| 1/25/2008 9:18:45 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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aboomer
Hot Springs National Park, AR
age: 50
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That his mom took off because she didn`t want the responsibility of being his mom. And what do you say to him when he begs you to take him to her place and he`s thinking she`s waiting for him, and he finds out that she`s out running around. It seems there`s gotta be a way to bring the kid down easy, but I`ll be damned if I know what or how without becoming the spoiler.
BTW. This was a question a friend of mine asked. His wife walked after he was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer.
The kid desperately wants to move in with his mother, but she keeps finding excuses to put him off. Only wants him around for church services and times when she thinks her so called friends are watching.
My friend has a great relationship with his son and hasn`t kept secret his cancer. I see some really rough times coming for my friend vis a vie his health and what would happen to the boy when he passes. Drs give him 36 to 42 months. He`s had two surgeries to remove tumors twice in 10 months.
Known my friend for a long time so can`t just avoid him. What are friends for anyway? I`m thinking of suggesting that he encourages the boy to spend more time with me as his dad gets worse and that he, my friend, agrees to my becoming the boys legal guardian and custodial parent in case my friend becomes incapacitated. He has created a living will.
PS I`m going to print out all the replies and give them to my friend. So please be compasionate.
[Edited 1/25/2008 9:30:56 PM]
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| 1/25/2008 9:25:24 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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chopperbabe
Selah, WA
age: 47
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Not good for one parent to tell a child something negative about the other parent. The child later will make their own conclusions on how much of a parent one is. If it were me, I'd tell the child to ask the other parent. Children are pretty smart and can figure out things as they put things together.
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| 1/25/2008 9:26:51 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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thegooddude24
Joliet, IL
age: 25
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You are so not 88... Ha!
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| 1/25/2008 9:33:07 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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aboomer
Hot Springs National Park, AR
age: 50
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DUDE. get your head outta your rear orifice. This ain`t about me moron. Plz forgive the insult. I could have phrased that better. I`m pretty close to this kid and all I see is his world caving in after his dad passes. Makes me sensitive when someone is flippant about things like this.
[Edited 1/25/2008 9:39:00 PM]
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| 1/25/2008 10:16:07 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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seawench1
Maricopa, AZ
age: 55
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Aboomer...please excuse thegooddude...he's like that in most forums..no one pays too much attention at him at times..but then again I've seen where he can be a good kid too.....I feel this child is 12 years old....at this time everyone needs to be very open and honest with him...like chopperbabe says...kids are pretty resilent (sp) and know pretty much what is going on...just keep on giving him all that unconditional love that he needs..GL to you and wish you well...Sometimes just a little hard at times to comment when not in the other persons shoes.....( wink )
[Edited 1/26/2008 5:28:01 AM]
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| 1/26/2008 2:11:54 AM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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dutchboy4u
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 44
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Don't say anything to the kid about his mother. I do find it hard to beleave that the mother does not love the child. Just let it all play out and offer support to the entire family. Neither you or the father should make interpretive judgements on the mother and then relate them to the kid. Let the mother do all of that herself through words or actions.
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| 1/26/2008 2:20:30 AM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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timeshifterv22
Dublin
Ireland
age: 34
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aboomer Stand by your friend but remember you are not blood-related to this kid. Living wills will never stand up against DNA.
A few things concern me here.
1 He is your friend. You are 88. How old is he? If he is close to your age group are you saying that he fathered a child at 70 years old or so.
2 What age is the mother. Is she 70 as well. She is out running about. God bless her health.
I seen you post up msyoginistic posts previous. Are you sure you are telling the truth about the childs mother or is it another excuse to attack women and blame women for everything!!
Yours confused,
Timeshifterv22.
Ps Are you describing something a little closer to home or past experiences maybe????????
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| 1/26/2008 4:17:56 AM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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sebzalive1
Leesburg, AL
age: 79
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aboomer,
I am sorry about your friend and his son. I hope you find the answer, though I am not sure you will on a dating site. It seemsa a little bigger to me, than that.
The 12 yr old will have difficulty believing mom doesn't want him, he has the fantasy in his mind of a loving mother.... one she promotes by seeing him when it suits her and acting along the lines of his fantasy.
Your friend needs to talk with a specialist in family behavior to help sort it all out... not a bunch of people on a dating site.
JMV
Sebz
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| 1/26/2008 6:10:50 AM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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lovesillusion11
Moab, UT
age: 25
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boomer... i went through a very difficult situation when i divorced my ex hubby.... he had been my two oldests' father for as long as they remember and they didn't know he was their step dad.... when we split up we agreed that all the kiddos would be with me everyother week and then with him the other. i was working overnights at the time (my first job since we had met for he wouldn't allow me to work when we were married) and he called my cell phone at about 5 am... i still had 2 hours on my shift... his words to me were "i'm done with you and your f*cking kids, you have a half hour to come pick them up" meaning my kids not ours (we have 2 together as well) well i took off work and drove 45 min to get home... only to realize that he had told them everything in a not so nice way
the kids told me he told them that he wasn't their dad and he didn't even know if mom knew who their dad was and that they may never see or hear from him and bla bla bla.... anyway the point to all of this is the fact that their dad had first run off then was in jail or prison most of their lives.... my ex was willing to have him in their lives untill the 3rd time he said he would come see them and didn't.. i still had contact with the man (without the hubby or kids knowing) so i could give him updates on the boys... but the hardest thing was sitting them down..... at the ages 5 and 6 and telling them the whole story.... they still ask me questions and i let them write him... but they don't completely understand the whole thing.. my advice would be to tell the truth... don't dog the person... just tell the truth... my easiest way to do that without making them sound horrible is to let the child know that they still love them... they are just not making the best of choices in life... and that sometimes it is hard to stay on track in life and it is harder for some then others... don't ever tell him that his mama is a bad person no matter how bad she is! a good person who made the wrong choices.... at 12 he should understand this.... my kids did for the most part.... they know where their dad is and why we didn't stay together... as well as my two youngest know why mommy and daddy got a divorce... never let that child believe that it is HIS fault! maybe she will come around...... maybe not... as far as the situation with his health.... i would tell the truth about that as well.... and for him and his son to sit down and start preparing for whatever happens.... it will be hard on the lil guy... but in the end he will thank his father for being truthful and up front with him... and in turn he learns lessons on making the right choices and being truthful as well as how hard reality is....
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| 1/26/2008 1:04:09 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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aboomer
Hot Springs National Park, AR
age: 50
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Thnks for the responses. I`m printing them out and passing them along to my friend.
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| 1/26/2008 2:06:30 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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ernie6937
Radcliff, KY
age: 38
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i got one better how do u tell an 8 yr old and 6 and 3 yr old there mom doesnt want the responsibilty of them but is pregant with 2 from someone else
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| 2/7/2008 11:01:46 AM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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metu
Mansfield, TX
age: 46
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How does one tell the population of the Forums that aboomer is a pathetic, sick & twisted individual who merely posted this thread to gain the sympathy of unsuspecting women? Ladies beware!
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| 2/7/2008 3:53:15 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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singlennj
Budd Lake, NJ
age: 48
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...
[Edited 2/7/2008 3:54:03 PM]
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| 2/7/2008 4:23:07 PM |
How does one tell a 12 year old |
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kfab1023
Jacksonville, FL
age: 51
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Metu if that is the truth then it is a pretty sad way to get some attention
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