Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old

2/4/2008 7:18:08 PM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
knittinkitten Lady Lake, FL age: 71	This is a reprint from a letter I was requested to write for my home town newspaper in connection with a project on Aging Parents. A LETTER TO MY CHILDREN All is well, and I expect to be around for quite awhile. But, while I’m sure I’m in my “right mind”, and my “Senior Moments” mainly consist of forgetting which one of you I told something, thereby saddling the other with a repeated report, I want to talk to you about..later on…someday…..the what ifs and whens. I write at this time because the aging of a parent can bring great stress to all in the family. We don’t plan it that way. As a matter of fact, we probably never give it a thought, until it’s time to experience it. You both know how difficult it is for me to watch the aging of my own mother, the dear, loving Grandmother you knew so well before she went to live with Uncle Ed in Hawaii. So many things have changed. I learned the hard way, that I was ill-equipped to deal with those changes, and endured great stress as a result. I tried so hard to do the “right thing”, but, what IS the “right thing.?” Hopefully, this note to you can ease some of the burden and stress by helping you to be knowledgeable about the aging of “ME.” First and foremost, know that, as a caregiver, you CANNOT possibly do EVERYTHING. You MUST ask for help…. from relatives, doctors, professionals. Keep YOURSELF healthy. Set limits and stick to them. Distribute responsibilities. If I ask you to take me to my medical appointments, have me make the appointments at YOUR convenience. If you can’t work it out, and I no longer drive, PUT ME IN A CAB. Don’t give up your social life and good times. Seek support groups, they’re full of helpful information. Laugh and have fun. I enclose a copy of THE CAREGIVERS’ BILL OF RIGHTS. Please read it. In caring for my mom, I never thought of MY rights until it began to affect my own health. Be secure in the knowledge that you will undergo a plethora of emotions…anger….irritation over the intrusion into your life, extra paperwork for medical and insurance needs…..it’s bad enough taking care of your own. There will most likely be a general disruption of your former lifestyle. But, if you plan ahead, you can steer it in a less intrusive direction. You may experience embarrassment about my behavior in public. But, that may be nothing new. (Maybe it’s getting even with you for your behavior in your youth?) If I seem to not be cooperating, speak to me. Let me know your concerns. I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that you are both grown and parents yourselves and, that you no longer “need” me……well, except when you need a babysitter or, need me to collect my precious grandchildren from the school bus or deliver them to school, karate, ballet, gymnastics, drama club and soccer, assist on field trips….feed the animals when you’re away, bring the pony home when she gets loose, remember to water the bean plant for the school project, fix broken zippers, get the spots out of the laundry, and mend the holes in the ripped pants with Grandma’s special butterflies. My Goodness, that list is quite extensive….guess I AM still needed, wanted and loved, after all. Parts of this letter appear to be tongue in cheek….they are. But, the intent is serious and something I want you to think about NOW….while I’m still relatively young, healthy and active. I want you to talk to me about any specifics you may think of….it’s always MUCH easier to discuss these things BEFORE it becomes necessary. You may have to deal with the issues of my personal care…unpleasant odors from inadequate personal hygiene. I’m afraid it’s part of the “aging package”, but if I don’t cooperate, you can always get wonderful assistance and guidance from Caregiver Agencies whose training and purpose is to advise you how to handle this. You DO NOT have to live with this problem. As this time, I certainly do NOT look forward to “The Home”, but I recognize that it may become necessary. I don’t know how cooperative I will be at that time, because it’s scary to leave everything familiar and go somewhere away from those you love. It’s almost like being put on a shelf, waiting to die. I will try to be cooperative, but, if I’m not, and it is a necessity, do it anyway. YOUR lives and health have to be maintained. My adjustments….wow, what a powerless feeling….I can still do many of the things I have always done. But, I move slower now, especially on cold, damp days. My mind is still flexible even though sometimes my body is not. I suspect that there are times when you have thought of me as a stronger, wiser, more experienced figure who provided support and guidance throughout your life….well, at least throughout your life from nursery school to high school. But, don’t forget, during all those years I was very busy training you for YOUR role as the stronger, wiser, more experienced adults which you have so beautifully become. HOWEVER, I reserve the right FOREVER, to remind you to take your raincoat or put on a sweater. (My “Mother Book”, Page 11.) I may put up an argument now and then, but when I’m no longer the stronger and wiser, I give you permission to show me what you’ve learned from me. It won’t be easy for me, but I really want to try. I do NOT want to unduly complicate your lives. Remember how we always used to sit down and “talk about it"? That method still works, I’m sure. And, remember always that I love you dearly. Kisses, from your Mom
2/5/2008 7:55:58 AM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
healthologist Page, AZ age: 60	Very nice. For some reason it reminds me of my last Will and Testament. Being of sound mind and body, I spent it all.
2/5/2008 11:05:13 PM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
knittinkitten Lady Lake, FL age: 71	Actually, it was written with that in mind.....once I begin to lose it, who knows if they'll listen to me.... Don't forget to read my son's reply to the Newspaper, in regard to that letter. This Mom is pretty proud of the kids she brought up in a single parent household. We always worry about that, but, some of us are lucky enough to reap our reward while we are still "of sound mind"! Fondly, KK
2/17/2008 6:38:34 AM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
knittinkitten Lady Lake, FL age: 71	Just a little bump up to the top again so that some of you who haven't given this a thought can take a look. Trust me, it's MUCH easier to take care of while you're young and healthy, rather than when you get old and sick. Why not also take out a moment to read the "Son's Reply". It will give you an idea of how much appreciated it will be by your children. Fondly, KK
2/17/2008 10:32:24 AM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
akashaman Brunswick, OH age: 29	I really don't know what to say... Wow doesn't seem to quite encompass how I feel about that. I would believe it is every child's dream to have a mother who would write something out like that. Especially knowing it was due to be published. It truly warmed my heart on this cold and dreary day
2/17/2008 4:50:46 PM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
knittinkitten Lady Lake, FL age: 71	Liam: To be truthful, I can't take TOTAL credit for the article. Remember, I was approached by the newspaper as they were having a special section on this subject, and, knowing I was a contributor to that newspaper (I had a regular Singles Travel Column), they asked me to write something. Who knows if I would have ever done it had my awareness been tweaked??? It's not easy to think of when you're young. Fondly, KK
2/25/2008 10:17:18 AM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
footloose_bored Tienen Belgium age: 58	keep em coming judy
2/25/2008 1:27:11 PM	Jottings From Judy....A Letter To My Children, on Growing Old
knittinkitten Lady Lake, FL age: 71	Children or articles, sweetie?

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