| 4/15/2009 1:53:18 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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gymguy1975
Ashland, KY
40, joined Sep. 2006
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While I’m certainly no expert on this online dating stuff I can offer you ladies and even guys some of the same advice that I offer my female friends for detecting behavioral abnormalities. I hope that you guys all find this helpful.
- Obviously as has been previously stated, take plenty of time to get well acquainted. Resist all pressure to meet in person until you have had ample time to get to know them online.
- Make it a point to find out what they do for a living and what their job entails, particularly whether or not their job requires a lot of interaction with other people. This is by no means a surefire method of detecting a person with issues however; a person with a psychopathology isn’t as likely to be capable of successfully interacting with other people. Deterioration of social faculties and social withdrawal are common with most psychopathologies. Additionally psychopathologies often preclude a person from reaching high levels of success. If they are a doctor, lawyer or other highly successful person then the chances are that they are fairly squared away individuals.
- Following along the same lines as above, make a discrete effort to get an idea of how popular they are in real life. There is a direct correlation between popularity and the presence of psychopathologies (online doesn’t count). Popularity seems to be an insulator to the development of psychopathologies and conversely psychopathologies tend to limit a person’s social opportunities. It is important to be discrete for obvious reasons.
- Take careful note of their mood over time. Do they exhibit a relatively even temperament? In other words do they exhibit frequent bouts of moodiness? If their mood seems to shift then it could indicate bipolar or borderline personality disorder, amongst others. Even if the mood shifts seem only minor then it could still indicate a low grade bipolar disorder called dystimia or that more pronounced symptoms are being controlled by medication.
If they are easily upset or have a tendency to overreact to minor things (e.g. things that you say, things other people say to them, etc.) then it can be an indication of a personality disorder.
- Do they occasionally say things that seem out of context with the conversation? This can indicate delusional thought processes.
- Take careful note of their view of the world. Do they seem to have persecutory beliefs (e.g. it is always someone else’s fault; others are the reason for their situation in life, etc.). This can be a clue to paranoid ideation and/or even sociopathic symptomology.
- Do they seem overly imaginative? This may seem like a controversial statement but people who exhibit extremely imaginative thought processes seem to be more vulnerable to psychotic disorders.
- Pay EXTREMELY close attention to their affect on camera. A very flat affect (i.e. emotionless facial expressions) is often a very good indicator of a psychopathology.
- Pay attention to their hygiene (e.g. Unkempt hair, facial hair, disheveled appearance, gaudy attire, etc). Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be one of the first signs that a psychopathology has set in.
- Watch for extremely stereotyped speech patterns or overly dramatic displays of emotion (histrionic personality disorder).
- Do they seem to hold a lot of beliefs in magic and superstition? (schizotypal personality disorder, etc.).
- Do they seem overly smooth and manipulative? (Antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders.)
- Do they seem to have an over inflated ego? For example they may claim to be good at lots at lots of things, have lots of powerful connections that seem to be over exaggerations of minor acquaintances, be incapable of tolerating criticism but perfectly capable of dishing out their own, etc. (narcissistic personality disorder)
- Look for little things like addiction to pornography, gambling, failure to honor debts, impulsivity, tendency to act without thinking ahead, run ins with the law (esp. during late adolescence and early adulthood), constant failure to honor your wishes, and statements that contain overly violent themes (these can even be hidden in the guise of humor). These are VERY good indictors of sociopathic traits.
Above all just use your common sense. It is always better to err on the side of caution. Often times the things that I mentioned above may not be immediately obvious so take the time to get to know them. If something seems out of place, assume that it is. It is certainly true that having a psychopathology doesn’t always mean that the person isn’t still a good candidate but ask yourself whether or not you have the patience to deal with it. Also is it something worth dealing with? I hope this helps! Good Luck all!
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| 4/15/2009 8:57:08 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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retired_fireman
Louisville, KY
66, joined Mar. 2008
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Let me guess you just studied this stuff and now you want to find a way to use it. In your description most every body has a mental problem and one should steer away from them. But anyone that knows that much and is not a doctor is one I would steer away from. Why would anyone but a doctor know these things. For example: I know how fire burns, where it will go in a building under certin conditions. I know the melting temperature of a light bulb. I know the flash point of gasoline. Between natural gas and propane gas, I know which one is lighter than air and which is heavier than air. I can tell you how much water it will take to control a fire in a building. Most normal people dont know or care. But because I was a company officer in the fire service I had to know. Just as one who knows to much about behavioral abnormalities. you even spelled the long words correctly. Makes me wonder since you did not put Dr before you name.
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| 4/15/2009 2:49:11 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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cowboytrucker
Louisville, KY
57, joined Mar. 2008
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I was thinking the same thing fireman
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| 4/15/2009 7:39:21 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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randyk2
Winchester, KY
64, joined Mar. 2009
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Gymguy,
the last paragraph is a good indicator and also good advice.
The rest of the bull you tried to lay on us makes me wonder 'bout you!
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| 4/15/2009 7:56:35 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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gymguy1975
Ashland, KY
40, joined Sep. 2006
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It is true that most of us may exhibit some of these characteristics and in and of themselves it may not mean anything however it should be a cause to look deeper. My only intent is to provide a ground work for accessing who you are talking to. I can guarantee you this isn't B.S. either but you choose to see it as such then it is your choice.
FYI I mistyped in one paragraph. Low grade bipolar disorder is called cyclothymia.
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| 4/15/2009 11:27:07 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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freebirdinky
Louisville, KY
58, joined Sep. 2008
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I like being different!
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| 4/15/2009 11:52:30 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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freebirdinky
Louisville, KY
58, joined Sep. 2008
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Food for thought .. but all joking aside .. Mental illness is for real and not to be ignored.
   
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| 4/16/2009 1:13:00 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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gymguy1975
Ashland, KY
40, joined Sep. 2006
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Over the years I have known a lot of people who made acquaintances, both online and off, with people who turned out to be severely disturbed (the primary reason that I always avoided internet dating sites). Of course not all of these situations resulted in danger but some of them certainly did.
I can see why some of my statements are controversial. They do however have the virtue of being the truth. My guess is that many of you are misreading these statements.
For example:
“Make it a point to find out what they do for a living and what their job entails, particularly whether or not their job requires a lot of interaction with other people. This is by no means a surefire method of detecting a person with issues however; a person with a psychopathology isn’t as likely to be capable of successfully interacting with other people. Deterioration of social faculties and social withdrawal are common with most psychopathologies. Additionally psychopathologies often preclude a person from reaching high levels of success. If they are a doctor, lawyer or other highly successful person then the chances are that they are fairly squared away individuals.”
This statement is NOT to be read as saying that if you work in a job that doesn’t require a lot of social interaction, that you are mentally ill. Rather it should be read as saying that a person who works in a job that entails a high level of social interaction is LESS LIKELY to be mentally ill.
Additionally:
“Following along the same lines as above, make a discrete effort to get an idea of how popular they are in real life. There is a direct correlation between popularity and the presence of psychopathologies (online doesn’t count). Popularity seems to be an insulator to the development of psychopathologies and conversely psychopathologies tend to limit a person’s social opportunities. It is important to be discrete for obvious reasons.”
This statement is NOT to be read as saying that if you aren’t popular that that you are mentally ill. Rather it should be read as saying that a popular person is LESS LIKELY to be mentally ill.
Beyond these statements nothing else is openly controversial. Indeed some of these signs are obviously more ominous than others. Being imaginative can be a great thing. Having superstitious beliefs in and of itself isn’t indicative of anything. All that should be taken from my statements is that these signs may need to be cause to look deeper. That having been said, if the person holds a lot of persecutory beliefs, seems to exhibit extreme social withdrawal, are quick to react angrily to things you or others say, poor hygiene, manipulative, flat affect, etc. then frankly it is a damn good indication that something is wrong with this person.
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| 4/16/2009 1:48:26 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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silvert81
Henderson, KY
34, joined Mar. 2009
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Perhaps you can go about conducting a census for all participants on this site my dear chap. Please construct a survey with all pertinent questions thereof and submit it to those who may express interest. Your data would be most valuable for those who wish to select a mate and begin the process of procreation... Oh wait, looks like like nobody cares what a knowitall thinks. My bad.
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| 4/16/2009 11:49:02 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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freebirdinky
Louisville, KY
58, joined Sep. 2008
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For example: “Make it a point to find out what they do for a living and what their job entails, particularly whether or not their job requires a lot of interaction with other people. This is by no means a surefire method of detecting a person with issues however; a person with a psychopathology isn’t as likely to be capable of successfully interacting with other people. Deterioration of social faculties and social withdrawal are common with most psychopathologies. Additionally psychopathologies often preclude a person from reaching high levels of success. If they are a doctor, lawyer or other highly successful person then the chances are that they are fairly squared away individuals.”
This statement is NOT to be read as saying that if you work in a job that doesn’t require a lot of social interaction, that you are mentally ill. Rather it should be read as saying that a person who works in a job that entails a high level of social interaction is LESS LIKELY to be mentally ill.
Additionally:
“Following along the same lines as above, make a discrete effort to get an idea of how popular they are in real life. There is a direct correlation between popularity and the presence of psychopathologies (online doesn’t count). Popularity seems to be an insulator to the development of psychopathologies and conversely psychopathologies tend to limit a person’s social opportunities. It is important to be discrete for obvious reasons.”
This statement is NOT to be read as saying that if you aren’t popular that that you are mentally ill. Rather it should be read as saying that a popular person is LESS LIKELY to be mentally ill. quote]
[Edited 4/16/2009 11:51:05 AM ]
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| 4/16/2009 11:51:29 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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freebirdinky
Louisville, KY
58, joined Sep. 2008
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I AM FREE ... FREE I TELL YOU ... I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR AFTER WORKING 34 YEARS IN THE MENTAL HEALTH FIELD ... I AM NORMAL.. I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST SAVING THAT ROOM AT THE MENTAL HOSPITAL AS PART OF MY RETIREMENT PLAN.... ALL KIDDING ASIDE .. MAN THIS MIGHT BE A BIT DEEP FOR A DATING SITE.. IF YOU ARE THAT DOWN ON HERE ABOUT SOME OF THESE THINGS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT .. GET OUT OF THE STRESS AND GET A PULPIT.. ALOT OF PEOPLE HERE ARE JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE WITHOUT BEING ALONE .. SOMETIMES JUST HAVING PEOPLE WHO IS WILLING TO LISTEN AT THE END OF YOUR FINGER TIPS IS ENOUGH.. IT TAKES ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE AND ALL KINDS OF EXPERIENCES TO AID IN GETTING TO KNOW WHAT ONE REALLY WANTS OUT OF LIFE..SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TASTE THE SPICES OF LIFE IN ORFER TO SEE WHAT YOUR PALLET IS APPEALING TO.. AND SOMETIMES SOME PEOPLE PUT SALT IN THE SUGAR BOWL. BUT THEN AGAIN SOME PEOPLE THINK SALT IS AS SWEET... I LIKE SALT ON MY ICE CREAM ..DOES THAT MAKE ME A FREAK?????
Hallelujah, hallelujah!
I see a band of angels.
Hallelujah, hallelujah!
Freedom calling...
Hallelujah, hallelujah!
I do not fear the stories.
Hallelujah, hallelujah!
freedom calling me...
Don't you see it? Don't you feel it?
Freedom calling...
END OF SERMON..................I KNOW I KNOW I FALL UNDER THE CRAZY CATAGORY AS WELL.. SO I AM ENDING THE INSANITY NOW .......NO WAIT I LIKE ME JUST AS I AM.........
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| 4/16/2009 6:03:25 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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gymguy1975
Ashland, KY
40, joined Sep. 2006
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Can anyone honestly say that they don't care to know whether or not the person that they are talking to has a psychotic disorder, antisocial personality disorder, Bipolar 1, borderline personality disorder (they often self mutilate), etc.?
I find this hard to believe. There is a difference between being judgemental and trying to get an honest assessment of the person you are talking to.
[Edited 4/16/2009 6:03:59 PM ]
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| 4/17/2009 11:31:09 AM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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cowboytrucker
Louisville, KY
57, joined Mar. 2008
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Can anyone honestly say that they don't care to know whether or not the person that they are talking to has a psychotic disorder, antisocial personality disorder, Bipolar 1, borderline personality disorder (they often self mutilate), etc.?
I find this hard to believe. There is a difference between being judgemental and trying to get an honest assessment of the person you are talking to.
Yes, we are. There is a process for determining that stuff in a potential mate. It's called dating. Then we have the police.
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| 4/18/2009 9:44:04 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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gymguy1975
Ashland, KY
40, joined Sep. 2006
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I would prefer to avoid even a first date with a sociopath (i.e. antisocial personality disorder). There are quite a few other disorders that a person might have that I'd just as soon avoid a first date with also.
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| 4/22/2009 3:28:56 PM |
Signs of behavioral abnormalities |
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ribolt93
Florence, KY
45, joined Apr. 2009
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I appreciate the advice, and only wish I could have had the knowledge years ago. Looking back, some of the little things I blew off could have been signs of things to come. It became such a dangerous situation. Being naive, I thought someone so disturbed would be so easy to spot. My friends even liked this person. So for the past few years I worried about trying to date again, worried I would fall into something similar. I've watched shows, tried the internet, & really only had a general idea of possible signs. At least having something to fall back on when your in doubt is comforting. Not everyone can be so keen on this kind of thing, & I agree that if you can possibly avoid something so dangerous you should. The police can only do so much. Again, thanks.
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