Better Than Nothing

I have read this book, "If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?" by Susan Page. In this book she writes:

"When you aren't able to say no at the right moment, you end up in a relationship--or a series of relationships--that are nice, but not great, or great is some ways but mediocre in others. I have a name for these: I call them BTN relationships--Better Than Nothing.

A BTN is a "nice" relationship with the wrong person. It's a relationship that drags on and on, even though it is partially satisfying, and the partners know it has a low probability of survival. BTN's are all those partners who don't love you back the way you want to be loved. They are the commimentphobes you stay with anyway, the old lovers who have simply become a habit, the intimacy-avoiders who feel better than no sex at all.

If you are in a transition period and a "treading water" relationship is all you want, then a BTN isbetter than nothing. But, if a life-long, intimate connection is what you seek, then BTN's are dangerous; they present a major roadblock to finding true love.

In the first place, BTN's consume time and energy that would otherwise be available for meeting new people. Night after night, you curl up next to this person, you've become very used to and watch TV. If a BTN doesn't take you out of circulation altogether, at least it slows you down. For you have to save evenings to spend with your BTN, and you have to save energy to interact with him or her, however unsatisfying that may be.

Problem solving with a BTN takes more energy than usual because when the commiment between two people is limited, their willingness to make changes in order to improve the relationship will also be limited. Rather, than thinking, "Barbara's probably right. I could tell her I love her more often. I know she really wants this," the thinking is more likely to be, "I resent that Barbara doesn't like me the way I am. She's awfully demanding." BTNs drain away your good, positive energy in endless, repetive hassles. They can actually add stress to your life rather then help to reduce it.

But and even worse problem with BTNs is that they chip away, slowly but steadily, at your self-esteem and sense of well being. They make you doubt yourself."

Care to comment and tell what you think after reading this.

To play a little bit of devil's advocate, there are people who deny themselves any relationships at all on the belief that somewhere there is a "soulmate" waiting for them. And they die lonely having never loved. I have had two people close to me who have lived their lives out like this. So, is the BTN relationship tolerable to a point? "

Or is their really no such thing as a BTN and our own quirks and psychosis' cause us to sabotage relationships and "create" the BTN?

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Bill