| 11/3/2007 5:11:22 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Hi, I have been a widow since 11-9-99. It is such a lonely life. I really don't do much in the line of going out. I stay home and work until I'm exhausted, then know i can get to sleep easier.
I put my profile on here--trying to find the right mate. I'm tired of being alone,going places alone,doing all of the work,etc. Just hoping to find someone nice and also honest.
I live in a small town and there really isn't too much to do. Jump in here and tell us what you do----since you've lost your mate. thank you----lotsafuninpa.
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 11/3/2007 8:17:27 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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61sunshine
North Augusta, SC
70, joined May. 2007
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+I try to stay busy but the nights are the worse when I am home alone. I don't like quiet. At my age most of my widowed friedns are much older and have gotten to the point they don't want to go places and do things so sometimes it's hard to go places alone. It's no fun sitting in a resturant alone. I have been widowed twice and not sure I want to remarry but would love to find a companion but I think that's a pipe dream.
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| 11/3/2007 10:12:03 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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Hello Ladies, I too am a widow... may be a lot more of us women than men who have lost a spouse since the statistics for mortality are with us. My story is the same. Lost my husband after a long illness in March 2005. It was a second marriage and he was the "one".
He spoiled me rotten and I miss that.
I don't mind being alone, but I do miss him. The first two years were hell... the pain was so intense... couldn't even go into the men's department of a store... it was too hard.
I started to feel better this past Spring and could see a future for myself... joined DH the first week in October, this year.
So here we are... it's quiet in this room.
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| 11/4/2007 4:26:11 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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winesong
Bend, OR
68, joined Jun. 2007
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I lost my husband June 22, 1998. He had been ill for a long time and I was the primary caregiver. He was MUCH older than me. Life stops when you are the caregiver...you loose your ability to join other people in dinners, and fun things. It is very lonely. BUT you do the right thing! You take the good with the bad when you marry an older person, or any person.
I met someone, immediately after he passed away. He opened a door for me. It was that MAGIC. He opened a door, and allowed me to walk through it. He choose a table next to the one I was sitting at with a gal friend. He called me every day for 3 weeks, and asked me to come and dance with him again...I did take him up on it. Oh my gawd there is life after death of a husband. He was 16 years younger, and kept me thinking such happy thoughts. He adored me and showed me that a younger man can be stable and adoring, and asking for nothing. He wanted love and marriage in return. We discussed that pre-nup, and he offered to sign one.
Gawd, I spent 8 wonderful years with him. We broke up a year ago, and it has been so painful! I miss him terribly...I think a death is easier to death with, than a divorce/or break up. Death is final, you move on. With a break up,in my case, you keep hoping he will come back, and continue the life you so enjoyed.
I have finally let it go after a year ..and have hopes I will find another person to love and share the E Ticket ride with...you only live once. You will never meet anyone at home in your living room! Go out and meet, smile and tell the world you are open to meet a new love.
So, Older is wonderful, if they want to be ALIVE and travel. Now that I am older, I want a younger guy again. One that does not want to let life pass by.
Hugs to all..there is life out there...
Kkaren
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| 11/5/2007 5:04:31 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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winesong... what a wonderful attitude!
I would have loved to have been in your state of mind, this past summer. I'm hoping you are ALL willing to give me some advice on the situation I was in. I need help with this.
Met a man this past Spring. Dated through the summer... didn't really see one another more that twice a month. The fourth time I saw him he was rather amorous and I couldn't go there... although I was very attracted to him and liked him a lot.
I know I was having difficulty because of my husband's memory and I know I have to be in a stable, caring relationship to become intimate... just needed more time to get to know him.
We had some of the same interests and that is what we would do on our dates. He never approached me like that after I had refused him. He did tell me in the beginning he wasn't looking for a relationship and that I was different from woman he had met online (whatever that means). After 6 months... I felt I was ready to take the plunge with him and he backed away... telling me he did not want to "hurt, abuse or take advantage" of me . I felt rejected.
We have not seen each other since, but I think about him all the time and feel regretful that it didn't go any further. He is 68 years old and a well educated man. Although he didn't express it openly... I saw a compassion and warmth in his eyes and by the way he treated others in my presence that was very attractive to me.
Should I forget about him and the chance of being together again? How do I get rid of the "what ifs" in my head. As winesong said... it seems worse than loosing my husband, because HE is still here.  
Maybe I should be looking at those younger guys, after all.
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| 11/5/2007 6:15:27 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Cottage-Idon't have any specific ways to help----but if you really think you love this man,go for it---he can only say no--and you're hurting anyway,right?
I met a man on line about 3 or so years ago---we dated--he started coming and spending weekends with me--as he was still working. I would sometimes go down where he was.
This man had absolutely nothing--in the line of assets. Finally he retired and moved in w/me. We got along fairly well,and We even went to my place in FLA. that winter. That was where he started lying to me. I gave him 6 months to find a place--and when he left after 6 months--he hated me and have never heard anything from him.
I really didn't love him,but I still wonder if i did the wrong thing----But I can't stand liars-----so here I am alone--boo--hooo---   :turninghead~~~~~~~~~~~Pat.
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| 11/5/2007 7:55:01 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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thanks pat... my advice to you... you did the right thing.
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| 11/5/2007 8:29:58 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
66, joined Sep. 2007
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Hey I finally got on here after changing my profile in which I really didn't want to do. You guys make me feel bad that I didn't grieve longer with my late husband. He died in January of this year within a short time from learning he had a rare form of liver disease. We had a very good marriage of ten years and he made me promise him to get back out there for he didn't want me to be alone. So I got it together and joined this dating site.
I chat a great deal with alot of people but have only met with two; seems like that's the hard part for me. I changed my status from widow to single because it seemed to bring more problems than it was worth.
I am in a LDR with a nice guy that I have met with a couple of times and we really did hit it off good. I thought I was safe in chatting with him since he was so far away but he surprised me in driving the 1800 miles to see me. Said that he was here to make me laugh and do things that I never have done before and he made good on his promise. He's back in California now but we still talk quite often. I think he's giving me more time in which I guess I need. It just hits you at the strangest times---those memories!!!!
[Edited 11/6/2007 9:48:48 AM ]
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| 11/6/2007 8:36:38 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
66, joined Sep. 2007
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Gosh--didn't mean to kill this thread with my talk!!
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| 11/7/2007 3:44:14 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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winesong
Bend, OR
68, joined Jun. 2007
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oh this is a nice thread to air our true feelings with....thank you.
I would say, as my husband told me..LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING, DO NOT WASTE A DAY OF IT.
He gave me the greatest gift...he wanted me to go on and find a younger man, and share the life he had established with me. That would be with the new house.. that we built. He thought I wuld be married within a year...he said I was not a loner type of personality. Well I did not marry the younger man, although it was discussed..on three occasions. I just was not ready to allow his e-wife to assume he had assets he could tap to pay more child support. He had a 6 year old son, and a 15 year old daughter when I met him.....oh Gawd!!!!!
My husband was so kind and gracious. He gave me the gift of *I want you to meet another person*, and that allowed me to do this freely without guilt. I thank him often, with my thoughts, and memories...I say thank you Leonard for being so wise, and giving me the gifts of life.
I am guilt free, but broken hearted about the demise of my 8 year relationship...
BUT..I am not going to be alone, or allow myself to even think I am not worthy of another relationship.
I encourage each of you to think young, act young, think healthy warm thoughts....
and keep your eye open for a chance to show your available...
You still have it....
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| 11/7/2007 3:50:05 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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winesong
Bend, OR
68, joined Jun. 2007
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I gave this more thought...can you imagine yourself moving to a larger area?
Perhaps it is time that you make a new path..since 1999 that is a long time.
I am concerned that you have resigned yourself to the fact there might not be anyone in your geographic area....what if you met someone on DHU, that allowed you to move...
are you ready???
I cannot leave my home town, I have rentals and I live in vacation land..lots of
people that think they would like to live here...so why more away?
Karen
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| 11/7/2007 5:50:16 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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I really can't see myself moving to another area--as all of my fa mily is here.
When I had my place in FLA.~~~~~~~~~~~~I got very homersick just going down there for 4 months. I'm really a family person. I own my own place,and would certainly hate to leave it behind.
There must be some man out there who wouldn't mind moving to Pa.---lol--just a thought--Pat.
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| 11/9/2007 7:58:31 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lenor
Lisbon, ME
68, joined Oct. 2007
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Good morning everyone. My husband of 42 years passed away April 2006. Wasn't sick a day in his life of 60 years. Found out in July of 05 he had Mesothelimona, died 9 months later. We were a team since I was 13 years old. Talk about trying to make a life for yourself after this seems totally impossible. The thing I found out the most is, I did nothing but take care of the kids, and cook....maybe a bit of cleaning, but as far as all the major things that needed to be done, he was there for it. My first time using a shovel (live in Maine), he was devasated that I had to do it. Needless to say I was shocked at how hard it was to shovel off the steps. I won't go into how much he "babied" me, but I think you all might get the picture.
So now I am alone!!! Totally at a lost. I try to do the things we use to do, but its not the same without him. So I sort of don't do much. Came on here just to see how others are handling situations like mine. My biggest problem is I am "shy". I don't believe I will ever meet anyone else. I don't want marriage, just someone to do things with, same interests etc.
So lonley I will remain.
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| 11/9/2007 11:27:46 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
66, joined Sep. 2007
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The only way I handle the things that we used to do together is not do that particular thing for a while. Like we watched alot of TV and movies--I rarely do either now--he was an avid fisherman and I hated it--tried to sell or give away all this stuff but still have a fishing boat I see every day. I shop at different stores and eat what I enjoy when I want. His son called when football season started and said he couldn't go to any of the games (His Father and him traveled everywhere for their sports--even had season tickets) and I told him yes, can't bear to listen to that either as of yet. I know it will get easier with time.
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| 11/9/2007 12:43:29 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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Lenor,
I feel very fortunate that Charlie and I had separate interests we shared with our own friends or alone. The one's we shared together are difficult to do alone at first... but going through that pain is part of our healing to say a final good bye to what once was. My husband died in March 2005, he was sick for three years. I nearly lost my faith when I lost him. I saw no sense in the suffering he endured. The first year I attended grief counseling in a group setting and we went through a special course on faith... it was at that time I realized how angry I was at God. If I didn't get help with those feelings I would still be angry.
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| 11/11/2007 9:48:14 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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winesong
Bend, OR
68, joined Jun. 2007
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Lenor...
I would like to give you a hug from the internet...I know you are lost, and feeling feeling much like getting into the nearest cave...just shut the world out.
Please do bring yourself into the light again...we feel your pain. You are struggling.
May I make some suggestions for your consideration..???
GET *THE SECRET* on DVD, CD or at least the book. This is about attracting goodness,
health and wealth to YOU. Wealth is not only money, it is a network of support, and that would include us on the internet. This panel of people was on the Oprah show,
and other media. They have a fantastic message of serving yourself with goodness.
RENT the DVD or look for the free version on yahoo.com..there used to be a link so you could watch it for free.
Also, subscribe to TUT..The Universe. It is a web site, free for the taking. TUT stands for *Totally Unique Thoughts*. They have free greeting cards of inspiration..really great daily message of encouragement in your mail box daily!
I like BELIEF net also. I learned about some things from the Los Angeles NBC tv web site. www.KNBC.com...they have a great health link to many things. Gotta watch your health at this stage...depression is cruel.
Please let us know if any of these things benefit you after a week...you really need to consider allowing sunshine in...it is dark and cold in the cave.
Hugz!!!!!!!!
Karen
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| 11/11/2007 2:40:58 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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I really feel empty inside w/o a partner. I had a horrible time as I was raised up----I guess that may be my reason for really wanting to be in love--I really need to know someone loves me----my kids---my mate---the Lord---friends--everyone.  
Where are all of the single men who are looking,also?
It's almost Christmas, and I don't want to ask Santa too many more times for a man---he may just put me in his bag after dropping off presents,and take to the north pole--------brrrrrrr---help-----lotsafuninpa. 
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| 11/13/2007 8:40:45 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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libraryliz
Martinsville, VA
65, joined Dec. 2006
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My husband passed away in December of 2005 a month after stents were put in for blockage. I hibernated for a long time. My musician friends told me they needed my help so I went to help them run the sound.(I did that with our band.) Between the dancing and driving my van I grieved. I barely made it thru work. Made thru the next Christmas barely. As a joke a friend sent me an email about dhu. I joined to see what was going on. I read the forums. Great ones back then. A thread about being broken hearted and healing. How to get back into the swing of things. Dating again. I had a hard time talking to people. No problem at work. Just couldn't network in social situations. Late bloomer. lol Read on the forum about flirting. Well I asked my musician friends if I could practice on them. (Safe). Then I got better and tried it a little bit. It got easier the more I did it. Just a light bit of chatter about things in general. But the thing that broke the ice for me was giving myself permission to do this. I had to change my patterns to be successful.
Yes read The Secret. It is a good book. The law of attraction. We had several discussions about this. Take time and be patient with yourself. Give yourself permission to do things. I still haven't gone to a movie. The only one I have gone to was Shrek 3 with a friend. The first time I went out to eat in a restaurant by myself I almost didn't make it, but I said I was going to do it.
A support group is great. My band members and other musicians were great. My husband told me to not stick my nose in a book, but go out and dance. He was a smart man. A wise woman told me to make a list of the things I didn't get to do while I was married and then do them. I made my list and I am working on it now.
I write epistles a lot and get on my soapbox. Especially when people do the same thing over and over and expect to get dfferent results which by the way is the definition of insanity.
Don't let anyone tell you when you need to start dating or what you should feel. Each person is unique. Do what feels right for you.
Take care and email me. I am a natural cheerleader. lol. As Barney would say to negativity "Nip it in the bud!"
Liz
[Edited 11/13/2007 8:55:37 PM ]
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| 11/14/2007 4:19:44 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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liz... what a wonderful post.
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| 11/14/2007 5:14:53 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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libraryliz
Martinsville, VA
65, joined Dec. 2006
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Thank you cottage.
I do get on my soapbox sometimes and write epistles. I just share my knowledge and experience. It may help or not. It is up to the individual. I try to email the widows and widowers when they join. Our outlook is a little different than others. One reason why I keep my profile here. I have seen both sides though. Divorced and then widowed. I can benefit from others' experience too.
I still sometimes get coldfeet about going out. Winter is coming and I hate to go out in the cold. I had to force myself last year to go out and see people. It got better. My circle of friends has broaden and I find that I enjoy going out now. Winter hasn't gotten here yet.
We need the widowers to join in here. What has helped them? I've seen several in the 50+ group. Coping skills do not discriminate.
Take care. Keep warm. Email me for positive vibes. Positive vibes to all of you out there. Thanks for the websites mentioned here. I will add them to my list to check out.
Liz
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| 11/14/2007 6:20:06 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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I have had to be strong my whole life,and i guess i'm just so tired of trying to be so danged strong--i need someone else to be there also to help me along.
I do more work around my place than most people do in a regular job.I was out raking leaves after dark tonight w/the lights on--how stupid is that?????
This is a good place for me on here as i have helped one man who was struggling
with his christianity--he sent me a message and tld me this--it made my day:
Also on the other hand---someone in their 20's saw how sad i was over losing so many of my loved ones over such a short period of time---he wrote me a beautiful poem,and a very encouraging letter:
So hopefully if we help others--it will come back to us----seven fold----hugs to all---Pat.
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| 11/15/2007 4:29:29 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Well,today I went up to the cemetery--did a ton of raking leaves,and saw another man up to his wife's grave--he lost her last year to cancer.
Right along in a row is::
1.my mom/w/my 44 yr.old sister who was cremated on top of mom:
2. my daughter Terry who passed away in 89.
3. my tomb stone---my hubby who passed away in 92 at age 47.
I can honestly say it was very hard,but I had a great talk with all of them,and told them I will be up there w/them someday.
It seems like the holidays are so hard:
Hugs to everyone---my verse I,m thinking of today is 1st. Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you::::::---lotsafuninpa.
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| 11/16/2007 8:09:05 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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61sunshine
North Augusta, SC
70, joined May. 2007
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Hang in there ! Hi, Liz !!!!
Things turn around slowly. Be patient. I just came home from a campout and had a great time with the hubby of one of my good friends that passed away in Feb. He is lonely and testing his wings again so I played along with him and gave him some advice. We went to dinner and out to see the lights at James Island and talked a lot. He got to practice his flirting. He knows we are just friends. We live at opposite ends of the state plus he is 13 years my elder and at this stage of life I would rather have someone nearer my own age. Not that age is a safe guard from death as hubby #1 was 58 and # 2 55.
I get lonely but my greatest fear is remarrying only to have him die on me. I don't think I could go through that again. But, then, who knows what God has in store for us?
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| 11/16/2007 1:57:49 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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That is so true--just when I think things are looking up--God shows me something else I have to endure:
Today my neighbors moved back to Idaho.I had a very best friend in her---we really hit it off good. She came over to hug me good-bye and she was crying. When she left I really cried for a long time----I will miss them so much:
Then tonight I'm going to school to see a donkey basketball game with my daughter. My gr-son who is a senior will be riding one of the donkeys. He is a wonderful boy and I love him so much--so that will be fun.....
Warm hugs to everyone AND may God bless you----Pat.
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| 11/17/2007 8:32:52 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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aprilviolet
New Milford, CT
66, joined Nov. 2007
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I have been a widow for seven years. My husband died of cancer four months after he was diagnosed spending the last four months of his life camped out in the hospital. After a couple of years I was doing pretty well until this year when my daughter got married this August on our wedding anniversary and I had to give the bride away. Some many memories came back.
I belong to a local singles group and have dated some but the people in my group are mostly divorced and don't seem to understand. My kids didn't at first either. Becoming a widow at 80 is one thing. You have plenty of company. Becoming a widow at 51 is something else. Living alone with just my cat really gets me down at times. I just wish I could find someone else to share my life with. That is why I am on here and another free site.
Aprilviolet
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| 11/17/2007 9:47:59 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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waterspirit
Olympia, WA
61, joined Aug. 2007
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I lost my husband Feb 2005 to a lung disease. We celebrated his 47th
birthday in the ICU. I too feel too young to be doing this. I am so
tired of the bad days.
I have talked to a dozen or so widows. A friend of mine,a co-worker,
my aunts best friend and several other during the last few years.
We have a lot in common and it does help to talk. But grief is a
long hard road, no one and nothing can help me travel it. It is my
path, my choice how I take it, what I care to learn and what I see
along the way. I can not change how things are but I will continue on
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| 11/17/2007 10:12:29 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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waterspirit,
You are so right in what you have said. It is our own journey.
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| 11/18/2007 12:19:58 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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waterspirit
Olympia, WA
61, joined Aug. 2007
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Thank you cottage. It's been rough lately and being here has helped.
I hope more ppl will find their way here.
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| 11/18/2007 8:32:57 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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bon222
Crestview, FL
71, joined Nov. 2007
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I really like what you girls are doing here. I lost my husband July 2005. The first two years I was just doing what I had to do to survive. Then I desided I really liked my life, but there was one thing missing. Some one to share it with never though I would want someone else in my life. Now I find it hard to meet guys.
Bon
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| 11/19/2007 6:52:33 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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aprilviolet
New Milford, CT
66, joined Nov. 2007
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Thought people might like to read a poem I wrote shortly after becoming a widow. Things are better now but things of course will never be the same.
JUST ME?
Just me to answer the phone
Just me at home all alone
Just me to clean up the floor
Just me to answer the door
Only me to feed the cat
Only me to clean the mat
Only me washing my shirt
Only me chasing the dirt
Just me to cook the meals
Just me to make the deals
Just me to wash the plates
Just me to keep track of dates
Me solo to pay the bills
Me solo to cure my ills
Me solo to mow my yard
Me solo my home to guard
God and me when I feel down
God and me so I won’t frown
God and me when times are tough
God and me that is enough.
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| 11/19/2007 7:26:49 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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61sunshine
North Augusta, SC
70, joined May. 2007
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Hey, Lenor. I, also am looking for a guy to hang out with but they all seem to want and expect one thing. I love my girlfriends but sometimes I'd like to go out with a guy and get some manly advice. A few hugs are nice. I thought as guys matured they would put the soul before the sex.
At this state in life marriage would mean giving up a lot of security as my SS and VA benefits would go away and then if new hubby died on me I'd have to start all over again. Being the moral person I am I am not going to live with someone so I guess I am doomed to loneliness for the rest of my days. Sad thing is I am youger than my years and very active. I tend to pour myself into charity projects but that doesn't always fill the loneliness. You can be lonely in a crowd. Take care.
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| 11/19/2007 8:58:28 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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Thank you for sharing, April
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| 11/19/2007 7:38:46 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cooltammy45
Eugene, OR
53, joined Nov. 2007
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I never thought at 45 I would be alone and still raising two small children. We had been together since we where 18 years old. I can relate to the being alone and picking up after yourself. I loved my husband with all of my heart or I wouldn't of stayed married to him for all of these years. But his injury that he received in 1999 changed all of us and I wound up taking care of him for the last three years. I had a hard time remembering he was not able to do as he had before so it made life hard and we argued a lot. I never thought I would be on date hook up and seeking someone to talk with. I'm so alone even with the kids here I still feel a great loss and loneliness I can't seem to shake. Maybe talking with others will help things heal. I know time is the best thing of all I guess I'm trying to rush things a bit.
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| 11/19/2007 8:47:29 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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hma2
Chico, CA
76, joined Nov. 2007
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I was married when I was a teenager, so my marriage lasted literaly all my life. When My husband passed away in 2001 I was lost. I am not sure I have found my way yet but I am trying. I hate being alone. I never have been and I need attention and someone near.
I just don't know how to attract the right person "I Guess" because there hasn't been another.
I am not buried, I am not dead. I enjoy tenderness just like the next person. I just cant seem to attract it.
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| 11/20/2007 8:18:54 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Hi hma,so happy to see your post,and sorry for your loss. I've had so many losses in my life--sometimes i wonder how will i ever get through the next day, But God picks me up,and says you have things yet to do.
So needless to say--I have some very bad days,but that only makes the good days more spe cial.
I know Jesus is there for you also--and you will make it--We just have to keep on keeping on.
hugs and God bless you-----Pat.
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| 11/23/2007 10:03:26 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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zoeelou
Astor, FL
65, joined Oct. 2007
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Hello everyone!!
I'm new here and guess i'm looking for some one tht understands and to share with. I lost my husband about a year ago. I too am very lonely I think thats the hardest. Holidays coming up is hard. My husband and I had a very short time together only 5 years. But I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I have good memories and I would like to meet someone. I live in Florida and my family are all in Kansas. Just can't seem to leave Florida I guess I'm not ready yet to leave him. I tried to put up Xmas last night and I just couldn't do it. I'm a strong person and have a good faith in God and prayer and that's what gets me through each day. Thanks for listening to me and everyone have a great holiday.
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| 11/23/2007 1:44:13 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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I am so sorry about your loss and it is very hard at the holiday season to be alone.
I have family and friends near---but still feel alone--I have lost so many.
Today I was fixing the wreath for my daughter's grave--She was 31 when she went to heaven.
She had an adopted boy from IL.--she loved him so much--he was only 3 when she passed.
I know someday God will explain why he took her,but for now--i just try to remember that he knows best.
I wish you al the best ,and keep the faith--keep busy---it will hopefully get easier for you.
God bless you always-----Pat.
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| 11/23/2007 8:27:26 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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libra75
Garfield, AR
40, joined Jun. 2007
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I'm preparing to endure my second holiday season after losing my wife...tell me this is'nt happening....
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| 11/24/2007 12:46:39 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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Libra, This is a lonely journey... we are very much alone with our grief as spouses. I learned through counseling that a husband or wife has the most difficult journey, more than the children or the siblings of the loved one. The grief is much deeper... and you are so young for such a loss. I'm sorry.
There is such a range of emotions at this time of the year. Sometimes the second time you go through an anniversary or holiday can be worse than the first, because all that busy stuff we have to do the first 6 months to a year prevents us from "feeling" the emotions we have. We have to "go through" this to heal little by little. Wish we could "go around" or "go under" but we have to "go through" all those feelings.
And the part that stinks is everyone else has moved on... and we're just getting to the work of grieving, so many times people in our lives don't understand it, unless they too have lost a spouse or lover through death.
A journal helped me. Take care of yourself and give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do.
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| 11/24/2007 4:28:47 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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libra75
Garfield, AR
40, joined Jun. 2007
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But Cottage...the one problem I have is that even some of the people closest to me think that I should be over it by now....they don't think about the fact that I'M the one who came home & found her dead, I'M the one that has the PTSD, & I'M the one who has to wake up every morning & remember that she's never coming back...I always have to run to an area where there are no people so I can fall apart in privacy, and just when it seems like I'm accepting it and moving on, the dreams start....I wish there was a manual on how to deal with this sort of thing
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| 11/24/2007 4:38:29 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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Libra, The people who think you should have moved on by now have no idea what you are going through. There is no manual for this. There is nothing normal about it. You may benefit from a grief counselor so you can realize what your feeling is normal for YOU. Again, I'm sorry for your pain.
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| 11/24/2007 6:00:09 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Hi, I'm very sorry for the pain you are going through.It is a natural process that we all have to get through.
You are right--people just don't understand--I have those folks around me,also.
Our own pain is something noone but God understands.
My daughter has been gone since 89--and this has been the very worst year for me.
She was 31 when she went to heaven from cancer.It is just so hard.
I think there are many books to read about the grieving process,but everyone of us grieve differently.
I pray that God will help you through this,and give you some peace--God Bless You--Pat.
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| 11/24/2007 11:08:26 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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racerxl1
Laurel, MD
52, joined Nov. 2007
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i feel everybodys pain, lost my wife this month, man is this tough
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| 11/26/2007 2:36:34 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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I'm so sorry racer.I have been going through this all year,and i'm hoping next year ios better.
Lost son-in-law--26---1988
lost daughter --31--1989
Lost husband,father and brother--1992 within one month:
Lost another husband in 1999
Lost Mom in ---2003
Lost sister--44and a very good friend----in 2005:
Thanksgiving day---2007--lost a very good friend.
In between somewhere lost aunts,uncles,etc.
we have to hang in there--hugs to you---Pat.
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| 11/28/2007 9:39:22 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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barbb6042
Bolivar, NY
73, joined Oct. 2007
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Good evening I lost my hubby in May of 05..We had been married for 44 years and 7 months.. ...It is still very lonely at times..I still at times think he will be home soon..MY older son lost his wife to breast cancer on March 28 of this year..He and his 12 year old son are still in deep grief..
As I talked with my grandson today he said "I want to be loved." My son wants to love and be loved I want to love and be loved..The love of a mother can never be replaced but the love between a man and a woman can be begin anew with another mate...It will never overshadow the 1st love but will give us a chance to once again feel not alone...
The loss my grandson has is much more greater than mine or his fathers'...IMO
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| 11/29/2007 1:28:11 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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nightowl64
Fallon, NV
51, joined Nov. 2007
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My Wife and I were married for over 12 years; we didn’t have any children together due to medical reasons. In 1999 My Mother-in-Law was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she was 84 at the time. My wife and I agreed to take care of her Mother and she lived with us for the last 9 months of her life, until She passed away in July of 2000. Three months later in October, My wife passed away very suddenly.
I was still on active duty in the Navy and scheduled to transfer to Washington State in 4 months. Talk about your life crashing down around you. The first thing I did was to find a girlfriend to fill all the empty space in my life. Unfortunately the relationship was purely physical, as I was thinking that sex would be the cure all for my loneliness. Needless to say we broke up and I just withdrew from all contact with people. I’ve been living all alone now for the past five years, self-evaluating who I am, and what I want in life. I’m at the point now where I want to find a friend and companion. I want to have a meaningful long lasting relationship again. I just can’t seem to get back out of my comfortable shell and re-join the world. It takes a lot of courage to put your heart in someone hands and trust they won’t break it. Now after five years of solitude and loneliness I think I am ready to try again. I know I’m strong enough to live with just myself, so I should be strong enough to share my life with another. I know now what I truly want in life, a relationship bases on mind, body and soul. Until I find that right person, I can live comfortably alone.
I have the song lyrics in my head… “It’s sad to belong to someone else, when the right one comes along.”
That’s basically what I think about now when I go out on a date.
[Edited 11/29/2007 1:53:02 PM ]
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| 12/1/2007 11:01:46 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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touchofclass4u
Laurel Hill, FL
67, joined Nov. 2007
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Hi to you all. I would like to share my story with you, as this is the first time after almost 12 years, that anyone could understand the pain and loneliness. After 2 very abusive marriages, I met and married the man of my dreams. We were married 15 years when I lost him. We did not socialize much; we were best friends and spent all our non-working hours together. Most people thought we were newly weds. We never had an arguement; he never once raised his voice to me. I think he tried to make up for all the hurt I had endured over the years. I,like some of you ladies, worked from sun up until after dark, and still do. I was overwhelmed by fear and loneliness. Out of my fear and loneliness, I became involved with a man in another state. I knew I didn't love him, but felt it was better than being alone. It was the worst mistake of my life. I sold my home and relocated to Fl. During the two years I was with him, I was wiped out of my savings. The funny thing is I knew I was being used, but seemed to have no control over common sense. After all, I had always thought women who allowed this sort of thing to happen, were really stupid. Now I realize just how vunerable one can be after the loss of the "love of your life" and now know how it can happen. Sometimes I still get angry with myself, but it taught me a very valuable lesson. Dating was out for a long time. Once I did attempt to date, I found that men wanted sex before they knew who I was as a person. That was out, so I gave up on dating. Now I am trying to get back into my search of one special person. Already, I have been contacted by a married man, which led me to add some details to my profile. (If someone would read my profile and tell me if I am too blunt, I would appreciate it.) I feel I am ready for a relationship, but it is difficult. I don't go out alone; I feel very uncomfortable. There are no activities for singles in my area and I don't attend church. Can anyone give me advice on how to start over?
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| 12/1/2007 12:15:02 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Hi, I read your profile,and i think it is very good.We need to let these guys know what we want--or we get all of the gidgets sending us messages.
Take care and best of luck----lotsafuninpa/
.
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| 12/1/2007 4:40:01 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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touchofclass4u
Laurel Hill, FL
67, joined Nov. 2007
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lotsafuninpa, Thanks for your words of encouragement!
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| 12/2/2007 3:33:45 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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tlc516
West Mifflin, PA
55, joined Jun. 2007
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I would have been married 1 year this coming Christmas Eve. Unfortunately he died good Friday. This year has been very painful emotionally and now with Christmas Eve quickly approaching I am spending more and more time in tears. Does it ever get easier?
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| 12/2/2007 5:42:37 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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tlc--I really wish I could tell you yes------but this has been the hardest year for me--losing so many in such a short time.
I've been searching to find the answer,and I truly believe I ran from the grief--and never went through it.
We are always told we have to be strong--well i was for a while,but now i'm doing my grieving.
Shed those tears and do your grieving--no matter what anyone else tells you---everyone deals with grief differently.
Honestly,if it wasn't for the LORD--I KNOW I WOULDN'T BE HERE::
Rely on Jesus--he will help you get through it.-----Many prayers are with you my friend------hugs------Pat.
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| 12/3/2007 5:59:21 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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touchofclass4u
Laurel Hill, FL
67, joined Nov. 2007
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tlc, Over a period of time, the pain eases. The loneliness does not. It takes time and we all must get through the grieving process; some require more time than others. Each must grieve in their own way. You are fortunate to have found this site. I wish it had been around after the loss of my husband. The people here are supportive and kind; seems they are willing to help with any issue. My thoughts are with you.
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| 12/3/2007 7:17:08 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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aprilviolet
New Milford, CT
66, joined Nov. 2007
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I feel for you. I have been alone for seven years now after being married for 28 years. I was only 51 when he died and he was only 54. I really want to find that special someone again. So far most of the men I have met online are either unhealthy, married, or only after sex. I say that I am not after an intimate encounter and people think I am anti sex. Not the case. I just don't want sex without a spiritual connection. A relationship based on sex is not for me. I sometimes wonder if I am the only one who feels that way. I hope you find the right person. You are way to young to spend the rest of your life alone.
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| 12/3/2007 7:34:06 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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touchofclass4u
Laurel Hill, FL
67, joined Nov. 2007
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aprilviolet: No, my friend, you are not alone. I feel the same way. We, as women need to know who the person is; inside and out. I have the need to have friendship, compatibility, and trust. If these basic elements aren't there, how can a relationship begin? I have been alone for a number of years. I hope someday that special person will walk into my life. Don't give up; there are some men who feel the same.
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| 12/3/2007 8:14:13 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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touch,april and especially you tlc...
please know that people here,in this group, understand where you are. The answer to that pain is that it does go away... but not if you don't let the tears come and FEEL the pain now. For if something doesn't heal it will fester again and again through out your life.
You will always miss "your love" and you will never forget.
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| 12/3/2007 8:19:36 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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nightowl... getting right into that relationship you mentioned was to cover up your pain.
Now, it sounds like you done some of the "work" required to heal. I understand what you are saying when you gave the quote about dating.
I compared everyone to Charlie. "Well, yes, he's a nice guy but..... The bottom line was there will not be another Charlie in my life. I do know what I want and I'm sure you have figured that out by now, also. That is what we are looking for... the qualities we want in another love. You will know.
Best of luck to you.
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| 12/3/2007 8:32:37 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
68, joined Sep. 2007
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zoeelou, cooltammy... and every one,
We're happy you are here talking and listening... don't be afraid to post any feelings here about your loss. There's some good advice if you look through the posts in this Group.
I used to have a sign on the side of my desk at work. It showed someone jumping a fence... arms in the air and legs spread apart... and the caption was GET OVER IT !
Well that doesn't work here. We cannot get over it until we GO THROUGH IT. We can't go around it, we can't go under it or over it, until we go through the pain that comes with this loss.
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| 12/4/2007 6:14:29 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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2liveagain
Lexington, SC
57, joined Sep. 2007
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I am so happy to have found this place. I searched on-line for somewhere to help with my grief for a long while. I have read everyones post on here and they have helped me. Things ya'll have said are just what I have felt for the past 2 yrs. I havn't been able to talk with our kids for fear of upsetting them,They are all grown with thier own lives now. I don't want them to pitty me or think I can't take care of myself. I put on a different face for them but in private I sit in my chair with his favorite shirt and relive our 25 yrs together each day. I still feel he will be coming in the door at any time. I tried going away on trips only to hurry back home to the safety of our home.I was laid off my job 3 months after his death and can't make myself look for another.I just sit here now and wait to join him.
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| 12/4/2007 5:48:11 PM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
75, joined Oct. 2007
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Just want to say--ty for coming here to this thread:When I first started it --I thought there might be a few posts--but as you can see it has really gone fast--
Most people are feeling sad through the holidays,especially. I was ready to give up last week myself---but honestly These people and the Lord have really picked me right up.
Today I feel so good--for the first time in a while--I am really happy--I can't explain it,but I really am:
Praise God----I sure hope you ladies feel better soon,also:
Your friend in Jesus------Pat.
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| 12/8/2007 8:42:39 AM |
Are you a widow or widower and feel lonely--share some thoughts here: |
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candyapple59
Lawrence, KS
67, joined Sep. 2007
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I lost my husband in August of 2003. I was married to my first husband when I was 16, and it lasted 7 years, then went right into another marriage and it lasted 30 years. My husband and my kids were my whole life, I lived for them. We ended up raising my oldest granddaughter, (beautiful outside as well as inside, has such a sweetness about her). My husband passed away, when she was going to be going into her Junior year of high school. I finished raising her,and got her through high school. She went on and graduated from a career institute. She is married now, and going to have her first baby. She still feels the lose, as well as I do.
When I first lost him, couldn't stand to be at home, so went out almost every night, until I would get so tired, that when I did come home, I could go right to sleep. Yes, I was running from the grief, it was just to hard to deal with, but as someone said, it finally caught up to me.
And someone said, no one really understands what we are going through, if they have not gone through it. At first everyone is there, then you get the feeling that, they don't want to hear of your misery, so then you shut down, and don't say anything, and keep it all bottled up inside you. Everyone said it would get better, but as time went on, I kept thinking, well when is it going to start to get better, BUT that time eventually came. While I still miss him, I can get through the days a lot better.
My husband to, told me to go right out and find someone new, ( he thought the men would be knocking down the door wanting me LOL) but you know, ya just can't do that, or at least I couldn't, it just didn't feel right. A year ago, my daughter, gave me a computer, and I got onto DH, thought if I could just find someone to talk to, was not into finding a potential date, or husband, and yes it seems like all the men are interested in, is someone to have sex with,(not even to talk to ya) BUT I have found some wonderful people to correspond with, and I appreciate them all very much, and consider them very special people in my life. About 7 months ago, I met a guy on DH, the relationship, has been up and down, but I think it is on the right track now, and I love him very much. Where this relationship will wind up, only God knows, and I have left it in His hands, to guide and lead us, where He wants it to go, and if it is not meant to be, according to Him, then I pray that He will help us to deal with it, and to accept what He wants for both of us.
My church, took me under their wings, and helped tremendously, gave me all kinds of things to do in the church, it was a God send. And I appreciate everyone at my church for being there for me, and love them all so much.
So in summary, I will tell all, the same thing that was told to me,"it will get better" with time, even though you think, "that time" will never come. God bless to all.
[Edited 12/8/2007 8:46:58 AM ]
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