| 4/20/2009 1:29:46 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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silvert81
Indianapolis, IN
33, joined Mar. 2009
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I was just curious as to why courtship has disappeared? Why do women feel the need to have sex and then feel hurt when they offer and you refuse? I've spent time with women whom I've had great conversations with - you couldn't even call it a date. I'm just talking casual convo - common interests, personality, likes and dislikes, whatever. And after all that talking they expect you to stay the night and then act all hurt when you say no. What happened to the days when you could court a lady and prove your worth through deeds? What happened to respect of morals and personal beliefs?
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| 4/20/2009 1:59:35 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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caky
Walton, KY
54, joined Dec. 2008
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Personally, I feel it's due to today's "need it now/don't want to wait" fast paced society/mentality. 
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| 4/20/2009 2:18:44 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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silvert81
Indianapolis, IN
33, joined Mar. 2009
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Women say all the time that they want romance. Well how can that happen if they offer themselves right off the bat? Anybody can have sex - that's easy. But NOT anybody can have a real romance or courtship; and not anybody can easily say "not yet" out of respect for themselves and for the person they're courting. I think if we had any measure of courtship and respect, less "mistakes" would happen, and there would likewise be more fish in the sea so to speak. I don't know, I'm just speaking my mind here.
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| 4/20/2009 7:22:12 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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chrissiepoo
Livingston, KY
33, joined Apr. 2009
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you know what there are a few of us women left that have old fashioned values and want to wait till we are in a relationship to have sex with someone.....
i can understand why other women feel that need. No offense to any men out there but everytime i start to date a guy they are constantly all about sex. They aggrivate and aggrivate about it. So now women think if they dont offer it up that a man isnt going to stay with them. Its sad but true. and a woman gets upset because then she thinks shes not wanted or desirable.
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| 4/20/2009 8:32:52 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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retired_fireman
Louisville, KY
65, joined Mar. 2008
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you know what there are a few of us women left that have old fashioned values and want to wait till we are in a relationship to have sex with someone.....
i can understand why other women feel that need. No offense to any men out there but everytime i start to date a guy they are constantly all about sex. They aggrivate and aggrivate about it. So now women think if they dont offer it up that a man isnt going to stay with them. Its sad but true. and a woman gets upset because then she thinks shes not wanted or desirable.
This the same mantality that keeps women with abusive men. I can't leave him cause I ahve no where else to go. Many states have changed their laws prevneting a women from letting a man off the hoof for domestic violence. It is now up to the police to decided if charges are brought against the man. Not the women. I have seen this many times while I was an Fire fighter/EMT. We would respond to the house to find the woman almost beaten to death. Then she refused to press charges. Thet feared another beating when he got out. Most of the times I could convince her to go to a womens shelter for spouse abuse while he was in Jail. In 18 yrs of service I have seen it happen where the man does beat her to death later. The first time it happened a cop on the scene said to me-Now she has some place to go.
If men are such a valueble commodity then why are so many of us not in relationships with these hard up women? Sex is not the way to get a man to stay. Love, affection, honesty and dependablity are the keys to winning a man heart.
Remember you can't make them stay when they want to leave. And you can't make the leave when they want to stay.
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| 4/20/2009 10:24:20 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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caky
Walton, KY
54, joined Dec. 2008
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But NOT anybody can have a real romance or courtship; and not anybody can easily say "not yet" out of respect for themselves and for the person they're courting. I think if we had any measure of courtship and respect, less "mistakes" would happen, and there would likewise be more fish in the sea so to speak.
One of the key statements you made here is respect for themselves. And what is scary is that society has built a false reality around the term sex, and unfortunately those that are weak have/will cave.
Back when I was going through my divorce I got a 2nd job working in the ER. The number of teens that came in pregnant @ 13 or less, along with the various aged folks with STD's or finding out they had contracted an STD was incredible.  And that was long before many fell for the term "friends with benefits". Mind you, I'm not against intimacy, but respect for oneself and being selective is one thing I wish more folks would make a must have personality trait.
I'm sure I haven't won points for this post, but as an old college friend said to me once,
"your one gal that owns her own respect ~ never change" !
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| 4/20/2009 7:21:48 PM |
What happened to courtship? |
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ribolt93
Florence, KY
45, joined Apr. 2009
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It is sad, because I'm sure that some(not all) are good women, but they just got lost in the thought of finding a good man. Times are different, but it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your morals or beliefs just to have someone in your life. Mercy!
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| 4/21/2009 3:45:20 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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freebirdinky
Louisville, KY
58, joined Sep. 2008
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Back in the day, a man courted a woman with intents of marriage. These days a girl is supposed to feel lucky if her suitor calls her back, shows up when he says he will, or actually shows some dedicated follow through. It also seems that dating has become less and less original and we aren’t dating for marriage, but dating for buttcheeks. What happened to coming up with an original date? - When did men stop trying to woo the woman, and when did the ideal of a date become limited to a fancy dinner? When did less become acceptable and when did women or men start settle for a lack of originality, zero follow through, and a general lack of respect for our feelings in dating? What happened to picnics, plays, trips to the zoo, long walks,boat rides, chillin’ at a local coffee house, art gallery exhibits, We live in a society filled with ”We want it now!!!” Instant gratification and laziness have made men and women a little slutty and less inclined to be original. I think we all need to take a step back and wade a little bit in the 1950’s behavior, stop trying to impress each other and step outside the box. If people took great spontaneous first dates where the mask is removed, we would all get a better ideal of whether the new prospect is a lame duck or Prince(ss) Charming.
  
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| 4/21/2009 10:48:14 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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caky
Walton, KY
54, joined Dec. 2008
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The Man (Woman) In the Glass ~ By Dale Wimbrow 1934
When you get what you want in your struggle for self and the world makes you king for a day,
just go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what that man has to say
for it isn't your Father, Mother or Wife whose judgment upon you must pass...
the fellows verdict that counts most in your life is the one starring back from the glass.
Some people might say your a straight shootin chum and call you a wonderful guy,
but the man in the mirror says your only a bum if you can't look him straight in the eye
he's the fellow to please never mind all the rest for he's with you clear to the end,
and you've passed your most dangerous test if the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years and get pats on your back as you pass,
but your final reward will be heart ache and tears if you've cheated the man in the glass....
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| 4/24/2009 10:45:27 PM |
What happened to courtship? |
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dollysmom
Thunder Bay, ON
53, joined Mar. 2009
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I usually just read this forum, but this one really peaked my interest. The first day I signed on I got an message to chat, the guy wanted to know if I could spend the night. I have old fashioned ideals, and believe you should be in a long term monogomus relationship before making love. In this day an age you should ask your partner for STD testing not just once, but twice, as some STD's don't show up right away. If you really have romance first, then, you don't have sex, but down the line if your courted and move into a relationship then you make love. Without courtship there is unlikely to be love. A man who wants sex immediately is just out for sex and not interested in showing you respect.
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| 4/25/2009 7:16:54 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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freebirdinky
Louisville, KY
58, joined Sep. 2008
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IN MY DAY ... lol wanted to sound like my mother.. HOlY CRAP I am my mother.. well I still believe in romance,holding hands,treating people with respect,and kiss goodnight before going to sleep. I still believe in not letting a lady walk to her car alone, taking to the outside of the sidewalk when walking a lady down the street and nothing better then to be walking along and danger approaches and the gentleman touches you in the small of the back with the palm of his hand to guide you along.
 
[Edited 4/25/2009 7:17:18 AM ]
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| 4/29/2009 4:57:43 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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funmommy4jj
Clarksville, IN
34, joined Apr. 2009
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I am very much into the "get to know you first" thing. Guys just want to jump in bed, and then get offended when I say no. How can someone truely like someone they don't know except for the bedroom part? Personally, I'd love for a man to romance me. I've never had that happen to me and it's something I've always wanted to find...a good guy. Not someone that takes you out to eat and then all of a sudden bam! Is all up in your face trying to talk you into sleeping with them. I'm surprised if I can talk to them on the phone more than 2 times without them asking questions about "what I like". Right then and there I'm ready to hang up the phone...not my kind of guy. Yes, I think it is an important part of a relationship...AFTER you get to know someone and decide you want a relationship. I'm one of the "good girls" that guys wonder where we are...I'm here!!
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| 4/29/2009 7:14:33 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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travel920
Winters, TX
75, joined Feb. 2009
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Sometime in the past, an "Exotic" dancer gave me her take on at least one bit of conventional wisdom. Bluntly, she said that a woman will never know the true character of a male until AFTER she has slept with him. I didn't totally agree with her, but understood her point. I countered with my observation that a man would never know who he had married until after the fact. I suspect we were both sorta right.
What I do know is that a male will lie to his target woman, get his mother to lie (if he can), and construct fairy tales for the purpose of having sex. After that, he may or may not stick around. In any event, his true character will start to show. He may like it enough to stick around, but he will change into who he really is.
Be all that as it may, there are two reasons for things as they are;
A mobile society has made it easy for males to just go find someplace else if things get too hot for them where they are.
But most of all, the biggest deal, is the unintended consequences of the Great Society and the advent of the Pill at about the same time. Secondary factors include easy divorce, easy marriage and way too many Lawyers.
This series of laws that Lyndon Johnson rammed through in the Mid-Sixties, insured that women who had children received money. And they got that money if a male was not part of their lives. It was called AFDC. Do I really need to spell it out? Human nature is human nature.
The rise of STD that can kill you has partially mitigated the effects of promiscuity as has a Republican Congress/Democratic President (Clinton) revision of some welfare laws.
Larry
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| 4/29/2009 8:25:50 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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retired_fireman
Louisville, KY
65, joined Mar. 2008
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IN MY DAY ... lol wanted to sound like my mother.. HOlY CRAP I am my mother.. well I still believe in romance,holding hands,treating people with respect,and kiss goodnight before going to sleep. I still believe in not letting a lady walk to her car alone, taking to the outside of the sidewalk when walking a lady down the street and nothing better then to be walking along and danger approaches and the gentleman touches you in the small of the back with the palm of his hand to guide you along.
Funny isnt it that we thought our parents where out of touch with reality in our youth. Now we are our parents. Let me start by saying I would have little respect for a woman who offers to go to bed with me on the first date. I respect myself first then her. Self control is a virtue seldom practiced today. Instant food-instant money (atm)-instant date online now has become instant gratification. My dad told me once that if something is really worth while it is never easy or quick. But it is worth the wait and effort to finally recieve it.
People live together now days more often than in my youth. Many do it for financial reasons. Especially older people. You know that if older people marry they lose social security benefits they had. Or in some cases their pension from a previous marriage. But the younger people have no such concerns. But still sharing the bills does make it cheaper to live. I understand that part. I also understand why I woman is offended if she offers herself to a man and he refuses. She asks what is wrong with me that he refused? What I dont understand is why she made the offer in the first place? Holding hands, Kissing tenderly and caressing a woman Does not seem to be enough these days. Romance is dead in our society and our grand kids will suffer because of it. The popular movies depict romance and lust. People crave that kind of attention. But seldom get it. Instead it is like a porno movie on a date. Glad I am old enough that I dont have to deal with that.
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| 4/30/2009 12:06:01 PM |
What happened to courtship? |
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silvert81
Indianapolis, IN
33, joined Mar. 2009
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Well, from all that I have experienced and witnessed thus far, courtship has been nothing but wishful thinking; a dream and a whisper of what once was. But - I am a dreamer. Maybe that's good; maybe that's bad. Who knows? I'll find it eventually.
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| 5/23/2009 12:21:43 AM |
What happened to courtship? |
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loveshorses23
Hopkinsville, KY
29, joined May. 2009
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I hope that you do indeed keep looking and find what your looking for. I agree with pretty much everyone here that our society has changed to "I want it now now now" and that most women probably do feel that if they don't offer they will be turned away. However, those women need to have a wake up call that those men will either have a greater respect for her because of her control and self respect, or they won't;those that don't are not worth their time. Everyone needs to stop settleing and really look for what and who they really want. I know that I personally will not settle, and won't stop looking until I find that person who is right for me.
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