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Forums: Relationships: Was I too rash?
2/24/2008 9:56:42 AM Was I too rash?  

oldeschoolcharm
San Diego, CA
age: 46
1. Yes - jumped to conclusions
2. Yes - people pretend online
3. No - she's emotionally unhealthy
4. No - gut instinct is usually right
5. No - you sensed a mismatch


I can't decide if I was too rash in dismissing someone here, or if my gut instinct that we were not a good match, and my cutting it off soon, was the correct approach.

This is a classic instance of someone's persona as evidenced by email and a telephone conversation seemed to make further communication worthwhile, but who's public posts suggested a flirtacious personality that would not go well with my quiet demeanor.

Seeing the latter, I simply emailed that I thought our personalities were not a good match, and that I was sure she'd find a more appropriate one soon enough.

To my horror, this lady starts trying to delete her posts, and hasn't posted anything similar since. She suggested I was "jumping to conclusions" and to "give her a chance", and that she "really liked me" and she'd "prove it to me". That just smacks of desperation on her part, and I don't see it justified -- we emailed back and forth for a week, and spoke once. I am not God's gift to women, by any means, and just don't see that reaction as emotionally healthy.

So, the question to more seasoned DHers is this: "Was I too rash in dismissing her?"



[Edited 2/24/2008 9:57:47 AM]
2/24/2008 10:02:47 AM Was I too rash?  

nashoba_miko
Bethany, OK
age: 38

 I do believe that you made a rash decision, especially since you didnt discuss your thoughts/concerns to her before tring to dismiss her. There are a lot of great people on forums who like to goof off. I am kinda/sorta/not really in a ldr and post in here a lot, but he KNOWS me and knows most is just goofing off.

As far as her deleting her posts to show that she is serious....I dont think it is an act of desperation as you think. I think she did it as she didnt realize you would take it as you did and is doing it to show you that she is serious.
2/24/2008 10:09:13 AM Was I too rash?  

eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43 online now!

 Shame on you! I believe a good one got away all by your insecurities.
By her actions, she was proving she understood your point of view!
2/24/2008 10:09:25 AM Was I too rash?  

dragon_12832
Granville, NY
age: 18

 A PERSON CAN BE A RAPIST AND SAY THAT THEY ARE 13 TO ATTRACT ANOTHER13 TO 15 FOR RAPE!!!
2/24/2008 10:10:12 AM Was I too rash?  

oldeschoolcharm
San Diego, CA
age: 46

 Well, nashoba_miko, I had noted in an earlier email that I was quiet and reserved, and concerned that I wanted to move far too slowly for her likimg, given her flirtacious nature. She assured me that she did too, but continued to start some very provocative threads.

As far as a greater discussion, it's all too easy for someone to pretend to change their character, but that just breeds resentment in the long run.

I didn't dismiss her, so much as express that I didn't think I'd be a good match for her, and that she'd find me quite boring IRL.

Anyway, it's been a week since I last emailed her, and I think that I should just let sleeping dogs lie. I just don't want to make too hasty a decision in the future.
2/24/2008 10:12:02 AM Was I too rash?  

magtag
East York, ON
age: 41

 If you didn't feel it a match, there's nothing wrong with it. And yes, to try and change who she is in order to impress or please you does speak a little insecurity on her part.
2/24/2008 10:13:10 AM Was I too rash?  

silkpanties53
Baytown, TX
age: 52 online now!

 if you see at first that you have no pull towards someone
you need to stop it before it gets to far along.
2/24/2008 10:20:46 AM Was I too rash?  

oldeschoolcharm
San Diego, CA
age: 46

 Insecurities: I don't think I'm insecure -- I just don't "party" or "flirt" -- it strikes me as pointless. Fun for me is a good game of pool, a nice dinner, a picnic, etc.

Pulls: well, if there wasn't something that I liked about her, I wouldn't worry if I did the right thing. But, she just seemed to be looking for a different type of fellow, and had added requirements to her profile that I didn't meet.
2/24/2008 10:22:37 AM Was I too rash?  

truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52

 While gut instinct usually is the right way to go sometimes because people dont know whom we really are we tend to be a little outward on our respones. I know I say things on these post in teasing and I am not at all like that in person speak freely on here and while I'm completely honest on the things I think and feel would not be so open in person
2/24/2008 10:27:32 AM Was I too rash?  

magtag
East York, ON
age: 41

 "Insecurities: I don't think I'm insecure -- I just don't "party" or "flirt" -- it strikes me as pointless. Fun for me is a good game of pool, a nice dinner, a picnic, etc."

Maybe I worded my post wrong (if you were replying to me???LOL)...I was referring to her removing posts etc in order to meet what you were looking for may have been an indication of her being insecure with herself...I certainly don't know this as fact, it just COULD be a sign. Wasn't referring to you being insecure at all.



[Edited 2/24/2008 10:28:18 AM]
2/24/2008 10:29:23 AM Was I too rash?  

canufi6my
Lawrenceville, GA
age: 58 online now!

 I know what you mean, I play a lot of music here that I wouldn't play in public, at least here, no one says, "turn it down".
2/24/2008 10:32:31 AM Was I too rash?  

pichick712
Brookhaven, PA
age: 49 online now!

 I tend to listen to my gut and it is usually right although I do give the guy every opportuntiy to prove me wrong. You made a decision because u listened to your gut. OUr inner voice is usually right for us.
2/24/2008 10:35:04 AM Was I too rash?  

flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 45 online now!

 What is interesting here is that you let her go and then in a year's time when you're still on here you will be asking people what are you doing wrong.........
2/24/2008 10:42:07 AM Was I too rash?  

foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 49

2/24/2008 11:14:49 AM Was I too rash?  

oldeschoolcharm
San Diego, CA
age: 46

 magtag: no, I was responding to eyeswideopened, who seems to think I was insecure.

I just don't play games, or try to make myself out to be someone more impressive than who I am -- I don't "have game", to use the vernacular. So, what you see in my posts here, is pretty much what you'd get IRL. With regard to this lady, I thought it best to think with my head and not my heart.

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