Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?

1/23/2008 12:24:19 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	So I told him "I think I'm starting to get feelings for you", he smiled and said the same. We hung out the next day and everything was fine. Then he didn't call for a week. When we went out, it was odd at first but then it was the same old joking around and having fun. We talked later that evening and I asked him about the silence... he said he thought things were moving too fast into a serious relationship and he was "up in the air" about how he felt about a serious relationship right now. We agreed to back it up before I said the thing about the feelings and keep the relationship "light": meaning we go out, have fun, and sleep exclusively together (same thing as before). We also agreed that neither of us wanted a "weightless" relationship (ie. f**k buddies. He said he would not string me along or lead me on, and he sounded very sincere, but I still snuck out of his place while he was still sleeping... which he said upset him and made him do a . I half-truthed and said I didn't want to wake him up and had to call a client this morning (which was true, but it wasn't why I left) After the tension eased up (and it didn't last very long), everything felt like it was back to normal and I am still feeling the same good vibes from him as I did the first time we met. Before I left his house after a lovely dinner with him, he looked into my eyes, hugged me, and kissed me. Then we went to brush his teeth and came back and did it all again. I've had a couple of mixed reviews from friends and family. Some think he's going to try and have his cake and eat it too and break my heart in the process, some think this is how men sort of shield themselves by saying they don't want a serious relationship, until they realize they've fallen in love. So my question is: What do you think? Am I wasting my time? [Edited 1/23/2008 12:29:21 AM ] Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
1/23/2008 12:56:06 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
bamabob Crane Hill, AL 63, joined Nov. 2007	I say he is being honest...and absorbing the new feelings he has. He's confused and the idea of a serious forever and ever relationship is new to him. He hasn't learned how to handle it yet and very well may not. So, it's at a wait and see point. Be patient or he will move on for sure.
1/23/2008 1:01:38 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
lawrence084 Honolulu, HI 48, joined Jun. 2007	To me it sounds like he really wants to take it slow. Not all guys want to go from single to married, (GF/BF) overnight. To be completely honest, you should not do anything sexual until you get what you want. As long as you keep doing everything a Girlfriend does, why should he rush in to anything? If you want him to commit you going to have to date other men. (Date only) He'll make a choice a lot faster than the way you are going about it. It might not be the choice you want, but it will be a decision. Your way isn't going to produce anything but fustration. JMHO [Edited 1/23/2008 1:02:20 AM ]
1/23/2008 3:59:06 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
thebestman Atlanta, GA 41, joined Dec. 2006	it goes both ways. some women too send mixed signals. it's a matter of who you are dealing with. your post should read why Some men so strange. just as it wouldn't be fair for a guy to start a post saying Why women are___________
1/23/2008 4:11:42 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
collide64 Janesville, WI 50, joined Jan. 2008	It sounds like you don't feel you are wasting your time. No more half-truths. Follow your heart and try not to over-analyze too much. When we start down the road of a relationship, no one really knows what is around the next corner. It could be a rainbow or a bloody accident. Listen to the voice inside you and trust in it.
1/23/2008 4:49:44 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
steevn Knoxville, TN 43, joined Jan. 2008	He is a typical manwh*re ! I am not gay, just honest ! He is not the right one for you. If he was you wouldn't have any questions.. Dig?
1/23/2008 4:05:53 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	Thank you all for your opinions... I understand. My heart doesn't feel like I'm wasting my time, but I will bolt out of his life forever if I get the slightest feeling he's using me. It's still very early on in the "relationship" so I can pick up and leave right now and spare myself a potential broken heart later. I was going to wait 3 weeks or so and then see what kind of vibes he's giving me as if he is just using me or is just frightened by a fast relationship. I'm also never bringing up the subject of our "relationship" again, I love his sex too much to let that go without a fight! But I probably should slow that down, eventhough I don't want to....
1/24/2008 2:31:02 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
bamabob Crane Hill, AL 63, joined Nov. 2007	I'm recovering from a LTR that went south. I'm in pretty good shape and healing very well and feel ready to move on. This relationship started out as just dating, pretty much the equivalent of f'buddies. I NEVER said "I love you"...yet it was the most serious and perfect love and relationship I've yet to have. Lots of outside things ended it..it was not anything either of us did. It just happened that way. The point is.. we grew together over a period of many months. After a year or so we were inseparable. We just totally loved being together as if a match made in heaven and had it not been for the side effects of her taking anti-depressants and interference from her daughter we would still be together. I'm sure several other factors played a role in the demise of the relationship but in the beginning we never forced or pushed it. We just became best friends and true lovers. It worked for us for a few years.
1/24/2008 2:36:44 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
thegooddude24 Joliet, IL 32, joined Jan. 2008	I don't see that he has said or done anything bad. I think the fact that he was upset when you got up in the middle of the night is a good sign. It shows he really wanted you to be with him. If he were a "manwh*re" that others have suggested on this thread. Then leaving in the the middle of the night wouldn't have bothered him. I know I am taking it slow right now when I am talking to people. I react the same way right now. I just got out of a long bad relationship and I don't want to make the same mistakes. Maybe he wants to make sure it's right. Good Luck.. [Edited 1/24/2008 4:54:26 AM ]
1/24/2008 3:15:13 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
mindyb Park Rapids, MN 51, joined Nov. 2007	You never tell them your getting feelings for them girl....you just be your irristable lil' self....he'll come around if it there. Remember build the friendship first...romance has to set off to the side.You build on romance it is doomed build on friendship you got something to last. Guys figure it out in their head but they don't want to verbalize until they feel secure about the choice they want to make what happens is he naturally gives off signals, ultimately if you move first in the depart of his emotions..cya....their emotions is like a precious reserve....put it this way if they were behind enemy lines,comparativly speaking, their emotions would be the last gernade...It is all there but they have to control when...how...so I just let the man be the man....after all I love being woman....I trust my judgement enough that I would select a man to handle the role of being the man....I know its a lot of words but I am saying next time let go...just focus on being an excellent fiend laid back like a friend and be irristibaly sexy while your "friends"
1/24/2008 4:50:51 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
thankuvets Oklahoma City, OK 47, joined Oct. 2007	Mindy, that pretty much is spot on.. Good post....... I think I am the odd man out though, I dont mind speaking my feelings, especially to a woman, maybe I should be more reserved, but its hard for me to hold things in sometimes.. Great job..
1/24/2008 7:10:05 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
teaurtei Anderson, IN 48, joined Dec. 2007	Wow. I feel old fashioned and I know I'm not, but...had you considered having the "I'm getting feelings for you." conversation before beginning regular intercourse? I probably just set women's rights back years, but...isn't it the guy's job to 'slip out in the middle of the night'? At least you brush your teeth together. I've had problems with 'mixed signals' recently so I began reading this thread, but mine (A guy told me to call anytime then after a few conversations began hanging up on me when I called. He'd write to apologize later then do the same thing.) isn't even close to this. I think I feel more out of touch with the social circuit now than ever. Good luck with your guy. He really doesn't sound like a manwh*re though, just sounds like he's unsure and not really ready for marriage. My grandma used to say boys wouldn't buy the cow if they got the milk for free. My great grandma, her mother, said every woman was sitting on a goldmine though. Hope it all works out for you.
1/26/2008 2:52:43 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
katiescarlett72 Dallas, TX 42, joined Jan. 2008	Tea, I guess I'm with you in the "old school" arena, because I don't hop into bed with men until they've come to ME with their feelings. I hold myself in higher regard than that. So a guy wants to sleep with you and you enjoy sleeping with him? What's special about that? I meet guys every day who would sleep with me given the chance, and hell, with some of them I'd probably really enjoy it. I'm going to need a bit more of a reason than that to let them into my bed. It never fails to amaze me, the way women can justify and excuse away all the reasons in the world for exercising good judgment where men are concerned. Keep the relationship "light?" WTF does that mean? Maybe I'm off kilter, but I'm not looking for light. I'm looking for: he sends me flowers because he knows it will make me smile. I'm looking for: his face lights up when he sees me. I'm looking for: his mom calls and he offhandedly says, "Caitlin and I are on our way to the movies," which means she knows all about me already. I'm looking for: a goofy text message at midnight when he's out with his buddies, to let me know he's still thinking about me, even when he's not with me. I'm not settling for less, because I will give every bit of that myself. For goodness sake, hold yourself in higher esteem. Treat yourself as something precious and valuable. Don't give yourself away to the highest of the low bidders. If he's not sweeping you off your feet, then he's just keeping you away from the one who will. If you don't behave as if you're a treasure, then you can't expect men to treat you like one. Let me clarify - I am NOT saying you need a ring and a date before you have sex. You'll know when the time is right. But for crissakes, sex without a serious relationship IS f**kbuddies, sweetie. Get real with yourself. Two books you need to read: The Rules, and He's Just Not That Into You. Then re-read them. Then read them again. Then go out there and find the sweet boy who thinks that the sun doesn't come up until you say it can.
1/26/2008 10:56:06 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	We've been hanging out together since late November. We did wait to have sex with each other, eventhough we only waited a week since the sexual tension appeared, it felt like a lot longer. So we did end up waiting about a month before we had sex for the first time. I especially enjoy it with him because we are into the same things sexually (actually more like NOT into certain things that neither of us like that most people would consider just a normal part of sex). Namely oral sex, neither of us really enjoy it. We're both kind of "take it or leave it" in the department, which I have NEVER found a man before like that, probably why I felt so connected and good with him. And one of the many reasons why I just don't want to let it go. You're right about him "retreating to his cave to reevaluate his feelings". I talked to his friends, they all think I'm good for him and they enjoy me being around (which is great because the last thing I'd need in a situation like this is to have his friends saying how much they hated me). I'm sure they've sort of brought this up at one point or another with him because they recognize what he's doing and if he keeps it up I'm going to walk out forever. The one friend said, "He's just being him. Take things slow, he'll come around". Which I think was very reassuring. A "Light" relationship is more than friends with benefits, but not to what we call a "Common Law" relationship where you just automatically assume the role of a more serious BF/GF though it is unspoken. Light is simply backing up to the beginning of the relationship and hanging out with each other, no concrete titles, going out on dates, having sex, etc. Sex for me and a lot of women my age is a determining factor in whether or not we want to continue a relationship or if one will stem from it. I can typically size up a man after I've slept with him as to whether or not I want or would like a relationship in the future with him. He gets one shot, maybe two if I'm on the fence. But always by the second time I've made up my mind. It's fairly important to me, if I don't feel a connection in bed (after the intellectual connection is made), then the relationship goes no where. I could not imagine myself being with someone who could not satisfy me sexually. And there are varying degrees of that: 1. Beyond All Hope- not even a sex master could teach this man decent sex 2. Almost Unsavable- with heavy instruction and a lot of effort, he could be decent 3. Savable- with subtle instruction he may even be good at sex one day 4. Decent- take it or leave it, nothing special, needs mild instruction. 5. Good- good, but not great or godly, still needs to work out a few things 6. Great- only needs taught a couple things that you especially like 7. Godly- needs no instruction whatsoever and immediate knows how to push the right buttons based on a "god-like" ability to either read your thoughts or your body language. But whatever it is, this man has special powers. [Edited 1/26/2008 11:08:22 PM ]
1/26/2008 11:18:37 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
gonesailingbabe Des Moines, IA 51, joined Jan. 2008	Silver Rain I am really - remarkably impressed for woman so young to have such intelligent and well rounded and grounded thoughts! I wish you love - if this is the man you want to be with and you know it - then risk all. But, fo rme when I read all of this I still wonder, what moved you to leave his bed? For me when I feel the need to do that - then this is my gut sign that I shouldn't be in that relationship...
1/26/2008 11:25:00 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	I needed to clear my mind after our talk about where our relationship stood, and I didn't want to wake him. But I also wanted to send a message to him since men understand actions better than words. I took my toothbrush out of his toothbrush holder and grabbed my shampoo out of his shower and quietly left. This was my "I can walk out of this at any time" signal to him. I needed to show I wasn't clinging onto him and that I may not always be there (or be coming back) if he can't decide how he feels about me. Men don't respond to nagging, they respond to no contact.
1/27/2008 11:13:37 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
nudefun Yarker, ON 60, joined Jan. 2008	Ah ... so now we see this is a power struggle feelings can't be forced ... but dominance can force reactions reactions don't necissarily give you the true feelings. he may react out of fear of losing the security of a solid relationship. I would think it is a bad idea to force that kind of reaction. Sounds like you want to dominate the relationship. If he falls for this then he is the submisive and it will work until he gets his balls back and then it will explode. If he likes being dominated then things will work fine.
1/27/2008 9:40:34 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
joduc Norfolk, VA 34, joined Jan. 2008	First off, any man who says this relationship is going too fast is insecure, you may not know it but if you stay with him you will find out. Secondly, once you do find out, you will loose interest, no matter how good the sex is. Third, you are WAY too complicated, your kinda pretty and all but WOW. I mean if you find someone who meets those stringent requirements you should pay him as well. Actually, since it involves their credit history you should give em a security clearance!!! (my security interview for mine wasn't even half this detailed). You should not look so deep into things, its nice to plan and have requirements but someone who is great for you may come along and they may only meet 2 out of 600 of yours . Being good at sex is great, but its the same for women, and I prefer to think that if they aren't very good initially I'm willing to be patient and show them how I like things, makes the bonds of a relationship stronger when you do, they appreciate your patience and care and you have invested something in that person (not to mention they hit all the right spots now ). Ahhh sorry, in short, if a man sends mixed signals hes insecure, indecisive or both. You should stay with him as long as your happy, but do not invest alot in the relationship emotionally or you will regret it later .
1/27/2008 9:42:10 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
joduc Norfolk, VA 34, joined Jan. 2008	Oh, you should keep your hair red btw, looks better .
1/27/2008 10:17:30 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	Raised in a military family kind of makes you a dominating kind of person, but I do have a submissive side and I need a man who can constantly switch back and forth. I am used to power struggles, relocating ever few years, starting my life over from scratch, and dropping off the face of the earth every now and again. But despite the hardened exterior I portray, I actually have a relatively soft center. I've been down that path before where I once trusted and loved someone so completely. However, I wouldn't be here if that had worked out. So naturally I'm very suspicious, my heart and frail sanity could not handle another meltdown of that magnitude. I always feel like whatever business or love relationship I get into I'm going to end up stiffed one day, cheated out of my time and money. ... I need a crystal ball or something. And by the way, if there was a man out there who met every single requirement I have (my profile only lists a few big ones), then I would have no problems paying him, but I would also make him the happiest man in the universe. [Edited 1/27/2008 10:19:30 PM ]
1/27/2008 10:26:25 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
gabisanic Pleasant Hill, CA 58, joined Oct. 2007	silver_rain... I hate to rain on your parade but it doesn't sound good to me. All this "I'm confused" stuff and we need to slow things down (except for the sex part) are the oldest excuses in the book. Do you really want to know how much he wants you and desires you... make him work for it. There is an old saying... "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". I think it totally applies here.
1/27/2008 10:27:35 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	same applies for the opposite... why buy the whole pig when all you want is the sausage?
1/27/2008 10:27:40 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
joduc Norfolk, VA 34, joined Jan. 2008	LOL! Your awesome. Wanna be friends?
1/27/2008 10:29:39 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
gabisanic Pleasant Hill, CA 58, joined Oct. 2007	fair enough... then why are you so worried about the mixed signals?
1/27/2008 10:31:45 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	I'd like to purchase the rest of the pig one day, but I can't be sure whether or not I'm going to be disappointed when I take him home. Anger and saddness, I can deal with... disappointment in a life long choice is a completely different ballpark. [Edited 1/27/2008 10:32:54 PM ]
1/27/2008 10:33:32 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
steviep316 Los Angeles, CA 32, joined Jan. 2008	women dish out mixed signals 2. Your dude was scared to comit.
1/27/2008 10:35:04 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
gabisanic Pleasant Hill, CA 58, joined Oct. 2007	well then, make the pig show you his worth and realize how lucky he will be to be with a woman like you.
1/27/2008 10:35:38 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	Thanks, man. His birthday is coming up, we'll see how that goes. My mother and I have determined if I get nothing on Valentine's Day, not even a candy bar from 7-11, I walk. So... how do I get him to show his worth? [Edited 1/27/2008 10:36:19 PM ]
1/27/2008 10:42:44 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
rodbender Pekin, IL 56, joined Jan. 2008	Sounds like you want him to do something he's not ready to do yet...and by taking your things is a way to try and push him off the fence one way or the other. I would respond to it negatively because a person can't be forced into something they aren't ready to commit to. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off wrong. Been on both sides of the fence and the consensus is that the reponse is almost always negative. Lost a very cool woman that way.
1/27/2008 10:43:01 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
yunvs Columbus, OH 42, joined Jan. 2008	the only way to tell is if all the love and affection and sex didnt work is maybe just avoid him for a few,shoot i might be screwing myself here but its true, try waiting on him to call or make the calls short act like your not that interested then he'll wise up. omg baby if your reading this please dont do this to me cuz i do want what we have to grow more, silver if this post screws me um you are gonna have to help fix it,
1/27/2008 10:43:44 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
joduc Norfolk, VA 34, joined Jan. 2008	See if he gets you anything for V-day... That may be a simple way. and DON'T tip him off. Just go about business and see if he remembers. Then if he does do something you give more merit based on the scale of the thing he does (1 for candy bar from sleven, 100 for a romantic dinner with a great atmosphere and then an expensive hotel with massages and all, oh and then he tells you he has tickets for a weekend away somewhere you like).
1/27/2008 10:53:40 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	hahah yeah, I figured something like that, as far as the merit-based gift goes. I won't tip him off, I don't spend hours on the phone anyway and I usually don't call people unless I either want to do something with them or need something from them or have something for them. Though I have been ignoring him for nearly a week now (except I called once and didn't leave a voicemail on Friday). Well he'll either figure out one of two things: He can't live without me, or he can. I'm just afraid of being strung along and set up for a huge let down in the meantime, which is why I can't give up the power struggle right now, because then he WILL play games with me since he'll have the relationship under his control, which means it goes no where for me.
1/27/2008 11:05:43 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
joduc Norfolk, VA 34, joined Jan. 2008	Well, you've already entered into the game playing territory... its usually nothing but down hill from here. I mean the fact that you are talking like this shows you feel insecure about the relationship, and that is not good, and think, we don't know HIS mindset... Like I said Silver, if I were in your situation, I would just play out the relationship until someone came along that I didn't have to think like you are doing, nor feel like you are currently feeling. any lasting relationship shouldn't make you wonder how you can make a power-play, if your doing that just milk it for the good sex (pun intended ) because its not long-term material...
1/30/2008 1:09:01 AM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
silver_rain1011 Springfield, VA 29, joined Nov. 2007	I'm going to get him unknowingly psych profiled by a friend of mine... I'll let you guys know tomorrow
1/31/2008 11:34:56 PM	Why are men so strange? Mixed Signals?
belladreams Binghamton, NY 45, joined Jan. 2007	Alright hold down the fort, here comes lisa to the rescue the 100 percent full blooded sicilian italian female who has been on this site for quite some time who thinks this is hysterical and you all should read my profile, but silver if you noticed in your first sentence. You stated and told him, I AM STARTING TO GET FEELINGS FOR YOU AND HE SAID WELL I FEEL THE SAME.... never everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr everrrrrrrrrrrr tell a man that you like him or you are starting to get feelings for him first or you like him. LET HIM TELL YOU! That man wants his cake and eat it too. He is not serious. After you leave, you think he thinks about only you? Pftttttttt Hey I am only being honest with you girlfriend. You have to aknowledge these things before they get worse. This man sounds like an ass. He needs to be cold c*cked. Drop the zero and get yourself a hero.

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