| 2/17/2008 6:40:08 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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semirock
Fredericksburg, VA
age: 40
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I dunno,the only long term relationship I was in kinda evolved,it was convenient.After a few years we became compatible,there was chemistry.After a few more years,it was gone.
My grandparents have been married for over 70 yrs,they fight like hell.
I`m not the same person I was at 30.I won`t be the same person at 50.
A relationship is a choice YOU make daily.
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| 2/17/2008 8:16:33 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
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Telula, You have an interesting point! Friends first!
Origsyn, You are right. It is up to the person to make a decision on whether or not the relationship is viable.
SemiRock, you have a valid point that a relationship is a conscious decision.
Thank you again for your view points on this topic!
~smiles~
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| 2/18/2008 4:18:20 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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ladybug7495
Cuyahoga Falls, OH
age: 48
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Very interesting question! I have relationships that were either chemistry-or- compatibilty and only one that was balanced. Unfortunately, I found out much later that his wife and I were not so compatible...ggrrr.
I want both. I love a man who can melt my bones with his smile and turn around and challenge me mentally. My sweetheart who is also my best friend...but then don't most of us want that?
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| 2/18/2008 7:00:09 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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heraldsunshine
Huntersville, NC
age: 47
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Bob,
The compabililty is more important to me and that includes sexual compatibility. To me the brain is the most erogenous zone. I would not be attracted to someone with whom I could not communicate easily and freely and share common interests and perspectives on life. The physical attraction, for me, grows from this bonding. If the compability and mental connection is strong the physical usually follows easily. Although I do have some male friends with whom the compability is there but the chemistry has never come about - but they are not open in all areas (compability is limited to fewer areas).
Good topic - thanks for posting it.
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| 2/22/2008 8:08:16 AM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 47
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Ideally we would all like to have both, for myself I find chemistry to be the elusive component. I don't ever seek it out first as in my younger years, because due to maturity and declining hormones, I realize that there are so many other important factors at play here.
I want someone I can build a LTR with. Some one who has qualities I admire, morals and values on par with my own, and views the recipe for a relationship much like I do. Intellectually I feel these are more important than initial chemistry and I always hope that the chemistry will develop through closeness.
However after dating someone for a few months and deciding the long term is not probably my friends will say "Why did you break up with this one?" Rather than list the many different contributing factors I will usually surmise it with "He didn't trip my trigger".
We may have just experienced a Freudian moment.
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| 2/22/2008 1:14:35 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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bjdmb
Surprise, AZ
age: 48
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Good question makes you think about things!! I totally believe you need both to have a good solid relationship. I don't believe you will have both at all times but it will be what pulls you through the rough times. A long term relationship is a choice and without both of you in it completely commited neither matter. Yet, if you have a strong Chemistry bond and Compatibiliy bond to begin with, chances are, you'll have a strong relationship. 
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| 2/22/2008 1:52:05 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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steph_n_florida
Pensacola, FL
age: 43
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In a perfect world we would have both....but most of the time one comes first and the other comes later. I believe that most of the time it is the chemistry that comes first...otherwise why would we talk to them, Attraction, right? Then hopefully you will find the compatability is there also. But, it also depends on if you are talking LTR or just a hook-up or whatever. I met a man on another site, the chemistry was there, the compatibility seemed to be there, we talked for hours and hours, went on several dates, laughed liked kids, just overall had a great time, lots in common, had the chemistry, and compatability, or so I thought....then he dropped off the radar screen never to be heard from again. So I think it is also based on if the person you are dealing with is being truthfull or not...anyone on here can say or be anything they want...just my opinion....
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| 2/22/2008 1:57:55 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
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This are all good points!
Some people KNOW that both need to be there.
Some people KNOW that both are not there at the same time, but willing to work at it.
Some people KNOW that even if you work on it, one or the other is lacking.
Very good points FirstLight, bjdmb, and Steph! Thank you for your input and insights!
~smiles~
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| 2/27/2008 5:50:47 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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luvzhugz12
Richardson, TX
age: 42
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I believe we need both in a good relationship, however I also believe if you have great compatibility part of that is the desire to keep the chemistry there. Now if there is no chemistry you're doomed, that's why God created brothers. But, if there is some chemistry there I believe you can balance out your relationship by taking the compatibility you have and using that to find the things that ignite your chemistry more the balance will then be equal.
When a couple gets 'too' comfortable is when the problems start to arise and we forget that we need to work on keeping the compatibility and stirring the pot of chemistry.
Usually I think we know there will be no LTR fairly early within two or three dates or get togethers but often times we may continue for a while whether it be for the company or not wanting to admit it won't work.
JMO
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| 2/27/2008 7:20:07 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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deannalynnr
Sparrows Point, MD
age: 44
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I think the chemistry comes first then you see if that person is compatible with you or not. If you do not find them attractive in whatever way you find attractive, then you are not going to want to see if you are compatible or not. Then you take the next step to see if there is compatibility and if so that brings the two of you closer to one another. JMO
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| 2/29/2008 11:44:04 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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angeldevil824
Eau Claire, WI
age: 43
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I guess for me the first has to be chemistry because if I'm not attracted to them, its only going to be a friendship. Though I have found chemistry with one person in the past after finding the compatibility but its a different type and didn't last, though we have always remained friends.
But no matter how much the chemistry if there is nothing in common it will go no where other then a minor acquaintance. So in any relationship thats going to last there has to be both and they always have to be worked on. You cant just sit back and expect things to stay as they were when you were in the anniversary period. You both change and in turn the relationship changes it must be something you both work on hand in hand.
As I have told my sister a relationship is like building a house the friendship is the foundation and everything builds upon that if you don't have all the elements eventually it is going to collapse.
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| 3/4/2008 7:09:32 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
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Luvs - great thoughts! I really liked what you said:
When a couple gets 'too' comfortable is when the problems start to arise and we forget that we need to work on keeping the compatibility and stirring the pot of chemistry.
DeannaLynn and AngelDevil, I like your thoughts on 'chemistry first'. That makes sense to me! As both of you had said, there has to be SOME kind of attraction.
I have formulated my thoughts over several weeks. I will be posting them.
Stay tuned for further updates!.. 
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| 3/4/2008 7:24:17 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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tinktoo
Pevely, MO
age: 49
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Chemistry comes first if there is no attraction, why make yourself want to love someone or be with that person.....you cannot have a relationship with no attraction, so if there is no chemistry there isnt no need to go for the compatibility....life is to short, to make yourself go for both....if it isnt there or any click, move on.....
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| 3/4/2008 7:49:52 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
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Tink, Thank you for your thoughts!
What is the initial 'chemistry' or 'attraction' that YOU look for? A picture? A thought or post? A particular characteristic?
I am just wondering..
I will be posting my 'two cents' soon!
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| 3/4/2008 8:04:10 PM |
Long Term Relationships: Compatibility and Chemistry |
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sitkarains
Sitka, AK
age: 47
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Smilin Bob.I have thought about this topic since you chose to post this thread. I have wrestled with it in all ways.
I have to say the chemistry starts me with a mental attraction. I have thought about myself and what I need for several years. I know I have to be attracted to a person's mind, their intellect first and foremost.The sense of humor, there are to many to list here but it all starts with the mind. I have to be mentally challenged. I also find that if I am challenged and stimulated mentally the compatiblity moves forward.
I find thru exploring another's mind I can find the compatibility rather quickly. If there is not spark mentally there will never be a spark with the physcial attraction.
I am going to try to explain first the "true Chemistry" to me and only me. That magic spark of when you become aware of another person. For me it is usually with something about them whether a smile or the way they move or their written word. Very quickly that spark will die if there is no substance I can take and savor. If something about them doesn't make me smile in the quiet moments of my day. Or the jump of my heart when I hear their voice. The list is endless, I am more of a person to savor each step of the realationship as it is built.
I am probably different, since I am not one to look at a human being and want to immediately jump into bed with them. I look at a beautiful human being and savor they are a great peice of artwork, they have some great dna. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate a man that just oozes sex appeal. I mean I have walked into an airport wall literally drooling over the best eye candy I have seen. But not enough for me.
Compatiblity is something that to me evolves and grows within a couple as they spend more time together. I find the mind is a wonderful tool we use to compromise and blend two people. I am hoping to find someone that I can compliment his life as much as he will compliment mine.
I honestly believe Compatibility is something that grows and evolves for one simple reason I will not be the same person in 6 months time as I am today neither will he.
Sorry didn't mean to write an essay.
Rains
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