| 1/31/2008 10:45:48 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
smalltownwis
New Auburn, WI
age: 29
|
I have been raped,choked by my dad, made to do sexual acts
i did want to do and yelled and bossed around by ex for 7 years
is it possable for me to find love?
|
| 2/1/2008 5:32:46 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
easytouch3
Mount Clemens, MI
age: 46
|
As soon as you get professional help then maybe you could love again
|
| 2/1/2008 7:11:09 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
smalltownwis
New Auburn, WI
age: 29
|
i am getting help thank thow
|
| 2/2/2008 1:30:30 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
eddiethewhite
Denver, CO
age: 44
|
It would probably be a good idea, then, to step away from this site and really work your way through your problems first. Then, after a year or so of being healed of the scars of the past you could come back and search for your true love.
|
| 2/2/2008 5:16:57 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
whidbey
Normal, IL
age: 57
|
hey there smalltown - it takes time, lots of time, to recover and move above where others have put you. When that happens, when you can love yourself, then you will find that others will look at you differently and you will most likely find that person who will love this lovely young woman who has excitement and passion for life!
I know because I have been there. It ain't ever easy, but boy, is it worth working through!
|
| 2/2/2008 6:11:51 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
eddiethewhite
Denver, CO
age: 44
|
Very well put, whidbey!
|
| 2/2/2008 6:45:42 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
smalltownwis
New Auburn, WI
age: 29
|
I have healed from that stuff and got over the fear of men.
all for this has happen over 15 years.. I guess i ment that
trust or hessate from men and will they under stand if i keepa
a space there for a while to build the trust
|
| 2/2/2008 7:02:59 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
whidbey
Normal, IL
age: 57
|
Sure it is a given that trust needs time to develop...no matter what the background.
But I cannot reinforce enough the point that liking and loving yourself is so very important in growing into a whole person. Acceptance that what happened *happened* and moving forward from that point in time is what will lead you to a whole person.
Heck - with that process you may decide you do not NEED a man to love you, but having a man love you will enhance your life 
|
| 2/3/2008 11:02:29 AM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
forestrose
Calgary, AB
age: 55
|
A man will not heal you, and will not make you happy - that's a lot to ask of another person and probably more than they are signing up for!
That you need to find in yourself. Also learn all you can about setting
personal boundaries, be clear on what you will and will not allow in your
life, and do not make excuses for anyone who treats you badly.
Sometimes people want to be loved or in a relationship more than being
alone, and that is a dangerous situation to be in.
It may also be useful for you to make a list of "what I want in a partner",
so that you don't just take whoever comes along. They won't meet all
your criteria, but should at least be in the ball park.
You are young, love will come your way. Take care of yourself first and
foremost though - if you have self-respect you are less likely to attract a dog.
another thought: examine what type of man you are attracted to. There are some
men I personally may find myself attracted to that I would never go out with
because it is just physical, and they are not who I would want in my life.
I also listen for how a man talks about other women, and if he uses derogatory
references to women - look a little closer, honey, because he is telling you
what [your] worth is as well.....
[Edited 2/3/2008 11:56:05 AM]
|
| 2/4/2008 6:11:54 AM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
nomad2
Falmouth, KY
age: 60
|
JMO . You have to take care of yourself first ,your happiness is not anybody else's responsibility ,Take your time to know people , [not just their word for it ]listen to how they talk about other people and how people treat them ,the kind of friends they have will tell you a lot .And being on a dateing site all you are going to hear is what they want you to hear! Ask a lot of questions ,if they have nothing to hide they will understand ,if not red flag !!! Don't live in a fantasy word that everything is what you want to beleave,just be careful, JMO
|
| 2/8/2008 7:25:29 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
gutthans
Deland, FL
age: 56
|
You NEVER completely undo the kind of damage you have undergone. Trust me on this. You CAN and WILL get better though. This will be a life-long process.
The right kind of man will come along. Be prepared for rough sailing though. It is quite common for 'victims' of abuse to begin to act out in an otherwise great relationship...It has to do with being in a safe place...VERY FEW MEN get this!!! Find a rock. Find a good soul. Do your own therapy and get your significant other involved. He will need help to help you.
|
| 2/14/2008 6:20:07 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
sweetpea604
Wingina, VA
age: 48
|
IM 48 AND ITS MY LIFE STORY!!!!!!ALL, I CAN SAY IS TIME, TIME WILL HEAL YOU BUT THE SCARS ARE THERE FOREVER.BUT DONT EVER GIVE UP, KEEP BEING YOURSELF/AND GOD /TRUST GOD THAT HE WILL BRING SOMEONE GOOD INTO YOUR LIFE........STILL WAITING WITH TRUST///////LOL TO EVERYONE WHOS EVER BEEN HURT// I NO IVE BEEN THERE......LOL 
|
| 2/18/2008 12:21:19 AM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
anniebug
Tulsa, OK
age: 50
|
SmallTown, you have been given some excellent information in all of the responses. You can have everything you want in a relationship. The piece I want to add is this. When a person grows up in that kind of hell, they tend to marry a man that repeats the cycle in some manner. It's what is known so without meaning to one just falls right back into the patterns. My advice.... Take time to really get to know yourself. Like yourself. Care for yourself. Write down somewhere just what it is you want from a partner in life. And as a friend once told me.... set your standards high. At all cost avoid going back to what was. Oh yes, there is one more piece to the healing.... pack the baggage up and store it. Don't let it be the main focus of who you are. I wish you enough....
|
| 2/18/2008 10:35:41 AM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
smalltownwis
New Auburn, WI
age: 29
|
thank you all. I see a dr. and talk to the lord and go to church now.
I do like myself I have come a long way. I even stand up for myself to
the ex and we have become friends and he has learned that no one will ever
control me again excape god and myself. I have a lot to offer a man
and when the right man comes along he will be happy with me and I with
him. Just wanting on god to show me him. Hay I may never find him but
will meet people and make good friend and that is happen on here I have
meet some great people all ready
|
| 2/18/2008 5:05:29 PM |
Been hurt by all men in my life |
|
whidbey
Normal, IL
age: 57
|
Smaltown, you are so right - you DO have a lot to offer to not only a man, but to humanity! You also have a lot of friends right here - some of us have had similar roads to follow and have also made it to the end. We will never know what it was like for you, but we do know what it was like for us and can lend you support when you need it. Just take advantage of us when you are feeling kinda blue and down
|