| 1/25/2008 5:58:44 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
mothra444
Abbotsford, BC
age: 44
|
I raised my son by myself from the time he was 10. I always encouraged him to have contact with his mother. She was not a very nurturing type. Come and go in his life as she chose. This made me communicate with him more on an adult level and he would not totally understand when he was young. Now that hes 18 he has a better idea as to what she really is all about. I think this really helped him. Don,t try to be deceptive or dishonest. Lead by example. It,s amazing how reliable, honest, trustworthy and hardworking he has turned out. Lifes successes and mistakes teach us all something. It,s what we choose to do with it that counts. Hope this helps. Keep smiling.
|
| 2/11/2008 7:37:05 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
gutthans
Deland, FL
age: 56
|
Did the single parent thing as well, raised 2 boys from the first few months...
What I can add comes from both my experience and profession:
Children know only what we tell and show them. Mostly, they learn from what we do (or don't). Being 'abandoned' by either parent is a big hole in a person. It will set up struggles for the rest of a child's life.
Children often harbor the notion that they are defective because of this breach. This can often result in either trying too hard to 'prove' they are OK, or being difficult to get others to 'prove' they love the child by putting up with the 'stuff'....
Often, it will be the best parent that gets the worst treatment...this is because they know YOU love them, and they can afford to show their ass. The other parent gets a slide because the child is afraid of running them off forever...
Date people are optional..often relations are good until you get serious because the child is forced to deal with another replacement...since the 'real' one ditched, who says THIS ONE will stick around?
It's a sticky issue... read a lot on family dynamics and step families!!!
|
| 2/12/2008 12:27:09 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
sixtyfour
Big Stone Gap, VA
age: 64
|
theres nothing you can do ..the man must want to be with his child or it wont happen..i pity him if he dont...what a loss
|
| 2/12/2008 12:34:24 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
sixtyfour
Big Stone Gap, VA
age: 64
|
there are some folks who just dont get parenting....you just be the best mom you can be and your son will adore you forever...sending money from afar is better than no daddy at all....too many men are to sorry to do that....and too many children are left wanting...
|
| 2/13/2008 7:00:16 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
heatherw
Dixon, MO
age: 30
|
Hello,
I'm a single mom of three
try to get him involved even it's by phone
your kid will soon enough figure him out and at least you have tried
|
| 2/13/2008 7:24:09 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
longlegeddancer
Nicholasville, KY
age: 54
|
being a single parent of a now adult child, I can tell you I had teh very same situation. I woudl try to pull him into her life and the more I pulled the more he pulled away. I say this to you all you can do is lay it out on the line for him. If he can not see what an amazing gift he was given by being a DAD all you can do is be strong for your Son and know that at some point your son will try himself to contact his Dad and then will have all teh answers he needs. My daughter contacted her Father several times at the birth of both of her children and then again just before her wedding asking him into her life his response was he just didnt want to bother and get involved, he had a new life. He came to see her a few times while she was growing up and some of her major events in life but other than thathe was pretty much a phantom father. My advise to you is Love your Son as youre doing, tell him anything he wants to know about his dad without bashing him (the father)in the eyes of your child and pray that one day the big dope will realize his treasure and come around before its too late.
Good Luck to you is certainly isnt easy being a single parent mom or dad and its not any easier being the kid.
|
| 2/13/2008 11:08:53 AM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
lori21204
Jefferson, GA
age: 24
|
I have only been a single parent for the last nine months. I have never tried to keep my child from his father. His dad maybe gets him like once a month. When my son comes home there is major behavior issues. I will never keep him from his dad. My son isn't the one who is missing out the dad it. One day he will realize that his "new" life will never compare to all the things he's missed out on and thats his loss not mine. Right now my main focus is on my child. Giving him the best life I possibly can. when his dad pops in for one of his random visits I still let him go because that is what my child needs. Children are alot smarter then you think. My son is four and knows he can't depend on his dad. I just focus on what I have to do to provide for my son.
|
| 2/13/2008 9:56:58 PM |
Single Parent... BIG Problem, need advise. |
|
gagirlwink
Nicholls, GA
age: 40
|
Im a single mom too and know what you are going thru. I would suggest not calling. If he don't want to it won't do any good. I have a 14 yr and a 10yr. My youngest was 2 mth when we divorce. My oldest was a daddy girl. He could do no wrong. For the first 5 yrs he might see them once every 3 to 6 months. I would call and ask him to call them when she got to missing him. His girlfriend would get them gifts for thier birthday and Christmas. Seldom did he take them for the weekend. My oldest would still always talk about her daddy. My youngest one would ask if he was her daddy too. Then for the next 3 yrs he was married to a lady that got him to get her all the time. Even try to get her to come and live with them. He don't have a bond with the youngest and if she did not want to go he did not push it. She was just starting to know him when about 1 1/2 yrs ago they got divorce and he remarried to a woman do not push him to get the kids. He is back to calling 1 to 2 months. My oldest is very hurt. She wish he had not come back into her life. When he does call he usually just leaves a message for the oldest and has even called and talk to her and not ask for my youngest. I usually try to intercept these and make sure he talk to both before he hangs up. It is hard because either way they get hurt. I try not to talk bad about him, and has always told them we can not change anyone only God. We both have pray many prayers for him.
|