Love yourself first before making that connection...

2/15/2009 5:22:53 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
inspireme2 American Canyon, CA age: 49	In our search for relationships, we oftentimes forget the relationship with ourselves. We must learn to love ourselves first. For example, this year, I was alone for Valentine's, but I didn't feel lonely because I have a love for my self. This isn't vain or self-serving, this is survival. We all must love ourselves first before we can attract and meet the person we deserve. I have spent this past year learning to love myself, to determine my life purpose and passion (which is writing my first novel). By rediscovering who I am, I am better equipped for understanding the type of man I would want and who I deserve. It has been a long time coming and took a lot longer than I anticipated to finally come to this realization, but time or space doesn't matter for is that our true reality? I say, your reality is your reality and if it is important to you, it is important to you so be in the moment! What do you all think about this? How are you doing on your self-love mission? Tell me about your experiences, if you agree, disagree, or are neutral on the topic. Would love to hear your responses. Ciao Baby!!!
2/15/2009 5:33:08 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
awakeing Walled Lake, MI age: 36	How cool is this! You've just put into words what the last year of my life has been for me as well! Hello Soul Sister! Just another woman who seems to be going down the same path as you mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Edit...I sat here and reread your post and to be honest I am so moved that I can't express yet my experience to give you the feed back you requested. So till I pull myself together just know that I am enjoying the fact that another soul on this earth who feels like I do is .... a living, breathing masterpiece in my book! I just want enjoy the moment like you would looking at a beautiful piece of artwork. [Edited 2/15/2009 5:39:20 PM PST]
2/15/2009 5:53:10 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
crgzero Tulsa, OK age: 34	Ahh, this is the cuddly wuddly existential version of what I've been saying all along. Self realization, stop lying, stop playing. Be honest with yourself and you'll be much happier. Maybe I need to start adding in the sappy shit when I'm preaching to the morons still playing the game,,,, Nah, cause they'll just agree, but keep on playing anyway.
2/15/2009 6:02:09 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
inspireme2 American Canyon, CA age: 49	Hey, again it is your own reality of the situation. Cutesy is not a title that anyone I know personally would give me; however, I'm spiritual in my beliefs and it is so freakin' easy to love ourselves that we all make it into a big deal cuz we got so much leftover pain and crap from our past that we need to heal from, but the bottom line is you truly have got to love yourself FiRST cuz if you can't, nobody else will - this is my reality and if it is cutesy to you so be it, at least you were paying attention in class!
2/15/2009 6:08:23 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
inspireme2 American Canyon, CA age: 49	Thank you - let's put us at the head of the class so we can "teach others". Just kidding... Spirituality is not something I have always been in touch with. I started out thinking I knew what was what, but after a 20 yr marriage went belly-up and relationships shortly after that were just as difficult due to my ego issues, I realized it was time to stop trying to please others, it was time to stop allowing my ego to dominate (i.e., self-pity, dependent upon others to determine if I was worthy, etc.). Not anymore and I'm glad I have yet another kindred spirit out there that understands. Loving myself was easy now that I'm getting to the point of completing my healing, but initially, I thought it was hard as heck cuz I was constantly beating my head against the brick wall thinking I needed to be what others wanted or needed, but once I discovered me (it took time, patience, and tolerance), and once I discovered unconditional love for myself, I'm seeing my life take a different turn for the better! Remember, we are all connected and within our collective consciousness, we can literally change the world! Sista, my name is Cheryl and I am very honored to make your acquaintance.
2/15/2009 6:43:27 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
lilmissala1957 Hartselle, AL age: 51	I spent a couple of years doing just what you described. Dissecting my life in sections to figure the whys and what fors and learning to love me. Loving yourself was something I was taught was selfish and self centered so I had to reprogram myself so to speak. I have spoke of this often in the forums and the difference in my life now. I do love me and am ready to love someone special like I have never loved before!
2/15/2009 6:51:06 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
inspireme2 American Canyon, CA age: 49	How wonderful is that and thank you for sharing. You are ready for the man that you deserve and who deserves you, but they say we can't go looking for him. He'll find us when he is ready, but in the meantime, we have to focus on our own passions, the love we have for our family and friends as well, and know that our lives are full because of the richness of love that we have for ourselves, for others, and that we are always sharing our love, giving and receiving, staying balanced at all times.
2/15/2009 6:59:23 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
milktogo Vernal, UT age: 53	Is it possible that when you learn to "love yourself" as you've described that you'll "come-across" as becoming "unlovable" by others? Because let's face it, "Me, Myself and I" is a tough act to follow! One might become sooo "picky" you'll HAVE to love yourself cuz that's all there's gonna be! Not to be confused with needing someone to "complete" you, but doesn't "love" truely become comlete when it's shared? Truely an awesome thread, I'm happy for you. Maybe I went a little overboard in playing the "devil's advocate"; just putting another "slant" on things for the sake of discussion.
2/15/2009 7:15:26 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
johnterrycjr Grafton, WV age: 46	I beleive you are absolutely right. If you aren't able to love yourself, then, your not able to love anyone else either.
2/15/2009 7:20:54 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
bry11ca Irving, TX age: 44	Works for men, too.
2/15/2009 7:25:30 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
awakeing Walled Lake, MI age: 36	Ok took a few to do some internal reflecting so I could answer a few of you beautiful women with as much clarity and honesty as I can. Something evil and malice in society got a hold of the term "loving yourself" and bastardized it. They (general term) taught us to believe that loving yourself means to use money, or a pass for being selfish as a way to "love yourself" by putting it in that view it then could be spun as a bad thing. That real love is all giving. That would then play on our desire to be good and get rid of the guilt by putting ourselves last as a way to prove to others that we are loving people and not bad. In learning to love myself I had to go all the way back in my life and slowly piece by piece reclaim who I really am as a human being. I had to look at myself with honesty even the bad about myself and accept it. That means forgiving myself for my mistakes, my failures, my own ignorance. If anyone has read the book Dorian Grey or seen the movie (thou the book Dorian was male in the movie Dorian was female) you could see how as humans we want so much to remain a good, beautiful, powerful person but the evil comes when in that desire you focus so much on that...meaning you want others to only see that about you, that you are willing to secretly do evil and hide that evil. This is what makes you a monster when you lie to others and yourself. It is only in admitting truth of your moments that the light, the real love of yourself that allows to be human allows you to tell truth. It is only in the darkness that evil can continue and consume you. Yes self love is loving the good, the bad, and even your ugly moments to shine in the light of truth. The truth of who you really are and not in hiding it all so that you can appear to be some demigod. Some pseudo perfect person. Self love...it is me, this is who I am, I love myself enough to risk you not loving me at all, to tell the truth of who I am, not just to you but to myself...always. Self love = Self Awareness. Self love is not evil, true self love doesn't have to take a thing from another living soul, self love is so pure that it comes from "source/God/the universe" and it does no harm to another living human being. For you beautiful women that also embarked on the journey, the bravery of your hearts to look into your personal abyss and face the fear of it looking back at you...I congratulate you. For in order to over come the bad, the evil, you risked walking through it, painful step at a time till you reached your source and accepted all that you had to go through as part of who you really are, and in the end you chose to be loving, honest, forgiving, and kind. This has made you a beautiful soul, one with the right to be loved.
2/15/2009 7:27:23 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
krasota23 Rio Rancho, NM age: 58	There is a good saying: If you don't love yourself, nobody will love you. I agree with it.
2/15/2009 7:30:28 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
inspireme2 American Canyon, CA age: 49	milktogo, thank you for keeping it real with your question. Excellent point! Oftentimes, people believe that loving yourself means you are narcissistic. Not the same thing IMO. There are those who claim to love themselves so much that they cannot love others, but they really do not "love themselves" for they are insecure and thus the reason they are narcissistic. What I mean by self-love is learning to have unconditional love for yourself. We are harder on ourselves than others are. Even when we attempt to hide behind our arrogance or narcissism, we are more judgmental of ourselves than others are. By loving yourself, you are lightening up on yourself and giving yourself a chance. If you are beating yourself up, you can't love anyone else cuz you don't feel right about you. We have to spend time meditating and really focusing on our own needs because if we don't, we'll transfer those needs to others expecting fulfillment based on another's reality when our own reality is all that truly matters. Also, if by not loving yourself because one is concerned that by doing so, one is narcissistic and vain, your alternative is to identify your self by other's opinions and that is not the right choice IMO. Remember your reality is your reality and no one else's; therefore, if you choose not to love yourself, what is the alternative?
2/15/2009 7:37:56 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
awakeing Walled Lake, MI age: 36	Quote from milktogo: Is it possible that when you learn to "love yourself" as you've described that you'll "come-across" as becoming "unlovable" by others? Because let's face it, "Me, Myself and I" is a tough act to follow! One might become sooo "picky" you'll HAVE to love yourself cuz that's all there's gonna be! Not to be confused with needing someone to "complete" you, but doesn't "love" truely become comlete when it's shared? Truely an awesome thread, I'm happy for you. Maybe I went a little overboard in playing the "devil's advocate"; just putting another "slant" on things for the sake of discussion. Slant uhn? Well here's the cool thing.... LOVE isn't LOVE till you GIVE IT! When you give yourself love that forgives yourself you then HAVE it to GIVE to others who cross your path. So yes in order for them to love you, really be able to give you love, they must have loved themselves. Then loves blooms even more between people that it is shared. Other wise it's all too easy to see in relationships who's the giver and who's the taker. Those who are afraid of giving something don't have it. Only those who know they have will be the first to give. That is why I now know in my soul when God said... It is more blessed to give than to recieve. For he knew the secret to all was you can only give it if you already have it, and by being willing to give what you have, he then can multiply what you gave 70 fold. The other trick to all of this...don't be a fool about it. But that's a whole new lesson now isn't it?
2/15/2009 7:41:12 PM	Love yourself first before making that connection...
milktogo Vernal, UT age: 53	Quote from inspireme2: milktogo, thank you for keeping it real with your question. Excellent point! Oftentimes, people believe that loving yourself means you are narcissistic. Not the same thing IMO. There are those who claim to love themselves so much that they cannot love others, but they really do not "love themselves" for they are insecure and thus the reason they are narcissistic. What I mean by self-love is learning to have unconditional love for yourself. We are harder on ourselves than others are. Even when we attempt to hide behind our arrogance or narcissism, we are more judgmental of ourselves than others are. By loving yourself, you are lightening up on yourself and giving yourself a chance. If you are beating yourself up, you can't love anyone else cuz you don't feel right about you. We have to spend time meditating and really focusing on our own needs because if we don't, we'll transfer those needs to others expecting fulfillment based on another's reality when our own reality is all that truly matters. Also, if by not loving yourself because one is concerned that by doing so, one is narcissistic and vain, your alternative is to identify your self by other's opinions and that is not the right choice IMO. Remember your reality is your reality and no one else's; therefore, if you choose not to love yourself, what is the alternative? Wow! You most certainly know how to express your thoughts and feelings...I'm a "convert"!

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