| 11/26/2007 11:18:12 PM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
nonickname49
Belchertown, MA
age: 57
|
Its late and I am livid with my youngest married daughter...many on here
know that I have met a special person....she was fine with it, until she
found out I want to relocate to be with her. She says I am selfish...that
I am abandoning her and her children....For many years I have been there
for her, taken her family in during tough times...always giving..she knows
how miserable my past marriage was...and now I have someone who makes me
happy she is being childish....she says I should meet someone local, or that
the women should move to me. I told her I am not abandoning anyone...and if
my going to be with her is selfish...hell yes...I want to be selfish for
ONCE in my life...
I know what the answer is...but I am so p___  I need to vent anyone have
this problem or ever had.
[Edited 11/26/2007 11:21:06 PM]
|
| 11/26/2007 11:48:40 PM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
emt854
Appleton, WI
age: 53 online now!
|
We went through the exact same thing with Bill's daughter. She was angry as he had moved to MN 2 years earlier from NJ to be near her and her family.
What we did is just kept in communication with them, That was her fear that dad would abandon her. I send constant emails, called and send the kids little gifts and cards to let them know they were still a very important part of OUR lives. Its only been 6 months but things are slowly changing for the better.
Do what your doing to be happy and she will see that in time you havent abandoned her.
I feel your pain and will pray all will work out. Be sure to make sure your new woman keeps the lines of commmunication open with them.
Nancy
|
| 11/27/2007 2:22:56 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
bamabob
Cullman, AL
age: 55
|
I recently lost the love of my life when she moved out to go back to live with her daughter. Absolutely one of the most wonderful women I've ever met and the most admired I've ever loved! Man, it hurt like hell to lose her...but...it was the daughter sabotaging the relationship that got her. Soooo... no doubt, gotta be parent 1st and friend second. It is difficult but children have to be raised to be independent and self sufficient. Many foolishly think FAMILY is most important when they should realize that their OWN FAMILY is the one they should focus attention on. Rather than turning to their mama the daughters should be turning to their husband... Geez! You can send them money by mail or even paypal...the hell with having to be right next door or in the same house with them and their family! The old adage...love my grand kids, and love to give them back to their parents ... is very true. Spent lots of time and energy with my kids when I had time and energy...now it's their turn! I want them to respect my home and MY family...which means ME, Any woman I happen to have in my bed, my dog, and anything else on my property....and most of all, respect and be a part of supporting and making the relationship with my woman as good and strong as possible so daddy can be happy in his old age! It's my turn and I earned it and I demand that it be respected!
|
| 11/27/2007 3:29:58 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
lawvixen
Oldsmar, FL
age: 54 online now!
|
I believe at our age it is OUR turn to be happy with a special someone. Unless that child is not on their own and totally dependent upon you then I say relocate. If the children are of legal age and out on their own, but only want your emotional support, then flood them (and the grandchildren) with emails, cards, ecards, and small tokens of love to show that you are still there for them. I would think that a child would want you to be happy, as I know mine does, no matter where you reside. Maybe she is afraid of losing a "free" baby sitter?
Don't lose the love of your life, who is willing be there for you in your golden years, over this. If you don't move, you will be wondering for many years to come, what could have been........and saying to yourself "could have, would have, should have"!
[Edited 11/27/2007 3:38:43 AM]
|
| 11/27/2007 3:58:41 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
bluboy
Elsberry, MO
age: 56 online now!
|
I agree with YOU and everybody else and think Law hit it right on the Head about making sure they don't lose your emotional support. My kids have no right to may Wallet at this age, just my love!!!!! My daugther would be sad if I did this, but then her next words would be, are you going to need your Wash Machine and Dryer ?
"I believe at our age it is OUR turn to be happy " !!!!!!!!!!
Later, Blu
[Edited 11/27/2007 4:00:17 AM]
|
| 11/27/2007 8:05:00 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
nonickname49
Belchertown, MA
age: 57
|
My daughter is married has her own family...just use to dad, being there
to run errands, or babysit...but no I am not going to lose out on happiness,
I am relocating...got to take care of me for once in my life...
at least my oldest daughter is happy for me, and she is in love with
Donna...and they both get along well...thanks for the input...
makes me feel better.....Paul
|
| 11/27/2007 8:26:24 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
lawvixen
Oldsmar, FL
age: 54 online now!
|
Good for you. My only suggestion is to keep more so in touch with the disgruntled daughter and her children, and visit them occasionally too. During our free time my boyfriend and I use to take one vacation together and one separate. During the separate vacations I would take my son, who still resided with me, to a special place in the US. One year it was a dude ranch and the Grand Canyon, another New York City. When he was old enough to appreciate the history, it was Washington DC and surrounding areas, another year California. One very memorable vacation was the American Orient Express Am Trak tour of 10 western National Parks. During my special vacation with my son, my boyfriend, who didn't have any children, would go off with the "boys" to Canada for salmon fishing. Now, in his vacation time my son travels the world, and doesn't take me with him....
[Edited 11/27/2007 8:29:44 AM]
|
| 11/27/2007 8:36:03 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
carolinabrat
Summerville, SC
age: 56
|
First let me say how happy I am for you. I am new here so I don't know who is with who or who found who, but that fact that found someone that makes you happy is wonderful! Is the relocation going to be a long distance? I moved across country a few years back and I found that my kids and I had more meaningful conversations and stayed in touch more after I moved. Distance can make the heart grow fonder!
|
| 11/27/2007 9:57:37 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
nonickname49
Belchertown, MA
age: 57
|
vixen yes, I always planned on keeping in touch, visiting, and having the
grandkids come stay with us...funny part, is her oldest son and I are very
close..before I even mentioned that I would relocate he said Grandpa, you
should go be with Donna..cause you seem happier now than before...this is
from a 13 year old. I asked him wouldn't he miss me, he said yes, but I
want you to be happy...plus I wouldn't mind visiting oklahoma.
Carolina..yes the move is long distance over 1500 miles...but for me, well
worth it.
|
| 11/27/2007 10:00:15 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
lawvixen
Oldsmar, FL
age: 54 online now!
|
May I suggest a "trial" move to see if you two are really compatable, before you move "lock, stock, and barrel"?
|
| 11/27/2007 10:13:47 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
nonickname49
Belchertown, MA
age: 57
|
I was planning on moving out of state, either way...no quality work here.
I took early retirement from uncle sam due to downsizing, but still need
to work...but the retirement gives me flexibility. Plus, I have no physical
assets such as a home to worry about selling....so I am good.
|
| 11/27/2007 11:55:01 AM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
sassy_lassy
Kingston, TN
age: 65
|
5years ago I moved from Colorado to TN. because of my sister's illness and my youngest(married with children of her own) did not speak to me for 2 years, She said a mother would not leave her kids like that. I have never been far from my kids(4 daughters) before as we all lived within a 5 mile radius of each other, It really broke my heart.(I stilll miss my family so very much.)Anyway she would not return my calls or my e-mails, then one night my oldest took her out for drinks and told her enough was enough and I think her 2 drinks helped also( don't recommend this )She called crying saying she was sorry and that she loved me and that she finally understood. Not the same as your situation but the concept was there, just give her time and she will come around , even though our hearts break. your daughter really loves you but it will take a while for her to understand that you are not abandoning her. and in time as she sees how happy you are you will also get her blessings.I say go for the love you have for each other and keep in touch with her. don't let anyone take away your chance to be with the one you love. Congratulations and may your lives together be blessed with all you want it to be. My prayers for you and your child to reunite soon.~JUDY~
|
| 11/27/2007 12:23:09 PM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
harriett
Homosassa, FL
age: 61 online now!
|
i agree with lawvixen & others. i'm so glad you found someone & hope it
all works out for you.
[Edited 11/27/2007 12:24:09 PM]
|
| 11/27/2007 12:42:42 PM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
knightnyte2
Spring, TX
age: 55
|
sorry this came up, but it does within most families at some point. My dad died a couple years ago, now everyone of the children and grandchildren want to run mom's business. lol, heck, i'm telling her to buy herself a motorcycle and see the country. my brothers and sisters are upset with me.. haha.
our children are dependent on us as parents all our lives. Notice how i said, 'our' lives, not theirs. They are selfish, greedy, and controlling in many cases. Having someone to babysit, run to when there are problems, and of course the old pocketbook too. Sometimes we enable them to do exactly what we wish they did not do.
My lovely 19 yo daughter gave me a birthday card last week which reads.
Dad, I may not know how to jiggle the chain in the toilet, or tinker with the carburetor in my car, but there's one thing you taught me that I'll never forget (open card) ....to ASK you to do it for me.
Some things never change until you change them. They are big girls and boys now, deal with it.. lol
peace..
|
| 11/27/2007 1:17:28 PM |
My daughter is driving me crazy with her selfishness |
|
thepkk
Springfield, MO
age: 52
|
I am being polite when I say kids can be a pain in the neck. (thinking lower)
If I find the love of my life. I will go for it. I wonder if my sons would even noticed I was gone.
|