| 1/3/2008 11:02:39 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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collide64
Janesville, WI
age: 43
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I found out when I was 12 that I was adopted. I had no idea. Please be honest as soon as you can. He will decide or help you decide what he wants. Wouldn't you want to know as soon possible? Kids are pretty smart these days and it happens to alot of kids. I wish I had known sooner than 12.
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| 1/3/2008 11:04:32 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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collide64
Janesville, WI
age: 43
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As far as the father goes, Leopards don't change their spots. Tell him what's on your mind or your son's mind once or twice and let it go from there. You can lead a horse to water.............
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| 1/4/2008 9:15:10 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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goochie137
Kalamazoo, MI
age: 39
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This is such a great thread. Being a parent is not easy, let alone being a single parent. I agree with the poster that said to have a male influence in their life. I am lucky and that I am very close to my father and brother. It crushed my heart when my son asked if grandpa could be his dad too. I called my dad and told him before hand that my son was going to ask if he would be his dad too. My dad was almost in tears along with me when my son asked him. Now my son calls his grandpa, grandpa and dad. He also is very close to my brother, who he calls Bunckle Rick. Also, I agree with getting your child involved with sports. I have my son in soccer and I teach at the YMCA 2 nights a week, so he goes to swim lessons while I teach. My son has voiced a storng desire to play sports so I will try and support him in whichever sports he would like to play.
One thing I would like to add, is the Big Brother/Big Sister program. I just had an interview right before Christmas for my son to be matched up with a big brother. I used to be a Big Sister to a little girl, and I know how it felt. There are no guarantees if and when you will be matched up, because they do try and match based on personalities. So far my son hasn't been matched up, but I hope that he will be matched up soon. Now mind you, I waited until I felt comfortable that my son wouldn't have seperation problem and I felt he was able to communicate clearly.
Just another suggestion I thought I would throw out there.
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| 1/4/2008 10:56:16 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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flyfishchick
Medford, OR
age: 43
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Well, here is my take on this problem. I raised my two older kids alone. Their father also came in and out of their lives. It was very hard on them, but I always let him see them. He did not pay child support. I did not want them to grow up and hate me becouse I would not let them see their dad. Both my son and my daughter grew up and formed their own opinions. They do not speak to him now. Even though it was ruff on them, they both grew up to be wonderful people. My son got married at 18 and is a very responsible husband. He and his wife will be married 3 years next month. My daughter is 23 and has not got married or had kids. Although she would like too! She works with at risk youth from single parent households. Follow your heart and mind and everything will work out the way they should. Just keep being the best mom you can and your son will be ok.
[Edited 1/4/2008 10:58:10 AM]
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| 1/4/2008 3:55:04 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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lissajo
Saint Paul, MN
age: 33
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I have to tell you I know that I am doing a good job, if not a GREAT job raising him, He has a good head on his shoulders being 11 years old. He has good friends and lots of male influence in his life (Uncles and Grandpa). He has also been with the Big Brother organization since he was 9 I think, he loves his big brother. But a child wants their dad! Do you know what I mean? Other men are not the same as knowing "this guy is the one who made me" Ya know! I really wish I could crawl in side that head of his and see what is going on in there... lol. (the father I mean)
Thanks a bunch for listening to me 
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| 1/4/2008 7:24:58 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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victoriak68
Alanson, MI
age: 39
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If the father is willing to be a part of your son's life, there's no reason to keep him out, but he's got to want to be a part. Forcing him or trying to force him can only hurt your son more later.
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| 1/4/2008 10:32:19 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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cayennescorpio
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 56
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have your son call him "DAD'
the boy is the connection,,,help him connect and DAD will be their,,
dad feels like shit so he forgets,, its easy,,a call from his son needin a tire fixed,, or take me to the game,, will work wondersssssss. marry me and i'll take us all to the game
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| 1/5/2008 7:49:12 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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henney1976
Louisville, KY
age: 31
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Well, if this man doesn't want to be involved, then do not force him. I'm sure there are other men out there who would not mind taking that role. Anyone can be a father but only a real man can be Daddy. 
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| 1/7/2008 7:37:05 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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pote
Bronx, NY
age: 42
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It's like Forrest Gump would say "stupit is as stupit does" the father of such a wonderful child will come to see and regret the meny things that make that child such a wonder for the day that he come to comprehend his mistake it will be well past to late for any type of relationship to be formed.without the bonding a father and a son develope in the formative years of their ( the childs) lives only resentement and contempt will develope.. you have done the proper thing by never putting your ex down or speaking ill of him to your son. but if i may suggest DON'T Call him your self it will only seem to your ex like you are still in love (even if your not and want nothing to do with the man) with him and just want to get back together with him or just that you like to nag which ever it is it will make him more resistant to anything you have to say no matter how right it is. if you want him to maybe start getting the message ( big maybe ) talk to your son explain to him that his father may have forgotten to call because he maybe working late and that just to " remaind your dad" or just say just give your dad a call just once say on his birthday maybe that will jog his whatever it is thats holding him back from his son....and if your in a relationship and your other half is good with him then let him take your son under his wing and your ex will just have to deal with watching from afar.
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| 1/13/2008 8:30:34 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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bema30
New Haven, CT
age: 30
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hi.i would say that you know that your son is confused so you should talk to him and explain to him whats going on and let him know that some people just do things like that but its not his fault cause some kids think its there fault the other parent is not in his life but just let him know and as he gets older he will know that his father choose not to be in his life and he can grow up and be proud of how his mother raised him.you need to let him know now so the confusing can not be any more and that you are there nomatter what when he wants to talk about it and then give him a hug and tell him that mommie cares about you even when no one else do and this is why i am telling and explaining this situation to you know because i love you and how you feel matters
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| 1/14/2008 4:00:25 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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mizzsissy
Richmond, VA
age: 36
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I am a single parent of a 15 yr old boy. His father has been on again off again with him since he was born. I am sure any father that is not in his childs life will one day regret it. I must be doing something right though most of his teachers thought he came from a 2 parent family because he is so well adjusted. You can't miss what you never had is what I always say. He calls his father by his first name even though he know that he is his father. But he has always called me MOMMY. Any man can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a DADDY.
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| 1/15/2008 7:33:46 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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accountant1
Sioux City, IA
age: 36
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The day that the father of my children told us we were interfering with his golf game was the best day of our lives. That was 3 years ago and we celebrate that day as if it were a birthday. We were divorced for 7 years before he dicided to leave us alone. I just feel sorry for his new wife and kids!! Sometimes you and your kids might be better off with out that person in your life. We were.
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| 1/16/2008 7:04:08 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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allyce
Keystone Heights, FL
age: 40
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All of this sounds familiar. I left my husband when my son was 2 y/o due to his mental health issues. My children did not need to be in that kind of environment (He did not show his true colors until after we were married). And believe me, I never looked back. He was hardly ever played part in my son's life. I told my ex many times to either get in or stay out of his life. It is too confusing for a small child to hear from his father one day and not hear from him again for another six or so months. He has even tried to take me to court for contempt of visitation rights which was totally unfounded. After that issue, he still doesn't contact him. Believe me, If you are honest with them, they will figure it out on their own. Children are not stupid. Just be there for them when they need the answers.  to the ex's
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| 1/19/2008 11:09:43 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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snowflake77
Texas City, TX
age: 34
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Lissajo,
My advise is to answer the questions that your child asks, as your child asks them. Be honest with the answers. Nothing more. Listen when your child is sad but let him make his own decisions on when he has had enough disappointment from his father. He is old enough to make these decisions. I know it is going to BREAK your heart seeing him disappointmented all the time but it will shape him into the man he is going to be soon. My mom answered my questions about my dad as I asked them. I appreciated her honesty but she didn't badmouth him or persuade my views of him. I am using this approach with my son.
Whatever you choose, good luck. It is hard to go through difficult parenting dilemmas alone.
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| 1/25/2008 4:08:03 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
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qween_bee66
Versailles, MO
age: 41
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Hello Lissago, my name is Fonda and I can feel for you and your struggle.I have been divorced from my {now 15 years old daughters father eight years now. He had contact with her until he remarried in 2004, since then he has called her one time. She missed his call on her cell phone and she will not call him back. I took my daughter to see a councler when Craig and I seperated,{way back when}because I felt with all the trama I was going through on the inside, she needed someone impartial, unrelated, to talk to. I could not be open minded, or fair, I was broken. The councler told me she would be willing to help us but there were conditions to her theropy. I was not alowed to listen in on her conversations with her father over the phone, tell her what to say to him, or ask her any questions about their conversation. I was absolutly not allowed to ask my daughter any questions about her councling sescions or tell her what to talk about or what not to talk about. The councler also told me if I was bitter and dogging her dad to her to stop and let her form her own oppion. My daughter really needed someone she could talk to that could be open minded. I do not dog my x-husband to my daughter and she has formed her own oppion. I can not say it is a good oppion but it is hers and was not influenced by mine. I did not want my daughter not to have a relationship w/her father but he is the one who walked away from her. It breaks my heart for her and him. He is missing out on knowing his beautiful daughter. I feel some day he will live to regret that he wasn't there..............hold your head high........God can heal the broken heart ...........
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