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| 12/9/2007 4:17:09 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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v2_1
McHenry, IL
age: 45
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This subject was recently discussed in another thread but I wanted to see if perhaps presenting it differently would have different results.
Do we really find it so hard to express what we want or need from our partners? Do you feel judged or belittled when you try to say how you feel? If so, what are ways that your partner might make it easier for you to share your feelings?
I think most of us are comfortable enough with ourselves that we can freely discuss what we want in a relationship, whether it's about sex, child-rearing, financial responsibility, or whose turn it is to take out the trash, but maybe I'm wrong and men and women simply don't communicate well.
What do you think?
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| 12/9/2007 4:20:44 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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professer2
Saint Petersburg, FL
age: 52
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V2
I think communication begins with the need for thought.
Simply put, the name of this thread says it all very simply.
If you ask your partner to take the time to address a subject that is the first step.
Yes, Can we talk
almost just as important
Can we listen
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| 12/9/2007 4:27:15 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 38
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when it comes to sex most people like diferent things,i dont think men and women say specificaly what they want.
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| 12/9/2007 4:27:41 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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mag11
New Port Richey, FL
age: 38
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Yea I think on depends on the person. I learned along time ago open your mouth, if u dont ask you dont get....lol Mike
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| 12/9/2007 4:33:33 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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goldarnit
Saint Paul, MN
age: 47
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hey v2..thats a good question....ya know my folks raised us to be extremly independant,my mom mostly.after they divorced..do it on your own,dont depend on anyone,if you have someone do it for you and they screw it up..you will hate them for life,if you ask for help....you are weak and selfish...so i have lived my whole life like this..oh the best one,if you cry in public or for any other reason than a death,your a weak sniveling worthless baby.so for me to ask for help...or show my emotions has really pissed off many relationships.i dont recall ever seeing my mom cry-i dont think my kids ever seen me cry-my ex hubby use to call me SARG...no one ever saw me cry over my moms death.wow i guess that was a loaded question huh??im getting better now-i ask for help....i could write a book on this subject...
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| 12/9/2007 4:36:20 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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v2_1
McHenry, IL
age: 45
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Professer, as usual, you see straight to the heart of the matter. Listening is key, but I think the way you ask is important too. Being able to phrase things without making them sound like accusations really helps. When someone says "you never" to me, I get defensive. I do better with "I'd like it if you would". Makes a world of difference!
Lynn, do you ask for what you want? Do you talk about what you like and don't like before you get into a sexual relationship?
Mag, yep, I agree! If I'm not gettin what I want and I don't ask for it, I'm the only one to blame! 
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| 12/9/2007 4:38:56 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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v2_1
McHenry, IL
age: 45
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Wow Gold, so for you, it's very hard to ask for what you want and need? Is it any easier when you're with someone who's willing to talk things through or do the old patterns keep getting in the way?
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| 12/9/2007 4:39:27 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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professer2
Saint Petersburg, FL
age: 52
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Yes, to be diplomatic in what you say is the key.
First of all, I never use the word"You"
and I try not to use the word "Me" either.
I try to promote the conversation to common ground and try to get the whats best for "us" into the picture.
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| 12/9/2007 4:39:48 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 38
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yes but i dont want a relationship based on sex.
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| 12/9/2007 4:41:34 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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goldarnit
Saint Paul, MN
age: 47
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i will have to say that memeber when my scruff vanished??i was sick,tore up...cried all nite,called my kids crying(bawling)but as i think about it you were the first one i really turned to,miles and miles away-i actually expressed myself to someone i never met in person-but knew you would support me as a friend..and when i did find him-i looked like an after school special-crying,laughing,yelling,and hugging him all over the place(didnt know he had a broken leg yet)thats HUGE for me... thx you... 
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| 12/9/2007 4:45:14 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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goldarnit
Saint Paul, MN
age: 47
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my ex crackhead was good-but,always thought he had an underlying motive,so if i was vulnarable.he would some how hold it against me...f*cked up huh??i would fight like a wild bear...but he never saw me cry...
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| 12/9/2007 4:46:25 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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v2_1
McHenry, IL
age: 45
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Sorry.... the world came to a stop for a second there! A man who doesn't want a relationship based on sex?! WOW!
Just kidding Lynn!! I don't either, but I find I care so much about whether or not we'll be compatible that I probably talk that particular issue to death before it happens.... 
What is the important isssue for you if it's not sex?
Prof, I think you should change careers and go straighten out the U.N. for us. Diplomacy is just as important at home as it is in government.
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| 12/9/2007 4:49:54 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 38
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what each other wants from the relationship.be up front and dont beat around the bush. but sex is part of feelings.
[Edited 12/9/2007 4:53:44 PM]
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| 12/9/2007 5:01:08 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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v2_1
McHenry, IL
age: 45
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Gold, I was glad to be there for you when Scruff disappeared, and even happier to hear when the danged cat showed up! LOL! I had no idea how hard it was for you to reach out though, so I'm glad you did. I hope I made it safe for you. Your ex wasn't a good choice to trust with anything, let alone your feelings. You've come so far, I know you'll find someone who can talk with you and make you feel safe.
Lynn, are you saying that you've been able to talk easily with women about what you want? I'm not trying to put you on the spot, I just really want to know if we all have such a hard time talking to each other about our needs....
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| 12/9/2007 5:04:16 PM |
Can We Talk? |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 38
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i didnt talk and thats why some failed,i learned to talk about everything.
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