| 8/3/2010 3:15:04 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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aloneagn
Chesapeake, VA
36, joined Dec. 2009
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I have 2 little girls who i am seeking full custody over since my husband had a child out of wedlock and is currently working and living in Kuwait. I amin the process of putting together a divorce decree and wanted some advice as to what I should include that I may be entitled to that I may not have already thought about. other then the norm. custody, child support, health ins, spousal support etc..
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| 8/3/2010 4:20:11 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
55, joined Feb. 2008
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I have a friend whose ex wife made him carry life insurance with her as the beneficiary until the last child turned 18.
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| 8/3/2010 5:43:21 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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ladyktj
Staunton, VA
57, joined May. 2010
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college expenses should the girls decide to go to college. I was shocked that my ex had no responsability to my son's expense so it all fell on me. Of course, and his student loans.
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| 8/3/2010 7:29:03 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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calitova
Virginia Beach, VA
33, joined Jun. 2010
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Indemity for any and all joint debt that only one of you is going to take responsibility for!
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| 8/3/2010 7:46:57 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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ghostwoman
Woodbridge, VA
40, joined Oct. 2008
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make sure that he buys a place for u and the kids?
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| 8/3/2010 8:44:27 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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ladyktj
Staunton, VA
57, joined May. 2010
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Indemity for any and all joint debt that only one of you is going to take responsibility for!
I learned that if there was a truck payment overdue or the truck was totalled, it didnt matter what the divorce decree said as it was a contract between me and him not me and the lender so when my ex totalled the truck, abandoned it and they repo'ed, I was still held responsible for the balance and they wouldnt recognize that HE agreed and released me from all leans rights and title to that truck! So, not sure that one will hold any water.
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| 8/3/2010 11:07:15 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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oh_joe
Henrico, VA
47, joined Jul. 2010
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Indemity for any and all joint debt that only one of you is going to take responsibility for!
The only way of doing that is not through the courts, but the credit issuer. They have to agree to take you off of the note, and that means that the other person on the note has to qualify on their own.
As for your decree, that's up to you and how nasty you want to get.
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| 8/5/2010 12:13:16 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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aloneagn
Chesapeake, VA
36, joined Dec. 2009
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I truly appreciate all of your feedback and i did indeed include some of your suggestions into my divorce decree... keep the good ideas coming.
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| 8/5/2010 7:42:43 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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hawkeyejr
Stuarts Draft, VA
52, joined Mar. 2008
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How about immediate castration.
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| 8/5/2010 9:05:55 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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ladyktj
Staunton, VA
57, joined May. 2010
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Is this a joke??
Or am I just lost here?
Not condoning what he has done but I think this one is a little, well,a lot over doing it.
I agree with you. That one IS over the top. And no, NO Castrations allowed! He came to me with no balls, he can leave that way!
On a serious note, I just thought, if you and he own a home, and you get custody of the home make sure he gives the child support regularly. Ok, this isnt coming out right. In my decree, I agreed to maintane the house till our last was 18 or no long in need of the home, then I would sell it and split the profit 50/50. It was a good agreement for both parties and one I thought fairest, BUT, I did include, "provided he paid child support due on the first friday of every month". He didnt, the house is MINE! And he has signed it over to me to boot!
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| 8/6/2010 9:25:30 AM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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aloneagn
Chesapeake, VA
36, joined Dec. 2009
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I know this may seem over the top but there is only so much attorneys will tell you to put in a divorce decree and i have gotten alot of really good feed back from others who have been in there before. Since I am still living in the home with our 2yr old and 3yr old and he is currently in Kuwait on a subcontracting job. I wanted to make sure I remembered everything that could impact the life of my girls and myself.
For instance not having people of the opposite sex in the home when the girls are visiting.
not cohabitaing with a woman unless married.
not having my girls around his other baby mama or any of her children which includes the one he had with her.
slitting the cost on any home repairs that is required for the girls safety.
having to split the cost of their weddings, cars, car ins..etc
things like this that are not in the norm but things I have to think about for now and their future.
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| 8/6/2010 9:35:10 AM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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poppak
Spotsylvania, VA
71, joined Jul. 2010
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Dream on little one - its not going to happen. There is no way you can demand that he wears a yellow shirt on Tuesday, or not kiss a girl after 10pm. You live in Virginia. Virginia will set a certain amount for child support - this will end at age 18. Anything above that consider yourself lucky. Listening to a Law Dog is fine, but it is better to spend a day watching other people's results in court.
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| 8/6/2010 10:21:44 AM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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aloneagn
Chesapeake, VA
36, joined Dec. 2009
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well if my requests are reasonable and are at the wellfare of our children my requests are not uncommon in virginia divorces. I have every wright to keep my girls away from his other baby mama because of what emotional harm it will cause to them. i also put in the divorce decree that he would have to pay for any therapy the girls have to sustain due to the divorce. This is not a no-fault divorce. It is on the grounds of adultry so yes I am entitled to a say in what will affect my girls since that sob has no morals and has brought my girls around her before.
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| 8/6/2010 11:33:20 AM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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aloneagn
Chesapeake, VA
36, joined Dec. 2009
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Well i dont think I am asking for anything more then what he would have financially been responsible for if he was still in the house. if his girls want a car when they turn 16 that should not be all on me. he should pay half.
the 1st mortgage which is 80% of the home value i would pay but the 2nd mortgage which is only the other 20% and is in both of our names i feel he should pay and when i sell the house he can get a 3rd of the profit. since after all i am paying 80% of the mortgage. does that sound unreasonable???
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| 8/6/2010 12:24:59 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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aloneagn
Chesapeake, VA
36, joined Dec. 2009
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no i wouldn't have males in the house because i am not going to just trust anyone around my girls if i want to date i will have a sitter and i will go to their house. when i find someone i am serious about then i will let him meet the girls but he will not be staying over night. unlike my x who was bringing the girls over to his girlsfriends house or taking my oldest to the beach while i was at work and pregnant with my youngest. i am looking out for my girls and they miss their father and seeing him with another woman especially if they are affectionate infront of them will hurt them. and same if i did the same.
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| 8/6/2010 12:34:21 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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ladyktj
Staunton, VA
57, joined May. 2010
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In the state of VA. Child support ENDS at age 18 UNLESS it is in the divorce decree. The only excpetion may be until the end of high school. I cant remember if the support was to stop at the end of HS or 18 since he didnt pay anyway. (but is finally all paid up as of now 5 yrs later). I DO know COLLEGE expenses will not be considered UNLESS it is in the decree and he agree's to it prior to the childrens age. As for no woman around your children. Perhaps, if you have a separation agreement, you need to read it. Mine said as of the date of the legal separation granted we were BOTH free to pursue a life as normal and no reprecutions from future relationships. Also remember YOU will NOT be allowed to date in the next few years (if ever) as well if you provide this stipulation and how will you ever meet Mr. Right? I will say, mine was not based on audultry (because my children were old enough to know and I wanted to save them the pain). I did have 1/2 of all medical expenses above the insured coverage (which he was to supply, but didnt) BUT that was never enforced either. The bottom line is, get it in writting now, there is no going back, and you can beat your head on a brick wall and allow bitterness to eat you alive and perhaps inflict the same on your children, OR you can move on, realize the fact that your MUCH better off without him! Car and its insurance is NOT a parents responsability so you may not get that one if he dont agree. A judge is going to try to be fair to ALL parties. He really dont care what happened to the marriage but what will happen in the future.
From LEARNED THE HARD WAY! Welcome to the land of the good ole boys! Sorry guys. Lots of reasons on my part for that statement. My ex committed bigamy 3 times and no legal aide was given to me!
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| 8/6/2010 8:03:47 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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cajlg
Callao, VA
55, joined Nov. 2009
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Apparently,(I learned too late)you can have your name changed back easily if in the divorce papers.
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| 8/6/2010 8:45:03 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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roamingrose
King George, VA
39, joined Jul. 2010
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First let me advise you that you really should get legal representation on this. Virginia laws are very complex when it comes to divorce, custody, support and so on. Trying to do this on your own with recommendations from others is not a good idea.
I have been active the Virginia judicial system for quite some time and I will tell you some of what you are expecting to receive is not going to happen and it may very well hurt your case.
In regards to custody - Unless you can prove without a reason of doubt that he is a unfit father you likely to get joint-legal custody of your children with you having primary residence. Virginia Juvenile Courts are very strong on this. Just because he committed adultery does not make him a unfit parent.
You can request that he have no unrelated members of the opposite sex around when the children are with him but trying to prevent the children from being around their biologically related half-sibling is not going to happen. Weather you like it or not that is their sibling (even if only in half relation)
In regards to child support - Virgina has strict guidelines in which they follow. The amount of support awarded is based on BOTH your income and his. He can however be required/ordered to provide health insurance, a percentage of uncovered NECESSARY medical/dental expenses and a percentage of necessary day care expenses. And in some cases and if AGREED by both parties, a percentage of college expenses.
In regards to property/assets - Virginia is a 50/50 state. You are only legally entitled to 50% of marital property and in turn also responsible for 50% of all marital debt.
You really need to look at the reality of the laws. Asking for more than you are legally entitled to just makes you look like either 1. Your out to screw him for everything he's got or 2. You are not capable of providing a decent life for your children. Either way you look bad in the eyes of the courts.
You really should also ask yourself this...If he had custody of the children, would you give/pay him everything you are expecting??
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| 8/6/2010 9:18:08 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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ladyktj
Staunton, VA
57, joined May. 2010
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VERY well said roamingrose and all so very true. Best advice I have seen yet!
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| 8/8/2010 12:50:24 AM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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doc_dog
Colonial Heights, VA
55, joined Apr. 2008
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A restraining order!
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| 8/9/2010 11:28:54 AM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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cerenedra
Roanoke, VA
62, joined Feb. 2008
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Just a piece of maybe unsolicited advice. You are hurt and angry right now, justifiably so. However, he is your daughters' daddy. Don't take that away from them. In a few years you will have moved on and built yourself a new life...so many people on here have gone through what you are now going through, both men and women, and you will survive. Don't use your children as pawns, don't use them as sounding boards for your anger. Trust me, when they get older they will have tremendous respect for you in this regard.
For the other part, do consult an attorney and let them tell you what you need from your husband to provide for your daughters. The less bitter you are, the more attractive you will be to the right man.
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| 8/12/2010 6:51:20 PM |
What should I remember to add to my Divorce Decree? |
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george1965
Bedford, VA
51, joined May. 2010
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she got the gold mine , and i got the shaft
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