Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse........... 16

Page: 1, 2, 3

12/6/2007 6:23:17 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
lenor Lisbon, ME age: 61	Good morning everyone. This will be my second Christmas without my husband. I don't find it any easier at all. Like I said in other posts, 42 years and more of my life with him isn't easy to get along without him. I miss him everyday and sometimes I still cannot believe he is gone. WHY, all because of some damn stuff in the air that was leathal and no one said anything about it. I am at ends as to what to do this year. Last year my sister went on a cruise with her daughter and her husband didn't want to go so she asked me if I wanted to, I went and never knew Christmas arrived. This year is really hard to figure out. I just don't want to be around anyone, I hate the Holidays, and wish there was someplace that didn't celebrate them. I hope you all have a great holiday and don't mean to be such a downer to everyone, just so lonely and don't know what to do with myself....
12/6/2007 7:49:16 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
lotsafuninpa Tioga, PA age: 67	It is something that(((unless you've been through it))) you have no idea what it's like: If--If--that is about the only question I say--If only I could have saved them somehow. If only God would let them come back for even a day-----If I could go to heaven and be with them,too. But we all know we can't do any of these things--the best thing I know of is to keep busy with friends and family and try to think positive thoughts--like we will all be together soon::::: Blessings to you---Hope your holiday is okay--at least--Pat:
12/6/2007 11:48:04 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
pooh27 Clintwood, VA age: 59	This is my second Christmas without my husband of 28 years,he commited suicide,I don't remember last season i think i was in a fog. These last couple of weeks have been hard. I find myself crying more than usual. I am not sure how you get through it I think one day at a time, or maybe one minute at a time.. Hope you-all have a Happy Holiday. Wanda
12/7/2007 8:11:00 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
kit417 Lewisville, TX age: 61	I think that my Christmas' have all been bad. Until I read these post that talks about hating Christmas. I think that if we remember what Christmas is all about instead of our self (I am just as guilty) than we might make it through a little better. This is the Birthday of Jesus Christ our Lord. and we should feel blessed. Yes, I had a wonderful marriage of 30 years, we did everything together. I have had my times of hating the season, and putting my hostesses smile on, and pretending to be happy by decorating and none of that fills the void a true love leaves behind. and Yes my husband told me he wanted me to find someone to spend the rest of my life with because I was to young to spend it alone. I am asking now how and where do you start to find someone else. I believe that God has to put that person in your life. So with all that said I pray that God touches each of our lives and gives a reason for living. I know how difficult it is to go on, but would one of our spouses want us to live the way we are? I think not. I have also lost my mother in 1996 and a son that was 22 y/o. He killed hisself the friday before Fathers Day in 1993, and I lost my beloved husband in may of 2000. Yes it is a difficult season, but I pray that we all think about what this season is all about. God Bless each and every one of you Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year of 2008 (this will be my 8th year without him) Donna "Kit417"
12/8/2007 6:00:14 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
star2angel Stateline, NV age: 55	Hello Everyone. I have said it before, but I will say it again. It is so good to have a place here that is for those of us that have lost our loved ones. This to will be my first Christmas without my husband and I have already felt that pain. My family lives to out of the area and with the snow it would be to hard to go home for the holidays plus I work on Christmas day and I think I am glad about that. I can not bring myself to put up lights a tree,etc. I did buy one of those trees in a pot and I call it my Kenny tree, in rememberance of him and I will always know the year that I bought it. I still have his urn, which I talk to often and his pictures beside that. I know I can not offer any advice except to say there seems to be quite a few people here that you can chat with that have been through this and have good advice. People have said it will get better and it probably will in time. I know when I lost my Mother when I was 17 it got easier, but somehow losing my husband is so different. My wishes to all is that your pain will ease up in time and we all can remember the wonderful times we had with our loved ones. I have made a few friend here which does help.
12/11/2007 12:28:17 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
lyn10943 Inverness, FL age: 61	I lost my husband 2/11/07. Yes 10 months ago today. So this is my first holiday season alone in 41 years. 12/23 would have been my 41st anniversary. I would accept any and all tips on how to handle the first anniversary/Christmas alone.
12/11/2007 1:23:07 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
iamddoubleu Fayetteville, NC age: 52	It has been 13 going on 14 months and two seasons since that horrible time. Last year I could not even look at our Christmas decorations that we accumulated over our lifetime together. They stayed in the box. To try and heal I spent time with people that I could share the loss with. I also needed to have time to myself to feel the pain of my loss at its fullest. As time has been passing I need less and less time to feel the pain. This year I got those deccorations out. I looked at them and I cried ... and then I laughed! .... and now the decorations are up and Christmas is coming. I hope Santa brings me something good. lyn - Wow, a 10 month and a 41 year anniversary topped with the first holiday season... That's got to be tough. I hope this helped. DW
12/11/2007 6:08:57 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
puzzlequeen Martinsville, IN age: 51	I too am still getting over a loss 3 years ago 10/1/04, the day they took Vioxx off the shelf or told of doing so. My husband told me he would go on Celebrex the very next day so we went to the store. 1 in the morning he said I think I need to go to the hospital. Well the rest is history, he died while I was taking him to the hospital, in the vehicle with me in it. I took him to one hospital or so I thought it was and there were no working doctors on the floor. So I told him I know the way to another one in Indy, so off we go. Didnt happen. I lost him. Yes that was a cold hard fact, I had October his favorite year to look forward to but you are right I did not decorate nor did my neighbors who knew me would even try to come over and attempt to bring the children over. My first time seeing someone die in front of me, yeah I had flashbacks all that entailed the PSTD's continued for maybe about 1 and 1/2 years here and there. Some still hit me from time to time but I have learned to deal with it. My positivity has helped me tremendously. I have learned to let it go. You talk about guilt. You are not the guilty one. They chose there path even before they were born. We all do. Didnt have any children between us and that was without a doubt my most worst thoughts when he died. But Christmas he loved the most and I was ok then and able to just try to decorate. I did it and felt better because I had talked with some people on www.Groww.com and felt so much better because I couldnt sleep even then very well and they stayed up all night with me the first part of it. I learned alot from them and they are so nonjudgemental. I actually went out and hung some lights in the front of my house from the gutters which I am a very scared person about heights but I did it and you know, I was a better person for it. He used to say you cant do that you are too short and I know you dont want to be that high in the air. Well I did and it actually makes you feel like a superhero. I shook my hand in the air and said you MF well sorry for the obsenities but at the time I didnt care. I said that and shook my hand in the air and said yeah I can do this. My point is this kind of thing can just totally wipe you or strip you of your self confidence but you have to fight it every step of the way. Remember to be at the same time kind to you! I am 3 years and still going and I can actually say I am great now. I would never allow myself to say that in the past cause I was scared of how it would make me feel, but you never know until you try to change you. Please be kind to you and remember to take time out. My friends on Groww told me to decorate a tree with his/her pictures if it makes you feel better about yourself, always think in terms of making yourself feel better about you. You didnt kill them, it is beyond your controll. Beleive me when I say that. And to those who are spiritual, GOD has a plan for each and every one of us. We have a plan for ourselves when we are born. Life and GOD is bigger than we even can ever know. We are so little to that thought. But we are built to be stronger than you can ever expect or know. I will let you know this they take your love with them and hold it forever till you are with them again. I have grown to understand this. By all means if you feel like it do it as far as Christmas but if you dont, well then dont. You are not at fault either way. Always, Always have positivity and dont ever loose it. Dont let negativaty take it's way with you. With that I leave you with many blessings for you and your family for Christmas and a so Very Positive New Year to believe there is a better new year for you and your families. Remember Positivity, Positivity, Positivity and more to be an adventure in life! (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) to all and to all a very very positive Christmas. Also dont forget to breath, and if you weep or cry dont forget the keyboard is waterproof. lol. Let it flow freely this will help you more than you can ever know. Dont know if I have helped but this is my story and what I believe it . Always love you. Oh yeah you can take this in or you can throw it out the window. I hope you take it in. You are a special person in some certain way. Love for Christmas, Love your neighbor or try to, lol. Certainly be kind to you because they want us to love us. (((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((Kisses))))))))))))))))))))))) Be kind to you, Kim
12/12/2007 7:28:46 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
lotsafuninpa Tioga, PA age: 67	Wanda,I'm so sorry you had to go through the way he died--that is terrible. I saw my hubby die--i was telling him i loved him in his ear when he took his last breath--cancer--I had tried my best to get him to quit smoking,but he couldn't. My sister--thank God i wasn't there to watch her pass away--44 yrs. old on Sept-15,2005.cancer again. My daughter 31--cancer--I was going to stay with her the next night,as we were taking turns at the hospital---I got the call before morning,she had ate some apple and told her hubby--it was the best apple she had ever tasted--a couple of hours she was gone. I had prayed and asked God if he wanted me to be there--make sure I was there--he knew I couldn't handle it. I know now that if it weren't for the Lord--i would not be strong enough to hold up under all of this... God Bless everyone and have a Merry Christmas--and a better 2008::
12/12/2007 11:14:19 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
chumuckla Milton, FL age: 53	I understand completely. I lost my husband three years ago Dec.11. I am trying to move on, but not sure just what to do or where to begin. A few of my friends are also widows, they are like me unsure what to do. My husband was my whole life, and I miss him. The fact of being alone is so hard to face everyday. I go to work,then come home to an empty house. What can I do to help you, because some times if you help someone else your helping yourself.
12/14/2007 6:35:50 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
pooh27 Clintwood, VA age: 59	thanks so much for your concern,I am like most of you-all just trying to survive the Holidays and I am sure(well i think I am sure) that one day it will get easier. i have two wonderful grown children who have been very suportive and three dranddaughters that i have wrapped my life around, thank God for little girls!! Wanda
12/15/2007 1:27:36 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
libra75 Garfield, AR age: 33	I read post after post here in the widow/widower forums...& I here people telling others to forgive themselves. I was just wondering...what is forgiving yourself, & how does one go about accomplishing this? I'm in the dark on this one....
12/16/2007 7:54:00 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
luvinlifetothem Biddeford, ME age: 42	Libra, I think that people are talking about the stages of grief. There are 5 stages, 1..Denial and Isolation. 2. Anger. 3. Bargaining. 4. Depression. 5. Acceptance. Nobody goes through them in that order. Nobody does it the same way. Some people get stuck in one of the stages. excerpts from online.....http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/stress-THE-3.html ""Grief And Stress During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful. Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place. Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached."" I peronally have read so very many books (at least 15,), on grief and grieving, trying to find answers. The only one that I would recommend, and you can buy it used on amazon.com for 3$ plus shipping, or check it out of your local library...is How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies Author: Therese A. Rando. heres the link. http://www.amazon.com/Living-When-Someone-Love-Dies/dp/0553352695/ref=si3_rdr_bb_product This person puts it all in a nutshell, she doesnt TELL you what you should or shouldnt feel, she just puts it all out there for you to look at, and in a format that lets you take what you need out of it, without being judgemental, or telling you to go to God, or any of that other stuff you just really dont want to hear. I needed to read about someone who has been there, but wasnt trying to preach to me. This is the only book that fit that critieria for me. I read and reread this book till it was in tatters. Try the book. Keep emailing for support. Hang in there, and know that whatever was going on with your lady, it was hers, not yours, and its impossible to second guess what we could have/should have done different.... Use your anger to protect you, but you are a libra, which means you see all sides, so try to recognize when that anger is no longer serving YOU.... And hang in there honey. One day at a time. Email your friends here. Vent. Luvin
12/21/2007 10:18:30 PM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
libra75 Garfield, AR age: 33	This is gettin harder n harder
1/10/2008 2:04:09 AM	Getting through the holidays w/o your spouse...........
auntiekk Bellingham, MA age: 45	My husband divorced me than killed himself but the love i have for him is still strong there is not a day that goes by i don't think about him.the love we have for someone stays in our hearts.we try to move forward.people tell me it gets easier as we go but i feel it stays the same.I have tried counceling but it didn't help.I live life to please myself but will always carry the torche of him with me.

Page: 1, 2, 3

mega personal.eu

rubmaps reddit