a life before you !!! I just want to say GROW UP! What do you think? Am I nuts!

2/13/2009 2:07:06 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

uniqueone08
Fair Haven, VT
age: 20

 No, I agree with you, I think to a certain extent its ok to talk about your past, but hey maybe thats why I'm here lol
2/13/2009 2:13:16 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

doreen1111
Brenham, TX
age: 45

 That's not why you're here! You're young, beautiful and guess what ... it's ok for you to be single right now... There's plenty of time for all that other stuff later... you don't want to feel toooo old before your time... I have kids older than you .. just a little motherly advice! Check out Match.com and Yahoopersonals. Once you get the hang of it you'll like online dating!

2/13/2009 2:16:14 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

hsprin
Savannah, MO
age: 32

 Well I agree, there are certain things of your past that are good memories and what not. I think it is fair and safe.

However, if every sentence out of your mouth is my ex and I this, and my ex and I that. Red flag.

I think part of sharing the past of the ex is helpful, it gives us insight of who that person is and what they want etc. And you can learn from the past, and should.

I personally want to know, I ask questions about a person's ex and I will answer the questions asked of me. I am an open book.
2/13/2009 2:17:37 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

smitty4980
Fort White, FL
age: 56

 What about talking to a DH date about past dating experiences? Maybe this should be a new thread?

Smitty
2/13/2009 2:20:48 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

doreen1111
Brenham, TX
age: 45
Quote from hsprin:
Well I agree, there are certain things of your past that are good memories and what not. I think it is fair and safe.

However, if every sentence out of your mouth is my ex and I this, and my ex and I that. Red flag.

I think part of sharing the past of the ex is helpful, it gives us insight of who that person is and what they want etc. And you can learn from the past, and should.

I personally want to know, I ask questions about a person's ex and I will answer the questions asked of me. I am an open book.


I agree with you totally ... I only have issue with not being able to share memories ... ex: my ex and I and my sons went trout fishing in AK for a week ... we had a blast and the boys will say mom remember when .. we should do that again. I however, do not want someone to tell me they don't want to hear about that trip because I was with someone else besides them on it .... I am respectful of his feelings!
2/13/2009 2:26:26 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

wileyguy
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,251)
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 38

 i agree.as long as it isnt all the negative stuff.that can come over time but dont shove it down my throat.everybody has a past and its part of the book.
2/13/2009 2:26:59 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

thebestman
Over 2,000 Posts (3,862)
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34

 One of the major problems that many have is often sticking and dwelling in their negative past - which in turns affect their mindset.

I don't speak too much about my past relations for 1. They are not present to hear the conversation so it won't be fair even if they messed up royally. 2. My past relations have no bearings on my potential future relation because I'm dealing with two totally different people and I refuse to talk about the negative actions one did in the past. It's really irrelevant.

What's more relevant is learning from the past and not letting the negative past effect our future - whatever it may be.
2/13/2009 2:32:09 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

doreen1111
Brenham, TX
age: 45

 I'm not talking about the negative ... I don't believe in EX bashing. If it didn't work for whatever reason that should be discussed because it gives you insight. After that, that part is over ... but you should be able to talk about the good without dwelling ... my glass is always 1/2 full ... I don't like dwelling on the negative. I'm really referring to insecurity about past relationships... past is the past ... there's a reason that they are in the past.

2/13/2009 2:37:08 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

sage_way
Jerome, AZ
age: 47

 How do we speak of ourselves as though we never existed until this moment? That would be like trying to eliminate the very essence of who we are. Personally, I will speak the truth of what ever is asked of me. Other than that, I tend to keep information limited until a certain comfort level has been retained.
2/13/2009 2:54:31 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

slowhand31
South Pittsburg, TN
age: 31

 I think it's ok to talk about it, get it out of the way and then move on to the "here and now." It's only fair that the person whom you may get serious about knows about what you've been through, where you're coming from and where you're trying to get.
2/13/2009 2:58:57 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

thebestman
Over 2,000 Posts (3,862)
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34
Quote from doreen1111:
I'm not talking about the negative ... I don't believe in EX bashing. If it didn't work for whatever reason that should be discussed because it gives you insight. After that, that part is over ... but you should be able to talk about the good without dwelling ... my glass is always 1/2 full ... I don't like dwelling on the negative. I'm really referring to insecurity about past relationships... past is the past ... there's a reason that they are in the past.


Hi there,

Not saying that you are talking about the negative or ex bashing. I was speaking in general terms about what many people do.
2/13/2009 3:03:46 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

doreen1111
Brenham, TX
age: 45

 TO: thebestman .... I was just conversing with you ... all is good!

2/13/2009 3:04:18 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

wileyguy
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,251)
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 38

 i agree with bestman.
theres a big difference between talking about good times,experiences,etc.....that comes with the territory and is welcomed.its when we become their therapists or next victim.....then im outta there
2/13/2009 3:05:04 PM Talking about your past o.k. or not?  

lilmissala1957
Over 1,000 Posts (1,222)
Hartselle, AL
age: 51 online now!

 I agree I have had a life and I am not going to hide some of the adventures I have had the pleasure to go on. I try not to talk about the x so much as the adventure itself. If asked I will tell what happened to cause relationship break-ups but I try not to force it on anyone. But as someone else said that is a part of me that I have learned from and it has helped to shape the person I am today. Mostly the times I talk about are over 25 years ago...come on get real I am so over that marriage but the memories will never be forgotten...both bad and good.

Forums: Relationships: Talking about your past o.k. or not? Page: 1, 2, 3