| 2/17/2009 5:55:33 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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edgeofsandias
Placitas, NM
age: 41
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How many of you know what your spouse wished for you after they passed? Did they want you to remarry? Secondly, are you working towards what your loved one wanted for you?
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| 2/17/2009 9:49:04 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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clif123
Madison, NC
age: 48
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I don't know about after she passed, but for several years before she would tell me that when she died to find a nice healthy women to do the things with me that she couldn't. Yeah, I have been trying because I know thats what she wanted.
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| 2/17/2009 10:25:41 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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connier
Nampa, ID
age: 61
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yes, my husband's only fear of dying was that I would be alone. we had 3 years to discuss it, plus he talked with our hospice nurse about it a lot. he knew that our 4 sons would not leave me alone, but she also assured him that I would be okay, and that I would have to do what I felt best for me. it has been hard, but I am coming back to somewhat normal again, and I know he would be happy for me. 
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| 2/18/2009 12:26:41 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33
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Lydia told me that if anything were to ever happen to her that she wanted me to keep going(which has been pretty difficult) & to also take good care of her children. I regret that I'm not able to have any kind of a relationship with my step-son, step-daughter & her child........but I am damn happy to say that I am now with a beautiful woman who also happens to be a very proud soldier serving in Iraq.
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| 2/18/2009 8:51:23 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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sayhellotome
Leominster, MA
age: 50
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Yes, although Don's death was sudden and unexpected, we had talked about this over the years. He did not want me to be alone and said "Just wait at least two weeks before you start dating again" He thought, because he loved me so much, that there would be plenty of men lined up at my door waiting to date me. I told him I would date again when I was ready, but as most of you know, it is difficult and there are many issues to deal with and work through before we are ready for that next step and we all go through it at our own pace. Jan
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| 2/18/2009 9:21:44 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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imseddy
Dodgeville, WI
age: 45
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Dave told me if anything happend to him he didn't want me to be alone. He said, next time just find a rich old fart that is going to kick the bucket so you can live the life I couldnt give you. This wish I say NO to lol. In all fairness, I told him I was going to put him in two urns because he smoked half and half, so we both really weren't thinking seriously about most of it. He did worry about me being ok and I did cremate him.
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| 2/18/2009 9:56:42 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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lakc
Houston, TX
age: 49
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The one thing Clyde and I had in common was that we both procrastinated. He was diagnosed in August 2006 and died in February 2008 and we never discussed what I would do without him.
In general, I know he knew that I would be ok. I've always had a good job and our sons are grown so the issue of taking care of things alone did not concern him.
As for dating and eventually finding another LTR, another issue that was never discussed. I was waiting for him to take the lead in discussions about his mortatilty and unfortunately he didn't comprehend the nearest of death.
Sometimes doctors give you too much hope. 
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| 2/18/2009 11:55:11 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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coollivin4god
Simpsonville, SC
age: 44
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I am not sure what he would have wanted. I am only sure that life goes on. I think that if your spouse loved you, they would want you to be happy. To be truely happy you have to love who YOU are first. Sometimes that is hard after you are left as a widow/widower.
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| 2/18/2009 6:00:59 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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ragtoprider
Minneapolis, MN
age: 64
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Nancy sent word that I should move on when she was gone. She told the hospice worker that she was sure I would be fine and would remarry.
For a while I wondered why she had not told me herself. Then I realized that she could not bear the pain of saying it to me directly. But she wanted me to know how she felt.
On Sunday she will have been gone eleven years.
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| 2/19/2009 6:44:34 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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battkitty
Sarasota, FL
age: 51
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I know. A few weeks before we knew my husband's heart wasn't going to make it he asked me a very odd question. He asked if something happened to him would I remarry. Knowing what I thought was the "correct" response I said "of course not". He just looked at me and told me that he would want me to remarry, that I am the type to be married - as long as I didn't love "them" as much as I loved him... Looking back on it I feel he knew something was up. In over 20 years together he had never asked me anything like that. Long story short - he needed a heart transplant and we didn't get a heart. He went into a coma and I disconected his life support (per his wishes) Aug 2003. He was 42 years old. He held on for 6 weeks and we were able to tell each other all the things you don't normally say until you find yourself in that situation. It was a great marriage - not perfect but better than a lot....
Terri
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| 2/19/2009 10:13:21 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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joesmom1986
Redding, CA
age: 55
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Never in a million years did we think that one of us would die so young. So we never discussed this. It really bothered me at first, not knowing if he knew what the kids and I were doing. When the shock began to wear off, I began to see all the ways he was still in our lives. I knew without a doubt that he loved us and wanted us to be happy. So now I am more confident and comfortable and moving on. And I know thats what he wished for me.
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| 2/22/2009 6:29:50 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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azureeyes08
Duxbury, MA
age: 44
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How many of you know what your spouse wished for you after they passed? Did they want you to remarry? Secondly, are you working towards what your loved one wanted for you?
I had a lot of time with her before she died. She made it VERY clear to me that I had better NOT mope around feeling sorry for myself and had damn well better get back in the "pool" and find another passionate sensual lady to take care of me. She was serious and reminded me almost everyday for the last 4-5 months. She even told a few of our friends and my MOM!!
Well, I did not get back into the "pool" for about 3+ years after she passed, and my friends intervened and got me back into dating (with mixed results). I have not found that passionate sensual woman yet, but I am trying!
  
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| 2/27/2009 7:06:07 AM |
Spouse's wishes |
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3crosses
Alamogordo, NM
age: 52
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I do know what my husband wanted for me. Happiness for the rest of my life. Our spouse's wishes for us? What about OUR wishes for the rest of our life? Do we honor THEIR wishes or do we honor OURS? If their wishes were for you to spend the rest of your life only loving them and dwelling on their life and death, could you be happy doing that? Could you spend the rest of your life alone? I couldn't. Fortunately I was married to a selfless man who only wanted me to be happy. I was with him, but he is not here anymore. It doesn't mean I cannot be happy with someone else. His memory will be forever in my heart,I plan to be happy. We all learn from what we're going thru. It's personal. Our learning experience won't all be the same. I do know that I can love and accept love. Its a given with me. Look within your heart and truly ask yourself if you could honor their wishes over yours and be happy with that decision.
Peace and Happiness
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| 2/27/2009 12:17:40 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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bonnie1956
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 53
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Daves death was unexpected but through the years and with family the subject would come up for whatever reasons. I had always said..I wanted to go first because I was afraid to be alone.. Dave always said.. "You bury me in a suit and I'll come back to get you!"! So I didn't.. sport coat and jeans! My sister always said she loved being married so much that if something would happen to Ron.. she would be out the next day looking for someone else to marry..(changed her mind since my #2) and Ron always said "Not me.. I'm just gonna live with her"! It was all in what iffin joking mode and I would cry just thinking about it.. I know Dave would want me to find someone that I could love as much as him!
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| 2/27/2009 4:59:02 PM |
Spouse's wishes |
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sabba1955
Colby, WI
age: 54
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We never directly discussed what we both knew was the end for her; discussions where not about when but if. One night I was half dozed of on the couch and she yells "Don't you do it! Dont'you dare!" Now I'm awake and asked her"what the hell are you talking about?" she leaned forward in her rocking chair and pointed that finger at me "Don't you dare become a hermit and a workaholic again!!!" "Get on with your life!"
I'm trying to comply 2 1/2 years later I'm still as lost and confused as I was that first month. I tell people that divorces are easier to deal with than a death from experience.
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