COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?

8/6/2009 8:10:03 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	one thing that i am definitely looking for in my next, and hopefully final relationship, is COMPROMISE. u never really know the true meaning of that word until u have been in that spot where u felt like u were doing most of the "giving" and the other was doing all the "taking". it can really be frustrating! i beleive u have to communicate on a consistent basis and work to always meet in the middle to resolve a problem that makes "both" happy and at the end of the day, we're not fighting.....we're being lovers! so have u ever been in a spot in a relationship/marriage where u felt the same or maybe the shoe was on the other foot but u have since realized u need to meet halfway instead having the other run the whole field...... if i throw u a good football pass, its your turn to catch it and make that touchdown....so we can have a winning score that makes us (the team) feel good! like that football analogy or goofy??
8/6/2009 8:15:40 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
2sweetbitter Orange, CA age: 40	ya its my way cuz my way is your way,,,
8/6/2009 8:44:06 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
katrinasq Mena, AR age: 40	Mary, I know what you mean about the frustrations of being a giver in a relationship with someone who is unwilling or unable to give anything himself, so compromise and both people giving 100% is VERY important to me. I'm not settling for someone who is not willing or able to give me the same level of everything I give again. I also like the football analogy....Aren't the best and most exciting games the ones where the playing field is a level one where both teams are evenly matched? I think so, and I think those are the best relationships, too.
8/6/2009 8:58:16 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
surrealone Overland Park, KS age: 39	I don't think of compromise as always meeting in the middle ... because that implies that both parties are doing 50% of the "work" all the time and that's just not realistic. Sometimes one person has to do doubletime to give the other a breather. Sometimes one person has to give until it hurts for a long time (example: the spouse of someone hospitalized due to a major accident) because the other can't. That's just the reality of how life plays out. To use the football analogy, it's never a perfect 50/50 split on a play-by-play basis. Instead, for the game of life to be viewed in proper perspective, ideally across very long spans it's about a 50/50 split ... but play-by-play is just not reasonable. As to how important compromise is to me, right now, it's not. I'm single, staying that way for some time to come, and thus, don't have any need to compromise. Were I in a relationship again, well, I think my perspective, above, pretty much speaks for itself as to how I feel on the subject. -- SR1
8/6/2009 9:04:22 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
i_am_bill Astatula, FL age: 50	Compromise is a word that gets thrown around a lot. I think that if you are making too many compromises of the wrong kind then your relationship is doomed. Compromises like allowing a new partner to put an ugly chair in the house, or giving up a side of the garage for their current craft or hobby are good ones. Bad ones to me would be like,,he has to give up fishing, she cannot go out with her friends anymore, she has to give up her second job, he can no longer have hair over his collar. Those are compromises that aquaintences of mine have made and they are now no longer with their partners. I do not think anyone should have to change who they are for a partner. Nor should anyone have to give up interests, hobbies, etc. The thing is, we know about these when we start dating, so if it is a problem then the relationship should end. I think too many people hook up with the thought in their head, "I can change that about her/him once it gets serious". Bad, bad, and more bad. I think a good compromise would be accepting our partners' little quirks and interests that we don't nescessarily find attractive but are benign. Accpeting other peoples' addictions, criminial habits, sexual infractions are not good compromises. Know what I mean? Bill
8/6/2009 10:06:27 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
gm3250 Columbia Falls, MT age: 36	my dad gave me advice not to long ago. he said relationships fail because people use the 50/50 rule. yes you have to give and take, but if both partners don't give 100%, the fail rate goes up. yes i like the football analogy!
8/6/2009 11:08:06 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
iamincs Colorado Springs, CO age: 35	I believe compromise is very important, but it's not always realistic. It just depends on the situation and just how important the issue is to each person. I absolutely refuse to compromise my principles, my integrity, or the safety of my family and I don't expect anyone else to do so either.
8/7/2009 12:29:14 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
tommyutah2 Salt Lake City, UT age: 37	Being able to compromise is key to a heathly relationship. There does have to be give and take. Example...... Think of a room that needs to be painted. There's 4 differnet colors that "you" have decided on. You have your choices and the S/O has theirs. It comes down to the meeting of the minds, or.... the one gives in and gets pissed off for letting the other dictating the outcome. That's where it can become tricky... How does a "man" and "woman" get on the same page so to speak. Lets face it..... Ladies you're difficult. Us guys are so easy going it makes your head spin. We like simplicity. Why do you have to make things so damn complicated. Don't worry we will never be able to understand the complexitys of your over thinking minds. Peace, just know that us guys are simple creatures. We try our best, we know that it will never measure up. If you do find a guy that has his heart and efforts in the right place...... Just say thank you. Just know that when we do, do something good, at little... atta boy goes a long ways.
8/7/2009 2:33:49 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
drummaster777 Auburn, WA age: 34	The more you're having to compromise in a relationship, the more likely it is you're with the wrong person.
8/7/2009 2:50:58 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
th6231 Point Pleasant Beach, NJ age: 62	we make compromises in every facet of our lives--tolerance and respect and courtesy are part of compromising and being the better person. Being flexible--being accecting---hey, thats life!!
8/7/2009 5:55:02 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
angeljewel Fenton, MI age: 44	Communication is on the top of my list. If you can't communicate with your partner, how do they know what you are feeling. Compromise happens when 2 people just can't agree on a subject, it should be a minimal thing in a relationship. If you are spending a majority of your time compromising, I would reevaluate the relationship to see if this is the right person for you.
8/7/2009 6:21:49 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
firstlight Strasburg, VA age: 49	Compromise is important. More important is knowing how and when to compromise. Most often we compromise without giving it much thought. It's when the compromises become an issue that you have problems. My ex husband loved to fish but I really don't care much for it, however, I loved being with him so I would go and enjoy the day reading or just sitting with him talking or enjoying nature. I like to visit historical sights but he would always rather being fishing, I am sure. He never said so and neither one of us ever complained that we were having to compromise.
8/7/2009 6:48:11 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
evileddy Ottawa, ON age: 36	I'm single because I don't compromise.
8/7/2009 7:43:02 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
claudius5 Petaluma, CA age: 60	I think in a relationship compromise is necessary, but where you run into trouble is when one starts feeling that they are the one compromising all the time. Rather than compromising, the one becomes accommodating which can turn into frustration and then into resentment. I do agree as someone put it that we make compromises every day, but I think in a relationship they are more personal and thus have more importance. There has to be some give and take for a relationship to work.
8/7/2009 7:51:48 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
rrrsmile York, PA age: 45	Quote from i_am_bill: Compromise is a word that gets thrown around a lot. I think that if you are making too many compromises of the wrong kind then your relationship is doomed. Compromises like allowing a new partner to put an ugly chair in the house, or giving up a side of the garage for their current craft or hobby are good ones. Bad ones to me would be like,,he has to give up fishing, she cannot go out with her friends anymore, she has to give up her second job, he can no longer have hair over his collar. Those are compromises that aquaintences of mine have made and they are now no longer with their partners. I do not think anyone should have to change who they are for a partner. Nor should anyone have to give up interests, hobbies, etc. The thing is, we know about these when we start dating, so if it is a problem then the relationship should end. I think too many people hook up with the thought in their head, "I can change that about her/him once it gets serious". Bad, bad, and more bad. I think a good compromise would be accepting our partners' little quirks and interests that we don't nescessarily find attractive but are benign. Accpeting other peoples' addictions, criminial habits, sexual infractions are not good compromises. Know what I mean? Bill Bill I agree.
8/7/2009 8:14:41 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
msbevzie Oregon, OH age: 46	Quote from claudius5: I think in a relationship compromise is necessary, but where you run into trouble is when one starts feeling that they are the one compromising all the time. Rather than compromising, the one becomes accommodating which can turn into frustration and then into resentment. I do agree as someone put it that we make compromises every day, but I think in a relationship they are more personal and thus have more importance. There has to be some give and take for a relationship to work. YOU always hit the nail right on the head...and I agree with what you say... I always say it is give, and take and compromise and relationships take 110% daily to work...if both aren't doing that then they fail... I think as well communication, open, and honest communication if that doesn't happen, and one or the other is bothered by something and doesn't communicate then they sit there and think and think then blow up, and ultimately the outcome isn't what they wanted it to be BUT it happens, and it's not fun. Mary I am like YOU I want the relationship to be the LAST!!! i_am_bill Astatula, FL Compromise is a word that gets thrown around a lot. I think that if you are making too many compromises of the wrong kind then your relationship is doomed. Compromises like allowing a new partner to put an ugly chair in the house, or giving up a side of the garage for their current craft or hobby are good ones. Bad ones to me would be like,,he has to give up fishing, she cannot go out with her friends anymore, she has to give up her second job, he can no longer have hair over his collar. Those are compromises that aquaintences of mine have made and they are now no longer with their partners. I do not think anyone should have to change who they are for a partner. Nor should anyone have to give up interests, hobbies, etc. The thing is, we know about these when we start dating, so if it is a problem then the relationship should end. I think too many people hook up with the thought in their head, "I can change that about her/him once it gets serious". Bad, bad, and more bad. I think a good compromise would be accepting our partners' little quirks and interests that we don't nescessarily find attractive but are benign. Accpeting other peoples' addictions, criminial habits, sexual infractions are not good compromises. Know what I mean? Bill Bill your very smart as well and what you say is right on...I must accept my partner or the one I'm looking at and all his little quirks...that too is compromise! [Edited 8/7/2009 8:18:53 AM PST]
8/7/2009 9:30:40 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	hi, everyone! i almost forgot i put this thread out.... anyhow, very awesome responses so far! i agree w/most..... when i say 50/50, its a fig of speech. of course in the grand scheme of things, both parties shud put 100% into it, thus the 50/50 becomes 100% period. and that is my point: when one party stops giving a 100% but only puts forth maybe 30 or 40% and leaves the rest for the other, CLAUDIUS put it exactly right.....the frustration and resentment builds and builds and builds until one day u just crack cuz u cant take it anymore. i never thought of it as a problem, until like i said ive been in those shoes.....and it became a very BIG problem! TOMMY, yes, i know u men r simple creatures and u like to be acknowledged even when us women can seem so difficult and that shud be rightly so. but there r difficult men out there as well.....we shud always try to make it a point to still compromise and make each other feel good about each other! BRY, now thats quite the compromise! socks vs. shirt off??.....why didnt i think of that? again men r simple creatures!!
8/7/2009 11:43:11 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
goddess56 Tulsa, OK age: 60	Claudius and Bill are quite right, as usual... There's a big difference between compromising and accommodating. With compromise, you settle differences by mutual concessions. With accommodation one person has to yield to the other. There's no mutuality. Too often accommodation takes the place of compromise because one or the other person in the relationship doesn't want to "rock the boat." I realized once upon a time that I did too much accommodating without any compromise...no mutual concessions...and when I pulled back from the accommodating, the relationship ended. There was an admonition that I always remembered from work: "Don't do anything extra even one time without extra pay. It will automatically become part of your job description." [Edited 8/7/2009 11:43:58 AM PST]
8/7/2009 8:08:10 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	yup!!
8/7/2009 10:23:02 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
mmilesg Lima, OH age: 32	OP, that was great football analogy! I'm just curious...why are you waiting until your next one to compromise? Why weren't you doing this all along!?!
8/8/2009 12:35:45 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
luckyone2112 Tacoma, WA age: 47	Out of the gate, over bering a**holes, man or woman. Just will not put up with it. Compromise, in my mind implyes two rational people, looking at one problem and trying to resolve it so both parties walk away O.K. I do not think there is any true happines, in any compromise, I want it here, you want it there, but yes i can live with it over there. I also think, how often, and how big are the issues at hand play a role in the end results. The feeling of give and take.
8/8/2009 2:51:57 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
itsclear Fort Mohave, AZ age: 47	Mary stop teasing all the men here we all know your getting all the action you can stand if you get in the way of football, you may get tackled
8/8/2009 7:49:32 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	Quote from mmilesg: OP, that was great football analogy! I'm just curious...why are you waiting until your next one to compromise? Why weren't you doing this all along!?! thank u, MILES, glad u liked the football bit....i kind of did myself! to answer your question, i did try to compromise the best i could....i shared everything i had from the very beginning, not to say i wasnt perfect, but as time went on, the end result was it just didnt feel 100% anymore from him and i was too filled w/resentment. u live and learn. Quote from itsclear: Mary stop teasing all the men here we all know your getting all the action you can stand if you get in the way of football, you may get tackled is this? who said or thinks im teasing men??
8/9/2009 4:24:36 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
thesniper Erie, PA age: 36	Compromise doesnt have to be so complicated...if two people who care about each other can respect each other and how the other is about some things...there shouldnt be too much of a problem...its easy to say n paper but sometimes the most difficult answers are the ones that are easiest to solve if you really look.
8/9/2009 6:00:00 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	SNIPER, that was actually a good response! yeah, i know, but thats why when HE didnt care about me, why it didnt work...so yes, it is easy. its just that i cared about him at the time....so it made it hard at the time.
8/9/2009 6:19:14 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
wsprs0nthewind Powell, TN age: 45	This is one of those questions that the answer seems so obvious there shouldn't be a need for the question. I've seen in other posts how some aren't willing to compromise. IMO w/o compromise what chance does a relationship have of succeeding?
8/10/2009 7:27:45 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	well, i guess im dumb like that, WSPRS, i still LIKE to put the question out there even if it does seem OBVIOUS! but thanks for answering anyways, and you r right.....what chance is there??
8/10/2009 10:06:03 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
legaleye Columbus, OH age: 57	The first thing I learned post divorce was that if it is too hard to maintain the relationship, then the relationship was not for me and quite frankly, move on. There is always a need for communication in a relationship, but to me the word compromise may mean that I am acquiescing on things I really want in life and she doesnt, and that does not bode well for the relationship. I would suggest compromise goes to little things, which means that I dont always see the movie I want to see this very moment, or go to a different restaurant, but on core items, we should be generally in agreement. As for me, I have very few things that I insist upon. Figure 5 or 6 in life. The rest is easy. As to comments about 50/50, life is about a balance. It is not about being in balance all the time, but over time, each party to a relationship should be happy with the relationship. If not, discuss it. If one cant reach an agreement and it is a core issue, then I guess it again is time to move on.
8/10/2009 6:11:26 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
thesniper Erie, PA age: 36	hey youll find someone who you can compromise with one day maryg!
8/10/2009 7:26:15 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
95north Holbrook, MA age: 31	Of there needs to be some compromise. One person's needs / wants shouldn't always be more important than the other person's.
8/10/2009 8:45:26 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
thesniper Erie, PA age: 36	thats what compromise is all about!
8/10/2009 9:09:44 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
wildbluemist Battle Mountain, NV age: 48	Quote from wsprs0nthewind: This is one of those questions that the answer seems so obvious there shouldn't be a need for the question. I've seen in other posts how some aren't willing to compromise. IMO w/o compromise what chance does a relationship have of succeeding? You should never have to compromise!Only make adjustments to the real important issues in your life.Example:Two people are in an LDR but neither one wants to move.Well they do not really care about each that much or it would not be an issue.Why compromise when the love is just not there!Or is this another female test put on us Neanderthals...
8/10/2009 9:40:45 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	not at all....no test. just opinions, my dear!
8/10/2009 9:51:28 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
thesniper Erie, PA age: 36	you have to let her watch "what not to wear,and buy another tv...put it in the other room..so you ca watch presEason football..THATS an example of comprimise!
8/10/2009 11:10:19 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
noredneckhere Knoxville, TN age: 49	Funny, girls always SAY they want to compromise. Allright, so, you're kids are first, I'll be you're family guy, give up guys night, internet porn, let ya move in, shuttle the kids around, etc. In return we go to a swingers club once a month. Boy they can run fast !!!! Yea, compromise.
8/11/2009 12:31:14 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
izzybell Valencia, CA age: 50	I feel that a relationship is having 3 pies ,one is her and one is him and than their is their relationship pie. There is to many people that give up their pie(them self)to the relationship and than there is no compromise. I do not believe in the 50/50 deal its impossible and you will always have one person giving more or contributing to the relationship on any given day than the other. Its just important that each person compromises in their relationship when it truly maters the most for their relationship and not to compromise them self out of being a person separate from the relationship. Sorry to be so long winded
8/11/2009 10:06:36 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
tar_to_the_heel Greensboro, NC age: 33
8/11/2009 10:08:34 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
xpamela_leighx Springville, UT age: 36	I have compromised my whole life, and it has gotten me nothing but shitty relationships. I am done.
8/11/2009 11:55:07 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
true_man Albuquerque, NM age: 26	Quote from gm3250: my dad gave me advice not to long ago. he said relationships fail because people use the 50/50 rule. yes you have to give and take, but if both partners don't give 100%, the fail rate goes up. yes i like the football analogy! with you all the way. you need 100% from both. if you only give 50% your only puting in half effort. give your all or dont bother. cheers to the teem
8/11/2009 12:01:44 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
oceandive Atlanta, GA age: 52	i believe any thing you do in a relationship should be on an equal basis,,,give and take from both parties,,,,and that it should be in moderation,,,, thank you mary for adding that many of us,,,me included,,,have at one time been the taker,,,,what makes the difference, i think, is that we recognize it and try not to repeat the pattern...i think that is what seperates a 'taker' from a 'mistake'....
8/11/2009 12:07:34 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
polefrog Harriman, TN age: 53	I think I've been compromised!!!
8/11/2009 12:43:02 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
insulting Houston, TX age: 42	VERY important....... that a woman compromises her opinions/wants/needs to meet mine.
8/11/2009 6:30:57 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
wildbluemist Battle Mountain, NV age: 48	Quote from xpamela_leighx: I have compromised my whole life, and it has gotten me nothing but shitty relationships. I am done.
8/11/2009 6:44:09 PM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
thunderstorms62 Endicott, NY age: 47	Compromise is essential AND to say otherwise is self centered. My Lass and I play on a level playing field. "Mariano is now throwing in ernest." -Susan Waldman after Jorge's tie breaking homer tonight in the 8th. Sorry Mary, too early for me to catch an Eli pass for a TD tonight AND... your Eagles are in deep kimchi! Peace!
8/12/2009 6:54:57 AM	COMPROMISE, how important is it to YOU?
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA age: 39	Quote from oceandive: i believe any thing you do in a relationship should be on an equal basis,,,give and take from both parties,,,,and that it should be in moderation,,,, thank you mary for adding that many of us,,,me included,,,have at one time been the taker,,,,what makes the difference, i think, is that we recognize it and try not to repeat the pattern...i think that is what seperates a 'taker' from a 'mistake'.... you're welcome, OCEAN, and i agree also. hard lesson to learn! Quote from thunderstorms62: Sorry Mary, too early for me to catch an Eli pass for a TD tonight AND... your Eagles are in deep kimchi! Peace! THUNDERSTORMS! yes, yes, i know all about these damn Eagles....i can only hope that things will ever change! in the meantime.....GO EAGLES!

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