what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!

5/22/2010 10:05:36 PM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
cristiecl Fort Campbell, KY age: 38	I am totally new to the datin g thin g my husband died in Aug 2008 and at first i "dabbled" with a profile but it is like I have the plague I dont want to give anyone the wrong impression but right now I am starting to feel like a leper help but constructive not rude and thank you in advance Cristie Meet singles in your area here at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free for everything! Join now!
5/22/2010 10:08:18 PM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
hellofla3 Polk City, FL age: 45	think of it this way....no one is qualified....
5/23/2010 4:12:25 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
ron10000 Brighton, MI age: 63	Your main photo is likely good on a hi-def monitor but on my standard monitor it is too dark to see well. You need to add at least one full body shot. You say “if you like to go to the drive inn”. An “Inn” is just another name for a motel, that implies “a one night stand” I get the feeling that is not what you meant. Profile body should include a paragraph about who you are, one about your interests and another indicating the characteristics you seek in a partner. Make sure you have paragraph spacing for ease of reading. You need to run it through spell and grammar check, there are a number of errors. Add more interests that can be done as a couple, think dates. All the best Ron
5/23/2010 4:10:58 PM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
cristiecl Fort Campbell, KY age: 38	well I changed the inn to in altho lol where I come from when you say drive in or inn it means MOVIES lol but I did add more but I dont have any more pics will have to get one soon I really do apreciate the help it has been 24 years and the date that I had with my late husband was a BLIND DATE we were in high school and well I am still learning all the "ins and outs" of this new life. I really had no clue when I decided to try this that it would be so hard to write about me lol any way thank you and to all who add their thoughts thank you in advance and I will try my best to use them
5/23/2010 4:35:52 PM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
ron10000 Brighton, MI age: 63	Read the reviews for others over 35 and you will find that you are not alone in being confused with all of this. It is a different way of doing things for you. Just think of how different it is for people like me. When I was in college a computer took up a full room and would not do half of what my current one will do. A blind date was just what you had but at least it was a friend that set it up for you. Now you are depending on a computer and it knows nothing about you or him. Be careful but have fun with it. Ron
5/24/2010 5:16:58 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
shawnee_b Monson, ME age: 55	Christie. Start with the color scheme. I can't read your profile to comment. Lighter background, darker text. If you like the text at least try a different background but be sure to have enough contrast to read it. You're not a leper! Keep at the profile, return and ask for more help. Should have seen mine before I got professional help here. Good luck, Shawn
5/24/2010 5:51:21 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
ron10000 Brighton, MI age: 63	Shawn and Christie, That is why I turned off custom colors. It seems that many people use them and I have found that most are very hard to read. I really wish the site would get rid of that option. The whole point of a profile is to present yourself well. If it can not be read easily for some reason, it will not be read!! Ron
5/24/2010 6:54:44 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
shawnee_b Monson, ME age: 55	Ron. Your right about being able to read them or they won't be read, good example right here. I can't read it to help. Turning off the option on the site may help many who have unreadable profiles. I have seen some with color or backgrounds that are readable and tasteful, though so many aren't. I sure hope they don't dress like the colors and contrasts they use! Not that mine is perfect, far from it. Maybe the light sage and all black for me. You're advice is good, like always. Thank you Ron
5/24/2010 7:03:36 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
countrylady53 Terrell, TX age: 56	Cristie, I see you've done some editing which is good! I think you should answer all of the questions, even the I Party one. Remember, you can party sober. I'm not sure what Ind. Fund. Baptist is, so I'm not sure if the men will either. Perhaps just stating that you are Baptist would suffice. I'm not sure on that. Now you need to break this down into sentences. The average sentence has 16 words. That is not a hard rule, just a guide. It makes for easier reading and groups your thoughts better. For example: I am a member of the Ind. Fund. Baptist church. I'm the mom of 4 children and the Nana of 6. I have very conservative values. I am looking for some one that is a Christian, and looking for a relationship, not games. I like to go to the drive-in, fishing, camping. If you think that a lady should be treated like a lady, lets talk! I am looking for a man that wants to go out to dinner and the movies to get to know each other. If there is anything I am leaving out please ask me. I will tell you what ever you want to know. I will never lie to you and will never play head games. Personally, I wouldn't put the stuff about games in. People that play games are clueless. Also I expect to be treated like a lady by all men. Let your profile show that you are a lady and you will be treated as such. Same thing with honesty, let that come through in your profile. I hope this will help you rather than confuse you, CountryLady
5/24/2010 7:49:59 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
shawnee_b Monson, ME age: 55	Ron. Oh I get it now!! Duh. Go into account options, turn off "show custom profiles" and mine is still sage but I can read Christies and others now! Thank you, I am kinda thick sometimes Shawn And Christie after I mow a while I'll check back and try again. Shawn
5/24/2010 10:25:07 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
shawnee_b Monson, ME age: 55	Christie, Ok, now I have custom colors turned off so I can read your profile. I still suggest a lighter background and contrast the text font to background so others can read it. If I can't read it some others can't and one of them may be Mr Right. I'm blunt, direct, sorry but here goes. Hope this gives you some insight what a man wants to see and I'm certainly sorry for your loss. Remove everything negative such as "not the bar" put "relationship" skip the no games part. Positive, NO negative at all, zip, zero, nada. OK? It's easier for someone else to see the negative than the "self". Talk about your husband later, privately. I am widowed is a choice on the menu I believe and covers that part entirely. It's hard and heavy weighing on you but not good to run on in a 1st impression profile. "I have his picture, flag", will make someone think, "can she have a relationship with me?" "is she ready for one" The right man will understand, later, and a good one will support you and be fine with it; but not in a profile. Draw them in with happy and you, want a relationship, positivity. You do want a good man in your life, not spend it alone, correct? Do you really want a "dark sense (correct since to sense) of humor", Dark? You may get a goth or a funny vampire! Or do you mean "deep sense of humor" "good sense of humor" "witty", "strong" "dry sense of humor"? Toss the "ask me, you'll get and honest answer" that whole part. If they are interested they will ask, another given. Like Ron says. First section about you, last one about what you want. Break down the text into spaced thoughts as I have done here. It puts more emphasis on individual thoughts. Condense sentences. Many are "I" then a full sentence of what you want. Try, "some of my interests are movies, drive in movies and popcorn, a night out, dinners, bingo, cards, board games" Easy to condense and still portray "I like" without to many "I" sentences. That example cut seven sentences to one and no "I" "What a joy to just be spontaneous, just get up and go do something fun." "Other interest of mine include going to or hosting parties, entertain at home, cookouts, barbecues" like to cook? Bake? Church activities? Beach? boat? Fish? Homebody, country girl, city girl or a bit of all? Then, "I'm comfortable at home, digging in the garden or dressed up for a night on the town and I can bait my own hook, thank you" Condensed, wide and some humor. Show your interests and likes. Put them in that first section about you. I don't know IND but Fundamentalist Baptist? Either Baptist like Countrylady says or don't abbreviate it. While some may know what it is, many may not. Is any other Christian or different Baptist like Southern Baptist out? Cutting chances, may still be a good Christian whatever his church is called and chance he will probably go with you, to yours. What you are looking for? "What I would like to see in a man, a solid Christian with morals, humor, wit, charm, one who can be romantic, fun, spontaneous, likes children...." "am not the average run of the mill lady I am not looking for a one night stand but not ready to talk marriage either I hope I can find a friend and a companion," Drop it all, putting down run of the mill women is negative. What exactly is run of the mill? The one night stand part, companion, talk marriage, drop it. With the right profile you will eliminate 90% of the ones you don't want. The other 10%, your going to talk to on DH messages (safe), get to know each other, become friends, then talk and possibly make a date. That's going to happen naturally, it's a given. With that 10% you will probably see early off, that neither of you wants a one night stand, you both have high moral values. Marriage will happen if and when it does anyway and if someone is pushy or wrong, show them the DH door. When and if it is time he will have a candle lit dinner, a red rose and get on his knees and propose. Right? You said you have been out of the scene 24 years, it's changed, be careful with personal info. Not "I rather meet in person or on the phone," LATER! Last 7 sentences from "also as a widow" to the end, drop it. Now, don't feel like a leper, don't put yourself down. I and everyone helping you sees you have an awful lot to give, good values, obviously honest, attractive... Now be positive, apply what others have said (and you are trying, I know) don't be afraid to post "I redid some, please check again." The good people here want you happy and with someone, that's why your on DH and asking for help. Best of luck to you Shawn
5/24/2010 10:35:10 AM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
kiwi_girl Christchurch New Zealand age: 38	Hey there, Big ‘ups’ to Shawn! He has gone over and above the call of duty to give you some exceptional advice, and I would not hesitate to implement these changes. This should make a huge difference to the quality of respondents. Nga mihi ra mo nga ra kei mua i te aroaro (All the best for the future!)
5/24/2010 8:53:54 PM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
cristiecl Fort Campbell, KY age: 38	well you all are above and beyond GREAT! I did change alot of the things that were sugusted but if I forgot any or you see more, please feel free to tell me. thank you again Cristie [Edited 5/24/2010 8:54:29 PM PST]
5/26/2010 1:41:13 PM	what am I doing wrong or not saying? H E L P!
shawnee_b Monson, ME age: 55	Christie. Much better, way better. And you appreciated input too. Maybe not mine but you changed a lot. I'd still drop the run of the mill by saying simply saying it another way. It's can be seen as a put down on other women, although "I" can "see or sense" you don't mean it that way. Thing to do is SHOW how you are NOT run of the mill. Shawn

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