| 2/21/2009 11:26:21 AM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
mindovermatter6
Madison Heights, MI
age: 47
|
Alright, now were in a relationship with a person you wish to love but can't seem too because s/he is cold, indifferent, sarcastic, rude, emotionally and physically absent to the point of ignoreing your needs, angry, self absorbed and unable to show you even an ounce of love you feel you deserve.
Would you stay in this relationship and hold your love ransom until he fulfills your expectation.
Would you stay with him for brief encounters of intimacy because a little is better than none at all.
Would you depart to another room and wait day after day for him or her to throw an once of affection in your direction?
Would you seek a separation, and move so your partner would realize what s/he is missing?
But then again, what if they are too stupid to realize what they are missing, and too full of foolish pride to admit it?
Would you stay in the burned out relationship, hoping that you that you may get lucky and fall into the temptation of another sutible emotionally involved relationship, into the arms of a person who take more interest in you and fulfills your needs?
Would you realize that you are facing relationship conflict and seek advice from professionals to salvage your love, because you do deep down inside love this sarcastically rude individual?
I know this should have been a poll topic, but any personal stories and advice sure would help.
Thank you  Mindovermatter
|
| 2/21/2009 11:37:41 AM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 40
|
You just described the last 7 years of my marriage. I tried and tried, he didn't. If the other person is cold and distant to you, they just don't have feelings for you, at least, not the same level of feelings you have for them, and that will likely NOT change. My advice? Move on and start the healing process sooner rather than later. I feel like I wasted 7 years loving a man that could not or would not love me. All the counseling cannot create feelings in another that are not there. If there is no intimace, no connection, it is already over.
|
| 2/21/2009 11:45:21 AM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
cherrycola
Western Australia
Australia
age: 43
|
When I read your thread I was so angry.
Not at you but for you.
1) What is it exactly that you love in this man.
I was always taught the opposite to love is not hate but indifference.
2)You are 47 years old.....at what stage did you consider yourself only worth a few snippets of love affection and attention?
3)If you were to leave for an amount of time and he didn't miss you.......its not because he's stupid......its because he's a selfish f**kwit.
4) My opinion is that you are better off alone restoring your self worth than being with this moron who appears to be depleting on a regular basis. This isn't a relationship.....its a punishment.........but to the wrong person.
5)And again I have to ask the question......what is it that you love about him?
Please keeps us posted on the outcome.
There are good men out there.
What sin did you commit to get this one?
 
|
| 2/21/2009 12:03:00 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
lukus40
Spring City, PA
age: 47
|
Alright, now were in a relationship with a person you wish to love but can't seem too because s/he is cold, indifferent, sarcastic, rude, emotionally and physically absent to the point of ignoreing your needs, angry, self absorbed and unable to show you even an ounce of love you feel you deserve.THAT WAS EXACTLY HOW MY WIFE WAS !!!
|
| 2/21/2009 1:53:57 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
exsquid48
Enid, OK
age: 49
|
Well, I have left 2 relationships due to what you described. I would never stay in that relationship like that. It took me 2 years to wake up to the fact that my then wife was cold and unloving.
You need to look at what you need and what you want. Do not stay thinking you will change them or that they will change with time. That never works. Been there, done that, never again.
|
| 2/21/2009 2:03:29 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
singleagain50
Greenville, SC
age: 51
|
All your comments sound very familiar. I know its a big decision, but I think you already know the answer. You probably constantly try to think of what you can do to change the way he acts. When you realize that you have already tried everything that you knew, read or heard about and nothing helped , then its time to go. I know that its a scary thought, but I promise you that you'll be surprised at how fast you'll be happier and feel better afterwards. Good Luck
|
| 2/21/2009 2:14:02 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
technodude60
Bloomington, IL
age: 48
|
Only being married for 4 years,I barely warrant any space here,but I experienced much of all of you described. My wife had the personality of an ice cube.
There was a time though when she finally did start to warm up to me.......After I filed for divorce. One of the smartest things I could have done!
|
| 2/21/2009 3:16:31 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
|
No I will never stay in another relationship like that again! Been there done that! There is nothing lonelier than being in that type of situation. Its lonely alone but nothing like that loneliness!
|
| 2/22/2009 6:37:09 AM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
rugburns48
Fort Mohave, AZ
age: 49
|
yeah, I walk away from someone I am not attracted to anymore
why stay and make both miserable.
but you need to print this post and give it to the person
TALK about it and then decide
|
| 2/22/2009 6:47:05 AM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
countrycharmer
Litchfield, OH
age: 44
|
my 2-cents
Talk and find out what is going on or it sounds like it is already over anyways.
Life is too short to be unhappy
|
| 2/22/2009 2:55:49 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
mindovermatter6
Madison Heights, MI
age: 47
|
La-miserable.. I can't say that I'm the easies person to get along with infact I'm somewhat neurotic at times, as my negative emotions take over I feel quilty for leaving my marriage of 13 years, depressed and angry at my new friend. I take most of what he does and says as a personal threat. And I'm so shy, that I can't leave this situation because I have a hard time trusting people and making new friends.
This love/hate relationship is of my own doings.
Mindovermatter.
|
| 2/22/2009 3:36:21 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
nab5055
Medford, NJ
age: 44
|
La-miserable.. I can't say that I'm the easies person to get along with infact I'm somewhat neurotic at times, as my negative emotions take over I feel quilty for leaving my marriage of 13 years, depressed and angry at my new friend. I take most of what he does and says as a personal threat. And I'm so shy, that I can't leave this situation because I have a hard time trusting people and making new friends.
This love/hate relationship is of my own doings.
Mindovermatter.
Sounds like you could use a bit of help to raise yur self esteem. You need to leave the past behind you or you will never grow. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help to get you past a bad point in your life.
|
| 2/22/2009 3:46:26 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
2008jeep
Royse City, TX
age: 52
|
Sounds like my past relationships and mariage. It is sad but true.
Now, i am just looking for fun.
|
| 2/22/2009 3:55:29 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 48
|
So sad to hear that so many have experienced relationships like these. My husbands never treated me like that. They were both too skilled at lying and cheating to let their guards down and show their true colors.
No I would never stay in a relationship like that. But as crazy as it sounds, I think I would prefer to be treated like that rather than to be told "I love you" by a man who was saying the same thing to another. At least I would know how he really felt and not be surprised at the lie I had been living.
|
| 2/22/2009 5:28:44 PM |
Indifference, coldness and the lack of intimancy please answer. |
|
chatte09
Linden, NJ
age: 49
|
La-miserable.. I can't say that I'm the easies person to get along with infact I'm somewhat neurotic at times, as my negative emotions take over I feel quilty for leaving my marriage of 13 years, depressed and angry at my new friend. I take most of what he does and says as a personal threat. And I'm so shy, that I can't leave this situation because I have a hard time trusting people and making new friends.
This love/hate relationship is of my own doings.
Mindovermatter.
I was just about to say why would anyone stay in that type of relationship, but reading the above I now see why. You simply think you can't do any better and you're grasping at any shred of love and affection you can get.
This is no way to live and this "relationship" is only hurting you even more. I agree with one of the above that suggested counseling. At 47, your thought processes are deeply ingrained and you are not going to be able to rise above this on your own. There IS a better way of life, there ARE better men out there, there ARE people who will love you and see you as someone worthwhile to pursue and shower you with affection and tell you you're wonderful. But none of that will happen until YOU believe it yourself and realize that you deserve it. Your self worth cannot come from another person, it has to come from within. If you are not capable of finding it within yourself on your own, then you should get counseling to help you. Good luck, OP.
|