| 4/26/2009 1:57:48 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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happylisa
Broken Arrow, OK
49, joined Jan. 2009
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I myself have no kids but being older, most of the guys I date have kids. Although I have no kids of my own, I believe that kids should come first in any relationship. So my question is, what is the right time(1 month, 2 months, never) for someone to introduce the person they are dating to their kids? And where and how should it be done? At a restaurant, at home etc?
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| 4/26/2009 3:22:56 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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howardc42
Greeley, CO
49, joined Sep. 2008
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I know where you are coming from because I've been in that same boat too.I beleave that if your dating someone with children,then it's that persons responsibility to introduce his or her kids to his or hers new lover as soon as possible.Now there is no garrantee how the children react when mommy and daddy are no longer together.Just remember that the children are the biggest victims when mommy and daddy get a divorce and be aware that the law may require them two to stay friends for the childrens sake.Is that something you can or cannot handle?
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| 4/26/2009 3:28:19 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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happylisa
Broken Arrow, OK
49, joined Jan. 2009
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I know where you are coming from because I've been in that same boat too.I beleave that if your dating someone with children,then it's that persons responsibility to introduce his or her kids to his or hers new lover as soon as possible.Now there is no garrantee how the children react when mommy and daddy are no longer together.Just remember that the children are the biggest victims when mommy and daddy get a divorce and be aware that the law may require them two to stay friends for the childrens sake.Is that something you can or cannot handle?
I would prefer if the exes could be good friends for the sake of the children because that would mean they both have some decency and character. On the other hand, I dont think someone with kids should introduce their girlfriend to their kids ASAP. I think that the couple should take the time to get to know each other first and see if there's a possibility of a marriage in sight before the kids are involved. Kids do get attached quick to their mother's/father's boyfriend/girlfriend. It would not be beneficial to the kids if they were introduced and then it doesnt work out.
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| 4/26/2009 3:42:36 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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fishenguy
Santa Rosa, CA
56, joined Aug. 2008
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As soon as you feel you will be dating that person for a while. If I know a woman has kids that are living with her and she hasn't introduced me after the 6th date or within two months I won't stick around much longer. It tells me that she has issues trusting men. At the bare minimum it shows me that she has no intention of getting very serious with me and all she wants to do is date. Which would be fine if that is all I wanted to do. But I am way beyond that point. The only reason I date anyone more than 2 months is because I have long term plans with her in mind.
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| 4/26/2009 3:43:54 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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dlydia
Hayes, VA
60, joined Dec. 2007
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I have had one serious relationship since my husband died, four years after his death. I dated someone for two years, my kids meet him after a month. We took 5 vacations together,worked on the house and yard together, family get togethers ,the whole nine yards....my kids resented him....i loved him.....he loved other women....get the picture??? So now my social life is private, my kids and I are now happy not, stressed like before...everybody trying to please each other...I must say that my kids were pre-teens at the time.....it's hard for someone to come into a family that has been on their own, just us three...and introduce someone new...sometimes it works but not often from my point of view....all you can ask from the children is to respect that other person...they don't have to like them....so I choose not to involve my kids in my social life....works just fine for us..
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| 4/26/2009 3:55:55 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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howardc42
Greeley, CO
49, joined Sep. 2008
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I would prefer if the exes could be good friends for the sake of the children because that would mean they both have some decency and character. On the other hand, I dont think someone with kids should introduce their girlfriend to their kids ASAP. I think that the couple should take the time to get to know each other first and see if there's a possibility of a marriage in sight before the kids are involved. Kids do get attached quick to their mother's/father's boyfriend/girlfriend. It would not be beneficial to the kids if they were introduced and then it doesnt work out.
Okey
If you like children and would like them to look up to you like a mother,then why not meet his children while you see a chance? If your not comfortable dating men with kids,then your best bet would be to date a man that doesn't have kids.
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| 4/26/2009 4:02:26 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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fishenguy
Santa Rosa, CA
56, joined Aug. 2008
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I have had one serious relationship since my husband died, four years after his death. I dated someone for two years, my kids meet him after a month. We took 5 vacations together,worked on the house and yard together, family get togethers ,the whole nine yards....my kids resented him....i loved him.....he loved other women....get the picture??? So now my social life is private, my kids and I are now happy not, stressed like before...everybody trying to please each other...I must say that my kids were pre-teens at the time.....it's hard for someone to come into a family that has been on their own, just us three...and introduce someone new...sometimes it works but not often from my point of view....all you can ask from the children is to respect that other person...they don't have to like them....so I choose not to involve my kids in my social life....works just fine for us..
Your kids would have resented him because they felt he wasn't being true to you. My mom died when I was 10 years old. Left dad with 8 kids to raise. Kids can tell when someone isn't being fair to a parent. You even stated he loved other women....the kids might not have known that. But they did feel it.
Children want their parents to be happy they just don't want to be left behind.
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| 4/26/2009 4:03:16 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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boni333
Kent, OH
51, joined Sep. 2008
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There isn't a time limit on this. Every child is different. It may take a child a long time to accept the fact of the parents split. In this case, I wouldn't push introducing a date to a child. And there are some children who are emotionally ready to meet and relate to a parent's date. In fact, the child may have insights that the parent might not see in a new relationship...In any case, meeting someone new should be where the child is most comfortable and secure.
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| 4/26/2009 4:04:06 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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sunnyday7
Yuma, AZ
67, joined May. 2007
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immediately.....
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| 4/26/2009 4:14:54 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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bella2020
Lebanon, OH
54, joined Sep. 2007
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I believe you should not involve your children untill you are sure you and this person and you are going to hit it off or at least find out first .I would not for a good 6 weeks ,Talking on the phone going out for dinner and a movie or just getting to know each other is better for everyone. But I don't have little ones so I might not be right .Just what I would do .
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| 4/26/2009 4:25:04 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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happylisa
Broken Arrow, OK
49, joined Jan. 2009
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Okey
If you like children and would like them to look up to you like a mother,then why not meet his children while you see a chance? If your not comfortable dating men with kids,then your best bet would be to date a man that doesn't have kids.
Ok, maybe im not getting my points across correctly. Its not me that Im worried about, its the kids. I wouldnt want to be a mother to the kids anyways, they already have a mother. I"m more worried about meeting a date's kids and becoming attached to the kids only to have the relationship not work out. In the end, its the kids that suffer. I would hate that especially since they have already gone through one divorce.
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| 4/26/2009 4:41:29 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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howardc42
Greeley, CO
49, joined Sep. 2008
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Ok, maybe im not getting my points across correctly. Its not me that Im worried about, its the kids. I wouldnt want to be a mother to the kids anyways, they already have a mother. I"m more worried about meeting a date's kids and becoming attached to the kids only to have the relationship not work out. In the end, its the kids that suffer. I would hate that especially since they have already gone through one divorce.
I agree
I have never been married or have kids.But it sounds like to me is that you should date a man who doesn't have kids or a man who has kids that are all grown up and on their own.But you make the call.I'm only trying to help.
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| 4/26/2009 4:57:46 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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cinthianna01
Goshen, IN
96, joined Mar. 2009
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When both parties involved feel comfortable doing so.
I have always been on the "protect" the children bandwagon and keep them seperate from a parent's personal life until I see a possibility of a permanent arrangement.
However, recently I had a conversation about the other person deserving to see from early on how the pre-made family unit functions in day to day life. For that person to be able to effectively judge if that is someone he wants to spend his time with. He made a good argument and I can't do it justice. It did make me re-think my previous stance on the topic to be that both parties should be comfortable in the situation and take it from there...
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| 4/26/2009 5:18:33 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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lotstdo
Henderson, NV
54, joined Apr. 2009
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not untill your married, or the children are 18
otherwise keep your sex life to yourself!
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| 4/26/2009 5:26:39 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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fishenguy
Santa Rosa, CA
56, joined Aug. 2008
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Ok, maybe im not getting my points across correctly. Its not me that Im worried about, its the kids. I wouldnt want to be a mother to the kids anyways, they already have a mother. I"m more worried about meeting a date's kids and becoming attached to the kids only to have the relationship not work out. In the end, its the kids that suffer. I would hate that especially since they have already gone through one divorce.
I understand how you feel. My ex-wife was married and divorced with one child when I met her. When she mentioned she wanted a divorce 18 years later all I could think of is how much I would miss my step daughter. But in my case she was old enough to decide herself that she wasn't going to let her mom ruin her life. But it has kept me from dating women with small children. I love kids. But the thought of getting involved with a woman with small kids just to have her end it and hurt the kids as much or more than she is hurting me is gut wrenching.
When you look at divorce stats......second marriages have a 65% chance of failure not only are you taking your chances but you are putting the feelings of the children in your hands as well.
I think if you are the one that doesn't have kids you really have to look at that person hard to see just how stable that person is. How much does he or she love and care about you?
As for myself, these days I won't date a woman with young children unless I consider her a real catch. I pay close attention to her background as well as her parents background. Sometimes some parents don't put the interests of the children where they should be when it comes to a serious relationship so you have to do what you think is best.
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| 4/26/2009 6:47:17 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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bingbinger
Dubuque, IA
41, joined Mar. 2009
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This subject i actualy struggle with. I would like to wait a while to see if I really like the person first, the problem is that I put alot of stock on how she interacts with my kid. I have had problems both ways. The last girfreind i had, I waited a while and I really didn't like the way she was around my child, so I kicked myself for not introducing her earlier. But i have introduced girls right away and they were great with my daughter which was a bigbut i didn't connect with the girl after a little while and my kid would end up getting hurt. So  I dont think there is a great answer for that. I would say just Love your children like no other and always make them your #1 and whatever route you take with your dates you wont go wrong.
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| 4/26/2009 7:31:44 PM |
When should you introduce the person you're dating to the kids? |
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tryagaindj68
Evansville, IN
47, joined Aug. 2008
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I feel that a relationship stands the best chance if you're friends first, and I introduce my son to my friends.
[Edited 4/26/2009 7:33:00 PM ]
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