Shock of divorce

5/26/2009 8:46:43 PM	Shock of divorce
luralea Humble, TX age: 55	My husband walked out...called and said he filed for divorce and would not talk to me or answer any questions and would not see me again. How do you deal with the pain?
5/26/2009 9:01:38 PM	Shock of divorce
luralea Humble, TX age: 55	Guess I came to the wrong place...sorry
5/26/2009 9:09:32 PM	Shock of divorce
fnlgal San Angelo, TX age: 42	I'm kinda new here, and I read your post earlier, and I didn't reply because it's just hard... the pain is not going to go away tomorrow, or the next day... I wish I could tell you the right thing, but all I know for sure is that you need to surround yourself with good friends who can support you, go to church if you don't already... and if you are going, go more often... don't sit and let pain control you. You will need to fill your time with other thoughts, and that is going to take time... it's just all going to take time..... I can tell you what allot of friends have told me in the past (you are better off without him), but it's not what you want to hear right now, because until now you probably thought he was going to be IT for the rest of your life... he made a decision about your life, and he didn't give you a choice, so now... take it one day at at time..... stay strong, believe in yourself..... you are worth so much more than he has probably ever given you credit for!
5/26/2009 9:14:04 PM	Shock of divorce
luralea Humble, TX age: 55	Thank you for the great advice....I am new here as well.....however, I don't have any friends to talk to...that is what makes it even harder...If I don't find a job in 2 mos to support me....I am in trouble with a 9 mo lease on apt. Thanks for your time and caring. [Edited 5/26/2009 9:14:32 PM PST]
5/26/2009 9:27:24 PM	Shock of divorce
tyboy6 Tyler, TX age: 26	plenty more fish out there keep your eyes open and heart protected
5/26/2009 9:45:37 PM	Shock of divorce
shannonheat Austin, TX age: 31	Luralea, Go to http://www.meetup.com and search for divorce support groups that you can join in your area. Most are free, and it's a great way to meet new people who are experiencing the same emotions and issues that you are currently feeling. *ADVISORY* Do NOT become romantically involved in anyone else going through a divorce. I speak from experience. It will lead you to nothing but future heartache and heartbreak. No matter how much you think someone is only consoling you, be careful. You are at the most vulnerable point in your life right now. Best of luck, ~Shannon
5/26/2009 9:49:21 PM	Shock of divorce
ima_delight Lewisville, TX age: 59	luralea, welcome to Texas Chat. As you have found out, there are caring people here that are willing to share advice and experiences with you. Please stay
5/27/2009 8:04:22 AM	Shock of divorce
sale1970 Katy, TX age: 39	Look, if your spouse is running away from your marriage, it is up to YOU to turn it around. Now I know this may sound like some kind of miracle at this point, but YOU HAVE TO FACE UP TO REALITY. You need a definite PLAN that you can follow, step-by-step, with someone to hold you accountable for doing what is outlined in the plan. If you don't have someone there with you to keep you on the right track, it is just too easy to fall back into your old habits of constantly telling your spouse you love him or, fault finding, or bringing up the past. I know how difficult it is because I experienced this myself... I'm Really sorry is Happening to you,but be Brave,and be yourself,after few days maybe he's gonna realize what he missing,and what he did,so might back and Apologize.Good Luck to you,and welcome to Texas chat group,one of the best on site. Sale,
5/27/2009 8:19:04 AM	Shock of divorce
kerrybluedogmom Katy, TX age: 49	Welcome to Tx Chat! I am so sorry your husband doesn't have the back bone to talk to you for closure reasons. I agree try looking up www.meetup.com and join a divorce group or similiar one. They are really a bunch of great people too!
5/27/2009 8:42:29 AM	Shock of divorce
saxpistols Temple, TX age: 46	just know that that man is a weak coward, my dear. divorce sucks, but it does get better once you realize that he did you a favor. (and, oh yeah... what they said!) [Edited 5/27/2009 8:48:56 AM PST]
5/27/2009 3:10:00 PM	Shock of divorce
jase4655 Waco, TX age: 54	luralea...honey, I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. Unfortunately many of us here know exactly what you're going through and it is certainly not an easy venture. I would recommend a group called DivorceCare (search online for a group near you). It is a support group which addresses all of the issues we face when going through this most difficult time. Also...exercise! Get out and walk, swim, ride horses or bikes...ANYTHING to keep yourself active and your body releasing endorphins (side note--workout times can be great "quiet times" to pray or meditate). Last, but certainly not least...make FEMALE friends at this very vulnerable time. You are in no shape to begin a romantic relationship right now and need to spend time getting your strength back. Know you have support here if you need it...Love ya, sweetie
5/28/2009 9:36:25 AM	Shock of divorce
becca8683 Henderson, TX age: 43	So sorry to hear about your divorce. Nearly all of us here know the feeling. The greatest thing I had going for me was a daughter who wouldn't let me lay down & feel sorry for myself. She pushed me to get up & out, even if it was nothing more than going to Walmart to look around for a while. If he ever agrees to talk to you, see if there's anything left to work with. And if it still doesn't work out, then you know you did all you could. If not, pick up, make new friends, & go on. My step-mother-in-law told me this, & it was totally true: You will know when its truly over & you've had enough. You will wake up, realize you're done & you will go on with your life. Everybody reaches that point at different times. In the meantime, do every thing you can to keep moving. Life gets better & you need to concentrate on you. And everyone is right. Surround yourself with female friends, wait til you know its over in your heart before you look for male friends. A rebound relationship almost never works, especially if its his friend!!!
5/28/2009 9:52:15 AM	Shock of divorce
groovymimi Roanoke, TX age: 55	luralea, first, God bless ya, girlfriend. It's VERY hard and very painful and you think you're just going to absolutely DIE from it, but you won't. I've never been walked out on, but I have been cheated on, and even though I was the one that left and let me tell ya, it was so painful I thought I would die, or kill myself, but I didn't. This sounds SO simple...almost stupid, but it's something that helped me get through it. I got a yearly calendar that had boxes for each day of the month (you know...a wall calendar), and every day that went by that I didn't try to call him or if he called I didn't talk to him, I marked a BIG RED "X" in that day. And to me, each day was another success for me and as I watched those X's go up and grow in numbers, it made me feel a little better each day. My self esteem started growing and before you know it...I didn't have to mark the X's on there any longer. Also...there's a book called, "How To Survive The Loss Of A Love". Very small, but very powerful book. Go on AMAZON and you can buy it used, very cheap. Helps you tremendously. With things such as, remove EVERYTHING out of your house that reminds you of him. You don't have to throw it out, and maybe it would be a good idea if you didn't (especially if you have kids) and if that's the case, then get a box(es) and put everything in there and put them in the attic, or garage, whatever. Even down to a BAR of freakin soap...remove it out of your sight! This helps like you would NOT believe! Also, get in a support group if you have one in your area. (((((BIG HUGS))))) to you and hang in there! You will get through this, and you will be a much wiser, stronger woman for it. [Edited 5/28/2009 9:56:20 AM PST]
5/29/2009 4:01:55 PM	Shock of divorce
cuintexas Baytown, TX age: 48	luralea, I learned a lot in my divorce. The main thing that helped me through it was I realized that anyone that would do anything to hurt you, and not show any regret, is not someone that is worthy of you. I don't know the details of your situation, but just remeber " take care of you and don't let anyone else dictate what direction your life goes. Make sure you're happy and know where you're headed.
6/1/2009 9:14:18 PM	Shock of divorce
pawee Waco, TX age: 43	I hav never experienced a divorce,or a marriage.I hav had a few hard breaks.Just keep your faith and remember God has a plan for you.
6/3/2009 5:46:41 PM	Shock of divorce
jase4655 Waco, TX age: 54	pawee!!! Love the new pics!!! Hope things are going well 4 U.
6/20/2009 5:40:01 AM	Shock of divorce
royski Houston, TX age: 57	Hey There are no easy fixes to your situation, Just time. You have kids, and they turned out OK? Thats what is most important. Now go look to find what is best for you and follow that . Roy
6/20/2009 6:15:08 AM	Shock of divorce
rebeccatx Springtown, TX age: 53	Luralea, God Bless you sweet heart! My first husband did the exact same thing to me. At first I was in shock. If it had not been for my female friends, and a few male friends that were ONLY FRIENDS I would not have made it through it. Just to know that you deserve love, that you are lovable and that you are loved is one of the most powerful healers in existance. There are some of the nicest people around here in TX Chat. Several are at a big DH TX party or they would probably have stopped by too. This is like a death. In this case it is a death of a life and relstionship. Grieve, mourne, cry, pray, scream, mediate and pray more. Most of all.. give yourself time, and permission, for the mixture of emotions that you are feeling now and that are ahead of you. There is awesome advice here. One thing I did besides get everything that had belonged to him out of my sight, I also put away my clothes that were his favorites. If they are your favorites too, then just put them away until you can pull them out and say "to hell with him!!" I am also here for you if you wanna talk though email or by phone. If you do, email me. God Bless you and keep you in His loving and soothing arms. LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS TO YOU!
6/21/2009 7:30:07 AM	Shock of divorce
vanwinkle Graham, TX age: 57	It's hard----I know. Take Your time.....go slow. Don't look for comfort in a new relationship. Take this time to get to know yourself...and what You need.
6/29/2009 3:00:42 AM	Shock of divorce
michael834 Houston, TX age: 54	Whether it was good or bad you have to look at it realistically. If he walked out, likely there was a reason. My ex asked for a divorce out of the blue and it was very painful, after 17 years of doing my best to make her happy I was in shock and automatically thought that it was my fault. I dealt with feelings of having failed some how, she would not talk and not budge on the subject. It wasn't until a few months later that I discovered she had been seeing someone else. The hardest part for me was not in letting someone go or feeling sorry for my self or anger but in dealing with the sanity of my children. That took some of the bite out initially but there was still a lot of pain. After a long relationship, divorcing is a lot like someone you care for dying. There is a period that you have to go through, anniversaries, birthdays and special occasions that you no longer know how to deal with as an individual...because at this moment you are not a whole individual...you have given a lot of yourself to someone else and now have to reclaim those parts of you again. We can say, when one of these occasions comes up that we will be able to handle it and imagine how we will do so but sometimes that is like hearing that someone was robbed and saying you would have taken charge and the outcome would have been different...the fact is...we do not know how we would react to a gun being pointed at us...and sometimes when these occasions come up...when we are not quite whole in ourselves..it can be like a gun pointed at us...we can break down and feel the brunt of the pain again. When we give for so long to someone else and no longer have that person we have a negative void ...we tend to pull in things to fill it until it feels full again...but we have to be careful.....we have to examine ourselves truthfully and fill that void with our own positive energy or we will risk pulling in negative things simply to fill the void, bad people, bad habits....I think that is why so many rebound relationships fail...it is just a longing to be whole again, to take away the hurt. If we take our time and learn to relate to ourselves again and honestly try to complete ourselves then we have something worthwhile to offer someone else....and in doing so we will attract positive and helpful things to fill the void and in turn heal the hurt. When you feel down or hurt, think of yourself and the positive things you bring to the world. Do not live in the past, it is gone and cannot be changed, he future is unknown and only the present actually exists......and only by living in the present and being positive can you affect the future.
6/29/2009 4:21:47 PM	Shock of divorce
caviya Millsap, TX age: 51	Everyone has pretty much summed it up on the shock of Divorce. But G/F, he IS a COWARD, so he really did do you a favor. Sadly, right now you can't see the forest for the trees due to greif and shock. Welcome to Texas chat and talk with us. Everyone here are all awesome people who most anyway, have all been through this. Ya just tae day at a time, stay focused. If ya start dwelling on the why's, what if's etc. It will only drive you crazy. Not worth it. So just stay busy doing something, anything, that will help keep your mind off it it. Best of luck and I hope so much things will get better as asoon as possible for you!
6/29/2009 6:54:23 PM	Shock of divorce
2luckyone2 Tomball, TX age: 52	How do you create a new thread? I don't want to throw all my troubles in here, and wanted to start one like this lady to get advice?
6/29/2009 7:23:03 PM	Shock of divorce
debbie5 Killeen, TX age: 52	I agree with Shannon, there are support groups out there for just this kind of thing. Sometimes we think we are alone in the world, especially when we are down and out; but you might be surprised at how many people who have been thru similar situations are actually willing to listen, advise and help support you thru your pain. Good Luck Hun
6/30/2009 2:37:06 AM	Shock of divorce
txstarlight El Paso, TX age: 39	Friends can always help...and we sure don't mind helping!! You've gotten some good help from the friends here. I wish you happiness just around the corner!!
7/16/2009 10:20:58 PM	Shock of divorce
luralea Humble, TX age: 55	Wow!!! I just read all the support from everyone.....you guys are awesome! Sure wish I had all of you in my life....Thanks so much!
7/16/2009 10:39:33 PM	Shock of divorce
theuglyoldman Athens, TX age: 46	what..is that guy blind??...i see you are a very lovely lady...if only i was 2 old and 2 ugly 4 you then i be chaseing you seriously...he did you a favor...lots better out there and you will find the right man for you lots of great people here in texas chat...big hearts and great friends...we all can joke around but we all here for ya in time of need...remember...you are in my prayers...may God the Father bless you richly
7/16/2009 11:27:39 PM	Shock of divorce
gypsy1022 Corpus Christi, TX age: 46	You do realize that he is responsible for any debt concurred within the marriage, this is Texas. Seek a lawyer and get what is coming your way as well as alimony, until you can get yourself back on your feet. And if he was the sole provider in the marriage, you may be due back reimbursement throughout the entirety of your marriage, that means that he has to pay you for your time, energy and effort. GO GET HIM HON.... BITE BACK THE DOG THAT BITE YA. And dont let any lawyer tell you other wise. And next time you decide to get in a relationship always remember that even the good ones can bite...

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